Detectives in Diapers: The Mystery of the Aztec Amulet

by Duane L. Ostler

CHAPTER EIGHT

  Flo and Mo Take Charge

  It was a joyous and unexpected reunion when Elise and the Flitz's were unceremoniously shoved into the golden room with the other prisoners. Elise's parents were so shocked and amazed at her sudden appearance they couldn't stop hugging her and crying. The old servant lady who had pretended to be her 'grandmother' hugged her and cried too, and Elise of course hugged all of them and cried nonstop. With all the crying that was going on, poor Flo and Mo didn't have the strength to overcome their baby tendency to cry too, so soon they were blubbering away with the rest of them. The wailing in the room was soon loud enough to wake the dead.

  "Well, Flo," said Mo tearfully when the sobbing and balling had subsided enough for him to be able to talk in telepathy to his sister, "it looks like we're in a bit of a pickle."

  "True enough," blubbered Flo, her eyes red and tear-stained. "But it shouldn't be too hard to fix things, don't you think?"

  "Naturally," answered Mo with a blubbery smile. "You should go this time. You know the Aztec ways better."

  "Right," agreed Flo, wiping the moisture away from her eyes with her baby hands. "I'll let you know what's going on and when to have everyone come out the door."

  Unfortunately for their plans, Mama chose that moment to come over to Flo carrying a diaper in her hands. "Time for a change, my little hippo fairy!" (Mama often called Flo her 'hippo fairy,' and Mo her 'Rhino pixie,' since their fat, blubbery bodies without their diapers made them look rather like a hippo and a rhino)

  Mama made fast work of it--then called out in surprise when she found the ivory amulet in Flo's spent diaper--soiled and in need of cleaning, of course.

  "The amulet!" she cried.

  "What!" cried the Aztec king, rushing over. "It cannot be!" He took one look at the amulet, then put his hand to his nose. "It is!" he said in a nasal voice, his fingers tightly holding his nose.

  "Quick!" said Dada in one of his rare demonstrations of brilliance. "Keep it hidden just in case any of Maxilan's men are watching through the mirror window, or with a hidden camera!"

  Mama looked around desperately for somewhere to hide the amulet. Not seeing anywhere else, she stuffed it into a flowerpot on the nearest golden table. (Not long after, the flowers all began to wilt)

  "All better, my sweet!" said Mama as she 'plopped' Flo painfully onto the ground. Then, while everyone held their nose, she carried Flo's old diaper into the next room where the bathroom was, to dispose of it.

  "Ready?" asked Mo expectantly.

  "Ready!" responded Flo, her face flushed with excitement. The she closed her eyes and began to concentrate.

  She thought of pasty, disgusting split pea baby food, that tasted to her like cardboard that had been dragged through a mud puddle. She thought of the turnip baby food that Mama had tried to feed her last night, which reminded her of the smell of rotting vegetables. She thought of the pumpkin and rice baby food that Mama kept saying was so good for her, but which tasted to Flo like rancid maggots.

  And then, with the cumulative thought of all these horrid foods racing through her mind, she did what any normal, red-blooded baby would do--she threw up!

  Of course, when babies throw up, adults call it 'spitting up.' Flo and Mo never could figure out why they did this, since there was no difference between the two actions.

  "My baby!" cried Mama, rushing over to Flo. "What's wrong!"

  The thought of all the disgusting foods was still strong in Flo's mind. Involuntarily, she threw up again--all over Mama!

  "FLO'S SICK!" screeched Mama so loudly, the mirror window nearly cracked. "SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR!"

  "But there's no doctor here!" cried Dada stupidly.

  "I DON'T CARE!!" screamed Mama at the top of her considerable lungs. "I WANT A DOCTOR FOR MY BABY, AND I WANT ONE NOW!!!"

  The noise naturally aroused the guards at the door to the secret golden room. They opened the door, aiming their guns at the prisoners.

  Mama ignored the guns, and charged at them. "GET A DOCTOR!" she screamed. "MY BABY'S SICK!"

  For the next ten minutes there was an incredible amount of screaming, ranting, hitting, complaining and yelling. More than half of the guards gained new bruises from Mama's bag crashing into their skulls.

  But even Mama's amazing strength wasn't enough to overcome the guards. In the end, it was agreed that one of the Aztec warriors would take Flo to see the city doctor, then bring her right back. And in spite of all of Mama's screaming and raving, they would not let her come with them.

  "MY BABY, MY BABY!" cried Mama over and over again after the guards had taken Flo and locked the door to the room. "MY POOR SICK BABY! THEY'VE TAKEN MY BABY!" Dada's efforts to console her were in vain. Meanwhile, Mo had escaped to the far part of the room, in an effort to drown out the noise enough so that he could hear the telepathic progress reports from Flo.

  "I'm in the outer corridor, outside the door," said Flo. "Now we've turned and are heading down a new hall. I caught a glimpse of the outside through a window. I think the room you're in is deep inside the Aztec temple, where Urlosh officiates as high priest. That's probably why he had a secret corridor from his Indian trinket store down to the hidden city--so he could get down to the temple in a hurry from his store to do his duty as priest."

  "Do you see any type of a control room?" asked Mo.

  "Not yet," answered Flo. "It's good Maxilan went back to our house to search for the Amulet. This will be easier with him out of the way. In fact, if we act fast enough we can free the royal family and let them re-take their rightful place as rulers over the city, so that when he gets back he'll have a little surprise waiting. Then this whole business will be over. If not, we'll have to--there it is! I just passed what looks like a control room! Time for me to make my move!"

  "Good luck," said Mo.

  Flo then turned her sweet, innocent baby face toward the thick-skinned, 200 pound Aztec warrior that was carrying her. "You know," she said casually out loud to him, "you'd be an o.k. warrior if you didn't have such bad breath!"

  The warrior was so stunned, his mouth dropped open. "Yick!" cried Flo. "Didn't I just warn you about bad breath? Close your mouth! And they say us babies smell bad!"

  The poor warrior 'plopped' Flo on the floor similar to the way Mama always did, then turned and ran screaming senselessly down the hall. Since he had been the only guard taking Flo, she was suddenly left alone.

  "He's probably gone to look for his breath mints," Flo said to herself. Darting down the hall, she rounded the corner and came quickly up to the door of the control room she had seen earlier while being carried. Fortunately for her, the door was slightly ajar. She raced inside, instantly taking in her new surroundings.

  There were two Aztecs in the room. Each was looking at monitor images of the various halls of the temple on one of the many TV screens that stretched over their heads. It was obvious that all of the tunnels in the temple had hidden cameras looking down them. One of the screens showed the royal family in their golden prison. Another screen showed the screaming warrior who had been carrying Flo, running down a hall.

  Flo knew it was time for quick action. "Fire in the temple!" she yelled out loud, at the top of her lungs. Then she darted under a chair, and out of sight.

  "Fire?" yelled one of the Aztecs. "Where?"

  "I don't know where," said the other. "You're the one who said there was a fire, in a silly pretend voice that sounded like a girl."

  "It wasn't me!" cried the first Aztec. "Must've been someone who stuck his head in the door."

  "But if there was a fire somewhere in the temple, wouldn't we see it on one of these screens?" asked one of the Aztecs. "And wouldn't the fire alarm have gone off?"

  "Maybe so, but we'd better check it out. I'll go out and check with security." One of the Aztecs disappeared out the door.

  "Good," thought Flo to herself. "Now there's only one."

  Coming out into
the middle of the room, Flo said, "Sir, could you please help me?"

  Turning, the guard said, "sure, what can I--" then he stopped, staring at Flo.

  "Did you just talk?" he said in surprise.

  "Sure did, big boy," said Flo. "What of it?"

  "But babies your age can't talk!" cried the Aztec. Yet for all his amazement, he didn't budge from his chair.

  "So you're gonna be a tough guy, and not freak out like all the others, eh?" thought Flo to herself. "Time for new tactics."

  "I am the queen, turned into a baby," said Flo matter-of-factly. "I just escaped from the room where you've been holding the royal family!"

  "What?!" cried the guard, turning quickly to look at the controls for the golden room, to make sure the door was still locked. "Good!" thought Flo with satisfaction, taking note of where the room's controls were. "Now I won't have to search all over to find them."

  Speaking to the guard again, she said, "The great high priest Urlosh cast a spell on me, making me turn younger and younger. Soon I will fade away and be so small, no one will see me! And anyone I touch will have the same spell come on them!"

  The guard smiled nervously. "You're pulling my leg!" he said with a worried laugh. He glanced at the TV image of the room with royalty in it. What incredible good luck! The queen had gone into the bathroom and was not visible at all.

  "When was the last time you heard a baby pull your leg or tell you anything, big boy?" asked Flo. "In fact, when was the last time you heard a baby call you big boy?" She crawled toward him, reaching for his leg. "Now it's time for you to become a baby too!" she said dramatically.

  That did it. The guard was out of his seat and out the door before Flo could even turn around, slamming the door behind him.

  Now for the easy part. Flo pulled herself up on the guard's chair just like she and Mo pulled themselves up onto Dada's office chair at home. She hopped from there over to the control panel. First she flipped a switch to lock the door to the control room, so no one could come in and bother her. Then with a quick flick of some other switches she turned off all of the locks to the royal prison room where Mo and the others were being kept.

  "The locks are down," she said telepathically to Mo.

  "Good!" responded Mo. "What type of diversion are you going to make, to get the guards out of the hall so we can leave?"

  "A fire alarm sounds good, don't you think?" said Flo.

  "Sounds fine," said Mo. "As soon as we get out, keep track of us on the monitors and tell me which way to go to get us out of the temple."

  "Will do," said Flo with satisfaction. She reached over and flipped the switch that said 'Fire Drill.' Instantly the entire temple was battered with an ear-splitting alarm.

  "All but one of the guards have run off and left the door to your room," reported Flo. "Looks like this last one's too loyal to leave. He's yours."

  "Gotcha," said Mo, darting toward the door in the golden room. He had to swerve past Mama's legs, who was flying around the room in a panic, crying, "What's that alarm? What have they done to Flo? Where's my baby?"

  Mo pushed on the door to the room, but it was latched and wouldn't open. "Drat!" he cried. "Why do I have to be so short?" Fortunately, Elise saw him and came over. "The door's not open," she told him in baby talk. Taking the doornob, she turned it just to show him--and to her amazement, the door instantly opened!

  That was all Mo needed. He darted out into the hall at amazing speed.

  "MY BABY!" screamed Mama, charging after him. She plowed over the guard, nearly knocking him senseless. The others in the room ran after her.

  "Turn left at the next corner!" cried Flo, monitoring their progress on the security screens. There was a sudden pounding on the door to the control room she was in, but she ignored it. "Now go to the right. Watch out for that guard! Some of them are still carrying guns!"

  The warning was needless. Seeing her baby in potential danger had so aroused Mama that when the guard turned to point the gun at her she merely swatted it out of his hands. The she belted him so hard with her purse that he want staggering down the hall holding his head in both hands.

  "Good, you're almost there!" cried Flo. "Go left at the next corner--that leads straight out to the temple exit! There's a few guards down there, mostly on the left. So turn right as soon as you're outside."

  "Gotcha!" came Mo's reply.

  There was a crash behind Flo in the control room, and the splintering of wood. "They're breaking into the control room!" cried Flo. "You're on your own. I'll join you outside in a minute!" Then she darted over the control panel flipping every single switch she came to.

  As the control room guards burst back into their room, they were met with the astounding sight of an infant dashing on her hands and knees all over their controls. Warning lights began flashing madly everywhere. And in distant halls of the temple, all sorts of bizarre things started to happen. Worshippers in one of the rooms were doused with water from the ceiling sprinklers. Guards in the cafeteria were sprayed with hot tomato soup from one of the dispensers that suddenly went mad. Engineers in the lighting room suddenly found themselves in total darkness. In short, the temple was a madhouse.

  "There she is!" cried one of the control room guards, pointing with a shaking finger at Flo. "She said she was the queen, reduced in size by the high priest Urlosh!"

  "Are you off your nut?" cried the other man. "She's just a baby!"

  "That's what YOU think, big boy!" said Flo as she hopped from the control panel to a chair, then down to the floor. Then she zipped between the startled man's legs before he could fully catch his wits.

  Meanwhile Mo had led his frantic mother, confused father, and the ecstatic royal family out the temple door. Although there were guards there, a large crowd had also gathered to see what all the commotion was at the temple. They were amazed to see the royal family emerge from the temple, with the king holding high the royal amulet (which he had had the sense to grab out of the flowerpot before leaving his prison--and which he instantly regretted doing, since it had not been cleaned from when it was in Flo's diaper).

  "It's the king and queen!" cried the people. "They aren't dead after all! And that must be their daughter, Elise!"

  And then there went up such a shout from all the people that the normal residents of the outside town of Toltec--who had no idea a secret Aztec city was hidden in the mountain next to their town--swore that they heard the rumble of an earthquake!