He smiles. “Want to kill two birds with one stone?”
“That depends on who’s throwing the stones.”
He laughs. “I’m gonna guess you haven’t been on the terrain park.”
“Just once last year. On skis. It didn’t go well.” Back then, I was beyond irritated that Cally had waltzed into school and captivated everyone—including my friends—but decided she didn’t want to be friends with me. I convinced Kenzie to go down the big jumps on the terrain park and while we didn’t fall, it wasn’t our best showing.
“Blake’s there now. If we go, I’ll coach you through the run and you can talk to him.”
“Now?” Wanting to make things right and actually doing it are two entirely different things. The same nerves I feel when I’m about to start a run ripple through me. And it doesn’t help that we’re almost to the top of the hill. I still haven’t mastered exiting the chairlift and I really don’t want to fall in front of Xavier.
He shrugs. “Or you can stay here and things will never change.”
“When you put it that way.” I lift the guard rail and slide forward on the bench. “Ready?”
Our arms bump as we coast down the ramp and my edge catches, throwing me off balance. He grabs my arm, steadying me, and we come to a stop with his hand still on me.
“What’s it gonna be?”
I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the terrain park or talking to Blake, but having Xavier this close after so long makes it a little easier. “Let’s do it.”
We cut across trails to get to the terrain park, but when we’re standing at the top of the hill, it’s not as terrifying as I remember. The steepest parts are on the three mammoth jumps, but the rails and other obstacles are spread out enough that I can ride around them. Boarders and skiers maneuver past each other, flipping and twisting and making their bodies do things in the air that seem inhuman. I’m sure at least a few of them are people I know.
“Do you want to try the jump?” His eyes practically twinkle behind his goggles.
“Not a chance. But I’ll meet you at the bottom so you can.” I hop forward before he can object and cut from side to side across the hill. Since I’m not going near the tricks I don’t have to go around anyone, and I reach the bottom while he’s still in line for the big jump.
A boarder in gray crests the top of the first jump and touches the back of her board while spinning in a three-sixty. The next jump she spins the opposite way, and on the third she soars so high that I’m convinced she’ll break her legs when she lands. She coasts to a stop not far from me and I realize it’s Cally’s friend Amber.
Which means the skier coming over the first jump must be Cally.
She crosses her skis behind her so they form an X, then disappears when she lands. The next jump is a backflip, which she makes look completely effortless. And on the third, she combines the two.
“No way!” Amber shouts.
The move looked impossible, but it all looks impossible to me. The one time I attempted these jumps I went so slow I barely made it over the incline. I glance at Amber, hoping she’ll explain why she’s so impressed, but Cally’s already coasting to a stop next to her.
They high five and Amber gives her a hug. “That was awesome!” she shouts, even though they’re right next to each other.
“Yeah,” I say, not meaning to join their conversation but the words have already left my mouth. They both look at me like I’ve sprung a second head, and I smile.
Cally gives me a puzzled look, then turns back to the jumps as Blake does a twisting backflip. He does it again on the third jump and she bounces on her feet. He’s still moving fast when he lands, but instead of showering them with a spray of snow, he leans forward on his front edge and spins in a huge circle on his belly.
Once he’s back on his feet, Cally taps her helmet against his and says something too low for me to hear.
Then Blake looks my way.
She must have said something about me.
“Xavier’s next,” he says to me.
I’m so shocked he spoke to me I almost miss Xavier’s first jump. He does a backflip similar to Cally’s, and my jaw drops. Based on how muscular he is, I shouldn’t be surprised he can move like that, but I am. Blake whoops as Xavier copies his twisting move, and on the third jump Xavier grabs the back of his board and arches his back, soaring so high that it seems like he’s held up with string. He lands gracefully and slides toward the group, but when he sees me standing a few feet away, hops over.
“I’m impressed,” I say.
His smile’s so big it nearly splits his face. “That was fun. You sure I can’t convince you to try it?”
I shake my head. “Maybe next season. I’m still happy when I don’t face-plant.”
“Fair enough.” He looks over his shoulder at the others, who are moving toward the chairlift. “Hey, Blake. Wait up.”
I think he’s going to leave me standing here, but instead Blake peels away from the group and comes our way.
“Now?” I whisper, fear gripping my chest. All the times I called Blake a Ski Bum or Snow Rat and hurled other insults at him flood back to me. He has every right to hate me, and zero reasons to hear me out. Yet here he is.
Xavier touches my arm. “I’ll catch up with you after the next run.” And like that, Blake and I are alone.
His jaw clenches, like he’s waiting for an insult or god knows what else, and he crosses his arms over his chest.
Standing in front of each other, I remember why I liked him all those years ago. And why it hurt so much when I screwed up our friendship. He has a calmness about him that draws people in. I take a breath and start talking.
“You have every reason to hate me and I don’t expect that to change, but I want to tell you that I’m sorry.” The words feel too small for how much I’ve hurt him.
His jaw ticks but he holds my gaze.
“That day with Cody…” I look down and my eyes burn with tears. “It haunts me to this day. I did absolutely everything wrong and instead of apologizing, I attacked you. Lashing out was the only way I knew how to handle my feelings, and by the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late.”
“My brother died, and you turned into this monster bitch determined to make my life miserable.”
“I know. And I know I can’t take it back, but I can try to make it right.” I take a breath. “I’m trying to make it right.”
“The only reason I’m standing here is because Xavier asked me to. You somehow got him to believe that you actually give a shit about other people.”
I silently thank Xavier, and can’t help but hope there’s still a chance for us.
“But you can’t just erase the past four years.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s gonna take some time for me to believe that.” He shakes his head. “Mike’s already convinced you’ve changed—she and Cally have talked about you—but I’m not that easy.”
“Thank you, Blake.”
“Don’t thank me. Follow through on your promise.” And with that, he turns and heads for the chairlift.
I wait at the bottom, feeling like a thousand-pound weight has been lifted. The muscles in my shoulders ache, but it’s like when you stretch after a long workout.
I can finally breathe again.
It’s not long before Xavier is flying over the jumps, and I join him on the chairlift. He doesn’t touch me, but he stays by my side on the terrain park and even walks me through the big jump. I don’t get air, but he makes me feel like it’s possible.
When we head inside for a break, the lodge is packed. Mike and Cally are sitting at the primo table in front of the fireplace, and Mike waves us over. Xavier heads toward them, but I hesitate. The last time I was in this lodge with Cally we had a huge fight, and while she seems willing to forgive me, I don’t want to go where I’m not welcome.
Maybe I should just leave.
“Bri, are you coming?” Xavier turns around and gives me a loo
k that makes me weak in the knees. It’s gone in a flash, but I didn’t imagine it. He still likes me.
I follow him to the table, anxiety building with each step. When I reach the table, the girls both smile.
“Mica and Blake are getting drinks,” Mike says. “But we have room for you.”
My heart surges.
“I’ll get in line with them,” Xavier says. “What do you want?”
I pull cash out of my zippered pocket. “Hot chocolate, obviously.”
His smile makes everything else fall away and for a moment, we’re back in his kitchen, kissing next to the stove. “It won’t be as good as mine.”
“Nothing is.”
He walks away and I sit, heat burning my cheeks.
“So you and Xavier, huh?” Cally asks. “Can’t say I saw that coming.”
I smile. “Me neither.”
“So Bri,” Mike says. “Switzerland for spring break?”
“Nope, not this year.” Dad was pissed I didn’t finish my hours by his deadline, and even though he said he was proud of me for helping my friend, a deal is a deal. But I’m okay with it. Switzerland will always be there, and no matter how much I like Piper, I’m still getting used to the idea of him being with The Seconds. Going would crush Mom, and we’re finally getting to a place resembling friendship.
But I am taking Piper boarding before the season’s over.
“Wow, you’re not going to Switzerland AND you’re still smiling?” Mike teases. “You really have changed.”
“I’m trying.”
She and Cally chat about the ski team and soon the boys return with trays loaded with drinks and snacks. The conversation is light, and for once I keep quiet. The truce with Blake feels too fragile, too new, to risk screwing it up. They’re all so comfortable together that I can’t help wanting to be a part of it, to have a group of friends who genuinely like each other and aren’t hanging out for appearances.
When the drinks are gone and nothing but empty wrappers litter the table, I stand. “Thanks for letting me crash your party. I’m gonna get going.”
“You’re leaving?” Xavier asks.
“I’m getting tired. And the last time I kept going when I was tired I got a face full of snow.” I laugh, and they laugh with me.
Not at me, with me.
“Text me later?” I ask him before I realize I gave him the opportunity to reject me in front of everyone.
But he smiles. “Okay.”
I wave at the group. “See you.” Then I weave through the crowded room and step outside, breathing in the cool air. A sense of calm fills me from within. This must be what happiness feels like. It’s crazy to think how much has changed in just a few months, how the things that my world once revolved around no longer matter. I don’t want people to worship the ground I walk on—I want them to like me for who I am.
It feels like it’s already starting with Mike. We’ll never be best friends again—too much has happened for that—but I’m okay just having her in my life.
And at least I know if I see Cally and Blake, I can say hi without worrying I’ll start World War Three. I’ll forever be grateful to Xavier for talking to Blake, regardless if things work out with us romantically.
Even though I really hope that they do.
I pause near the fire pit and look up at the mountain, at the people criss-crossing the slopes. Each one of them has their own drama, their own friends, their own dreams. I hope that some of my friends are back there in the lodge, but if I have to find new ones, I know I can.
I turn to head to the parking lot and freeze. Xavier is standing ten feet away, watching me. I move toward him, my heart racing. His eyes lock on mine and that same look from earlier is on his face. We stop inches from each other, and he smiles. “You left before I could do this,” he says, his fingers grazing my chin. He takes my helmet from me and tosses it to the ground. My hair blows in the gentle breeze, but I barely notice. All I see and feel is him. His hands slide through my hair and he looks into my eyes a beat longer, then lowers his head and kisses me.
It’s like the world resets on its axis. Being in his arms, knowing he’s here after everything I’ve done, confirms the most important Edge Rule: When choosing a side, choose the one that makes you happy. The rest will fall into place.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you are why I do this. I’ve always loved telling stories and being able to entertain people with my imagination, so thank you for spending time with me.
Want more of Xavier?
If you write a review on Goodreads and the bookseller website where you bought this, email the link to [email protected] and as a thank you, I’ll send you bonus scenes from Xavier’s perspective.
One final note.
Boulder, Eldora, and Monarch High School are real places, and while I did my best to research them (thank you internet!) any factual errors are entirely mine.
I lived in Zihuatanejo, a fishing village on the Pacific Ocean in Guerrero, Mexico, for three years and it’s exciting to finally include snippets from that part of my life in a novel. Everything about the way I describe the town is true—at least it was when I left in 2010:
• Lilies really are EVERYWHERE. I had a pair of nightstands with them carved into the sides, and you could go into almost any restaurant and see them.
• The in-home restaurants I ate at weren’t nearly as fancy as the one Brianna and Xavier visit, but the food was just as good.
• I ate so many tortillas when I first moved there that the locals thought I was pregnant. Yes, I had a tortilla baby. (I quickly cut back after that.)
• The Spanish phrases Xavier and Fernando use are ones I said—or heard—every day. I made Xavier’s family come from the town where I lived since so much of dialect is regional, and I wanted it to be accurate.
Now for a story. When I first moved to Mexico in March 2007, my ex and I were living in his parents’ house, which had no running water and zero privacy, and no one except us spoke English. I had minored in Spanish in college, but I hadn’t practiced in the ten years since I’d graduated, so I didn’t talk much those first couple months. Tortillas were served at every meal, and were eaten in the same way Xavier teaches Brianna: fold it in half and tear, then tear those halves in half so you have four pieces. Then you use a piece to scoop up your food. It’s tricky to get the hang of if you’ve only ever used utensils, and needless to say, it took me a lot of tortillas to get through a meal (see earlier comment about my tortilla baby). About three weeks after we arrived, I commented that I didn’t want to eat as many tortillas (because people thought I was pregnant), and my ex said, “oh, did you want a fork?” My jaw dropped and my eyes went wide. I believe my words were, “WE HAVE FORKS?” My tortilla baby quickly went away and I learned to limit myself to three (or five) tortillas per meal.
I’ve been gone almost nine years, and I still miss the food. Bringing it to life for you—gambas con ajillo and molé con pollo were my favorite—was a pleasure.
Writing is a private, quiet thing, and as an extrovert who likes to be around people, it can be challenging to find a balance. That’s why I’m so thankful for my writing friends who understand what I’m going through, and my non-writing friends who still think it’s cool that I share my imaginary friends’ stories.
I’d like to thank a few people for holding my hand over the past year:
My online writing groups for providing suppport and laughter, and knowing which I need when.
My beta readers Bridgid Gallagher, Patrick Hodges, Sarah Emery, Ann Marjory, and my mom Judy Hooyenga, for making Brianna’s story better than I could on my own.
Nancy Matuszak for continuing to challenge me. I’m a better writer because of you.
Nadine Nettmann and Sara Carlson, my best friends and real-life wonder women. I can’t remember what my life was like before you, but I’m sure it was severely lacking in inappropriate hashtags, Friends gifs, and T. Swift lyrics.
And fina
lly, my husband Jeremy for not batting an eye when I said I wanted to write—then publish—two books in one year. Your love and humor shine through Xavier’s eyes, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Keep reading for the start of Flicker, the award-winning first book in Hooyenga’s The Flicker Effect trilogy.
Sunlight pulses across the dashboard—light, dark, light, dark—and catches the dust dancing on the imitation leather.
My eyes stutter, but I blink it away. My heart jumps around in my chest. I stroke the grainy piece of cement stuck between my back teeth with my tongue. The orthodontist swore he got it all, but that was as true as his promise that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable. Right.
A tingling sensation pricks the tips of my fingers. I press them together, watching the blood shift beneath my skin. The tingling turns to those sharp needles that remind me of anything but sleep.
I press harder and my toes start tingling too. What the hell?
The dancing on the dashboard gets faster. The trees here are taller, straighter, and the sunlight strobes through the branches. My breath catches and a sudden heaviness pushes me deep into the seat.
I glance at Mom but she’s concentrating on the road, humming along with golden oldies or whatever the hell it is she listens to, oblivious to the fact that something very weird is happening to her daughter.
To me.
I close my eyes. The heaviness lifts. Too much. Now I’m floating and—
“But Mom, I’m fine.”
Mom crosses the kitchen and leans against the counter. “Biz, you’re going. The dentist said your face will change if you don’t get braces. Your entire face could look different…”
A sense of déjà vu slams me over the head. I’ve had this argument. Next Mom is gonna grab the stack of mail that Dad left on the counter and toss it in the basket.
She does.
“Biz?”
The words tumble out of me. “Mom…” The déjà vu doesn’t lift. This isn’t a memory. I’m not in the car anymore.
The Edge Rules (The Rules Series Book 3) Page 28