All The Pieces (Pieces of Lies 3)

by Angela Richardson

I pressed my mouth up against the bathroom door and knocked gently, speaking into the wood. “Norah, are you ready? There is something important I need to discuss with you. Please, can you come out now?”

  The door was immediately pulled open, and my mouth dropped. It was one of those moments that felt like everything I had done in my life had lead to this second. It was now bookmarked in my brain. Solidified as symbolic. The realization of our love. Its story. Its history. Its purpose. That nothing mattered except Norah and my heart that beat in my chest for her. I wanted to drop to my knees and worship at her feet, but I didn’t because I couldn’t feel my feet. My body felt like it was floating and had lifted off the ground. It was dizzying and uplifting. It was complete euphoria for my eyes.

  I silently said a prayer to my parents in the hope they were with us today and that they could give me the strength not to back out of what I was going to do, because right now, seeing her dressed like this for me, was every dream I had imagined and every wish I ever made.

  I composed my confusion and doubt that I wanted desperately to ignore and bury inside myself, and pushed it aside so I could focus and gaze at my fiancé, Norah. Lenorah Simona Rossi. She looked breathtaking. She was wearing a clingy yet flowing ivory gown that skimmed like air on her skin from the top of her body to her ankles. It draped ever so slightly around her breasts and as she turned around to show me the back, my jaw dropped yet again as I saw a captivating expanse of exposed skin. The dress was backless. The most beautiful part though was her hair. It was cascading in loose tendrils all around her shoulders, in soft dreamy waves, and she had this tiny intricate wreath of black and ivory pearls that ran around her forehead. When she turned to face me, I instantly drew her body into mine, trying to find a word that could accurately express her stunning ethereal beauty and the emotion I felt by her being in my hold.

  “You like?” she mumbled against my chest. I could feel her mouth smiling from my reaction to how she looked. I pulled her gently off my chest so I could take in the magic that was her face.

  “You look angelic Norah. You are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. I love you so much.”

  Her eyes ran up and down from my black slacks to my ivory long-sleeved buttoned-up dress shirt. “You’re looking pretty dapper yourself Joshua.” She then buried her head into the crook of my neck, and stayed there for a minute. I pulled her off my shoulder to study her emotions. When her eyes finally met mine, I could see they were tinged pink, and her face was flushed. She had been crying. Again. That wasn’t a good sign. Something was off.

  “Norah, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  She smiled at me and nodded. “I’m just really overwhelmed with emotions, and happy that this is finally happening for us. I want this, more than ever now. I knew our love would be unstoppable, and now I know it’s going to be with us forever.”

  I swallowed, guilt nipping at me again. That was it. I couldn’t let her think this was from fate or destiny or from our paths finally aligning as one. She needed to know me, the true me, and I had to take the consequences of my actions. I had to be a real man, one with integrity and strength. No more games, no more lies; nothing except me and all my faults. Norah had a darkness which moved in sync with her light, and now, she was about to discover that I also had a darkness that rivaled hers. I believed it was part of what made us soul mates though. It was a combination of imperfection that made us perfect for each other.

  “Norah,” I began, trying to sound soft and as if I wasn’t about to break her heart. “There is something I need to tell you.”

  Her eyebrows shot up, surprised. “You do? Well it’s funny you say that, because there is something I need to say to you too.”

  I swallowed. “Me first, alright?” She nodded and allowed me to guide her to our bed where she sat down. I knelt down in front of her as she rested back on her palms on the bed. God, she looked like an angel from this angle as she sat in the sunlight that streamed in from a nearby open window. I was hoping with all my heart that what I was about to tell her, wouldn’t make this angel fall.

  “Please just promise me you’ll hear me out before you do or say anything, okay. Please.” My voice was already desperately pleading.

  A concerned look swept over her face. She pushed herself up from her palms and sat looking above and then down at me. “You are really scaring me now Josh. What’s the matter? What’s wrong?”

  I took a deep, courageous breath and placed my hands on her thighs. The material was so soft as it sat on her skin. I could feel her body tensing as she waited for me to go on. She was already preparing herself. A normal defense mechanism that I knew all too well. It was probably a good thing she was starting to withdraw because I wasn’t sure how this would go down. I took another quick breath and found her big brown eyes with my own. I was sure my eyes were the color of scared green, if there was such a shade.

  “Norah, there is something you need to know about us. About how we got together.”

  She cocked her head to one side, her mouth going from a smile to a hard line. “What are you talking about Josh? I know how we got together. I was there, remember?”

  She looked really confused, and rightfully so. Norah believed all roads led to us, which made this even more difficult to say.

  “I know Norah. I know you believe that how we got together was because we finally realized we were meant to be and the moment was right, but...” I stalled. I couldn’t do it. I simply couldn’t. I was about to lose her.

  One of her hands lifted up to my cheek, trying to help me go on. She could sense I was quickly retreating. “But what Josh?” She was eyeing me carefully now, a new and different look gracing her face. She looked unsure, her emotions mixed, but her fingers smoothed over the skin near my mouth, coaxing the words to come out.

  “But,” I paused again, taking yet another long deep breath. I couldn’t be weak. Not today. I needed to tell her. “There is a reason you came to me Norah after what Clint and Samuel did.”

  Her eyelids fluttered as I said their names. The mere mention of them made her body react. She had barely spoken about them since she moved in with me, but there were days I knew she had been thinking about them. The way her eyes lingered on certain pieces of art at galleries when she was thinking of Clint, or when her head would turn without her even noticing at the sound of a Mustang driving down the street, thinking it was Samuel. I don’t think she realized when she did these things either. I can’t say it didn’t hurt seeing her mind wander sometimes, but as much as I felt jealous of her memories with them, they were still just her past. I will be her future. Well, that’s what I was still hoping for.

  “Wait Josh, stop. I know the reason. What those boys did to each other with that hit man. The games they played. Their lies. The pain they caused me. This is information I already know. I don’t understand where you are going with this and why you are bringing it up, especially today.”

  Just hearing her say that made me know that I was about to turn white with fear. The way she had thought about Clint and Samuel. How she believed they were not right for her because of those actions with the hit man. The actions ‘I’ had put in motion. Her horrible and distasteful perception of them that ‘I’ had created. How would she react when she found out it was ‘I’ that put all those thoughts and feelings in her head? I wouldn’t forgive someone who had done that to me. Why would she do the same?

  Even though I wanted to pass out from the pain that was creeping and crawling inside my heart, wanting to constrict and devoid me of breath, I needed to finally be the good guy and do right by Norah. It was time to show her my hand. This wasn’t a game anymore. Our love had to be from truth, from now until forever. I swallowed, leaned in closer and gently kissed her lips. I needed to taste her one more time, as pure and sweet and full of the love for me I’ve always wanted and always hoped for. She returned the gentle kiss, with tenderness, and as she pulled away, she rubbed her nose up against my chin, silently telling me to go
on. It was time. I inhaled the sweet smell of her skin, and as I pulled away, I met her eyes, now determined to be open and honest.

  “I know you don’t. That’s the problem Norah. You don’t know what I did. You don’t know that I was the one who started that war between Clint and Samuel. I...planted a fake hit on Clint from Samuel. Then Clint naturally retaliated by putting a real hit on Samuel to protect himself and you. I was the one who made them look bad. I started that whole mess. I was the one who arranged for you to find out about the contract on your birthday, and I was the one who knew you would come to me after those two let you down.”

  Norah’s eyes froze. She swallowed again and again, trying to mentally register all this new information. But even seeing the darkness loom in her mind, and feeling her body getting even tighter, I couldn’t stop. I had to go on. The truth was spilling out of my mouth.

  “It was me Norah. I did it all. I turned them against each other. I made them look like the worst kind of guys in the hope that you would finally see me for me, as the one who is always there for you and the one who loves you above everything and everyone.”

  She sat speechless, just watching me. Was she alright? Was she going to explode? I couldn’t tell through the wall she had put up in her expression. It was really lifeless, and oddly numb. I couldn’t read her. I couldn’t see through the gaze she held on me, like it was turning me inside out. I gripped onto her knees harder in the hope she would say something; anything that would give me an insight into what she was feeling and thinking at that moment. When she refused to show any emotion, I continued to ramble with the truth. I didn’t know what else to do.

  “I know I had no right to do this to you, but if you ask me if I regret it, I will answer you no. If you ask me if I’d do it again, I’d say yes. I would do it again and again and again. There is a darkness in me that lives and breathes just like yours, except it’s motivated by love, and not by pain.” I grabbed onto Norah’s hands and held onto them. She didn’t push me away but allowed her hands to rest in mine. That was a small sign that there may have been hope for me.

  “I took away your choices because I was selfish. I made them look bad because I was willing to do whatever it takes for you to see only me. We had waited such a long time to be together and even though I manipulated how you saw those guys, I still believe that fate and destiny brought you to me, because the last six months being with you, have been the greatest months of my life. I believe that even though I built this from darkness, what we have together is light, all light, and it’s because we are soul mates that our light continues to shine and get brighter. There is nothing more perfect in this world for me than the way your touch makes my whole body feel like it’s home. You are my home Norah. It doesn’t matter where we are in this world; when I’m with you, it’s the past, it’s the future, it’s just this calm and passionate feeling of perfection that rises in my heart every time you are near. And you may hate me forever and never forgive me for doing this, but know I will never stop fighting for you, I will never stop searching for your soul and I will never stop believing in our love.”

  I squeezed her hands, hoping she’d respond, but they lay lifeless in mine, cold and unmoving. I kept going, hoping for something, anything that would bring six months of love up to the surface. I needed her to react in some kind of way. I needed a hint to show me she might still care.

  “I can’t take back what I did. I can only promise you that from this day forward, our love will be pure and that there is nothing you don’t know about me now that could ever get in our way. I’m so sorry I did this Norah, but I’m not sorry I got to have you and love you, because it is perfect. So perfect. Our imperfection is a surreal state of loving perfection that makes us soar. Please forgive me Norah. Please, oh please, fucking forgive me. Please don’t leave. Please marry me, because even though what I did was despicable, you still love me unconditionally and you can get past my darkness too. Just know what I did; it was because I love you and wanted to take care of you and be your hero forever.”

  Norah sucked in a huge gulp of air after listening to everything I had to say. I was still kneeling but now had placed my head in her lap, waiting for her to push it away, waiting for the explosion I knew was imminent. Slowly, very slowly, she lifted my head with one of her fingers so she could look at me. There was a long pause, where our eyes searched into each other’s, right down into the pits of our stomachs and back again. Then, she slapped my right cheek. Hard. Her eyes flaming. Then she proceeded to slap my left cheek with her other hand, with equal force. She went to do it again to my right cheek, so I shut my eyes, waiting for the blow I knew was coming, and that I knew I deserved. I wanted her to beat the ever loving shit out of me if it meant she might be able to forgive me one day. But the blow didn’t come. I opened my eyes to her hand that had stilled above my face, mid-slap. She was breathing incredibly fast. Then Norah did the most unexpected thing I could possibly imagine. She dropped her hands and pulled my body on top of hers, and kissed me. She was kissing me with so much force I couldn’t breathe. Her mouth was filled with a need and want I hadn’t experienced before. She turned our bodies around and climbed on top of me and pushed me back onto the bed.

  I couldn’t explain why she was doing this. I didn’t know where it was coming from, but she attacked me with such sexual force I was mentally knocked out. So I just let my body take on a life of its own. I reacted with the same force and the same intensity she was showing me. It was all crazed passion as she straddled me on the bed and reached down to my pants, swiftly unzipping me free for her. I was so fucking hard for her. I was always hard for her. She lifted up her dress and positioned herself above me. I was so scared and so turned on at the same time. She wasn’t wearing any panties underneath her wedding dress, and I moaned as she slid on top of me. She lifted herself up, and slowly, and very purposely, she slid on top of me again, making sure we could feel every inch of pleasure as we became one. And then she quickened her movements.

  She was expressing a need I couldn’t put into one word. It was angry, it was sad, it was love and it was lust. It was an emotion I hadn’t seen from Norah before, and as she rode me fast, saying my name over and over under her breath, it dawned on me. This sex wasn’t forgiving. It wasn’t drawing me in and moving forward. It felt final, like Norah was saying good-bye. This was good-bye sex. This is why I had never seen it before. This is why it felt completely different and emotional. She was going to leave the moment this was over and run out of my life.

  I felt my heart ache, as her whole body trembled with passion above me. I tried to stop her moving so I could talk and change her mind, but she was like a wild animal. She felt determined to take this to the edge. I grabbed onto her thighs, trying to slow her down, and then suddenly she stopped and stared at how I was gripping both her legs, trying to bring back some kind of control. She gazed down, breathing hard, and said, “Josh, I really need to do this.”

  I instantly let go of her legs to give her the freedom she needed to lose herself in the moment, in us. I had to give her what she wanted. If this was a good-bye and this was how she needed it, then I would make sure it was everything and more. I lifted my back up so we were now face to face while she was on top of me. I held her gaze and then I saw another tear escape her eye.

  Oh God, this is good-bye. I wanted to cry as well. I wanted to pause, and hold her, and beg her to give me another chance. But it was too much. Norah moaned my name loudly, and then I found my release, very hard, as I yelled her name too. It was so unexpected, but I never wanted it to end. I never wanted this feeling of us joined together as one to stop.

  But it did.

  She slowly climbed off me and stood up, pulling down her dress. I could only stare up at her from the bed as I tried to steady my breathing and the beating of my aching heart. I adjusted myself, zipped up my pants and pushed myself up so I was sitting on the bed, waiting for her to speak. When she didn’t, I lifted my hand to her and said, “Norah, I..” Sh
e walked over to me and clamped her hand over my mouth forcefully.

  “You’ve said enough Joshua. I need a minute, okay. I’m going to go to the bathroom, and when I come back out, we’ll talk. There is something I need to say too.” Norah removed her hand from my mouth, and slowly walked backwards into the bathroom, holding my eyes for a few more seconds before going in and closing the door.

  My head was swimming with so much mixed emotion. I had no idea what Norah was going to say when she decided to come back out. Was she going to say good-bye? Was she going to forgive me? Was she going to demand that I take her home as soon as possible?

  She had slapped me, and then made love to me. What did that mean? Why would she do that? I couldn’t understand her reaction. I didn’t know what to think. My heart felt like it was stuck in quick sand, unable to find a way to free itself because it was slipping into a dark scary pit of imminent sorrow, the longer I waited for Norah to come back into the room.

  I was completely lost in an emotional wasteland. There was no conscious flow. My eyes were transfixed on that bathroom door, waiting...just waiting.

  The fact my mind was so consumed with what had just happened on the bed, didn’t allow me to see the shadow sneak in through the window. It failed to acknowledge the sound of footsteps in the still air, and it didn’t allow me to sense the person come right up behind me...and put a gun to my head.

  It was just one minute. That’s all I needed. Just one, tiny, little, inconsequential minute. Josh had finally bared his whole self to me, and now, I was about to do the same. I had heard what Josh said, but had not completely processed it. Should I be angry? Should I be sad? Should I be more than this...calm? There was too much else going on inside my brain that it didn’t seem to matter anymore. The path, the process, the lies, the truth. Wherever and however weren’t factors that now affected my thinking or clouded my judgment. His truth had hit me, but with little impact. Well, I guess how I handled it wasn’t what he would call ‘little impact,’ but there was a reason I attacked Josh the way I did. I couldn’t help the way I felt and what I needed to do.