Playing Her Secret Crush

by Casey Griffin

  Dr. Swift sighed. “Just be careful that this life of excess you’re living doesn’t eventually catch up to you,” she said. “Don’t take it too far. I didn’t know Jason, but I don’t think that’s something he’d want.”

  She pursed her lips and then gave him The Nod. He waved goodbye and left, rubbing his chest and worrying he’d already taken it “too far” with Katie. But what was he supposed to do now? It’s not like he could undo their kiss. And even if he could, he wouldn’t want to erase how it felt to finally kiss her. If only he could somehow prevent it from making things weird between them.

  …

  Katie yelped in pain as the curling iron singed the back of her wrist. She flinched but held tight in case she messed her hair up. Setting the timer on her phone for fifteen seconds, she watched it tick down on top of her dresser, feeling her scalp melt and her hair yank out one strand at a time.

  Fifteen seconds later, she pulled the iron away, expecting a perfect ringlet. Instead, it unfurled into something that resembled bed head. She glared at the curling iron like it was to blame.

  There was a knock on her bedroom door and it cracked open. “Can I come in?” her mom’s voice drifted across the room.

  “Sure,” Katie called.

  The door swung open, and her mother walked in, dressed in a housecoat. “Oh, you look so pretty. What are you getting all dolled up for?”

  “Nothing. Just practicing.” Katie took another chunk of her dark hair and twisted it around the barrel. “I can’t quite get the hang of this thing. Ouch!” She jammed her thumb in her mouth and sucked to relieve the scorching pain.

  “Here, let me try.” Her mom reached for the torture device, and Katie handed it over willingly.

  Wrinkling her nose at what Katie had done so far, her mom quickly brushed it out. Using one of the many new cans of hair product lined up on the dresser, she gave her head a good dousing.

  “So the tournament is only three weeks away. Are you getting excited?” she asked.

  “Yeah. And nervous.” But most of that had to do with Alex and Lexi.

  When Katie first told her mom about going to Vegas for Ultra Con, she was naturally full of questions, like “Who’s going?” “How are you getting there?” “Do you think I’m insane to let you go without an adult?” The usual.

  Then she learned that Lexi was going and that Alex would be driving them, and she relaxed a little. It didn’t take much begging after that. For some reason, her mom trusted Alex a lot more than her own daughter, like he was the responsible older brother that made sure she didn’t accidentally kill herself on a day-to-day basis. And of course, in her mom’s mind, there was absolutely no threat of anything romantic happening between the two of them.

  Katie couldn’t help but feel a bit insulted, really.

  She watched as her mom worked on her hair, trying to memorize how she did it. Spray, curl, spray. Spray, curl, spray.

  “The convention is going to be fun,” Katie said. “There are lots of things to do there, like if you’re willing to stand in line for hours, you can meet actual TV and movie stars. There are vendor booths where you can buy cool stuff you can’t find anywhere else, and there’s a dance the first night. The whole team’s going. Well, except for Penny, because it’s past her bedtime.”

  Her mom gave the curls another spray before moving on to the next section. “That sounds fun. Oh, that reminds me. I know where your Pikachu onesie is. I’ll pull it out so you can pack it,” she said, like Katie should be happy.

  “Err, thanks Mom,” she said, so she didn’t have to explain that she’d bought a Wonder Woman costume in case there was parental disapproval. Since it was a bit on the sexy side, there was the chance she’d be made to return it.

  Katie recalled Alex’s face when he’d seen her in it. He’d been speechless. And then there was the kiss… She didn’t know what any of it meant, but she remembered the feel of his lips on hers, the way he’d grabbed her and held her like she was the only one he wanted.

  While she’d been in love with Alex for the last two years, had imagined that kiss a million times—and it was way better than she’d ever imagined—that didn’t change what she wanted. To be first. And Alex had wanted many others before her. She was at the bottom of a long list of girls. Last again. But this was Alex. It was special. But then…if it was so special, why had it never happened before?

  An annoying voice that sounded too much like Old Katie whispered in the back of her mind. Maybe because he never wanted you. Maybe he just gave in to his playboy ways in the costume store.

  Katie’s only dating experience to compare the situation to encompassed Kyle Jacobs and Ben. Things with Ben had sort of died off, though. After her kiss with Alex, it became obvious that she’d have to keep searching if she was going to find someone she could care for as much as him. New Katie wouldn’t sell herself short.

  Her mom twisted another piece of hair like a spaghetti lover twirled a noodle on their fork. “The dance should be fun. You know, your father and I met at a dance in high school. He was from another school. He was there with someone else.”

  Katie gaped at her mom’s reflection. “Mom! You date stealer.”

  She giggled, her cheeks turning a little pink. “I can’t help that I caught his eye.” Her mouth turned down at the corners. “Old habits die hard, I suppose,” she mumbled.

  Katie knew what she meant. Dad was swapping girls even back then. Of course, at the time, her mom probably never imagined that one day she’d be the one swapped out for someone else who “caught his eye.”

  “How’d you do it?” Katie asked. “How did you get his attention?”

  “Your father said it was my sparkling personality.” She held her breath between sprays. “I say it was the low-cut dress I was wearing.”

  “Eww.” Katie pulled a face. “Too much information.”

  Her mom chuckled. “Either way, I stood out.”

  Katie nodded. So her mom knew a thing or two. Step four: Stand out. “Well, I’ve been trying that. It’s drained my savings account, but it’s not really working.”

  “Well, I think it’s working,” she said pointedly to Katie’s reflection. She beamed at her like “My little girl’s growing up.” “Look, sweetie, when it comes to standing out, I’m not talking about hair or makeup or the new clothes you’ve bought. I’m talking about something else. Something less tangible.” Finished curling Katie’s hair, her mom carefully brushed out each ringlet to break them up. “It’s about confidence.”

  Katie frowned. It wasn’t like you just woke up one day and said, “I’m going to be confident now.” If it were that easy, then why were there so many books telling you how to do it?

  She wondered what it was about some people that made them so afraid to stand out, to tell someone they liked them, to take a compliment. Then there were those who called the shots and went on dates and kissed boys. That’s when Katie realized she was the one making plans for her friends, she went on dates, she kissed boys—well, boy (singular). Maybe all her work was paying off.

  “There, all done,” her mom said.

  Katie turned back to the mirror and gasped. “Mom, it looks great. You’re really good at this.” She turned her head back and forth to get a better look.

  “It’s all in the hairspray.” She gave Katie’s hair one last spritz. “And years of practice. I’ve got the scars to prove it.” She waved her hands in the air. Giving Katie a mushy mom look, she tugged at a few stray curls. “You’re doing just fine, Katie. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  Her mom gave her a peck on the cheek and left. Katie had just picked up a magazine when she heard a loud engine roar outside, gearing down as it got closer. Rushing to her window, she peered out in time to see Lexi pulling into her driveway on the Triumph.

  Tossing the magazine aside, Katie ran downstairs. She slipped on a pair of shoes and hurried next door. She was walking up Lexi’s driveway when the garage door started to close.

  Lungin
g forward, Katie ducked under it, causing the safety stop to kick in. It jerked to a halt halfway down.

  Lexi spun around in surprise.

  “Hey,” Katie said.

  “Hey.”

  “Out for a ride?” she asked, rolling her eyes inwardly at the obvious question.

  Lexi nodded. “Yeah. Just blowing off some steam.”

  “Oh.” Katie bit her lip. “Look, I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the mall yesterday. That was…” She hesitated. What? An accident? I accidentally fell on Alex’s face with my face? It didn’t feel like an accident or a mistake or any other lame excuse. It felt…wonderful.

  So instead, she said, “I didn’t plan for that to happen. And I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

  Lexi turned away to hang up her helmet. “It’s really none of my business.”

  Katie remembered the way Lexi had looked when she saw them come out of the changing stall and knew that wasn’t true. If she wasn’t hurt over Alex, then why else would she be upset?

  “But I think it is your business,” Katie pressed. “You obviously care, and I hate that you got hurt because of it. Whatever it was.”

  “I assumed it was your guys’ lips getting together.” She crossed her arms and faced Katie, almost like she was waiting for some kind of explanation. Katie didn’t have one because she hadn’t exactly spoken to Alex about it yet.

  “I-I don’t even know why it happened. We’ve always been friends and nothing more. I mean, I liked him when we first met.” She sighed. “But then his brother died, and I thought all he needed was a friend. Then he started dating all these girls, these pretty, popular girls, and…oh, I don’t know.”

  She plopped down on one of the many storage totes in the garage still left unpacked, suddenly very tired. She hadn’t realized she’d been dwelling on it so much.

  Lexi still hadn’t said anything, so she felt the need to ramble on to fill the silence. “I knew I didn’t have a chance with Alex, so I moved on. Or I thought I did. I’m just so sorry you got caught up in all that. I’m sorry that I didn’t stop to consider your feelings. I know you liked him. Or at least he liked you, and you were always wanting to do stuff with him so—”

  “Wait, what?” Lexi held up her hands. “Is that what you think?”

  “Well, yeah,” Katie said, feeling stupid, because she didn’t know what else she was supposed to think. “I mean you were always hanging around, and you looked so upset when you saw us kiss and everything…”

  “I was,” she said. “I am.” She looked down at her hands like she was suddenly shy, something Katie had never known her to be. “But it isn’t because I like Alex. It’s because I like you.”

  “Well, I like you, too,” Katie said, “but that doesn’t explain—”

  “No, Katie. I like you.” Lexi held her gaze, infusing it with some meaning that Katie couldn’t decipher. Finally, Lexi rolled her eyes. “Katie, I’m gay.”

  Katie’s mouth dropped open. “You…you are?”

  Memories battered her mind. All that time Lexi spent hanging out with them, all the ways Katie thought she was flirting with Alex, all the hours spent playing Conquerors of Caroon. It was all for Katie?

  The truth realigned with the events of the last couple months, making Katie feel stupid, and sorry, and relieved all at the same time.

  “But why didn’t you say something?” she finally asked.

  Lexi scoffed. “Like what? Hi, my name is Lexi, and I’m a lesbian?”

  “No, I mean why didn’t you tell me that you like me?”

  Lexi gave her a sidelong look. “Why haven’t you told Alex you’ve liked him for two years?”

  “Good point.”

  Katie shook her head at how wrong she’d had it. She stared at nothing in particular as she continued to process everything. Hesitantly, Lexi took a seat next to her on another box.

  Katie didn’t know what to say, but she had to say something. “Wow, I mean…I’m flattered.”

  “Flattered,” Lexi said with a sad smile, “but not into me.”

  “I’m sorry.” Katie shifted to face her. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not into you as a person.”

  Lexi held up a hand. “Please don’t do that. You don’t have to…” She stopped talking and looked away.

  Katie was afraid maybe she’d leave, or worse, that she wouldn’t hang out with her anymore. She wasn’t trying to be patronizing. She just wished she could explain it better, that she wouldn’t have muddled it all up so badly in the first place.

  “It’s true,” she said. “You have no idea how jealous I was of you and Alex,” Katie said. “You showed up all cool and outgoing and interesting. All the things I’m trying to be. You are one of the coolest people I’ve ever met,” she said honestly. “And clearly Alex thinks so, too.”

  Lexi finally met Katie’s gaze, hopefully seeing the sincerity in it. “Thank you. And I don’t think you had anything to worry about.” She sighed. “As much as it kills me to say it, Alex is crazy about you, too. You should hear the way he talks about you when you’re not around. The guy has you on a pedestal.”

  Katie let out a breath, relieved that Lexi was being so cool about things. But of course she was. She is cool.

  She shook her head and stared at her lap. “I don’t know. It’s never been anything more than friendship. The kiss was probably just a one-time thing, anyway.”

  Lexi gave her an impatient look, and Katie could understand why. Alex probably wasn’t her favorite subject at the moment. “You guys are best friends. Talk to him and be open about it. Like maybe I should’ve been with you sooner.” Her mouth quirked into a wry smirk, only a hint of regret peeking through.

  Katie smiled back, hoping this was a good sign. “So does this mean we can still be friends?”

  Lexi rolled her eyes and laughed, that hint of regret erasing from her face. “Of course we can still be friends. I like you as a person, or I wouldn’t be into you. That’s not conditional on you having the same feelings for me. You’re fun to hang out with. Alex, too. That hasn’t changed.”

  Katie searched her face, feeling sorry that she couldn’t return Lexi’s affections, that she’d hurt her new friend. “So we’re really okay? You’re not just saying that?”

  “Look,” she said seriously. “I had a crush on you, and it didn’t work out. I kind of suspected it wouldn’t. I mean it was obvious you’re only into guys. You dated Ben for a while, and don’t think I haven’t seen the way you look at Alex. You never gave that same vibe around girls. But I had to try, right? In case I was wrong.” She shrugged casually, but there was a heaviness to her shoulders, too. “I’ll get over it. I’m not going to sacrifice two of the closest friends I’ve had in a long time just because I’d hoped you weren’t straight.”

  Katie grinned and bumped Lexi’s shoulder. “Good, because I’d like to stay close.”

  Now Lexi narrowed her eyes skeptically. “You’re not just saying that?”

  Katie blinked. “What do you mean?”

  She took a deep breath and picked at a tear in the box she was sitting on like she was choosing her words carefully. “I guess some girls find it weird to be friends with a lesbian. Maybe that’s part of why I didn’t tell you before now. I was worried that you’d be uncomfortable being friends, especially once you knew I had a crush on you.”

  Usually so confident and bold, Katie had never seen Lexi like this. Shy. Uncertain. It made her wonder if Lexi had lost friends because of it in the past. Katie realized how hard this probably was for her to talk about.

  “I don’t know,” she continued. “Some people think that just because I like girls, I can’t be friends with them.”

  “That’s crazy.” Katie dipped her head so Lexi would make eye contact. “By that definition, it would be weird if straight guys and girls are friends, and that’s totally normal. So you and I can be friends, too.”

  “Good. I’d like that.” Lexi straightened, her smile clearing of any linger
ing doubt. “Anyway, I should go get cleaned up. I was going to get some Conquerors’ practice in before bed. I still can’t believe we made it into the tournament.”

  “No kidding,” Katie said. “I’m getting kind of nervous. Actually, I came over hoping you might want to hang out. Maybe I could play with you.”

  Lexi smiled. “That would be great. You want to go kill stuff together?”

  Katie nodded eagerly. “Yes, definitely. I’ll just go grab my laptop.” She gestured back to her house. “I’ll be right back.”

  Katie headed out the garage door and ran back to her house. As she was heading up the front steps, her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out to find a text from Alex.

  She remembered Lexi’s advice. After two years of keeping her mouth shut about her feelings, maybe it was time she was up front with him. She certainly felt relieved after her chat with Lexi. An open conversation with Alex might help her figure out how she felt about all of it, about him, all the girls he’d dated, and the fear that she was coming last.

  For a brief moment, she wondered if she should tell Alex about Lexi, but then thought better of it. Alex might have been her best friend who was barking up the wrong tree, but Lexi was her friend, too. It wasn’t Katie’s place to say anything.

  She opened the text message and read it. In disbelief, she read it again, the screen blurring as tears filled her eyes.

  Hey. About what happened in the changing room yesterday, do you think we can forget about it?

  Right. She was just another girl he’d quickly lost interest in. Wiping her eyes, she typed a response, her hand steadier than her heart.

  Yes. Already forgotten. It was a mistake.

  Chapter Twelve

  Alex tapped his steering wheel impatiently. The passing signs told him they were getting closer to Vegas. Good, he thought. He couldn’t take much more of this.

  He’d been looking forward to the Vegas road trip, to the time he would spend with Lexi and Katie on their adventure. It was a little freedom, a taste of what was to come after senior year. No school, no overprotective parents, no therapy sessions. But that was before the costume store. Before the kiss. So far, the trip hadn’t exactly been as fun as he thought it would be.