by Fiona Harper
He kissed her without restraint. Now was not the time for holding back. She felt it too, he could tell. There was a quiet kind of desperation in the way they tasted each other.
She had to stay! He couldn’t live without this, the sweet taste of her lips, the warm beat of her heart. He needed her more than he’d needed anything in his life before, more than food, more than air.
So what if they’d made all kinds of rules? That was before she’d announced she was deserting them. To hell with holding back! If this was the only way she’d respond to him, he’d use all the weapons in his arsenal.
He ran his hands down her torso and heard her gasp. His fingers found the hem of her top, pushed underneath it and found skin so soft he couldn’t help but explore it.
Gaby’s hands were no longer hooked round his neck, but undoing the top buttons of his shirt. And then things got rather hazy. All he was aware of was her hands and lips on him and vice versa. His shirt was somewhere on the floor and so was her T-shirt. The feeling of her bare skin against his chest was driving him crazy. The sensation of her teeth on his earlobe almost sent him completely over the edge.
He reached for the hooks on the back of her bra and breathed a silent thank you that her choice in underwear was as uncomplicated as the rest of her wardrobe. He slid one strap off and kissed the flesh of her shoulder. She stiffened against him.
‘What?’ he murmured, the fingers of the other hand sliding under the other strap and sending it the way of the first.
‘Luke, stop.’
He kissed a trail from her shoulder to her ear, then paused. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yes.’ Her voice was shaky, but that horrible determination was back.
‘Why?’
She folded her arms across herself and stepped back. ‘You can’t really think this is a good idea?’
He looked at her. Didn’t know what to say. It had been the best idea he’d had at the time. Did that count?
She frowned and shook her head. ‘You’re not going to make me stay this way, Luke. It would only make things worse.’
It would? From where he was standing things had been going a whole lot better than they had been for the last few weeks.
Her voice was a whisper as she bent to pick her top up from the floor. ‘You know it’s a bad idea. It doesn’t change anything between us. It would only make things more painful in the long run, for us and for Heather. It’s better to make a clean break now before anyone gets too attached, too involved.
I already am too involved, he wanted to scream. I love you! You can’t get much more involved than that.
Instead he turned away slightly while she pulled her top over her head.
‘You can’t make me stay this way, you know. It’s not playing fair.’
‘I wasn’t—’
‘Yes, you were. You were manipulating the situation, capitalising on a weakness.’
‘I thought all was fair in love and war.’ That was a stupid thing to say. But he was embarrassed because she was right—he had been playing dirty.
He looked at his shirt on the floor, but refused to pick it up. He was going to make this as hard on her as possible. He decided on another tack.
‘What about Heather? She’s going to be devastated if you leave.’
He saw pain and irritation flash in her eyes. Good. Keep her off balance.
‘I know she’s going to be upset, but she’ll get through it. You’ve got each other now. It’s better I go before she guesses there was anything more between us.’ She gave him a hard look. ‘You’re still not playing clean, Luke.’
‘What do you expect?’
She sighed, looking suddenly very weary. ‘Nothing else, I suppose.’ She shrugged. ‘But I don’t appreciate it. My decision is final. You’re just going to have to respect it and stop trying to manipulate me.’
Like hell he was!
The sound of the zip as she did up her case seemed very loud in the otherwise silent house. Gaby looked around the room. Her bags lay in a neat row on the bed. All the clutter, the evidence of her life here, was gone. And in a few hours she’d be gone too.
Jules had offered her the use of her spare room again and, since she didn’t think the entente cordiale between her and her mother would stand the strain of living together, she was going to be right back where she’d started before she met Luke and Heather.
She closed her eyes and willed them to stay dry as she thought about leaving them behind. It didn’t matter to her heart that Luke didn’t love her back—it didn’t care. It just wanted him more than ever. It was clearly insane.
And Luke hadn’t helped matters over the last few days either. He’d tried every kind of tactic to make her stay: guilt, pity, emotional blackmail about Heather, feigned helplessness with the kitchen appliances. The man didn’t know when to stop.
But maybe it was better this way. If he’d been understanding, she’d always have wondered if she’d made the right decision. The fact he was trying every way he knew to bend her will to his just proved to her she was right about him.
Don’t let any man shape you…
She shrugged on her jacket and found her car keys. The last school run.
Heather was one of the last ones out of the school gates. She was dragging her backpack behind her so it scraped along the path. She got into the passenger seat, did up her seat belt and sat hugging her bag.
‘You’re not really going today, are you, Gaby?’
Gaby took her hand off her keys and left them sitting in the ignition. She looked across at Heather, the forlorn expression on the girl’s face making her feel heartsick.
‘Yes, I am, Heather.’ No point in sugaring the pill. ‘I promise I’ll call and write. We can be penfriends.’
‘Dad said you might not go.’
Did he now?
‘I’m sorry, sweetie, but your Dad’s wrong. It’s time I went back to London. Teresa is a lovely lady. You’ll really like her.’
‘I don’t want Teresa.’
Gaby exhaled and eased the building tension in her neck by rolling her head from side to side. Heather couldn’t know she had her best interests at heart. She started the car and they drove home in silence.
When they got into the house, she left her keys in the hallway as usual. Heather glowered at her and stomped up to her room.
All that was left now was to wait for Luke to get home at five-thirty and she’d be on her way. She’d probably reach Jules’s place around midnight, assuming she didn’t get lost, that was.
She hauled her cases down the stairs and packed them into the boot of her car, all the while aware of a large, pink-rimmed pair of eyes watching her from the room across the landing.
Now that the moment was almost here her stomach was churning and her cheeks were hot. She picked up a mug for a cup of tea and it slid through her fingers, shattering on the unforgiving tiled floor. She swept up the pieces as carefully as she could through the tears streaming down her face.
Stop snivelling, woman! It was only a stupid mug.
Then she heard Luke’s car in the drive and her stomach rolled so violently that she actually thought she was going to be sick. She scrubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands to remove any traces of moisture and stood up straight.
As she entered the entrance hall, she saw Heather flying down the stairs towards her, a wild look on her face. When she reached the bottom she threw herself at Gaby and clung to her. Gaby squeezed her eyes shut and hugged back. She’d lost her heart to Heather in a completely different way from the other children she’d grown attached to.
The fact that she’d been thinking of marrying her father made her feel more like a daughter, and leaving her was one of the most painful things she’d ever had to do. She kissed the top of Heather’s head and prayed silently that one day she’d understand.
Luke found them in the hallway like that. He opened the door and forgot to move any further, all the cold air rushing in past him as a lump grew in his throat.
‘I thought you were going to be my new mummy,’ Heather mumbled between sniffs.
The look of shock on Gaby’s face cut him like a knife.
‘Oh, no, sweetie! I’m not…It isn’t like that…I’m just the nanny.’
Just the nanny. He thought of the diamond ring hidden in his sock drawer and felt such a fool. She looked at him for help.
He wanted to leave her to it, to punish her for throwing his unspoken promise of happiness back in his face, but it was more important to soothe Heather than it was to get even with Gaby.
His voice was hoarse when he spoke. ‘Gaby’s right, darling. She could never replace your mummy.’
Hard words, but they were the truth. However much he’d wanted the dream to come real, it had never been truly within his grasp. Gaby’s face was a picture of hurt. What did she want, for goodness’ sake? She was the one walking away. It was her decision to take their future and dump it in the dustbin, not his.
Heather wrenched herself away from Gaby and turned to face him. He knew that look. Laser vision.
‘You should make her stay, Dad!’
I tried. You don’t know how hard I tried.
‘You’ve ruined everything, just like you always do!’
And then she turned and ran up the stairs, sobbing all the way. Luke looked at Gaby. She looked so miserable that he forgot all his anger and just wanted to go to her and gather her in his arms. He couldn’t believe she was really doing this. All week he’d kidded himself he’d find a way to make her stay.
She picked up her handbag and walked towards him. He stood aside to let her pass and watched her as she walked down the path towards her waiting car. Then his eyes fell on something shiny on the console table. Her keys. Before he had time to analyse what he was doing, his fingers closed over them and dropped them into his pocket.
Sure enough, she was back a few seconds later. Her gaze flicked to the table.
‘Where are they, Luke?’
‘I—’
‘Give them to me!’ She looked as if she were at breaking point. He thought of Heather and how prolonging this would only make it harder for her. His hand, still inside his pocket, felt the cold metal of her keys.
He’d failed.
Nothing he could do, nothing he could say, could make her love him enough. Time to face facts and stop fooling himself.
He hooked the keyring with his index finger and pulled it out of his pocket and dropped it in her waiting palm.
‘Goodbye, Luke.’
He nodded. It was the only thing he could do. His mouth just wouldn’t frame a farewell—refused.
She walked to her car and, moments later, he heard the rumble of the engine. It was only as the car was slowly accelerating down the lane that he started to run.
‘Don’t go!’ he yelled, his breath coming in drags.
But she didn’t stop. If anything she went faster.
This couldn’t really be happening. He had to stop her, make her see sense.
His legs pounded as he sprinted up the lane after her. He ran until there was no way he’d catch her up, and then he ran some more. And finally, as he watched her car turn from the lane on to the hill that led out of the village, he stopped and used the last bit of oxygen available to him in one more shout.
‘I love you!’
After a near miss on the hill, Gaby pulled to a stop and let the tears out. She’d been so tempted to slam the brakes on and go running back to Luke when she’d seen him following her in her rear-view mirror.
It had taken every last bit of her willpower to push her foot down harder on the accelerator, but she’d made her decision and she was sticking to it. She’d shrivel up and die if she had to endure another relationship like her marriage.
When she thought she was safe to drive again, she put the car in gear and headed for the main road that would take her back to London. She couldn’t handle the motorway in her present mood. Thankfully, the traffic wasn’t too heavy for a Friday night and she made good time.
Just outside Exeter she heard her mobile ring. It was Luke. The special ring tone on her phone only confirmed what her instincts told her. She ignored it.
Five minutes later it rang again. And five minutes after that. If she hadn’t been doing seventy miles an hour she’d have switched it off. When it rang for the seventh time she lost her rag and swore at the dimly lit road in front of her.
That was it. Driving with a phone like a time bomb in the passenger seat, always waiting for it to go off, was dangerous. She pulled into the next truck stop and grabbed her phone, meaning to stab the off button, but something made her call him back. He’d just keep ringing if she didn’t lay down the law.
‘Luke?’ She made sure her voice was brisk and businesslike.
His was anything but. ‘Gaby? Thank God! I’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages. It’s—’
‘It’s got to stop, Luke.’
‘You don’t understand.’ She was about to say she understood perfectly when he added, ‘It’s Heather. She’s run away. The police are on their way and they told me to think of anywhere she might go and I’ve tried everywhere, Gaby. I just can’t think of anywhere else. Please? Can you think of anything?’
The panic in his voice sent her heart racing. Whatever their problems, she wasn’t going to sit idly by while Heather was missing.
‘Have you tried the Allfords? Her other friends?’
‘Everyone I can think of. I’ve been into the village to see if she’d gone on to the pontoons or the swing park, but there’s no sign of her. Nobody’s seen her either.’
‘I can’t think of anything else, honestly I can’t. Don’t worry, Luke. We’ll find her. Just stay put in case she turns up—’
‘That’s what the police said to do, but I feel so useless!’
‘It’s going to be okay.’
‘I can’t lose her, Gaby!’ His voice was breaking. ‘Not after everything else.’
No, not after losing his wife too. She nodded—stupid because he couldn’t see her—but the lump in her throat was stopping the words from coming out.
‘Sit tight. I’m coming home.’
It seemed as if every light was on in the Old Boathouse when she pulled up outside it. She jumped out the car, ignoring the protests of her stiff legs, and ran up the path. The door was ajar.
‘Luke? Heather?’
No answer.
Where was he? He should be here! Unless…unless the police had called because they’d found her somewhere. Her blood ran cold as the possible outcomes played in her mind.
And then she went very still.
He wouldn’t, would he?
What if this was a stunt to get her back here? This was some kind of sick joke if it was. She shook her head. Luke would never do that to her.
‘Luke?’
Where the hell was he? She didn’t want to believe the doubts trying to creep into her brain.
She looked in his study, the lounge, the kitchen. Nothing. She was just about to go and check upstairs when a movement out of the window caught her eye.
He was outside on the jetty. It was only then that she noticed the open door and the draught rushing into the room. In a few moments she was through the door and jumping down the steps.
‘Luke!’
He turned and she felt so ashamed for doubting him that she almost turned tail and ran the other way. No one could doubt he’d been telling the truth if they’d seen the haunted look on his face. She should have known, believed in him a little more. He might be the most stubborn man she had ever known, too pig-headed to know when to stop sometimes, but he wasn’t one to deceive.
‘What is it? Luke?’
The lost expression on his face was beginning to worry her.
‘The dinghy…’
She looked at the dinghy, or at least where the dinghy was supposed to be. All she saw was black water slapping against the jetty.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HALF the village go
t into their boats of varying shapes and sizes to help search for Heather. It wasn’t going to be an easy task, even with the clear sky and the bright moon to aid them. They started searching the immediate area first. Hopefully, there would be no need to widen the search later.
Just upstream of the village the river widened. It was a popular place for locals and weekend sailors alike to moor their boats. A small inflatable dinghy could easily be hidden amongst the bobbing yachts and cruisers.
Luke held his torch and directed its beam at the stony beach to his right. Ben had offered to take him and Gaby out to search in the ferryboat. That daft police officer had tried to convince him to stay at the house. No way! How could he sit at home while his daughter was lost on the river?
‘Heather!’ His voice was getting hoarse.
Identical shouts from other parts of the river echoed back to him across the water at random intervals. The torch beam wobbled and refused to shine where he wanted it to. He willed his aching arm to stay still and steadied it with the other hand. His eyes were getting tired and every large rock was starting to look like a capsized boat.
‘Luke? Why don’t you sit down for a second, take a rest?’ Gaby’s hand rested on his shoulder, but he shrugged it away.
‘I can’t.’
‘You need to.’
Didn’t she understand? ‘It’s been five hours since she disappeared! How can I rest? Tell me that!’
She took the torch gently from his hands. ‘I’ll take over, just for a few minutes. Luke, please? You’re no good if you’re too tired to see straight.’ She was right. But then he was as good as useless anyway. Useless as a father, useless as a husband-and two women had confirmed it, so there wasn’t any doubt about that one.
Why? Why had he let Heather believe Gaby might stay? It had been stupid. Probably because he hadn’t wanted to believe it himself, but he should have been honest, with himself and with Heather. Then she might be tucked up in bed rather than out risking hypothermia, or worse.
He closed his eyes and immediately opened them again. The images of or worse couldn’t be allowed to play behind his eyelids.