Surviving Today

by Mande Chambers

  All because of one stupid incident on the night of their eighth grade graduation.

  She understood that explaining her actions and her choices to D would be futile. He wouldn’t be able to get past why she hadn’t just sat down and fessed up about her complicated situation with Karmichael. He was fixated on the fact that she had hid it from him all summer while his dirty laundry had been flapping in the wind for all to see.

  She couldn’t blame him for that because she would feel and react the same way if the roles were reversed. She had honestly hoped to have her situation with Karmichael handled without D ever finding out he was even a piece on the board. After she had taken care of the Karmichael situation, she had planned to then see where things were headed. It was a stupid plan in hindsight.

  D’s reaction still stung beyond belief, though. She wasn’t capable of turning her emotions off at the flip of a switch like he apparently could. Call it hormones, being a girl, being too emotional, or whatever you wanted.

  She loved him and not a damn thing was going to change that fact.

  Yes, she had finally admitted it.

  Yes, she had spent months denying it.

  No, absolutely nothing could be done about it.

  She should have known better than to fall in love with her brother’s best friend. Especially when she had been technically still dating her other brother’s best friend. Wow, she really was a piece of work.

  Not only was D an egotistical, hypocritical, self-serving womanizer, he was also the mysterious, brooding type who didn’t easily forgive or admit his own errors willingly. And she was drawn to that for some strange reason.

  A new song came on the radio, an old favorite of hers, and she automatically started singing along, her mind on other matters.

  The song ended, the room suddenly quiet as the radio shut off.

  Shanna looked up to see D studying her. She set the books down on her comforter. Crossing her arms over her chest, she sent him a dirty look. “Have you ever heard of knocking?”

  He lounged against the wall. “Ever heard of listening to your music at a decent decibel? If you had, you would have heard me knocking.”

  “Bite me, Tiern.” She stretched her legs out in front of her. “Any particular reason you are in my personal space, breathing the same air as me, other than to piss me off?”

  “I would rather bite a rabid dog.” He sighed, shoving a hand through his curly hair. “I came to talk to you.” His eyes met hers in a silent battle of wills. “You know, without insults and without one us wanting or attempting to kill the other one.”

  She raised a delicate eyebrow. “That’s a tall order. You sure do like to set lofty goals.” She motioned for him to take a seat, indicating his choices of the bed or the straight backed wooden chair at her desk. “While I know curiosity killed the cat, you’ve managed to peak mine.”

  D chose the end of her four poster bed, leaning back against the wall. He folded his arms over his own chest, mimicking her pose. That move alone told her this was going to be a serious conversation.

  And nothing good ever came from these types of conversations between the two of them.

  “I know it’s a little late in the game to be requesting this—God knows I’ve been an insufferable asshole—but I would really like you to explain why things went down the way they did this summer.” He paused, swallowing hard. “I didn’t give you the chance, or a fair shot really, and I apologize for that. Do you mind telling me now what was going on with you and Miler at the time?”

  Shanna was stunned. He seemed to genuinely want to know her side of things. Furthermore, he had apologized to her without looking like saying the words would kill him.

  Wow, hell must have recently frozen over and she had missed the world wide memo, or pigs had somehow scientifically sprouted wings and were flying free around the world.

  She pushed down the swell of hope building up in her chest, not quite ready to trust him yet. “Why now?” she inquired softly.

  “Well, as you know, the last few months have been hell. My ego, and, dare I say, my heart, along with my pride, took a nasty hit and bruising.” He offered a weak smile. “While I resembled a bruised and battered apple, I eventually recovered, but it took longer than expected. My natural instinct was to lash out at the source of my pain. Since you were the cause of my feeling that way, it became my mission to hurt you as much as you had hurt me. I blame it on a built in self-preservation mechanism.”

  That made sense, and deep down she had known that, but she also had a strong sense of self-preservation.

  While that long winded explanation had made sense, he still managed to skillfully avoid answering her question. She looked at him expectantly, eyebrows raised.

  “Okay, fine.” He blew out a breath. “I need to understand why you didn’t just tell me the two of you were still together. It’s not like I had any room to judge. I was with Veronica.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I guess what I really need to know is why you ran instead of trusting me.”

  She could understand that. And it was a perfectly reasonable request.

  She ran a hand through her now shoulder-length hair, trying to figure out where to begin. “I’ll start with graduation night. You had asked about that when you originally found out about us.” She struggled with how much to tell him. While the truth was needed, she wasn’t sure the whole truth was necessary to make her point. “Karmichael had decided to make things more…official, for lack of a better term, between us that night. We knew things were more than just casual hanging out or going out here and there, so we decided to see where things would go. Then real life intervened, and he found some things out about me that had him running and ducking for cover.”

  Once the words started tumbling out, she couldn’t stop them. The rest came out in a hurried rush of verbal vomit.

  Her mouth was three steps ahead of her mind.

  “The problem was, you had kissed me a few months prior to that decision and that had more of an impact than I was willing to admit to. Since I was in denial and didn’t want to deal with what could or was happening with you, I decided to take the safe route with Karmichael. The problem was, despite our making things more official between us, the events of that night had caused him to drop off the face of the planet without any communication over the summer. I swear, I hadn’t heard a peep from him until he cornered me that day at school.”

  She took a deep breath, fidgeting with her comforter. “And trusting you was difficult while waiting for him to process what he had discovered about me. You were still with Veronica. I didn’t know what your intentions really were and it didn’t look like you were going to subtract her from the equation any time soon. I was confused and didn’t know how to handle it all.”

  She saw his jaw clench, the muscle ticking away the heartbeats as she waited for him to say something.

  “Okay…” he said slowly, “what exactly happened on graduation night that had him running scared for two months? What could be so bad about you that it took that long to process?”

  She studied her hands. “D, please. Don’t make me talk about that,” she begged quietly.

  He consciously unclamped his jaw, wincing in pain. “So…” he finally managed, dragging out the word. “Sleeping with me came into the equation, where exactly?

  She flinched as if he had delivered a physical blow with the question, the ache just as real. Her back stiffened. “That really wasn’t in the overall plan,” she returned, her eyes guarded as they narrowed. “In case you have forgotten—which you obviously have—I was trying my damnedest to avoid you. You’re the one that dragged me into that room. You kissed me.”

  “All it took was a kiss or two,” he pointed out.

  “Fuck. You. Denton. Josiah. Tiern,” she ground out through clenched teeth, enunciating every word while her eyes shot daggers in his direction.

  He ignored the hurt and disbelief in her voice and responded, “Been there, done that. I really d
on’t think we should repeat the process at this particular junction in time, but it was nice of you to offer again.”

  She slapped him hard across the face before she could stop herself.

  The sound reverberated off the walls like thunder in the silent room. She fought back the tears threatening to make an appearance, her voice dropping to below freezing. “Get. Out. Now!”

  Once she was positive he was gone, she opened the dam and let the tears run freely. She pushed her school books off of her bed, lying on her stomach as she buried her face in her pillow, allowing it to absorb her sobs.

  Stupid didn’t even begin to describe what she had been.

  A hand rested softly on her back.

  She stiffened, sensing it belonged to D. He gently turned her over, uncovering her tear stained and slightly flushed face. He sighed heavily, pulling her into a sitting position. He lifted her up like she weighed nothing, settling her into his lap, so her face was now buried in his shoulder.

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, stroking her hair. “I never should have said that. It was really cruel and it was a bold face lie.” His other hand moved up and down her back in a soothing motion. “While I am still incredibly hurt and angry, I am also a huge hypocrite.”

  He blew out a breath, leaning in close to her ear as he added in a whisper, “I love you. There. I said it. I finally admitted it out loud.” He wrapped his arms around her.

  She sniffled into his shoulder. Tears were still running down her cheeks, soaking his shirt. She smiled. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic admission on the planet, but she would take what she could get.

  “Should I even bother asking?”

  She groaned, lifting her head. She focused red, swollen eyes on her brother. “Rhyder,” she groaned.

  “Shanna,” he returned, annoyance in his voice.

  She angrily swiped at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “No, you really shouldn’t ask.”

  “Well, maybe you would like to tell me then.” Karmichael stepped out from behind Rhyder, his body ridged.

  Shit.

  She threw her hands up in surrender. “Really?! Doesn’t anyone know how to knock?!”

  D stifled his own groan, lifting Shanna off of his lap. He set her back down on the bed, jumping off the bed like it suddenly burst into flames. Walking to the other side of the room, he dropped down into the stiff backed desk chair.

  Yeah, this couldn’t turn out well.

  Karmichael already suspected something was going on and been asking dangerous questions for months. D also knew for a fact that Rhyder hadn’t bought the story he’d been trying to sell him about the kiss back in the spring. Or the one back in June.

  He had absolutely no problem with telling them what was going on.

  And he would so tell them the truth about what was going on, except he had no freaking idea himself.

  Things had passed confusing and hit the intersection of what the hell and seriously complicated boulevard somewhere around the time he had entered her room.

  He was at the point where he would gladly swear off the female species for the rest of his life.

  Well, okay, that was a bit drastic.

  Hell, he would love a time machine so he could travel back in time to the point before everything went to hell in a hand basket. He wouldn’t change the fact that he and Veronica had broken up, but he definitely would have handled things with Shanna differently.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face.

  It was official.

  He was screwed in more ways than one.

  Rhyder studied the scene in front of him with little amusement. This wasn’t the first time he had caught his sister crying in D’s presence over the last few months. The red mark on D’s cheek didn’t escape his notice either.

  He sure as hell didn’t believe their little story about all this drama being over a simple kiss.

  Rhyder sighed, leaning against the wall beside the stairs. He had known things were going to get sticky when he found out things were getting more serious between Shanna and Karmichael. He never dreamed they would get this bad.

  Then again, he never dreamed his best friend would find out the truth about him, either.

  Rhyder had never expected D to be thrown into the mix. If he wasn’t mistaken, something had just happened between Shanna and D that wasn’t going to make his friend very happy.

  And he had the sneaking suspicion that this whole thing went back to that one night Shanna wouldn’t talk about.

  The night of the party.

  The whole reason she had gone home instead of to Del’s.

  He didn’t want to know, in all honesty, but he also had to know if he and Shanna were even further comprised.

  He was a curious creature by nature—especially if it involved his twin. Yes, he knew the old proverb that curiosity had eventually killed the cat.

  Rhyder motioned for D to follow him down the stairs. He led him into the spare room across from the stairs that had been turned into a common area for the boys.

  D shut the door behind them, leaving Karmichael and Shanna to figure their shit out in private.

  D eyed Rhyder warily, collapsing onto the couch. He really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, least of all him. He knew what Rhyder wanted to know and he wasn’t up to giving him a straight answer.

  D leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He bowed his head, clasping his hands at the nape of his neck. He was so tired of dealing with this on his own. If Rhyder asked him the right question, he might just answer it honestly.

  “Your cheek’s a little red,” a voice said from the far corner of the room. “You and Shan get into it again?”

  “Dan, I am so not in the mood,” D warned, his tone even.

  “I could really give a shit less,” Danick returned, stepping out of the shadows.

  Rhyder looked from his brother to D, shook his head, hands up, and slipped silently out of the room.

  Smart man.

  “There is something going on between you and my sister. I really think it is way past time you grow a pair and come clean about it.”

  D clamped his jaw shut, the muscle jumping to the beat of his heart. “Dan, I’ve already told you what happened. I can honestly say that there is nothing presently going on between your sister and me.”

  Except that you just told her that you love her.

  Danick dropped onto the worn out chair across from him and crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay, then why don’t you start with what really happened the night Kai attacked her?”

  Shit.

  Nope.

  Hell would freeze over before he got into that with him.

  D was already feeling like an ass, he really didn’t want to get his ass kicked on top of everything else tonight. If Danick took a swing at him, he would have to stand there and take it for the team because he deserved it.

  He unclenched his jaw, lifting his head. His clear blue eyes met Danick’s brown ones.

  Hell had apparently frozen over without his knowledge because, instead of telling his best friend to fuck off like he wanted to, he opened his mouth and the truth popped out.

  “I slept with Shan. Okay? Feel better? Is that what you really wanted to know?”

  Damn you conscience. Damn you straight to hell.

  Danick blinked, frozen on the chair. He looked at his best friend like he’d never seen him before.

  Okay.

  Um…wow.

  That was the last thing he had expected to hear as a response. He had absolutely no idea what he had expected, but that definitely wasn’t it.

  He had to have misunderstood D. Neither one of them was that stupid.

  He looked at D and the meaning was crystal clear on his face.

  D looked shocked himself. Actually, he looked like he was ready to saw his tongue in half and swallow it. He was pale and his eyes took up most of his face.

  Danick had no idea what he felt like. He was too shocked to really feel anything
. He suddenly had a strong mental image of wrapping his hands around Shanna’s throat and throttling her until her common sense returned. Or until he was satisfied. Whichever occurred first was the winner of the mental battle.

  D, on the other hand… Well, his death had little more blood and satisfaction involved in it.

  “No! I most certainly did not want to know that!” he exclaimed, his voice just shy of squeaking like an adolescent boy going through puberty. “My ears are now bleeding, thank you very much.”

  Danick fought the very strong urge to put his fingers in his ears while singing “Lalala” like an embarrassed toddler. He covered his face with his hands, sighing in resignation. “Define sleep,” he added slowly, his voice cracking. He mentally crossed his fingers.

  D laughed, the sound strained and gruff. “C’mon, Dan. You know damn well what I mean.”

  “I know I have caught you two asleep on the same surfaces—for example, on the couch during our many movie marathons—over the years.”

  A dark eyebrow shot up. “Dan, you don’t want to know. So why are you pressing the issue so hard?” At the look his friend gave him, D sighed. “Fine. I slept with Shan that night at the party. As in the naked, fun sense of the word. That was why she was at home instead of at Del’s. Well, that and Del was three sheets to the wind and barely remembered her own name.” He swiped a hand over his face. “It just happened. Once minute we were arguing, the next…”

  “You mean she somehow managed to trip and fall on top of your dick whi—”

  “Dude, watch it,” D warned. “She’s your sister.”

  “While you both just happened to be naked.” Danick finished his statement, shaking his head. “Are you really going to go with that tired excuse?”

  D stared at Danick like he was a complete stranger. “Wow. That’s low, man. Even by your standards. That’s not exactly how it went down. You can be pissed at me all you want, but she’s still your sister. Give her some credit. I was the one who initiated every encounter. And you’re the one who brought that part of it up, not me.”