by Paige Watson
“You mean Helen?”
“Yes,” I answered. “She’s quite beautiful.”
“I suppose she is. I haven’t paid much attention,” he said.
“She certainly pays attention to you,” I replied. “I could tell from the way she looks at you that she’s in love with you.”
“I know she is. She’s felt that way since we were young.”
“Do you return her affections?”
“No.”
I touched my fingers to his mouth. “As your queen, do you have to obey my every command? Even if it’s something you might not want to do?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “What would you have me do, My Lady?”
I traced the edges of his lips, savoring in the softness of them. “Do you really need me to tell you?”
His blue eyes stared down at me and his arms rested by my sides. A mischievous grin covered his face. The space between our faces was lessening by the second; my body longed to feel his kiss. Another inch and his lips would be pressed against mine.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, Your Grace.” The sound of Marie’s voice thrust us from the daze we’d been swept up in. “But the king is requesting your presence at the castle.”
“It’s quite alright, Marie. I fell in the river and would have drowned if Conrad hadn’t been here.”
“Were you hurt?!” She dropped to her knees beside us. Conrad was still lying on top of me and made no effort to move.
“I was being foolish,” I said with a laugh. “I tried to walk across the fallen tree and I lost my balance. I fell into the water and was lucky enough that Conrad was here to rescue me.” Before I knew what was happening, Conrad lifted me up in his arms and started carrying me back to the castle.
“I better carry her, just in case she gets dizzy again,” he said to Marie.
“Yes, of course,” she replied.
I tightened my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“I swore an oath to protect you with my life; I was just doing my duty.”
“Is that all I am to you? An oath?” His feet stopped dead in their tracks and he turned his head to look at me. The skin of his neck was soft beneath my hand and I gently touched my lips to his cheek.
I sat up with a jolt. Why did I have to remember being with him like that? It wasn’t fair to be constantly reminded of something I couldn’t have. I still felt the pressure of his arms around me as he pulled me from the water. The nearness of his body made me want him even more. I was tired of feeling like this; the high road could go screw itself. 500 years of wanting someone couldn’t be changed overnight and I would never stop wanting him. I hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I loosened my hair from the tight braids and tousled the waves with my fingers. I put on a couple coats of mascara and swiped my cheeks with a thin layer of blush. I dabbed a little lip gloss on my mouth and peeled my nightgown from my body. I found my bag and started rummaging through it. I pulled a silky purple nightgown out and threw it over my head. The dark color of the fabric shone against my pale skin. A band of pink lace covered the top part of the gown, adding to its delicate appearance. The light color on my cheeks made it look like I was glowing. It might not have been red lingerie, but the effect was still pleasing to the eye.
I closed the door to my room with great care and was across the hall in two steps. I raised my hand to knock and then noticed his door was slightly ajar. I walked into his room and closed the door gently. He was standing in front of the window, looking out into the city. The door creaked as it closed and he spun at the sound. I could tell I was the last person he expected to see in his room.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in,” I said, turning back for the door. In a second, he was across the room, holding the door shut with his hand. His arm barely skimmed the surface of my shoulder. I pressed my back against the door and looked up at him, as he bent toward me. Our mouths were only inches from one another.
“I’d like it if you stayed,” he said.
“I just wanted to ask you something.” I shouldn’t have come; I knew my composure wouldn’t hold out for long.
“What do you want to know?”
“That day at the river, do you remember it?”
“Of course,” he said, waiting for me to continue speaking.
“You risked your life to save me without a second thought, and I just wanted to know why. You weren’t one of my secundae then.”
“You know why,” he whispered. He wrapped a strand of my hair around one of his fingers.
“I’m not sure I do.” He dropped his hand from my hair and took a step back from me. “You don’t have to back away,” I said, as my eyes examined the tight muscles of his abdomen. He leaned his hand back against the door and moved so our bodies were almost touching. It was only a little while ago Helen was the one touching him. “It must be hard to be around someone for so long and have to suppress your feelings for them.”
“It is,” he said, placing his other hand on the door, right beside my waist. I felt the remaining dregs of hope drain out of my body. He cared for Helen more than he let on.
“I can tell she really loves you. You can see it in the way she looks at you, but it’s a little different from how you look at her.” I continued.
“And how do I look at her?
“I’m not really sure; I haven’t quite figured out what your look means just yet.”
“You could always ask me what it means,” he said, as he moved his other hand to my waist.
“I know,” I said, biting my lips. “But I’m afraid of what your answer might be.” I could see his brow furrow slightly, despite the dim lighting in the room. “Because if it’s the answer I don’t want to hear, it will break my heart.”
“And if it is the answer you want?”
“I’ll know that I’m the most selfish and horrible person in the world.”
His hand at my waist trembled. “Either answer I give causes you pain,” he said, pausing to take a deep breath. “It hardly seems fair.”
“What about our lives has ever been fair? Especially yours.” My fingers traced the scab that replaced the wound on his chest.
“Getting to see you again seems fair to me,” he said.
“Conrad—”
“I know, I shouldn’t say things like that to you.” The palm of his hand felt warm against my cheek. All I could think, was I wanted to hear him say more things like that.
“How’s your leg?” I had to change the subject to keep myself from jumping him.
“It’s feeling better, and I can put all my weight on it when I walk now.” Without waiting for permission, I raised the leg of his shorts to look at his wound. Dried blood covered the white gauze taped to his leg.
“Your dressing needs to be changed,” I said.
“It’s really ok. I’ll change it later.”
“Lay down on the bed and I’ll do it for you,” I said with complete authority. Reluctantly, he walked to the large king size bed and sat on top of the dark green comforter. The paisley pattern that covered the comforter was the same shade of brown as the chocolate colored walls. He had a first aid kit perched on the dresser next to the bathroom door. I retrieved the kit and sat down beside him. I took off the old bandage with great care and assessed his wound. My stitches were still holding, even though the sides of his flesh had started to grow back together. I soaked a cotton ball with peroxide and dabbed at his skin. He winced as I cleaned his leg. “How many times have you been injured while trying to protect me?”
He had his hands folded behind his head as he lay on the bed. “Honestly, too many times to count.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, as I taped a clean piece of gauze on his leg.
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because your body has been beaten, stabbed, burned, and bruised. You’ve had to endure countless injuries and I’m to blame for it. No wonder Helen hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate
you.”
I snorted. “Yes she does, and if I was her, I’m sure I would too.” My lack of sleep was starting to catch up to me and I felt exhausted. Before I knew what I was doing, I collapsed onto the bed, beside him. He rolled onto his right side to look at me. “When you were my personal guard; we were really close weren’t we?” I asked him.
“Yes.”
“We were friends, right?”
“Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”
I took his hand in mine and clutched it to my chest. “Will you still be my friend?” The worry in my voice was unmistakable.
“I’ll always be what you need me to,” he said
“I feel so selfish when I’m around you,” I confessed. “What do you need me to be for you?”
“Do you really want me to answer that question?” His fingers clutched the pendant he’d given me so many lifetimes ago.
“Why didn’t Helen stay in your room tonight?”
He shrugged his shoulders and gave me an impassive look. “I guess I’m just old-fashioned.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Do you expect me to believe you don’t want to be with me?”
My mouth felt dry, like I’d just eaten a giant wad of cotton. I should have anticipated he’d be able to see through my attempt at distancing myself from him. After all, he knew me better than anyone, including Aden. I wasn’t sure how I knew this, but Conrad loved me with a force that Aden couldn’t even come close to.
“What makes you think that?” My hand dropped from his and I sat up straight. His hand slid down my chest, landing in my lap.
“Why else would you be sitting on my bed in the middle of the night?”
“Friends hang out in each other’s room in the middle of the night,” I said.
“Oh, ok,” he said sounding bored. “Is it customary for one friend to be wearing a lacey nightgown?” His hand skimmed over the thin material that covered my thigh.
“You didn’t seem to mind Helen’s red lingerie earlier,” I said, snapping at him.
“You told me to be with her, and you said we didn’t belong together,” he retorted.
“So, if I told you to jump off a bridge, does that mean you’d do it?” I knew I was being cruel, but every time I thought about him and Helen together, I wanted to break something.
“No,” he said, as he ran his hand up to the back of my waist. “But if you told me to kiss you right now, I would.” My cheeks burned as he stared at me and I relished the feel of his hand at my back.
“Did you ever try being with Helen when the Concilium wanted you to stay away from me?” I moved closer to him as I spoke. My mind and body seemed to be contradicting one another. While I had the good sense to change the subject when he talked about kissing me, my body was being drawn to his like a magnet. He released his hand from my waist and rolled over onto his back. I fell onto the bed and we both stared at the ceiling above us. The same soft clouds painted on my ceiling were on his as well.
“She asked me to be with her, but I told her no. At that time, I didn’t want anyone but you,” he said with a yawn.
“And now you want Helen?”
“I do care for her,” he whispered. “Maybe you were right when you said that she and I belonged together. I mean, if you and I both die, we don’t even go to the same place.” The expression on his face seemed oddly calm.
“What do you mean we don’t go to the same place?” Fear saturated my voice and I grasped his arm for strength. “I know you go to heaven while you wait for me to be reborn, but where do I go?”
“You and Aden used to go to the gates outside the Garden of Eden.”
“But why?”
“Because the Concilium thought it would help both of you remember why you’re being reborn. They thought it would remind you and Adam that you’re both part of a bigger picture. At least that was the case until they put you in hiding, so you could be protected from him.”
His revelation stunned me. “I feel like everyone wants to keep us apart,” I said, wiping at a stray tear.
“Is that not what you’ve been trying to do?”
“Yes, but I have my reasons.” I said, sniffling.
“Everyone has a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together,” he said, throwing his arms around me. “We shouldn’t add to their list.” A shiver set over my body and without my asking, he drew the bedspread over us.
“I just feel like I’m not worthy of you,” I said, laying my head on his chest.
“Why would you ever think that?” His hand lifted my chin so he could see my eyes.
“Look at everything you’ve sacrificed to be with me. You gave up your life for me,” I answered. “You gave up being able to have more time with your mother and Cecily too.”
“They knew how I felt about you.”
“But they resented me for taking you away from them.”
“They had a hard time right after I died, but you aren’t remembering everything. Once they had time to get over the initial shock, they didn’t stay mad at you,” he said.
“You could be right, but I still don’t understand how you could love me after all the pain I’ve caused you.”
“You don’t see yourself the way other people do,” he replied, tracing his thumb across my lips. “I’ve seen you nurse the sick and dying back to health; I’ve stood in the pouring rain with you as we handed out loaves of bread to starving people. Your heart is so pure. You would do anything within your power to help others.” His lips touched my forehead tenderly. “I stole money from you, and you saved me. The depth of your compassion for others is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.” The desire to be with him was taking over my body. My fingertips trailed down his chest and stomach.
“Conrad?”
“Yeah?”
“When I asked you earlier what you needed me to be for you, what was your answer going to be?”
“I don’t need you to be any specific thing for me; I just need you,” he said, rolling on top of me.
“I need you too,” I whispered. I lifted my head toward his. “There was—”. He pressed his lips to mine, stopping my question before I could finish. His hands became knotted in my hair as he rubbed his body against mine. His kiss ignited the infatuation that had grown between us, making me feel as if I had been engulfed with flames. I wanted him more than anything else in my entire life. Not to be outdone, I pushed him upright and straddled his lap. I slid my nightgown over my head, exposing the purple bra underneath it. My chest pressed into his, and his hands were at my back, forcing our bodies together. My mouth made a path over his body, as I kissed his neck and shoulders. He buried his face in my chest, lips gliding over my skin. I heard a quiet snap and felt my bra fall from my body. His hands met with my bare skin, massaging what had been hidden from his eyes. I swayed my hips up and down across his lap, tempting him to take me. “Do you want me?” My voice was soft. I bit my lower lip as I awaited his answer.
“More than you know,” he said with a grin.
“Prove it,” I said, now nibbling on his lip. His rough hands grasped my thighs and thrust me back onto the bed. I trembled at the pressure of his body, on top of mine.
“You should lose these,” he said, as his fingers played with the thin fabric of my underwear.
“But you still have clothes on.” I tugged at his shorts. Then I pushed him back and slid my fingers under the waistband of his shorts. The skin on his hips was warm to the touch, and I quickly pulled down his pants. I shoved him back down onto the bed and positioned my legs on either side of him. Our arms wrapped around one another, as our lips connected. We were so swept up in the moment, it took us a minute to realize there was another person now standing in his room.
“Would either of you care to explain what the hell is going on here!” Helen stood by the dresser, holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses. Conrad sat up, blocking my half naked body from her view. Her glare c
ould cut through six feet of concrete. I grabbed my nightgown and slid it over my head in a panic. She set the bottle on the dresser and squeezed the glasses in her hand.
“Helen,” Conrad said, walking to her. She avoided looking at him and instead focused her hatred on me.
She blamed me for everything that had ever gone wrong for her and I was tired of her bullshit. “Well, let’s look at the facts; I was kissing Conrad on his bed with the majority of our clothes gone. I don’t think it’s all that hard to figure it out,” I said in a harsh tone. Her eyes narrowed and I knew instantly she would be out for blood.
“What has she done to you?” She walked over to Conrad, setting the glasses on the edge of the bed. He looked back at me and I saw he was just as confused as I was.
“What are you talking about?” She reached out to take him in her arms and he held her back.
“She’s brainwashed you or something,” she said. “You don’t act like this when you’re not around her. She’ll ruin everything I love about you.”
“She hasn’t brainwashed me; I love her,” he said, meeting her glare with one of his own. “I’ve been in love with her from the first moment I saw her and nothing will ever change that. There will never be a time when I’m not in love with her.” A look of horror spread over her face. “It was wrong of me to lead you on earlier, but I was under the impression Evey didn’t want to be with me. I’m sorry, but I can’t love you the way you want me to.”
“You didn’t really give me a chance. I can make you happy,” she said, placing her hands against his chest.
“Helen,” I said in a level voice.
Her eyes turned to me. She ripped her hands from his chest and charged toward me. “All of this is your fault!” she screamed. “Why couldn’t you have just left us alone, all those years ago? Conrad and I were supposed to get married before you came into the picture.”
“That was an arranged marriage,” Conrad said. “I’m sorry I called it off, but I couldn’t go through with marrying someone I wasn’t in love with.
“We can’t help how we feel about each other,” I added. “I tried to give him up, but I can’t. And to be quite honest, I don’t want to.” I met Conrad’s eyes as I spoke, and he smiled at me.