By the Numbers

by Chris Owen

  Trey put his head down on the table with a thunk. "Lacey spends four days here at a time. I don't like having to check myself if she's in the room, you know? If I want to hold your hand or kiss you, I should be able to. It's not like Holls and I never touched each other when Lacey was younger." He frowned at the wood beneath his face. "I'm more complicated than you thought I'd be when I saved your dog, I guess."

  "You are even more amazing each day," Deuce said with so much sincerity that he sat back. It was true. Trey impressed him constantly, as a person, as a father, as a friend. "Oh, boy. Yeah, I don't think I can contain this level of sappiness for four days. It'll leak out around the edges and I'll burst into song or something. Nothing like power ballads to tip off the kid."

  Q rose from her bed in the corner and laid her head on Trey's thigh. Deuce watched him pet her and rub her ears. "I don't know if power ballads are your thing," he said seriously. "But we can wait, if you'd rather. Maybe my next four day. Holly should be less irritable by then, unless Lacey goes home and talks about you and the dogs some more."

  "Maybe it would be a good thing in the long run, though. You know, that Lacey likes me." Deuce sighed. "Or maybe Holly will just see that as a betrayal. I don't know. I want what's best, and I don't know what it is. It's your call, though. Your child, your ex, your call. I'll happily follow your lead." It felt more than a little odd leaving choices up to someone else, but there was no denying that Trey had to have the loudest voice in this.

  "If anyone can wear her down, Lacey can. She's just about the only thing that Holly sees the good in, these days. And if Holly took five seconds to talk to you like a human being instead of like a machine, she'd get why you're so important. Jesus." Trey lifted his head and slumped down further in his chair. "We'll tell Lacey this week. She can go home and tell Holly, and I'll field the phone call." Trey looked as if he was sure that phone call would come about ten seconds after he dropped Lacey back off at her mom's.

  "Maybe you should tell Holly first?" Deuce suggested tentatively. "I don't know how these things work. I'm just saying maybe she'd take it better from you than Lacey just announcing it? Hell, maybe I can send her a text. 'Love Trey, thanks for setting him free.' Or maybe not." He wouldn't, but it would be funny. For him, anyway, and for about a minute.

  "The word 'love' would freak her out. Fine, you're right. I'll tell her first. When I drop Lacey off on Friday morning." He looked less angry now, but still defeated.

  "I can go with you. She'll be mad, but it'll be me she takes it out on. That'll be better." Deuce didn't give a rat's ass if she loathed him, as long as she didn't bad mouth him to Lacey or make Trey's life even more miserable because of him.

  Trey looked as if he were about to protest, but something must have changed his mind because he nodded. "Yeah, come with me. She'll see. I want her to see. You're not just some guy; you're not just my roommate. She needs to know."

  "Okay." Deuce nodded. "We'll tell her together. She'll see." He leaned forward and kissed Trey again. "Now. You go shower, and your daughter and I will get to making you pancakes. Then there will be magic."

  Trey met Deuce's gaze. "There's already been magic." He left the kitchen without another word.

  ***

  Deuce had enjoyed all of Lacey's magic tricks. Many times. He hadn't ever said he was too busy to watch, but he did spend a lot of time in the backyard with the dogs for a couple of days. Eventually, though, it was time to take her home to her mother's house, and for the first time -- probably the last -- Deuce was going along.

  He rounded up the dogs and made sure that the two babies were in their crate and that Q was comfortable on her bed, then gathered his things for work. He'd be late, but that was okay. This was important.

  "Everyone ready?" he asked as he slung his bag over his shoulder. He wished his stomach would settle down.

  Lacey stood in the middle of the kitchen with her school backpack and only one shoe on. She pointed to her sock foot and looked silently at Deuce.

  "Hmm. I see. Where's your shoe gone to? Canada?"

  She laughed. Deuce saw Trey smile as he put the last of the breakfast dishes in the dish rack to dry.

  "We colored Canada on our maps at school. If you have a book of maps, that's called an atlas. We're making atlases."

  "You can't find your shoe in an atlas, Boo. Check under the bed again." Trey dried his hands and plucked his keys off the hook next to the back door.

  "I diiiiid," she moaned, but disappeared down the hallway anyway.

  Trey rubbed his face. "The last time she lost her shoe, she didn't tell me until we were in Holly's driveway. That was fun."

  "We'll make sure she has all her shoes," Deuce told him, trying to be soothing. "She has everything else, and I went over her magic kit to make sure she has all the pieces. There won't be any reason for Holly to get pissed. About that, anyway."

  "Holly will get pissed if Lacey's shoe is untied. She--" he cut himself off as Lacey re-entered the kitchen, holding her shoe.

  "It wasn't under the bed, Dad." She sat down on the floor to pull it on.

  "Oh, yeah? Where was it, Lace?"

  "Six put it in my closet." She stood again and brushed her bangs out of her face. "Ready."

  Trey steered her toward the front door. "Come on, I have to bring you to Mom's before school. Get in the truck."

  "I'll meet you there," Deuce said, heading to his car. "Don't lose me."

  "Not by choice," Trey replied with a smile. He went to his truck and checked to make sure Lacey was buckled in the back, her magic kit, suitcase, and backpack beside her. Then he slid behind the wheel and pulled out of the driveway.

  Deuce pulled out behind him and followed, paying close attention to traffic. It was amazing how many times cars approached from the side, threatening to get in between them. He'd never noticed it before. He knew the drive to Holly's wasn't that far, but it still seemed to be far too quick before they were pulling onto a quiet street, out of the flow of people rushing to their jobs. Deuce would have preferred to live a lot farther away on that particular morning.

  Trey pulled into the driveway of a modest yellow house with white trim. The lawn and hedges were neat, probably due to a gardener, and the hydrangea bushes that bloomed next to the front door were full and round. It looked like a welcoming place. This was where Trey and Holly had lived together, Deuce realized.

  Lacey bounced out of the back of the truck cab before the engine was even turned off. She reached into the truck and grabbed her backpack, slinging it over one shoulder and making her way up the stone pathway to the front door. Trey followed more slowly, Lacey's suitcase and magic box in hand.

  Deuce got out of his car and walked with long strides to catch up to Trey. "I assume she's up and ready for her day and stuff. If she's in her bathrobe I'm probably going to turn tail and run. Just so you know where my courage falters." It was an important thing for a boyfriend to know.

  "She'll be up." Trey sounded resigned and determined at the same time. "Fridays are her days to volunteer in Lacey's classroom." He watched as Lacey used her key to open the front door. "Hey, Lace, tell your mom we're out here, okay?"

  "'Kay." She vanished through the front door and left it standing wide open.

  Soon enough, Holly appeared. She looked as put-together as always, her straight blonde hair a curtain down her back and contrasting with the deep blue blouse she was wearing. "Hello," she said when she saw both of them. "We're making this a family affair, now? Wait, except one of us isn't part of the family."

  "Have I done something specific I should apologize for?" Deuce asked before he could stop himself.

  "No," Trey answered for Holly. "Holls, chill out, please. We want to talk to you."

  She leaned against the doorframe and folded her arms. "You have ten minutes."

  Trey took a deep breath and let it out quietly. "Okay, the thing is... you were right. Deuce and I are involved. Lacey doesn't know anything abo
ut it."

  Holly's expression didn't change, but Deuce saw her gaze flick to him and then back to Trey.

  "But she will, eventually," Deuce said quietly. "So we're giving you the courtesy of a heads-up, first. We didn't want you to find out from her, by accident."

  "Oh, thank you." It was clear by her tone that she meant anything but. "And how do you plan on telling her?"

  "You already told her I'm gay," Trey said with an eye roll. "I should have been part of that conversation. We're already showing you more courtesy than you did for me. We'll tell her the next time she's with me." He paused and leveled Holly with a stare. "And don't tell her before we do, Holly. Show me that much damn respect."

  "I wouldn't even begin to know how to tell her something like this." Holly straightened up and her hair fell around her shoulders. "Daddy likes Deuce better than Mommy? Daddy would rather hug and kiss boys than girls? Right." She snorted and shook her head, and for just a moment looked quite sad instead of angry and frustrated. "You can tell her. But after she knows, if she asks me questions about it, I'm going to be honest and tell her what I think and what I feel."

  "You'll tell her that you'd rather her dad be miserable than happy." Deuce didn't make it a question. "Maybe that'll let her know why your marriage didn't last." He turned to go. "See you when you get home, Trey."

  "Wait." Trey reached out a hand to stop him.

  "You don't know anything about me," Holly spat. "You can't come to my house and assume you know me just because of what Trey has told you."

  "No, but I can come here and tell you that you've been nothing but rude and mean to me, a total stranger, with no reason. You don't know me, either. You don't know that I care about him, that I care about your little girl. You don't know that I'd do anything to help either of them, that I spend hours and hours coming up with ways to make sure that Lacey gets what she needs to know about taking care of the dogs, that she knows that her father is a good man who does great things. You don't know crap about me and you have done nothing but mock the fact that I even exist. So pardon me for thinking that you're a little locked into this martyr thing you have going on." He was almost shaking when he was done. "Now you can hate me, I don't care. But you still have to deal with it. I'm not going anywhere."

  Trey had closed his eyes for a moment, but opened them again when Deuce was done talking. Holly was watching Deuce with an indescribable expression, but then she shifted her gaze to Trey. "I'll tell Lacey you said goodbye. My mom or I will drop her off next week." She retreated into the house and shut the door before Trey had a chance to answer her.

  The only sound on the street was the trash truck one block over. Deuce and Trey both stayed where they were and looked at the yellow house.

  "I apologize," Trey finally said. His voice was low. "I'll call her as soon as I get to work and tell her I won't tolerate you being talked to like that. I'm sorry."

  "Don't be." Deuce sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who should apologize. But honest to God, Trey. If she wants to get all high and mighty about not being a bitch, then maybe she shouldn't be one. And if she thinks for one moment that being a homophobic bitch is going to get you back or make me leave, then she's also an idiot." His entire attitude about her had just spun right around from vaguely sympathetic to vehement dislike. "Why did you marry her? God."

  Trey started back down the walk to his truck. His shoulders were hunched in disgust or defense, Deuce couldn't tell. "I married her because I loved her, at the time. She wasn't always a bitch, and she doesn't want me back. She just wants what she can't have, and if she had me, we'd be right back where we were two years ago. She was a fireman's wife and is pissed that she can't call herself that anymore." He stopped at the door to his truck and looked at Deuce, his eyes full of sorrow. "I'm not defending her at all. Her attitude sucks, and I'm going to tell her exactly what I think of her little tantrum. But I hurt her, Deuce. I never expected her to accept that graciously. I'm sorry that she's making things so difficult for you, though. I should have spoken with her privately at first." He sighed and shook his head. "Go on to work. We can talk about it tonight."

  "Hey." Deuce stepped to him. "I can take whatever crap she's going to pile on me; don't worry about that. My only concern is that she's going to badmouth you to Lacey. That's all I care about. Well, you. I care about you." He kissed Trey quickly. "Try to forget her for the day, okay? I'll text you after work and see if you're at the station. This will work itself out -- but she's not going to get help from me for a while. Let her aim at me and not you two for a bit."

  Trey nodded, but wouldn't meet Deuce's eyes. "Yeah, sure. I'll talk to you later." He opened his door and got behind the wheel. "Have a good one."

  "Trey. It'll work out."

  "I won't spend the next few months letting her insult you. I share a child with her, though. I'm tied to her no matter what. You're right, you know. I should never have married her."

  "But then you wouldn't have Lacey, and she's all manner of awesome. I adore that kid, you know. We'll find our way, and I'll deal with Holly in whatever way I have to. Try not to worry about it, okay? You have to work, and me and Holly being in a big street fight -- which I'd win, by the way -- shouldn't be on your mind. Be safe, I need you to come home to me."

  "You're always on my mind. I'll talk to you later." Trey smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. He shut his truck door and started it up, then pulled out of the driveway.

  "Well, God damn it." Deuce sighed and looked at the little yellow house. For one terrifying moment he was sure that he was going to go knock on the door and talk to Holly again, but he couldn't come up with anything he wanted to say. He didn't want to yell at her, and he was pretty sure that she'd call the cops on him. He looked at the windows, hoping to see Lacey. At least he could wave to her before he left.

  The windows remained free of small blonde heads, but just as Deuce was turning to leave, the front door opened. "Big Beans! I showed Mom the magic cup trick and she said I was good!"

  "She's right, Little Beans," he called back. "You are good. Have a good day at school, okay?"

  "Uh-huh. Is Dad gone?"

  "Yeah, honey. I'm going now -- have to get to work. You have his cell phone number, though, right? You can phone him after school."

  "Yup." She nodded with enthusiasm. "Sometimes Mom brings me to his work. He gives me stickers for all the kids and then they want me to sit by them at lunch." This was clearly the highlight of having a father who was a firefighter. "Maybe she'll bring me today."

  "Maybe." Deuce doubted it. "You ask real nice later, but if she's busy you just phone, okay? Don't give your mom a hard time."

  Lacey shook her head, and her hair, so like Holly's, fell in strands around her face. "I never do," she informed him. That was likely untrue, but Deuce let it go.

  "Okay." He went to his car and opened the door. "Hey, you can call me, too, if you want. You know the number at the house."

  A thoughtful look stole over her. "Can I talk to Q?"

  "Of course." He laughed. "She'd love that. I have to go, Little Beans. Have fun today."

  "We're making atlases," she reminded him. "Bye." And with that, she shut the door.

  "I wish life had an atlas." Deuce sighed and got in his car. He hoped Trey wasn't too mad at him, though he deserved it. Honestly, would it have been so hard to keep his mouth shut and himself out of the middle of things?

  But he was in the middle, and Lacey and Holly were somehow a part of his life now. He'd have to come up with coping skills, pronto.

  Annoyed with himself, worried about Trey, Deuce went to work, not looking back at the little yellow house.

  Twelve

  It couldn't have gone worse, in Trey's opinion.

  He stewed about his and Deuce's morning until lunch time. Trey kept mostly to himself except when it was unavoidable. Their engine had two calls; one was a small kitchen fire that was out by the time they arrived, and the ot
her was an elderly patient who had fallen in her driveway and needed several stitches in her forehead. Trey did his job mechanically and didn't make an effort to laugh or joke with anyone.

  He stayed in his dorm at lunch time and ate a sandwich on his bunk. Lunch wasn't a formal affair anyway; the rest of his crew would either eat in front of the television or out back at the picnic table. It was during dinner that they gathered at the big table in the kitchen like family.

  And they were family, Trey supposed. He'd worked with the same crew for several years and they knew each other well. Including Chance, of course, who Trey had a sneaking suspicion knew more than he let on.

  So when Chance appeared in the doorway of Trey's room, it was not a shock. "You all right?" he asked, with his usual no-bullshit attitude.

  "Yeah. I guess." If he could just make the whole morning go away, Trey would be all right.

  "Shake it off." It was more of a command than a suggestion. Chance had a job to do and part of it was dependent on Trey.

  "Oh, really? Shake it off?" Trey snorted and lay back on his bunk. Despite knowing Chance was just doing his job, Trey was unable to keep his sarcasm in check. He liked his captain, but Chance occasionally had a rep for being a dick because of his impassive nature and unwillingness to bend rules. Trey supposed that was what made him a good captain, though.

  Chance appeared to consider things, then stepped into Trey's dorm and leaned on the small row of lockers that Trey shared with the men on the other shifts. "That guy. The one you live with. It's something with him?"

  It would be too much for Trey to go into details, especially since he was still feeling torn up about the morning. "Kind of. Him and my ex-wife."

  "Rough. Is there something you need me to do?"

  Trey shook his head ruefully. "No. I'll snap out of it. I might call him and have him come to dinner, though."

  Chance shrugged. "Sure, fine by me." He paused, as if thinking carefully about his next words. "I know what it's like to try and block out relationship crap while you're here. But try."