Nothing Personal: A Standalone Romantic Comedy

by Karina Halle

  “Well they can’t actually fire us for it. I checked the guidelines.”

  “Did you?”

  “Hey, a boss can get in some major trouble for screwing his employee. And vice versa. You know this. Of course I wanted to make sure it was okay.”

  “And is it?”

  “It didn’t say it was not okay.”

  I’m not sure if that’s enough to stand on and it does nothing to make the nerves go away. When the meeting rolls around, I’m sweating as much as Kessler would in a sauna.

  I knock on Desiree’s door and go inside.

  George is standing up and leaning against a table. Desiree is at her desk. Kessler is sitting across from her, giving me an uneasy smile. It’s déjà vu all over again.

  “Nova, you’re here,” George says with a pleasant smile. “Please, have a seat.”

  I nod at George and Desiree and sit down next to Kessler.

  “You’re probably wondering why we called you in here,” Desiree says. “But it’s getting close to your three-month probation and we need to discuss the next steps.”

  I swallow hard, wondering why I’m in the meeting if it’s all about Kessler.

  “Kessler, we’ve all been very happy with the work you’ve been producing and your ideas are top-notch. You really seem to have your finger on the pulse of our audience and that’s great. And Nova, the same goes for you. Your hard work never goes unnoticed here and we know you’re a big part of our ohana. And, as we know, ohana is everything and we would hate one day for you to leave our ohana because you don’t feel appreciated. We all appreciate you, truly.”

  Damn. This is the nicest thing Desiree has ever said to me, even though I have no idea where this is all going.

  “You see, Desiree and I had a heck of a predicament on our hands,” George says, clasping his fingers in front of him. “Both of you are equally qualified for Kessler’s role and both of you deserve it. We started thinking of maybe splitting the role in half, even though it would have become a logistical nightmare. You know how that is.”

  “And that’s when Kessler called for a meeting with the two of us,” Desiree fills in.

  My head swivels to Kessler, brows raised.

  What?

  He held a secret meeting with them?

  “Kessler, do you want to tell her what you proposed?” George asks.

  Kessler turns slightly in his chair to face me. “You see, the other day I was at the skating rink and I was talking to them and out of the blue, I suddenly proposed a hockey school. Something I would get going through crowd-sourcing or fund-raising, something maybe the NHL would help support. I want to get into the game again in some shape or form and I know how much hockey helped me when I was young and things were rough. It’s all about that ohana that Desiree was talking about. I thought it was just a line from Lilo and Stitch, but it turns out to be an actual thing.”

  I can’t even form words. My lips come together and break apart as I stare at Kessler to go on.

  “So,” he says, “I decided that this was what I wanted to work towards. And I know it’s risky and scary and I don’t want to give up working at Kahuna Hotels either. So I decided to step down from my position as VP and, hopefully, take yours. I say take over yours, because you’re going to be taking over mine.” He pauses. “I wasn’t sure if that was clear.”

  “Do you still want the job, Nova?” Desiree asks. “I know we all want you for it.”

  “Are you serious?” I manage to say after a few beats. “It’s mine?”

  George nods. “This worked out perfectly for us. Kessler will stay with us as long as he needs to and you’ll be his boss now. Aren’t role reversals fun? Heck, I live for this kind of stuff.”

  I am stunned.

  Just…I can’t believe Kessler would do that.

  “Are you sure?” I whisper to him. “I know how much this all meant to you.”

  He nods, smiling. “It still means a lot. But I like to go where my life takes me and right now I think it’s back to hockey. I really think you’d be amazing at this job. And you know it too.”

  I do know it. Doesn’t mean I’m not surprised.

  Doesn’t mean I’m not scared.

  But it also doesn’t mean I’m not ready.

  “Thank you,” I tell Kessler. I look at Desiree and George. “Thank you guys. I won’t let you down.”

  I shake their hands and I can’t stop smiling.

  I did it!

  I got it.

  And I have never been so turned on in my whole life.

  The minute we get away from their office, I grab Kessler and drag him all the way to mine. It’s late now anyway so everyone is gone and frankly I don’t care who sees because I’m a big motherfucking boss now!

  I yank him into my office, shut the door, and slam him back against my desk, immediately devouring him.

  “My god, had I known this would happen I would have given up my job a long time ago,” he manages to say.

  I pause and look at him. “But you’re not giving it up.”

  “Not in so many words,” he says. “I’m stepping aside and handing it over.”

  “You’re really sure about this? You’re not going to resent me?”

  “Baby, I love you. I could never resent you. Just as long as you don’t think this is charity.”

  “Fuck no it’s not. I earned it.”

  “Yes, you did. Now you’re the boss. Who’s Demi Moore now?”

  “I thought it was always me,” I grin at him.

  And as Kessler stares back at me, I feel strength and courage where there wasn’t before.

  Courage of the heart.

  I run my fingers down the side of his face, feeling his stubble. He turns his mouth toward my hand and kisses my palm.

  “I…I love you,” I whisper to him. “No Aloha. I love you.”

  He breaks into the sweetest grin. “I love you too, Nova.” He kisses me softly and when he pulls away, he has a strange glint in his eye. “There. Now was that so fucking hard?”

  “What?” I exclaim. “Telling you I love you?”

  “Yeah.”

  Is he crazy?

  “Fuck yes it was hard. My god, I never told you the first time, to gather the courage to do it the second time…”

  He waves me away with his hand. “Nah.” He grins. “You love someone, you feel it, you say it. I did it with you. I did it with you not knowing how you felt, just knowing that if you showed up at my house at midnight dressed in Menehune fighting gear and carrying a gecko all to help my son, I figured you might at least care about me a little bit.”

  I can’t believe him. “You’re taking this so lightly. Love is a big deal. You know it’s a big deal with me. You even said so yourself.”

  “It is a big deal,” he says, taking my hand and kissing my fingers. “But people also make it out to be more complicated than it already is. It doesn’t need to be so hard. People just like to create problems for themselves.”

  I take my hand away and fold my arms. “Since when are you an expert in love all of a sudden?”

  “Since I met Hunter,” he says.

  And that’s when I know to shut up.

  He shrugs. “I didn’t think it would happen like it did. I was prepared to love him the moment I heard about him, you know? Like I was ready for him. That’s why I wanted everything to do with his mother. I wanted everything to do with him. And when I got that call, as scary as it was to suddenly start being a father for the first time, I knew my heart was ready for it. It sounds cheesy as fuck but I don’t care. I’ve become a total fucking cheesy sweaty beast since I’ve come here and I’m embracing that too. It’s just…when you’re ready for love, everything in your life changes. Doors open. Opportunities happen. You meet new people…and you reconnect with old ones.”

  I shake my head as I look him over. He’s one hundred percent sincere. I can see it, I can hear it. All my preconceived notions I still had about this big lug have dissipated just like that.


  “You really are a changed man,” I muse.

  He pulls me close to him, his hands going around my waist. “We all change when we’re ready for it. You’ve changed.”

  I avert my eyes and look away. “I don’t know about that.”

  “You have. You’ve changed from the woman I knew five years ago.”

  I snort dryly. “Yeah. For the worse.”

  “No, for the better. It took you a little while to find your footing but you’re there now. You’re no longer a girl with dreams. You’re a woman who turned those dreams into goals. And you’ve got it. At least, you’ve got one hunk of a man with a giant dick and, really, what more can you want than that.”

  I grin at him, feeling saucy and sweet and a million emotions all at once.

  “I really do love you,” I tell him, and just as those words leave my mouth, I realize he’s right.

  I made it more difficult than it was.

  I love him.

  I love him.

  He grabs my hand and places it on his erection. “How much do you love me?”

  “Kessler,” I say, biting my lip as I start tugging at his collar. “You know we have a rule.”

  “No falling in love with your boss? I’m afraid we both broke that one now.”

  “The rule where we don’t fuck around in the office. Which means no acting like a couple and no fucking.”

  “That’s a stupid rule,” he says with a devilish grin as he leans forward and sucks my lower lip in between his teeth. “And as the new boss, your first order of action should be to disavow it.”

  My eyes close momentarily, my hand gripping his dick tighter.

  I thought I wanted him badly before but now, after what he’s done for me, after I know I truly have his love, my desire is ten-fold.

  I want him inside me knowing that I’m his and he’s mine and I’m safe.

  I want him now.

  “I won’t tell a soul,” he murmurs, kissing the corner of my mouth. I’m already getting breathless. “It might even help my year-end evaluation.”

  “Does the sexy boss talk work in reverse?”

  “Mmmm,” he says as he licks my earlobe, my weak spot. “It works for me. I can make it really work for you.” His hand reaches over my ass and tugs me into him while pulling up my skirt. “Fuck, you little tease. You’re not wearing underwear to work?”

  I smile. “I forgot.”

  “Bullshit.” He bites my lobe, tugging at it. “Bullshit.”

  Okay, let’s throw that stupid rule out the window for today. It’s not like anyone is here in the office, at least they shouldn’t be.

  “I can feel you giving in,” he says to me, nibbling down my neck and collarbone. “I kind of like it when you argue back.”

  “Sorry,” I tell him. “I can’t be a cranky bitch all the time.”

  “That’s too bad. I think we fight really well.”

  “But I think we might make love even better.”

  “We’ll see,” he says, stepping back from me. “Take off your clothes.”

  I do as he says, taking off my blouse and bra and skirt, kicking off my heels.

  “Get on the desk,” he says, undoing his shirt. Then he pauses, noticing all the shit scattered on my desk. So, I’m a bit cluttered. The whole clearing the desk to have sex scenario doesn’t always work.

  “What is this?” he asks, picking up a large figurine of a fat hula dancer that’s meant to be for the dashboard of a truck. He peers at it closely. “Why does it say Bradah Ed on it?”

  “Because it’s a guy,” I tell him, taking it from him.

  “Does Bradah Ed know about it?”

  “Bradah Ed gave it to me for Christmas,” I tell him, as Kessler takes it back.

  A wicked gleam comes across his eyes as he holds it in his hands.

  “What?” I ask warily.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know, he’s so much larger than a normal hula dancer, maybe he could join in the fun.”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “You’re wanting to put that thing up my ass, aren’t you?”

  “Maybe.”

  I take Bradah Ed from his hands and put it back on the desk. “Bradah Ed isn’t going anywhere near my asshole.”

  “Okay,” he says with a grin, pulling me to him, running his hands down my naked back and giving my ass a squeeze. “As long as I’m allowed.”

  “We’ll see,” I say, as I start to strip him of his clothes.

  But it’s not long before my desk is cleared of all the clutter and I’m bent over it.

  And it’s not long after that, when Kessler is sitting in the chair and I’m riding his cock.

  And then I’m slammed against the wall as he fucks me upright, pounding me as my legs wrap around his waist, riding out orgasm after orgasm as the walls shake so hard, more paintings fall down. Bradah Ed falls off the edge of the desk. My world is just sweat and skin and moans and cries and pineapples.

  Somehow we end up on the floor at the end of it, breathing hard in each other’s arms.

  “Man, that was…” Kessler starts, but he’s interrupted by a timid knock at my door.

  “Hey guys,” Teef’s voice comes through from the other side. Oh god, please let him not barge in this time. “Are you done with your, uh, fun times yet or are you starting up again? Because I’m doing my podcast from my office and my microphone is super sensitive. It’s picking up everything. I’m trying to keep it PG since it’s a baking podcast and all.”

  Kessler and I stare at each other, wide-eyed.

  “Uh, we’re done!” Kessler yells at him.

  “Mahalo, brah,” Teef says.

  Then we both burst out laughing.

  “I can’t believe we ruined his podcast,” I say between giggles.

  “I can’t believe his podcast is about baking,” Kessler says.

  “You didn’t wonder why he always had a tin of cookies with him?”

  “I just assumed he was always high.”

  “You should try his cookies,” I tell him. “They’re amazing.”

  “Mahalo Nova!” I hear Teef say from outside the door. Obviously he hasn’t moved an inch. “I like to have feedback on my creations.”

  “Teef, are you still standing outside the door?” Kessler asks.

  Pause.

  “Uh, yeah, sorry. I guess I should give you some privacy. A hoi hui.”

  And then he’s gone.

  Leaving Kessler and I in peace.

  Still laughing our naked asses off on my office floor.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  KESSLER

  IT’S JUST after dinner when the phone rings.

  And not my cell phone.

  The actual landline on the wall in the kitchen.

  “Should I answer it?” Loan asks, even as she’s picking up the phone and going, “Hello? Hello?” She frowns at the phone and hangs it back up. “That’s strange, no one there. They hung up.”

  Suddenly there’s a knock at the door.

  “Who could that be?” I ask, getting up. I look over at Nova, who is sitting on the couch and watching Finding Nemo with Hunter. Her eyes widen. “Oh my god,” she says. “This happened in a book I read once. The guy would call the house and then hang up and then he’d rob them.”

  “What book was that?”

  “Claudia and the Phantom Phonecaller. But in the end they caught they robber and the guy calling her was just some dweeb who had a crush on her. You don’t have anyone who has a crush on you, do you Loan?”

  “Hey, why did you ask Loan and not me?” I ask, going down the hall to the door.

  Through the frosted glass I see a shadowy figure of a man but because it’s about seven at night, it probably doesn’t warrant me grabbing a hockey stick from the wall.

  I open the door.

  My jaw drops when I see who it is.

  “Holy shit,” I say. “Mike, is that you?”

  He nods. “It’s me, in the flesh.”

  Somehow Mike Epson, t
he man whose house I live in, the man who gave me his job, who set me up with Loan, who made all of this happen, is standing right in front of me, looking like he never left at all.

  I’m kind of speechless. “I didn’t expect to see you for a long time,” I tell him, blinking rapidly.

  He gives me a bitter smile and picks up the two tattered duffel bags beside him. “I didn’t either. There’s been a change of plans.”

  Uh oh.

  This isn’t going to be good.

  I open the door wider for him and follow him into the house.

  His house.

  “Hey everyone, I’m home,” he says as he comes to the living room, looking all over the place. “Hey Nova! What are you doing here? Oh hey, you must be Hunter. Loan, good to see you. I got you some rice crackers from Bangkok.”

  Everyone, including Hunter, is staring up at Mike in his obnoxious pink and green Hawaiian shirt, questions on the tip of everyone’s tongues.

  Finally, Hunter goes, “Who are you?”

  “Well, Hunter. My name is Mike Epson. And this is my house.”

  “Oh. You’re the man who likes leprechauns.”

  Mike cocks a brow. “Come again?”

  “What happened Mike?” I ask him. “Like, why are you here? Now. You said you wouldn’t be back…at all. Ever.”

  He sighs and tugs at the collar of his shirt. “Yeah, I know what I said but…What can I say? The course of true love never runs smoothly.” He plops down on the couch beside Nova and puts his hand on her bare knee, which immediately makes me step forward, wanting to punch him in the face.

  Nova eyes his hand and gently lifts his hand off of her. “What’s going on Mike? You could have called or something. Then again, you never gave any warning when you left before.”

  “Right, right,” he says, wringing his hands awkwardly together. “Here’s the thing. I’m an idiot, so let’s get that out of the way. I met a woman, Patrice, and she was unlike any human I had ever met. I fell in love with her and I think she fell in love with me. I know, who can believe it, right? But it’s true. And what do you do when cupid shoots its arrow into your heart? You follow the dance of love.”

  Fucking hell, I hope I don’t sound like that.

  “Well, anyhoo,” he goes on. “As you know, I gave it all up to be with her. She was leaving the next day back to Thailand and I decided it was now or never. So I went.” He sighs. “It was beautiful there. For weeks we traveled from place to place and she would visit her friends and I would stay in the hotel room and then after a while I realized her friends were in the movie business and she was acting with them.”