Beneath a Beating Heart

by Lauri Robinson

  Liz smiled, and then noted the number of bills Vivi Anne handed the waitress.

  Holding her silence until they exited the building, she then stated, “That was an unusually large tip.”

  Vivi Anne’s smile never faltered. “She’ll need it for her trip overseas.”

  “Overseas?”

  “Yes, to see her husband. She hasn’t gone to see him because she thought they couldn’t afford it. My tip is seed money.”

  “How do you know—” Liz stopped herself and change her question to a statement. “Maybe she can’t afford it, even with your tip.”

  “People can afford what they believe they can afford.”

  They arrived at the truck, and Liz waited until they’d both climbed in and buckled up before saying, “Are you always matchmaking?”

  “No, and I wasn’t matchmaking. They are already married.” Vivi Anne started the truck. “They just needed a push in the right direction to stay that way.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The bartender has been pursuing that waitress, and she’d been contemplating an affair. Only because she’s so lonely. And she’ll regret it the rest of her life.”

  “How can you possibly know all…” Liz let her question trail away.

  “There’s never room for three in a marriage.” Vivi Anne steered the truck onto the highway.

  ****

  Rance glanced around the table. This had been a bad idea. Cliff looked like he’d just set a bead on a bank robber. Nan’s lips were pinched tight and from the fury in her eyes, steam could start spitting out of the top of her head at any moment. Cindy, the one who should appear uncomfortable at the very least, was batting her eyelashes like they were fly swatters. The only two eating were Ralph and Randy. They consumed food with the gusto of boys their age, asking for second and third helpings to be passed their way.

  He, on the other hand, had barely lifted his fork. Entering the house a short time ago had been like stepping foot into an icebox. He’d tried for a fast exit, but Nan would have none of that.

  So here he sat, waiting for the next shoe to fall, and hoping it didn’t hit him.

  “You boys go on outside and play now,” Nan said.

  “You mean it?” Ralph asked.

  “Without doing dishes?” Randy asked.

  “Yes,” Nan said. “And don’t come in until I call for you.”

  “Yes, ’em,” the boys chorused to the sounds of chair legs scraping and boots running for the door.

  The weight inside the room increased as the door slammed shut. Nan was the one to break it. “So, Rance, who told you of Cindy’s condition?”

  He shot a glance at Cliff. “Condition?”

  Cliff nodded.

  “Who told you?” Nan asked.

  The truth wasn’t an option. “No one told me about her condition,” Rance said. “Cindy, however, told me about Eugene.”

  “I’m afraid there was no Eugene. At least not one Cindy was engaged to.” Nan cleared her throat. “My sister asked if Cindy could come stay with us because her condition will soon become visible.” She shot a serious glare toward Cindy. “My brother-in-law, her father, is seriously ailing, and my sister does not want his last days to be festered with scandal.”

  A shivered slowly crawled its way up Rance’s spine as Cindy smiled. She was more of a fool than he’d first imagined, or more manipulative. He’d go with fool. Only a fool, a large one, would think they’d win going up against Nan.

  “Now, of course we are not going to lie about this,” Nan was saying. “And Cindy has been informed we won’t stand for foolishness. Her only option, besides staying with us, is a home for unwed mothers.”

  “What about the baby’s father?” Rance asked, looking toward Cliff. “Why not just find him and make him marry her?”

  “Unfortunately,” Nan said, “the baby’s father is already married and has other children.”

  Rance drew in air through his nose. He was getting the answer he and Beth had discussed, but it sure made for uncomfortable conversation. “What about once the baby’s born?”

  Cliff answered this time, after Nan had nodded toward him. “Nan and I have agreed to raise the child. It’s not his or her fault the way they came to be and no child should have to pay for the mistakes of their parents.”

  “Although we know you are not the gossiping type, we must nip any rumors before they get started,” Nan said. “When people ask, and they well, we will simply state Cindy made a mistake and is now facing the consequences.”

  And he thought he had troubles. From the looks of her, Cindy had never faced consequences and wasn’t about to start now. If she had an ounce of brains, she’d have already figured that out.

  “I was quite surprised when Cliff mentioned you knew of Cindy’s troubles, and even more surprised when you knocked on the door this evening,” Nan said. “However, I am glad you are among the living again.”

  “I’m among the living all right,” Rance said half beneath his breath. People living in another century, but living nonetheless. And he hadn’t mentioned Cindy’s condition to Cliff. The lawman had simply assumed he’d known. From what he’d said at the house evidently. He couldn’t quite remember what he’d said. “I just stopped by because I told Cliff I would.” As an afterthought he added, “And to thank you for the meals and such.”

  “What happened to Beth, and you, was tragic, nothing more than tragic, and you’ve been in my prayers every single day,” Nan said. “You’ll remain there.”

  Rance nodded, and without glancing toward Cindy again, hoped others were praying for Nan and Cliff. They’d need it.

  After spending some time on the front porch, visiting with Cliff about nothing particular, especially Cindy, Rance left for the ranch. Cindy’s baby would be raised by Cliff and Nan. There was no changing that. Nan’s mind was set as firmly as a mountain. He briefly considered visiting Hiah again, but he wouldn’t find any answers there either.

  His great uncle had helped him last night, but in truth, it hadn’t come from any medicine or even the Shoshone blood in his veins. Hiah had simply guided him to look inside himself. To surrender to the battle that had been going on between his heart and his mind. The sweat pouring off him had forced him to a survival place, a place where the mind had no control. In that purification, in that wisdom, while stripped of all other thoughts, he’d found his answer.

  Beneath his heart that had pounded against the heat, against the extreme conditions he’d forced upon his body, he’d seen the one thing he desired above all else.

  Love.

  It was simple as that.

  When he’d found Beth, when they’d found each other, all the rest of his life had become meaningless. They’d loved each other unconditionally and would continue to. Beyond the limits of this life.

  He believed that, believed she’d been reborn to return to him, and he believed he’d be able to keep her with him this time. How is what he must discover, and just like the answers he’d already received, that would have to come from within.

  Making things happen through hard work and sweat was a hell of a lot easier.

  How was he going to come up with an answer, figure out what had to be done by tomorrow? Before they burned his house down a hundred years from now.

  His horse snorted, and Rance patted its neck. “I know boy. Maybe Cliff’s troubles aren’t so bad. At least Cindy lives in this century. Nan would have one hell of a time explaining the consequences of my troubles.”

  Huffing out a breath, he shook his head. “So would I.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Liz woke several times throughout the night. For different reasons. Feverish and throbbing after an erotic dream about Rance. So bitter and angry after one concerning him and Cindy that she’d punched the pillow. Scared and frantic when another included flames eating away at his house. The worst though, was the last, where she was empty, too full of sorrow to even wipe at the tears that fell down her cheeks and onto the pil
low.

  After a time of wallowing in self-pity, she tossed aside the covers. She climbed out of bed and without bothering to so much as splash water on her face, opened the door and stepped outside.

  A tint of red in the pre-dawn gray on the horizon hinted a promise of what was to come. Sunshine. Warmth. Happiness perhaps, for the extremely lucky.

  The T-shirt and shorts she slept in didn’t provide warmth against the chill of the air, but it covered her adequately enough, so she walked to the end of the building where a couple of plastic lawn chairs sat.

  Sitting in one, she pulled her feet up, wrapped her arms around her shins, and rested her chin on her knees as she stared at the horizon. Disappointed weighed as heavy inside her as sorrow, and anger. Vivi Anne hadn’t been any help last night. After helping the waitress with her love life, Vivi Anne had done little more than suggest the answer to her problems was inside her. Just as it had been inside the waitress.

  That made no sense at all.

  Finding a way to stop the firemen this morning wasn’t inside her. She’d given up on the slashing tires idea, and considered a standoff, which included her finding a place that sold assault rifles. That could certainly put her in jail, or prison.

  “Ask yourself why it’s a problem,” Liz whispered, repeating the words Vivi Anne had said last night. The same thing she’d said before. When all this had started.

  “It’s a problem,” she said aloud, “because the firemen will burn the house down. And that’s a problem because then I’ll never see Rance again. And that’s a problem because I love him. End of whys.”

  She sighed and stared at the sky turning pink. Why couldn’t she have been born normal? Maybe she had been, but that had changed when the train hit her father’s car. And Beth had entered her life. Beth’s spirit anyway. That’s when she became this shell of a person. Never caring, never wanting, just existing.

  Until meeting Rance.

  Vivi Anne arrived beside the chairs. “You’re up early.”

  Liz nodded. “Couldn’t sleep.”

  “Here.”

  The cup wafted steam.

  “It’s full of sugar and creamer just like you like it.” Vivi Anne sat in the other chair. “I brought a coffee pot with me.”

  Liz couldn’t help but grin as she took the cup. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  After several sips of coffee, she said, “I’ve tried, Vivi Anne. I’ve asked myself why until I can’t ask any more, and I haven’t discovered a solution.”

  “Maybe it’s not a solution you should be looking for.”

  She took another drink, letting the warm coffee chase aside the chill inside her. “I’m not like you. I don’t have the instincts you do, the insight. I really wish you’d just tell me what I have to do.”

  “I can’t tell you what you have to do, honey. There’s this thing we all have. It’s called free will. It’s what gives us the ability to choose between possible paths. If I gave you the answer, that’s the route you’d take, so therefore your actions wouldn’t have been freely chosen. Not by you.”

  “It would be if I think it’s right.”

  Vivi Anne took a long drink off her cup of coffee while staring out at the horizon. The hotel across the road blocked much of the sunrise, and the increase of traffic the last half hour disrupted the solitude, which goaded at Liz’s already flustered mood.

  “When you moved out of Gladys and Norman’s house, did they tell you it was time for you to go?” Vivi Anne asked.

  “No, they said I could stay the entire time I went to college.”

  Vivi Anne nodded. “You went because it was your free will. Inside you, you felt it was time to move on so you did. And it was your free will to research your parentage, to find something out about your parents, their history.”

  “And hit only dead ends.”

  “Because you only dabbled in it,” Vivi Anne said. “Because deep down, it wasn’t as important to you as you thought it should be. If it had been a burning desire, you would have pursued it and continued until you found the answers you sought.”

  That was true. She hadn’t had a burning desire, not like the one she felt when it came to helping Rance. “What if I’d never found the answers?”

  “You would have, or died trying. That’s how it is when something is truly important to us. If someone told me they’d give me a million dollars for the antique store, I’d sell out in a heartbeat, but if offered a million dollars to never help someone find happiness again, I’d have turned them down.” She let out a short laugh. “I might have to think about it, but ultimately, I’d turn them down. It’s who I am. I love helping people. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. I’ll never forget the first time I heard that passage and how it resonated with me. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know it would lead me on the path it has. I was only six, and in Sunday school.”

  Vivi Anne turned, looking at her with an extremely serious expression. “If I offered you a million dollars right now to leave this morning go back to Billings and forget about Rance, would you do it? Would you leave?”

  “No,” Liz answered instantly.

  “Why?”

  “Because Rance is depending upon me.”

  Vivi Anne shrugged. “He lived a hundred years ago. In our time, right now, Rance is dead.”

  Instantly irritated, Liz said, “He’s not to me. He’s alive, and it’s up to me to make sure his future is one he deserves.”

  “Why?”

  Liz bit the end of her tongue in order to give her mind a moment to consider her answer. Time didn’t matter. The answer wouldn’t change. It was because she loved him. Trying to give Vivi Anne a more thoughtful, complex answer, she said, “I’ve been given this amazing opportunity to help him. It’ll all be for not if I don’t.”

  “And that matters to whom?”

  “To Rance.”

  Vivi Anne’s expression said she wanted more.

  “And to me. It matters to me.”

  “Aw, finally, we get to you. Why is that?”

  “Why is what?”

  “That you’re thinking about Rance and not yourself.”

  “Because I love him,” Liz answered without thought or doubt. “I’ve already said that. I know it’s crazy, perhaps delusional, but I’ve fallen in love with a ghost.”

  “And if you so manage to save his house from being burned down, what then? You’ll live there the rest of your life? With a ghost. Someone you can’t touch. You can’t have a physical loving relationship with? What kind of life is that going to be for you?”

  Liz opened her mouth, but then shut it. Eventually, as her chest burned, she admitted, “I don’t know. That’s why I need more time.”

  “I’m sorry, honey, but time isn’t what you need. Think about it, how will you afford to live there? Lou and Nate aren’t going to let you stay there for free, and as far as I know, you don’t have the funds to buy the property and keep it up until you die of old age.”

  Jealousy burned. “Why were you so fast to help that waitress last night, but just throw road blocks at me?” As soon as the words were out, she regretted them. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say. You’ve been a lot of help.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” Vivi Anne said. “We are only angry about things we are passionate about. Your problem is more complex than the waitresses. She already knew the answer, just needed someone to validate it for her.”

  Not sure how to respond, but not wanting to be a lost cause, Liz said, “Well, I could live with a ghost. I could find a way to come up with the money I’ll need.”

  Vivi Anne’s eyes grew sorrowful as she leaned forward. “What about Rance? Is that what he wants? To live with a ghost the rest of his life?”

  Her throat welled. “No, he wants his wife back. He wants Beth.”

  “And where does Beth fit into all of this?”

  Liz had a brain freeze. Not the eating ice-cre
am too fast, but a real, black out where nothing existed, not time or space, and it was as disorienting as it was peaceful. Then, as if they appeared from nowhere, the words Vivi Anne had said last night hit. There’s never room for three in a marriage.

  The reality of that saturated every cell in her body. She wasn’t what Rance wanted. Beth was. He wanted Beth. Not her.

  “I’m going to go jump in the shower,” Vivi Anne said. “It’ll be time to head out to Rance’s soon. To meet the moving guys.”

  Liz acknowledged she’d heard with a nod. As badly as she wanted to see Rance, she didn’t. She had no answers for him. No solution. She wasn’t Beth.

  ****

  Fury drove every footstep Rance took. Thieves. He’d been gone a matter of hours last night and thieves had hit. The saddle he’d been working on for Beth was gone, as were a couple of half-made halters and bridles. They’d been in the barn, and he hadn’t moved them. Granted, he hadn’t spent much time in the barn lately, not with Beth’s arrival, but he’d checked the cabin and woodshed, just to make sure he hadn’t stashed them someplace out of sight, out of mind.

  He hadn’t.

  Stomping up the steps and into the house, he roamed from room to room; making sure nothing else was missing inside. Everything was in order, making him believe the thieves hadn’t entered the house, which only confused him more. What sort of fool would steal a half-tooled saddle and parts of halters and bridles?

  Fools, saddles, and bridles left his mind as a familiar sensation took root inside him. He retained the urge to run, knowing Beth was in the kitchen. The idea of sneaking up behind her thrilled him, just as it always had. Soon surprising her would include kisses like the one they’d shared yesterday. He’d dreamed about that kiss last night, and was counting the minutes until it happened.

  The unfulfilled needs that had encompassed his body yesterday hadn’t totally left yet. He’d missed her so much. Missed the taste of her. The feel of her. And having that all again yesterday convinced him she’d be back in his arms, in his life, every day very soon.

  Anxious to see her and learn what sort of plan she’d come up with, he hurried down the stairs. The fact he hadn’t had much luck in town with Cliff and Nan didn’t deter him. They’d figure it out. What’s meant to be is meant to be. He and Beth had been meant to be from the get go.