Breaking Down (The Breaking Series)

by Smith, Calista

  We continue to sway and turn to the music, I lift my head and look out onto the dance floor. It’s then that I feel the burn of Dante’s eyes peering intensely at me. Even if I want to look away, I can’t. My knees grow weak. Why is he looking at me that way? I’m at a loss. There he is holding her in his arms and all the while he’s watching me. I’m thoroughly confused. I feel heat rising from within my abdomen, and my legs began to feel wobbly beneath me. Before I know it, Shaun’s swaying moves me out of Dante’s line of vision and I feel a sense of desperation. I need to know what that was about. Why? The DJ interrupts announcing the end of the dance and says his goodbyes. Shaun releases me, stepping back and taking my hands into his. I realize I’ve probably messed up again where he’s concerned and I awkwardly twist my hands loose. I’m worried he doesn’t even notice, because he has a huge smile as he peers into my eyes.

  Nat and Aiden approach us, “Hey you guys up for some midnight munchies and coffee?” Aiden asks.

  Before Shaun can answer I butt in, dropping my hands to my side, “Actually I’m tired. I would really rather call it a night. Rain check though?”

  Shaun looks at me, his eyes growing wide. “You sure? I’m kind of hungry and I could go for some coffee.”

  “Well, go Shaun. I’m fine. I’m really tired and I think I wore the wrong shoes,” I look down as I turn my shoe side to side, my heel lifted, causing everyone to glance down too. “I can get a ride home; no worries at all.” I smile, looking at everyone.

  “No, not if you’re not going. I’m okay. I’ll go through a drive thru somewhere. I can drive you home.” He walks back to the table where our things are.

  “Awe, what’s wrong, you ain’t coming?” Melanie sarcastically asks, coming up from behind us.

  “No, I’m tired.” I say tightly.

  “Oh well, too bad.” She pouts, “Looks like it’s just the four of us. Come on, let’s go.” She throws her arm around Dante and Aiden, beginning to walk them out.

  I say a quick goodbye to Nat, who is by no means convinced of my excuse as she glances at me with tight pressed lips. Shaun walks up and wraps his coat around my shoulders and hands me my purse.

  “I’m going to check on Val.” I say.

  “Yea, okay. I’ll meet you outside?”

  “Yea.” I smile. I find Val and help her with her purse and sweater. “Come on you. You need a ride home?”

  “I think so, girl. I’m so tired.” She leans her head on my shoulder.

  “I bet you are.” I smile, patting her hair. We walk outside and I see Shaun talking to a group of his friends. They all look up as we walk past them. One of the guys nudges Shaun and smiles. I wonder what that’s all about, but I’m so ready to leave at this point. I continue on to his car, taking out my phone to let Mom know I’m on my way and bringing Val with me.

  I stop short of the car, when I see Dante there, “Hey Raquel, you, um, sure you don’t want to come?” He leans up against the door of Shaun’s car as his eyes touch every inch of me.

  I stammer for words. “I, well, it’s just that, the shoes, and my feet, I’m not hungry.” I say pointing from my feet to my stomach like an idiot mime.

  He laughs. “Okay, well if you and your feet change your mind, you’re welcome to come. We can always swing by and pick you up later.”

  “I’ve got to get Val home. She’s tired.” I try to explain again.

  “It’s cool. Get her home and call me— if you want.” He slowly walks up to where I’m standing, like a lion hunting its prey, his lips whisper just past mine as he plants a small kiss on my cheek.

  He begins to walk off and I’m staring at him walking away. “Thanks.” I say, but he’s completely out of ear shot by the time I can finally form a word. I can’t believe he kissed me. His lips were so soft. Did he really ask me to call him? He was probably being nice. What in the world got into him tonight? I realize I haven’t stopped touching my cheek and quickly remove my hand, glancing around to see if anyone is looking at me.

  Shaun walks up and opens my door for me. “So what did Dante want?” His tone is clipped and the smile he’s giving me is noticeably forced.

  “Oh, he uh, wanted to let us know where they were going, in case we changed our minds. Making nice I guess.” I try to sound as nonchalant as possible.

  “Humph!” He’s unconvinced, I’m sure and I wonder if he saw Dante kiss me.

  Shaun takes us to my house and walks us to the door. I let Val in and tell her I’ll meet her in my room. I hug Shaun goodnight and he holds on a little longer than usual. I pull back to see his face and he looks into my eyes.

  “Shaun?” I’m worried by his reaction.

  “Raquel, I’m not going to kiss you. Don’t worry. It’s just, tonight when we were dancing, for a second, it felt like you were enjoying it. Holding you; it felt right. It felt like you knew it too.” He strains.

  “Shaun, it was a nice dance. It’s been a great night. Can we leave it at that, please? We can’t go there again. Things haven’t changed. You’re still my friend, a friend I care deeply about. You’re someone I don’t want to lose. I can’t be with you, Shaun. I don’t want to.” How can he do this to us again? Why can’t he just be my friend?

  He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a step back, “And then there’s Dante. You know him and Mel are never going to be over, right?” His voice rises.

  “I don’t know. That doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change things for us.” I motion between him and me. “Goodnight Shaun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Drive safe, okay” I’m unwilling to continue with this foolishness any further.

  “Goodnight.” He walks away his shoes stomping with each step he takes, before he slams his car door. I let myself in and call it a night.

  CHAPTER 13

  I texted Shaun once over the weekend but he never texted back. I chose to concentrate on my volunteer hours at the nursery, needing the peaceful relaxation it brings me. I find I can clear my head of all the drama in my life when I’m there. I even took a couple extra shifts at work covering for some of my coworkers. I figured I may as well, since the money I’ve been making isn’t nearly enough to cover the trip to Mexico yet.

  By the time Monday comes, I’m back to feeling anxious about school. Clearly Shaun is upset with me. Who knows how things will go with Dante. He seemed friendlier than usual and that is so puzzling to me.

  The entire day has me on edge. I feel so antsy and irritable at the thought of Shaun once again being angry at me. I hate that he has decided to ignore me instead of dealing with it. I hate that I can’t get my mind off of Dante and how much I miss him. What was with him at the dance anyway? The fact that he goes from icy cold to melting me is so unnerving. I get to the tree and wait for our friends to arrive at lunch. I plop down with my phone in my hand and suddenly feel a presence next to me that has every nerve in my body standing at attention. Dante.

  “Hey Rock.” He sits down next to me.

  “Dante.” I nod, angling myself slightly away from him. Which Dante am I meeting today? I play with my hair to distract myself.

  “So was’sup? Where’s your man?” He smiles at me, grabbing a piece of my hair to play with and I seriously feel like slapping him at this point. What does he think he’s doing?

  “I don’t have a man, but if you are referring to Shaun he’s not coming.” I roll my eyes, as I yank my hair from his hands.

  “Hmm. So you two break up or something?” His hands open up as if he’s questioning why I took my hair away.

  “Or something.” I try to end the conversation I don’t feel like having, especially with him.

  “Enlighten me.” He settles back on his elbows like he’s truly concerned. What is he thinking and where is this all coming from?

  “Why Dante, why do you care? And when did it suddenly become okay for you to talk to me again?” I gripe.

  “Jeez, you’re pissy.” He sits up, dusting off his hands.

  “I don’t have time for you sending
me into a head spinning maze today, Dante. I have a lot on my plate, okay? I can’t do this today.” I grab my back pack and launch it onto my lap.

  “Alright,” He says holding up his hands in surrender. “I’m backing off. I was just making nice.”

  Why am I fighting with him? Isn’t this what I’ve wanted? “I’m sorry, I know. I’m sorry. I really have a lot—”

  “A lot going on, you said that already. Anything I can help you with?” This time he really does seem genuine. I can’t take it. I can’t take him trying to be my friend. His words pop into my head. ‘We were never friends’

  “What? No, no. I can figure it out. Thank you.” I scowl a moment when I realize something. “What about you, Dante? Where’s your girl? Aren’t you going to have issues if you’re caught talking to me? Or did you two break up, again?”

  “Are you mad again? Cause you sound mad.” He rubs his head, caught off guard by my sudden outburst. Good! Hopefully I’m confusing him as much as he’s confused me.

  “Never mind, forget I asked.” I jump up from the grass, grabbing my bag. I decide to go to fourth period early, I need to be alone. Halfway between the lunch area and my class Dante’s yelling for me.

  “Rock?” I hear his footsteps coming up behind me. I slow and turn to face him.

  “What’s up, Dante?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem upset.” He grabs my shoulder.

  “Shaun kissed me.” I blurt out and I don’t even know why I reveal that to him.

  “So?” He squints his eyes.

  “So? So I didn’t want him to Dante. It ruined everything!” I shout.

  “What do you mean? Did you have sex?” His mouth semi drops open.

  “What? No! Didn’t you hear me? I said he kissed me, K-I-S-S-E-D!” I knock his hand off of my shoulder and scoot slightly to the side.

  “I heard you, I’m just not following.” He grimaces.

  “He came over to hang out, we were watching TV and he kissed me. I let him, but I regretted it almost immediately. It shouldn’t have happened.” I want to kick myself for even bringing this up to him.

  “I’m lost Raquel. You’re mad because your boyfriend kissed you and you kissed him back?” He folds his arms across his chest.

  “Damn it Dante, it’s not funny, ok! He’s not my boyfriend! He never was! That was your delusion, not my reality. And I didn’t kiss him back, I just didn’t stop him. There’s a difference.” I poke his chest and regret it. I can never touch him without my nerves going crazy.

  “Are you kidding me right now? When I went to your house, we talked. You said he was your boyfriend. You went to the dance together.” He raises his voice.

  “No, you said he was my boyfriend. You and whoever the ghost person is that made up whatever rumors you believe. Same as your girlfriend calling me and turning it around on me, saying I threatened her. All lies. All made up. All stuff you believed!” I poke at the side of my head, indicating it was all in his mind.

  “You guys went to the dance together.” He repeats.

  “And? We went as friends! Nothing more, Dante! Even if Shaun read more into it by the end of the night. Again! Now he’s mad at me for it. Again!”

  “What are you saying, Raquel?” His eyes widen.

  “I’m saying that stuff never happened, Dante! It never happened! Okay? Shaun and I are only friends. That’s all we will ever be. I’m not with him. I never was. He kissed me one time,” I hold up one finger, “and it was a mistake. A really big mistake!”

  “But Shaun said—” He pushes my hand down and I flinch from his touch.

  “Shaun said? Shaun said what?” I interrupt throwing my arms up.

  “He told Melinda—”

  “Told Melinda what?” I interrupt.

  “He told her you guys were hooking up.” His voice cracks a bit and I’m confused by his emotion.

  “When? When did he talk to Melinda?” What is going on here? What is he talking about? When did Shaun and that hyena talk? He’s driving me crazy. Would he spit it all out already?!

  “A while back, Raquel. He was at work. She told me the whole story. She said that she ran into him there and he was going on and on about how the two of you were hooking up the whole time you and I were talking.” He motions between us.

  “Shaun wouldn’t do that. Why would he do that? She’s lying, Dante. She’s a gossipy idiot! She probably wanted you for herself.” I’m truly irritated now and I begin to move away from him.

  “I don’t think so, Raquel, I know Melinda can be a bitch but she wasn’t lying. I asked Shaun. After Melinda told me, I confronted him.” He explains, grabbing my shoulder again to stop me.

  “What did he say?” I throw my arms up again and let them fall dramatically to my sides.

  “He confirmed it. I mean not flat out, but basically he did. I asked him if you two were hooking up. He said that you had been hanging out for a while. He said he loved you. He was laughing. I wanted to hit him then. He was like, ‘Don’t tell me you thought you guys were together? It was just a kiss. She loves me.’ He mocks Shaun. “I was pissed!”

  “When, Dante? When did this happen?” I am panicking now. Shaun wouldn’t do that to me. Would he? I run through everything that has happened and it’s all a jumble in my mind. Why would Shaun do that? He wouldn’t.

  “The night you two were at that restaurant. I ran into Melinda at the mall after I left you. She and I hung out for a while. I told her about what we did and she told me about what Shaun had been saying.” His eyes search my face.

  My shoulders slouch as it hits me, “The night that we met at the bathroom?” It’s all starting to click; Shaun’s come-ons and his awkward behavior. It can’t be. He wouldn’t. Would he?

  “Yes.” He says, waiting for my reaction.

  “When did you confront Shaun, and why would you tell Melinda about us?” My eyes start welling up with tears.

  “That night. I was on my way to Melanie’s to drop off her phone. We were switching off phones because we share a plan; it’s a whole other story. I stopped at a liquor store to pick up the cigarettes she wanted. He was there too, so I confronted him.” He doesn’t explain why he told Melinda.

  “Dante, that’s the night Melanie called me. I texted the number you put in my phone. You called me back, or at least I thought it was you, but it was her. She was pissed at me, threatening me to back off, or else.” He stares at me. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe all this time all of these lies were going on.

  “Raquel, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” He moves forward and then rocks back on his heel.

  “You’re sorry? I’m sorry! I am so confused. I don’t understand why Shaun would do that to me— to you.” Shaun would never do that to me. How could he do that to me?

  “To us?” I feel my stomach drop at his words. He ruined everything. All this time, I trusted him. He was my friend and he betrayed me. He knew how I felt about Dante. He hurt me. He deliberately hurt me. I realize I haven’t said anything when Dante searches my face for a reaction.

  “Do you believe me now?” I rush the words. He didn’t believe me before. When I tried to tell him, he chose to believe them. Why would he believe me now?

  “Do you believe me?”

  “I’m processing.” I stare at the floor beneath me. Even as I struggle to believe Shaun could do this to me, I realize it all makes sense. He was always trying to hook up with me and I remember when I told him about the rumors. He didn’t react right. He wasn’t surprised at all. He blew it off.

  “I’m sorry, Rock. I am. You don’t deserve this.”

  “Neither did you!” I look up at him, holding back the tears. He closes the gap between us wrapping me in his arms. I bury my face in his hoodie and will myself to keep it together.

  “Don’t hold back, Raquel. You can trust me. I know I haven’t been a very good friend to you. I should have listened. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry. I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere. You can cry if
you need to, I got you.” He says as he pets my hair and rocks us gently.

  “I don’t want to cry. I want to scream, I want to hit something. I want—” He bends down and captures my lips in his, mid-sentence. I’m dissolving, liquefying into his arms. I want for nothing more. His lips and his touch is all I want. It’s all I need.

  “You were saying?” He pulls away, lifting his eyebrow.

  “Was I? I, I don’t remember.” I mumble, as my eye begins to twitch.

  “You want to go?”

  “Go?” Now, I’m really confused.

  “To my house? So we can talk? I think we have a lot to figure out.” He explains.

  “Right now?”

  “Unless you want to wait?”

  “No I don’t want to wait. I think we’ve waited long enough.” I say.

  “I agree.” He grabs my hand and interlaces his pinkie with mine. I feel those old butterfly friends join me as we make our way back to the front of the school. I see Nat and Aiden at the tree getting their bags before they head to class.

  “Should we tell them?” I use both our hands to motion in their direction.

  “It’s up to you.” He looks at me, tilting his head to the side.

  “Yea let’s tell them a very quick version, so Nat doesn’t worry.”

  “As you wish.” He urges me in front resting his hand on the small of my back. As we approach Nat and Aiden, I see the confusion all over their faces. Nat starts walking towards me, her forehead and eyes scrunched. Aiden has a grin he can’t contain.