Cut & Blow: Book 1

by Giannoccaro, Ashleigh

  “Rain, you are incapable of love. This marriage was never about love. Love doesn’t marry a fifteen year old girl.” Her bitter tone is like sandpaper on my soul.

  “Ailee, this is how we fix the problem. Either you two are going to have a tragic accident on your way home and I get to find a new wife of my choosing, or you are both moving home with me tonight. To my home, where you belong. The choice is yours. Trent here is willing to save your life, we have already had a nice discussion about our new living arrangements. The question is, are you going to save his life?”

  She is only focussed on him. My words are just narrating the silent conversation passing between them. His eyes brim with angry tears and hers are downturned with shame and apologies.

  I smile at the history, and remember to thank my genius sister. Ailee looks to my hand still holding the gun and nods her head. She’s not ignorant to our families’ line of business and knows I won’t have a problem killing a man for taking something that belonged to me. I’ve killed for less than this over the years. She nods again and reaches her hands over the table to touch Trent.

  When he pulls away, his anger overriding her needs, she starts to sob. The pent up tears of five years all come out at once.

  Eleven

  Braid

  AILEE

  Rain separates us as we leave the club through the dark, back alley. Trent is taken to his home to collect his stuff and I am put into a car with my husband.

  Thoughts of making him crash flood my head as we pull off. If I kill him, Trent and I can fix this. But I know I won’t live ’til morning if I kill the golden boy of the mob.

  I need to talk to Trent, to explain this, to make him understand that I did it to protect him, but I didn’t, and now we are in this mess. I should have stopped when things started to happen, when I knew someone was in my house … why am I so stubborn?

  “I’m sorry, Ailee,” he says, looking over at me. He’s not sorry, but the way he looks when he says it seems genuine. “You put me in an impossible position, at least this way he doesn’t end up dead.”

  “Are you kidding right now, Rain? Doesn’t end up dead – yet. We both know how our families operate when something is in the way of what they want.” I shake my head. I thought for second he was actually sorry. “You have been breaking into my house, stalking me, taking pictures of us, and God knows what else. You are not sorry, Rain. You are gloating because you won.”

  He finally fucking won. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, I knew this would happen eventually. I just didn’t realize I would take Trent down with me.

  “You love him, I know you do.” I want to kill him more every passing second. “I can’t make you love me, Ailee, but I can’t leave things any longer. Our families are getting angrier by the day. You ran away and left me to deal with it. This way you can love him, in my home, under my roof and under my rules, and I get a break from the pressure on me.”

  His voice isn’t deep like Trent’s, it doesn’t make me feel good when he talks. It has a menacing undertone, laced with threats and unspoken promises.

  “I am not the monster you imagine. You were fifteen. You don’t know me, Ailee, you don’t know me at all. So suck it up, put this petty hatred aside and just deal, this is how things are going to be. I didn’t want to do this.”

  He’s lying, of course he wanted to do this, he’s a Calligaris and was born a criminal. But so was I.

  “You don’t know a thing about love, Rainieri. I do love him, but I’m not wrong about you. I was never wrong about you – only a monster would do this.” The car comes to screeching halt in the garage of his home, the wedding gift we were given, a building I never set foot in before now.

  “Ailee, don’t push me. I am trying to do the right thing. When I said I loved you from afar, I loved you. We might have been forced together, but at least I cared. You, however, cast me aside so easily. Trent is right, you are cold.”

  He pulls something from the pocket of his leather jacket, then reaches out and grabs my left hand. Yanking it hard towards him, his touch is callous and vicious. Nothing like Trent’s.

  He forces the wedding rings back onto my finger and looks me dead in the eyes. “Don’t ever take them off again, or you won’t have a finger to put them on. You are my wife. It’s about time you acted like a wife. I will let you keep him, love him, have him, but only here. When you walk out the door, you are my wife, and you will act like it.”

  For the first time since I married him, I am reminded why I was so afraid of him then. Once we enter the house his grip on my wrist loosens slightly, and as he pulls me along I make notes of the cameras, locked doors and armed men guarding them.

  This is a prison, not a home. In the large open-plan kitchen two men are waiting, both armed. I know the one. I’ve seen him with my father before.

  “This is Albert, he’s your chaperone.” Rain points to the man I recognize. “You go nowhere without him – nowhere, Ailee, unless he is with you or I am with you.” I just glare at the hired muscle standing in the kitchen. “And this is Lance, he will be chaperoning our guest Trent.” My life is over, all of it is over. “Albert, this is Ailee, my wife. You know what’s expected of you.”

  The man nods at him and holds out a hand for me to shake. I look at Rain, hesitating, but he raises a brow and I quickly shake the hand. It’s so big it crushes mine.

  “Come, let’s take a tour so you can get settled in.”

  Rain places a hand on the small of my back and my skin itches in wanting him to remove it. He walks us down a long hallway stopping at the third door.

  “This is Trent’s room.” He opens the door to a simple, masculine room, with a double bed in the middle and a prominent security camera in each corner near the ceiling. “I’m sure he’ll be comfortable in here.”

  The door is shut again and my heart cracks for what might become of my Trent here, like this. The next door to open is opposite Trent’s room, and Rain ushers me through the door. The dark dusty-blue walls feel as if they will close in and squash me alive.

  “This is our room.” His words are thick with venom and his intentions made clear by the one bed in the room. In the corner, piled up, are my belongings from my home – they stand out in the manly space. “You can unpack your things into our closet while I go wait for Trent. Come find me in the living room when you are finished, Ailee.” He turns to go, then stops and looks at me watching him. “Welcome home, wife.”

  When the door clicks closed between us I fall on the floor beside my stuff and cry. I have lost Trent, I know it, because no matter how I look at it, this will end badly for him.

  I love him too much to let my mistakes harm him. There has to be a way to get him out of this. Picking myself up, I start packing my clothes into the enormous walk-in closet.

  As I put my things away, some stuff is missing. My clothes are here, some of my books and a few things I had in my bottom drawer, but what’s not here is everything from the top drawers. My underwear and pjs, my toiletries and hair brushes.

  When done, I open the door and follow the voices. Trent’s unmistakable deep baritone rumbles through the quiet house and when I get to the entrance of the living room he and Rain seem to be engaged in peaceful conversation. He’s not acting like a prisoner. When he looks over his shoulder and sees me, his face falls and pain and anger wrinkle around his eyes.

  “It’s late. We are going to go to bed; you two can have a talk after church in the morning. Come, Ailee. Goodnight, Trent, I am sure you will find the accommodation comfortable.”

  Rain gets up and pats him on the shoulder as he walks past. I don’t understand what has gone on between them, but I feel betrayed.

  The walk back to the bedroom feels like I am walking the plank off a pirate ship, and when I get the end I will certainly drown or be eaten alive by the sharks in the water. He locks the door behind us, pocketing the key before turning to me. My cheeks sting with more fresh tears.

  “Go wash that shit off your
face, Ailee, you are a mess.” I sniffle as I try to stop a loud sob from escaping. “Stop crying, God dammit. I am being very fair. I should just kill you both, arrange for you to quietly disappear, but no, instead I have opened my home to another man so you can still love him. Go wash your face, take those clothes off and pull yourself together. I am tired, I want to go to bed.”

  I retreat to the en suite bathroom and wash my mascara streaked face with cool water. A new toothbrush in its packaging stands on the shelf. A pink one, just so I can’t be confused about my new role. Standing in front of the closet, where I know there are no pjs or underwear, I fight the need to cry again.

  Stripping off my clothes standing out of his sight, I ask, “What am I supposed to put on, Rain, none of my pjs are here?” I jump as he steps into the closet beside me, naked.

  “I don’t like pajamas, Ailee. It’s healthier to sleep naked, allow your skin to breathe.”

  His eyes explore my exposed body and I look down, away from him, covering myself with my hands. My knees shake and I feel the burning in my eyes when I squeeze them closed.

  He is being cruel. He’s doing this on purpose. He lifts my chin with his finger and forces me to look at those menacing, dark eyes.

  “I remember that. I also remember this angry tone. I remember being glad I took it from you, that I didn’t give that part of me up for this stupid marriage. I remember how it hurt. Mostly I remember knowing that you were a crazy person, Rain. I remember our wedding night a little differently than you do.”

  He pushes me against the door of the closet behind me, holding me there so I can’t escape him, his hand now around my throat. “Funny how our minds make the memories up after time. But, Ailee, remember this. I have something of yours in the next room and I can take it away in the blink of an eye.” The threat is loud and clear. I better play his game or Trent will be gone. “Get into bed. I’m tired and trying very hard to be the better man, and give you everything here. Do not tempt the bastard out of me.”

  * * *

  I can’t sleep. What if he does something to me or Trent while I’m sleeping? Tossing and turning, I balance on the far edge of the bed as far from Rain as I can get.

  He’s restless too. I watch him rolling, shifting his pillows, and tossing. Even when he is asleep he moves around. There is nothing peaceful about the man, not even when he’s unconscious. Fighting fatigue and my emotions, I try to keep my eyes open, but eventually I lose the fight and fall asleep.

  Shuffling and hushed voices wake me. I have kicked the covers off in my sleep and when I realize I’m naked I scramble to cover myself again. In shadowy light from the open door, Trent and Rain are arguing in whispers, and I can see the gun in my husband’s hand. I feel a dizziness as my head swirls. My palms sweat where they grip the sheets tight.

  I can’t blink. He’s going to kill him right here in front of me. A few seconds into their exchange, Rain lowers the gun and his head, chin to chest. Trent reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder. The touch is reassuring, understanding almost, and I wish I knew what they were talking about.

  My husband moves over, pushes the door closed and goes to sit in the leather wingback chair at the window, the gun resting on his knee as Trent comes towards me.

  My heart is racing; it feels as if it might explode. Every step he takes closer makes me want to run or hide away. Images of a bullet hitting him from behind, and his blood spattering over the blue sheets run on a repeat reel in my head as I fight to stay quiet. Trembling, I can’t move, my vision focusing on the man with the gun.

  “Ailee, look at me.” Trent’s deep voice vibrates through the quiet darkness and my eyes are immediately drawn to him, where he sits down on the edge of the bed beside me.

  He touches my face softly, looking me in the eye. The overwhelming emotions I feel when I see the sadness in them hurts me.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper the words, barely audible. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to lose you. I love you and I didn’t know what to do.” Everything just bubbles out of me while his thumb runs up and down my cheek.

  “I’m trying to understand why, Ailee, why you did this. I told you how much I love you, that I wanted a future with you, you could have told me.” The wet trail on my cheek while silent tears drip down is cool, and the air in the room suddenly feels frigid.

  “I’m not interested in talking, Trent.” Rain talks from his place in the shadows.

  “Ailee, I need you to trust me right now. I am angry, I’m hurt, but I love you and I would do anything to keep you safe. No matter what, trust that feeling between us, okay?”

  I don’t know what Trent is talking about, but I nod because he makes me feel safe, and in all of this he is the only person I trust.

  “Get a move on, Trent, we discussed this. I want to at least get some sleep tonight.” Rain interrupts the connection and I shut my eyes and allow my tears to fall freely.

  Twelve

  Pull

  RAINIERI

  I can’t bear it. The dreams won’t stop. Her breathing beside me, the way the soft light from outside highlights her naked body, it drives the madness deeper. I am sure I’ve lost my mind.

  Before bed while we waited for her, we spoke. I don’t know why, but I let it slip that I liked watching them and there was a spark in his eye, a small smile pulled at his mouth and he shook his head just a little.

  I know he’s dated men. I have learned every detail of his life the past few months and it’s only made matters worse for me. I keep telling myself everything is under control, that I am in control, I need to be, but the truth is I am spiraling so far out of it that I’m in danger of losing it completely. Admitting to myself what I feel is hard enough, but to let that out to others is not something I am comfortable with.

  When I wake Trent with a gun in his face, he doesn’t get angry at me or try to escape, he tells me he understands it, and that he will try and help her to understand. There in the darkness of my guest bedroom I lay my soul bare to a stranger, a man I’d fallen in love with through the lens of a camera.

  As much as my marriage angered me, all these years and even that day when we were forced to the altar, I knew I loved Ailee, and I could brush it off and act hardened and mad because she was a child. The truth, my heart grows ten sizes every time I see her smile, and Trent makes her smile.

  My father will murder all three of us if he even for one second thinks I am attracted to a man, it’s not acceptable in our family. For someone forced into a situation like this, Trent has remained calm and rational, yet here I am losing my composure, desperate to cling to control even if it’s just a facade.

  Trent pushes the gun down so it isn’t in his face and stands beside the bed, wearing nothing but his boxers. He’s slightly taller than me; his body is thin but defined, opposite to my gym muscles that take hours a week to sculpt and keep. His skin is white, mine is olive – we are nothing alike. I prefer his new haircut, the shorter hair makes him look less childish and more like a man.

  “What do you want from us, Rain? From me?” His hand is touching mine, keeping my gun between us, pointed at the floor. He’s warm and I am cold. Stepping closer to me now I smell his cologne. The veins in his arms are raised where he holds onto me. “Tell me what I have to do to keep her safe? Because, you see, Rain, I think you love her as much as I do, and that these threats are just empty. You want something, just admit it.”

  His confidence has me on edge, and the fact he is so close to the truth has my guard coming back up.

  “What are you afraid of? It’s only us here, Rain. Are you afraid of what she will think, or afraid of how you will feel?” Facing him, facing the fear that has been growing in me, I wonder how he is so unapologetically sure of himself, of who he is and what he likes. He was comfortable enough to just tell her. “You are afraid of what you feel, because you care what everyone else will think. There’s no one else here.”

  He comes closer still, so close I can see the dusting of chest h
air and feel his breath on my cheek as all the space between us disappears. Suddenly I am acutely aware of my nakedness, but more so of my arousal. Something about the timbre of his voice.

  My grip on the gun loosens and he takes it from me easily, laying it on the bed beside us.

  “Don’t be afraid of who you are. If you’re afraid, she will be too.”

  My eyes shut involuntarily and the hand he still holds shakes.

  When he touches my bare chest with an open hand, all sense leaves me. My knees become weak and I’m aware of how fast my heart is pounding against my ribcage. He can feel it I’m sure, it is deafening in my ears and drowns out rational thoughts.

  Before I can talk, before I can say what I came in here to say, his hand moves from my chest to the back of my neck. His soft lips touch mine and his tongue pries them apart, forcing its way in to find mine. Heat scorches my skin and it turns to fire.

  Without thinking I grab him, pull him further into me, and kiss him harder, deeper. The sounds vibrating from him seep into my body. His hands glide down and settle on my hips, holding me there, not that I could move if I wanted to. He tastes of musk toothpaste. His long arms wrap around me as the high of the moment quickly turns into the realization of what I have done.

  Shoving him away, I struggle to breathe.

  What’s got into me?

  “Don’t think about it, you’ll ruin it.” He says it casually like my whole world isn’t imploding in a cloud of shame and self-loathing. “What did you want from me? When you woke me, what did you want from me?”

  My embarrassment and confusion turn to anger, and I reach for my gun. “I want you to fuck her. I want to watch, with sound this time. I need to hear what her moans sound like, her cries when you make her cum.” My finger holds the trigger a little tighter as I lift the firearm up between us. “You two have got to me, you are under my skin, in my head, and I just need it to stop. I want that, what you have, and I can’t have it so I want to watch it.”