Finding Forever

by Lori C. Hawkins

  The conversation still left Alec clueless about Peter’s sexual orientation, and unfortunately, he was still a couple of glasses of wine short of having the courage to ask the real question on his mind. Alec, however, was sure of his own sexuality; indeed, when he felt the heat from Peter’s flushed face on his own and caught the faint scent of his shampoo, a sudden desire to pull Peter in for a kiss washed through him, and he nearly whimpered out loud. An unbidden erection began to fill his trousers, but his Aunt Jo’s return from the ladies’ blessedly quenched his arousal.

  “Well, it’s been a wonderful evening, hasn’t it? But I’m afraid it’s getting late, and we really should be going,” Jo said to Peter as she took her seat again. Alec felt the blood in his groin reverse its flow, and he let go of the breath he was holding.

  Peter looked at his watch and agreed. “Oh my. It is getting on in the evening. Hang on. I’ll just get Jane and Mattie back in here.” Peter twisted his torso around and rapped on the window glass. The two women sitting at the rickety smoker’s table outside, lit cigarettes still held between their fingers, turned around simultaneously; when Peter waved at them to come in, they stubbed them out and got up.

  “Jane,” Jo said as soon as the two smokers came back into the bar, “we really should be getting home. It’s been a wonderful evening. Thank you for asking us to join you.”

  “Oh, not at all. It’s been wonderful catching up with you,” Jane said as she gave Jo an air kiss. “We must do this again sometime.”

  “Well, you have the number of my mobile. Give me a ring anytime,” Jo said as she made ready to leave.

  Alec followed his aunt’s lead. “Peter, Mattie, it was a pleasure meeting you two. Why don’t we exchange mobile numbers and we’ll get together sometime for a pint?”

  Mattie smiled broadly as she punched Alec’s number into her mobile. “That would be very nice! I could show you some really fun spots,” she said. Alec broke out his megawatt smile again when he exchanged numbers with Peter.

  When Alec and Jo left the wine bar, Mattie, Jane, and Peter looked at each other and burst into excited giggles.

  “Oh my God, he is so hot! He asked me if I was your boyfriend. I think he fancies you, Mattie,” Peter said with a twinkle of excitement in his eyes.

  Mattie punched him in the arm. “Peter, you are so clueless! He fancies you, not me. It’s about time you found a new boyfriend.”

  “What? Is he gay?” Jane asked, looking even more surprised than normal.

  Mattie rolled her eyes and explained, “Mum, he’s only been staring at Peter most of the night.” Peter blushed and pretended to check his mobile for messages.

  “Peter, you need to ring him! It’s about time you started seeing someone new,” Mattie insisted and punched him in the arm again.

  “I don’t know if he’s out. You know what happened last time. He’s going to have to make the first move,” Peter said, slipping her a sideways glance.

  Jane let out an exasperated sigh. “I think I need something stronger than wine,” she announced, and she got up to order something from the bar.

  Chapter Two

  FOR several weeks after the reception, although he was working hard in his role in The Lion King, Alec couldn’t stop thinking about the handsome art expert he had met that summer evening. It must have been a dozen times at least that his fingers itched to dial Peter’s number, but he always thought of a reason not to call. Maddeningly, his gaydar was not working when it came to Peter, and Alec was sure he could not bear the humiliation of being wrong. Worse yet, Alec was afraid of being on the receiving end of a homophobic rant if Peter turned out to be the sort to be offended by being asked out on a date by a man.

  So it was not until early autumn that Alec saw Peter again, and it was by chance. Alec answered an open casting call for a musical version of Cinderella, and he had just finished his audition for the role of Prince Charming when he went around the corner to Cuppa Java, his usual theater-district coffee bar. While standing in the queue to place his order, he noticed a familiar figure dressed in a white T-shirt, jeans, and dusty work boots paying for coffee at the till. Alec felt his heart give a little flip when he recognized it was Peter. He quickly called out, “Peter, Peter!”

  Peter turned around, looking for the voice and there was no mistaking the owner of the megawatt smile for anyone else. “Alec!” Peter exclaimed. “How are you?” he asked, pumping Alec’s hand in a vigorous handshake.

  “Fine. Keeping busy,” Alec said, suddenly feeling flushed. “What brings you to this neighborhood? This is my regular coffee place, and I’ve never seen you in here before.”

  “Next guest, please,” the barista interrupted before Peter could answer. They shuffled up to the counter together and continued to talk while the Goth girl working the hissing espresso machines made Alec’s order.

  “I’m working down the street on the renovation of Gielgud Theater. They started work some time ago, but it’s only today that the Council got around to sending someone down here,” Peter replied.

  As Alec paid for his coffee, Peter asked, “You say you come here regularly. So you live nearby, then?”

  “No, I live over by Canary Wharf with my aunt.” Alec inwardly berated himself for sharing that piece of information the moment he said it. “I work in the area. Well actually, that’s not entirely true either. I used to, but not anymore. I’m hoping I will again, though,” Alec blathered on, feeling more flustered by the second as Peter looked at him blankly.

  “I was third gnu in The Lion King,” Alec explained, “but it was only for the summer. Now I’m looking for other work. The audition is why I’m here. I mean, I just finished my audition, and I came here for some coffee.” Alec bit his lower lip and went quiet.

  “Oh, right, how could I forget, the third gnu.” Peter grinned, remembering their evening at Vino Vivace. “So what’s the name of the new show?”

  “They’re doing a musical version of Cinderella, and I tried out for the role of Prince Charming,” Alec said, fidgeting at the string on the hood of his jacket.

  “Prince Charming? I should think it’s right up your alley.” All the while, Peter was staring intently at Alec, absorbing every detail of his face, as if he was analyzing a work of art. The beautiful violet eyes that had made such an impression on Alec those many weeks ago now felt as if they were peering into his very being, and Alec wondered if Peter could hear his thoughts.

  A moment later, Peter cleared his throat and tore his gaze away. “Well, good luck with that,” Peter said with a shy smile as they stepped outside of the coffee bar.

  “Yeah, thanks, and good luck with that renovation thing,” Alec answered with a big grin, fidgeting nervously with the string on the hood of his jacket again.

  Peter ducked his head slightly and quickly said, “Well, bye, then,” before turning on his heels. Alec watched Peter stride away until his jeans-clad bum faded from view.

  “Stupid, stupid! I acted like a total freak!” Alec thought, knocking himself on the head for good measure. “He probably thinks I’m an idiot!”

  Then with a sigh, he too turned, walking in the opposite direction toward Covent Garden to catch the Underground home. Alec sipped his drink as he walked along, but the coffee left such a sour taste in his mouth that he chucked it after drinking only half the cup.

  Alec inwardly groaned when he rounded the corner and saw the large crowd at the entrance to the Underground. Even at the best of times, Covent Garden station was awful, because to reach the train, you had to take a lift down to the tracks. He looked at the heavy steel watch on his wrist and decided that at this hour, the other underground stations would not be any better. With a resigned breath, he joined the queue and allowed the crowd to sweep him away.

  Within five minutes, a train pulled into the station, and he squeezed on with the other commuters. As Alec stood in the packed carriage, he couldn’t help but replay the events of the day in his head, and he became more dejected by the minute as
his encounter with Peter crept into his thoughts. Two train transfers later, Alec got off the Docklands Light Rail in as good a mood as anyone would be after an underground journey in a stifling train carriage during rush hour. Aunt Jo’s house was a ten-minute walk from the rail stop, and Alec was exhausted when he finally got home.

  The comforting aroma of spaghetti Bolognese greeted him as he walked thought the front door, and he followed the scent to the kitchen, where he found his aunt busy cooking the rest of dinner.

  “Hi, Aunt Jo. I’m home,” Alec said tiredly.

  “Alec, dear. You look completely knackered! Was the audition all right?”

  Alec took a seat at the kitchen table and stretched out his long legs. He pressed his palms to his eyes in a weary gesture before answering. “The audition went fine. They told me I’d be getting a callback.”

  “Well, that’s splendid! I was a little worried because you usually call after an audition.”

  “I’m sorry, Aunt Jo. I got sidetracked this afternoon. But yeah, the audition went very well. I’m just tired. The trip home was horrendous.”

  Aunt Jo stood behind Alec and gave his shoulders a squeeze. “Maybe you should have a bath before dinner. I’m sure you’ll feel better once you freshen up and have a hot meal.”

  Alec sighed and got up. “A bath sounds like a great idea. Dinner smells wonderful. Aunt Jo, your cooking would cure the common cold,” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek before going upstairs to the bath.

  Unfortunately, a bath did little to improve his mood; being alone only allowed Alec to think about Peter again. He lay submerged up to his chin, blowing bubbles in the warm water as he wrestled with a jumble of emotions. The butterflies in his chest and the half-hard cock floating between his legs told him he wanted Peter, but he had acted like a fool. To add to his troubles, the feeling of dread at the pit of his stomach reminded him that he would eventually need to come out to his family about being gay.

  Feeling overwhelmed, he sighed and immersed his entire head under the water. By the time he popped up for air, he had worked out a plan. He would get his own place before complicating things with a relationship, and he would not stir things up with his family unless he was in a serious relationship. “What I do until then is none of their business,” he decided.

  Chapter Three

  AS PROMISED, Alec got a callback to come in for a second audition for the role of Prince Charming, and a week later, he was back on stage singing with everything he had. Afterward, while they adjourned to make their decision, Alec waited nervously in the front row of the darkened theater with his only competitor. In the seats farther back were people who Alec guessed must be other members of the cast and VIPs.

  “Hi, I’m Gareth,” said a friendly voice. Alec noticed the older man sitting at the end of the row while he was on stage and wondered if he was one of the show’s backers.

  “I was here for your initial audition, and I watched your performance today. I think you were fantastic,” Gareth said, handing Alec a business card. “I’m a theatrical agent, and I’d like to represent you.”

  Alec looked at the card in his hand and smiled at his good fortune. “Wow, I’ve never had an agent before. This is my first audition for a leading role.”

  “Well, regardless of today’s outcome, I think you’re going places, and you’ll need someone to look out for your interests,” Gareth said.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” a voice announced from above them on the stage, “we’ve chosen our Prince Charming, and he is Mr. Alec Bannerman. Mr. Cromwell will be our understudy.” A smattering of applause followed the announcement, and Alec shot up out of his seat in excitement but took care to shake hands with his new understudy.

  Gareth shook Alec’s hand and grinned. “Congrat-ulations! I was right about you!” Gareth glanced at the knot of people up on stage and started to leave. “The director will want to talk you, so I’ll leave you to it. Give me a call, and we’ll get together and work out the details.”

  Not only did Alec talk with the director, but they introduced him to everyone from the lighting crew to the wardrobe department as well. It was over an hour later when he finally left the theater.

  As soon as he was sure he was out of sight of anyone from the show, Alec leapt as high as he could, punched his fist in the air, and let out a whoop. He hurried around the corner to Cuppa Java Coffee to reward himself with a large frozen caramel latte and to call Aunt Jo with the exciting news.

  His jubilation was short-lived, however, as two doors down from Cuppa Java, Alec spotted Peter coming out of the coffee bar. Remembering his mortifying behavior during his last encounter with Peter, Alec nervously ducked for cover behind a parked car. When he was sure that Peter had gone, Alec came out from his hiding place and watched as the handsome art historian ambled away down the street. Peter was dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans again, but this time he wore a black safety harness as well, and he carried a yellow hard hat. Alec frankly found the entire effect smoking hot and felt a twitch in his groin as he noticed that the leg straps of the harness emphasized the sway of Peter’s bum as he walked along.

  Inside the café, Alec got his double caramel latte and sat down at a table in the back of the shop to call Aunt Jo.

  “Hello? Aunt Jo?” Alec asked when someone picked up his call. “I got the part!” he screamed into the phone a moment later.

  “Alec, that’s wonderful news, dear! Congratulations!” exclaimed a distant voice.

  “I am so excited! My first day is tomorrow, and I’ve just met an agent who wants me to sign up with him. I did it, Aunt Jo. I can hardly believe it. I can get my own place now and maybe even a car soon!” Alec prattled on excitedly.

  “An agent! Well, we have moved up in the world, haven’t we?” Jo said with a tinkle of a laugh.

  “This definitely calls for a celebration. I’m taking my favorite aunt out for dinner tonight. I need to call Mum and Dad with the news, and then I’ll be home soon.”

  Taking sip of his latte, Alec looked at his watch and quickly calculated the time difference. He realized that it was late morning in Florida and that his parents were likely out playing golf, but he was too excited to wait until later to call. Taking a deep breath, he hit the speed dial for his parents’ number, and in less than three rings, someone picked up.

  “Hello, Mum? It’s Alec. I thought you and Dad would be out on the golf course.”

  “Oh, hi, sweetheart. Well, yes we would, except it’s raining,” said a cheery voice on the other end. “Your father’s gone to the golf course anyway so he can hang out with his buddies in the clubhouse.” Alec didn’t always notice it anymore, but after spending over a decade in America, his parents had picked up American speech patterns but spoke with a British accent.

  “Mum, I have some exciting news! I just landed a part as the leading man in a major musical. I’m going to be Prince Charming in Cinderella!”

  “Well, that’s wonderful. I suppose you’ll be staying over there, then,” Fiona said with a trace of disappointment in her voice.

  “Mum, we’ve already talked about this. It’s far easier for me to break into theater here than in New York. There are way more opportunities here,” Alec explained, feeling a little crestfallen. “The fact that I’ve landed such a big role is proof.”

  “I’m sorry, Alec. It’s just that I can’t help feeling a little sad that you won’t be coming home. But you’re right, this is a tremendous success.”

  “You’re happy for me, then?” Alec asked, feeling less chipper than a few minutes ago.

  “Of course, dear. Congratulations! I can’t wait to tell your father the good news,” she said in a brighter voice.

  “Thanks, Mom. I have to go now. Love you, and give my love to Dad,” Alec said before ringing off.

  Alec let out a huff before pocketing his mobile. Well, he thought, she’ll be all right once she gets used to the idea. After all, she still had his brother Albert and his family in the States to fuss over.


  BY SIX o’clock, Alec and Aunt Jo were enjoying a glass of Cava while they waited for their main course at their favorite Spanish restaurant. The small family-owned eatery was quite crowded as Alec surveyed the diners around him. It was a comfortably diverse crowd; a middle-aged interracial couple sat at a café table in front of the window, while a small knot of American tourists clung to the corner of the bar, and across the way sat a group of thirty-somethings on a night out. Among the people of various ages, accents, and ethnicities occupying the rest of the tables in the room, the one that drew his attention was a gay couple with a baby pram tucked into a table against the far corner.

  “Aunt Jo,” Alec asked, “have you ever been in love?”

  Jo laughed softly. “In love? Darling, you are talking to your spinster aunt.”

  Alec looked abashed. “Sorry. I just thought….”

  “No, it’s all right, dear. I have no regrets. I’m happy with my life the way it is,” Aunt Jo said gently. “Actually, I was in love a long time ago, but he was dating my best friend, so I didn’t pursue it. The regret of it is that some years later, after they broke up, I learned that she cared nothing for him at all; he was just a habit. But by that time he had married and had a family.”

  “But how did you know you were in love with him? How do you know it’s the real thing?”

  “I honestly can’t answer that question. I suppose in my case, only time would have told. But I never got the chance,” she said wistfully. “Now enough of this mawkishness,” Aunt Jo said breezily. “Is this a hypothetical question, or have you met someone?”

  Alec looked shyly at his aunt and confessed. “Yeah, I kind of met someone. But I haven’t worked up the nerve to ask for a proper date yet. It’s complicated. That’s why I want to know if there’s anything there before I start messing with things.”

  Jo reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Alec’s. “Darling, life is messy, but unless you are planning to break up a loving relationship, you have to take the chance that it might be love. For heaven’s sake, boy, you’re Prince Charming. Start acting like it!” Jo exclaimed with a light rap on Alec’s hand.