The Pact

by Dawn Goodwin

  Someone had placed a large vase of lilies on the edge of the island, the flowers still new and tightly closed like pursed lips. Maddie hated lilies. Didn’t everyone? The vase was dangerously close to the edge and Maddie had to trap her hand under her thigh to stop herself from reaching out and knocking the vase onto the tiled floor.

  What the hell was the matter with her?

  She heard footsteps behind her and swivelled in the stool to see Gemma striding into the room, wearing a long black dress and sporting a pair of enormous dark sunglasses, looking all the while like a footballer’s grief-stricken wife.

  Maddie got to her feet and approached Gemma with her arms outstretched.

  Gemma hesitated, then stepped into the hug without actually touching her.

  ‘Oh, Gemma, I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked, distraught.’

  ‘There isn’t much to say. Jemima is without a father and I am now a widow.’ She sounded livid, her voice trembling in fury.

  Gemma flopped rather gracefully onto a bar stool and cupped her forehead in her hand like a damsel in distress.

  ‘Is there anything I can do? I can help with Jemima maybe?’

  Gemma’s head shot up and her eyes glared. ‘There’s no need. My mother is staying with us.’

  ‘Ok, well, let me know if I can help in any way.’

  There was a terse silence, broken only by long-suffering sighs from Gemma. Maddie couldn’t help thinking she was perversely enjoying playing the role of the widowed beauty.

  ‘So have the police said anything?’

  Gemma glared at her again. ‘Why would the police be interested? It was an accident. He ate cake with nuts in it and had a fatal allergic reaction. I was at yoga—’ her voice cracked and a small sob escaped her lip-glossed mouth ‘—so I didn’t get to him in time to save him. I called the ambulance straight away and when they arrived apparently he had a faint pulse, but by the time he got to the hospital, it was too late. I found him at the top of the stairs. They think he was trying to get to the bathroom for his injection.’

  ‘Where was little Jemima?’ Maddie had to know. It was slowly eating her up inside, thinking that Greg had died in front of Jemima.

  ‘He had put her safely in her highchair, but she was screaming by the time I got home. I’m sure she knew something was wrong.’

  ‘Poor lamb, how awful for her – and you, of course.’ But that made Maddie feel better. The grip on her throat loosened a little. ‘Well, if you would like me to help with any of the… er… arrangements, please let me know. I knew him quite well,’ she said with a small, sad smile.

  ‘I think I knew him well too, Maddie.’

  ‘Oh, yes, no, I wasn’t insinuating… I just want to help, that’s all.’

  Gemma dabbed at her perfectly made-up eyes. ‘Well, I don’t know when the body will be released yet.’

  ‘But if it was an accident, then they should be able to release the body soon? If the police don’t need it?’

  ‘I don’t know how these things work. I have never been widowed before.’ Her voice had risen an octave. Her mother’s face appeared in the doorway and it was painfully clear to Maddie that she had been in the hallway listening the whole time.

  ‘Everything ok in here? You’re not getting too upset, are you, Gem-Gem?’

  Gemma got to her feet. ‘No, not at all, Maddie was just leaving.’

  Maddie stood up and went to give Gemma another hug, then awkwardly thought better of it and instead said, ‘Call me if you need anything. Anything at all.’

  Maddie walked from the room, past the narrowed gaze of Gemma’s mother, but stopped when she heard a gurgle from the lounge. This time, instead of doing what she was told, she followed the noise and found Jemima sitting in a playpen, blowing bubbles from her mouth as she played with some building blocks.

  ‘Hi there, baby girl!’ Maddie said with delight and felt her heart squeeze in a good way this time. ‘How are you doing?’

  Jemima smiled and held her chubby arms out for Maddie to pick her up. Maddie complied immediately, ignoring the feeling of poison-dipped daggers being tossed into her back by Gemma’s mother. Jemima nuzzled into Maddie’s shoulder and rubbed at her eyes.

  ‘You tired, Princess?’ Maddie rocked backwards and forwards, crooning in her ear. She breathed in her sweet vanilla scent, feeling her warmth flooding through her.

  ‘It’s time for her nap.’ Gemma’s frigid voice poured cold water on the moment.

  Maddie breathed in one more time. ‘Of course, sorry.’ She turned and handed a cooing Jemima to her grandmother, who whisked her out of sight.

  Maddie walked from the room towards the front door. She turned, not sure what else to say, then left with a simple, ‘Bye, Gemma.’

  The heavy, wooden front door closed with a decisive thud behind her and she stood for a moment, letting the light drizzle fall onto her face. She found she could breathe a little easier now, knowing that Jemima was ok and that the police were not involved as yet.

  She needed to keep it that way though. Because all hell could well break loose when Greg’s will was finally read.

  THREE DAYS AGO

  ‘Maddie, there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

  They were lying in her bed, the sheets crumpled between them, the air thick and musty. Maddie was about to drift off, but was pulled wide awake by his words.

  Was he about to say what she thought he was?

  ‘Oh?’ She sat up a little. He reached out and smoothed a stray lock of hair from her face. She could feel it catch in the corner of her mouth as he moved it aside and she licked her lips.

  ‘I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About us.’

  Maddie’s heart rate was already heightened, but it crept up another notch as he spoke.

  ‘I mean, obviously this—’ he indicated the two of them with his free hand (his other hand was pinned beneath her and she wondered briefly if he had pins and needles and needed to move it yet) ‘—wasn’t planned at all.’ He added quickly, ‘And it was wonderful. I don’t regret it at all.’

  ‘Me neither. At all.’ She smiled sheepishly.

  ‘Good. Of course, you know we can’t say anything to anyone… I mean Jemima… I can’t lose her.’

  ‘No, no, I know that.’

  He was quiet for a moment.

  ‘But it can’t happen again, Greg. We’re… We’ve had our time. I think I need to be my own person now. I’ve started working again – for the guy upstairs, Luke. He’s really nice and funny and… anyway, I’m doing his books for him and I think it could become a really good little business for me. He has some other contacts and stuff.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ he said and she noticed the flatness of his voice. What exactly had he expected? ‘I’m glad,’ he said quietly.

  After another moment, he said, ‘Do you ever wish we could go back to the beginning?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘To the beginning of us. Maybe do it differently?’

  She wasn’t sure what to reply.

  He rushed on. ‘There is so much I regret, particularly the way I treated you. It was all just so… overwhelmingly sad and I handled it like an immature kid instead of a man. I wasn’t really there for you during all the miscarriages and then with Gemma…’ The sigh that followed his words was weighted with remorse.

  ‘For what it’s worth, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way of dealing with it all.’ Her voice was considered and gentle. ‘You just have to go with what you have to do to survive – and that was Gemma for you. It was cutting myself off, isolating myself for me. But I don’t blame you for any of it.’

  Now that she had articulated the words and they were out there, between them, like speckles of dust, she realised she honestly believed that. Two minutes ago, she was thinking he was going to suggest they get back together and now she was absolutely certain that that was not what she wanted. She wanted a clean slate, to forge her own path, to create a life of her own outside o
f the bubble of grief in which she’d been imprisoned for so long. The thought left her almost breathless with relief.

  ‘And in answer to your question, no, I don’t ever think of going back because I don’t know if I would have done anything differently. I think no one would’ve been able to convince me to stop trying to get pregnant. There was no point at which I would’ve even considered it. Until Archie, of course.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about it all so much lately. Jemima, Gemma, you and me. Our weirdly dysfunctional family. I mean that is what we are, aren’t we?’

  Maddie chuckled. ‘Yes, I suppose we are.’

  He peered at her in the semi-darkness. ‘What I’ve been thinking is… I rewrote my will last week, made sure there were provisions in it for Jemima and… I did something that you should know about.’ He paused again and Maddie shifted impatiently on his arm, which now felt like it was digging into her side. ‘What would you say to being Jemima’s legal guardian? I mean if something happens to me and Gemma?’

  This was not what Maddie was expecting.

  ‘Um… well, what would Gemma think about that?’

  ‘I don’t think she would go for it, to be honest. But if it comes to it, she wouldn’t know a thing about it.’

  ‘Right. It’s the kind of thing you should discuss with her though.’ Typical of Greg, burying his head and hoping it would go away.

  ‘I know, I will. But I wanted to tell you first. I know it’s a big ask, given everything we’ve been through, but there’s no one I trust more than you with Jemima. You are a natural mother. I know she’d be safe with you and that you would raise her like your own.’

  Maddie felt a warm glow spread up from her toes, through her stomach and into her heart.

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ she replied.

  ‘That’s fine. Think it over. We’ve got time. I don’t plan on dying any time soon.’ He chuckled.

  ‘No, I mean, I don’t need to think it over. Yes, I’ll do it.’

  ‘Really? You’re sure? I know it’s unorthodox of me to ask my ex-wife—’

  ‘Current wife, thank you very much.’

  ‘Oh, yes, we really need to do something about that, don’t we?’

  It was Maddie’s turn to chuckle. ‘Yes, we do before Gemma finds out you’re not actually divorced yet. She’ll be wanting a big white wedding once she’s lost the baby weight.’

  Greg looked at her in mock horror. ‘Meow, Mrs Lowe! Well, at least I’m not having another affair this time.’

  Maddie giggled. ‘Seriously though, I know me and you are over. I wish we weren’t, but it is what it is and I’d like us to stay friends. I’d like to be a part of Jemima’s life if I can and it would be an honour to be her legal guardian. Not that I’m wishing anything bad on you two, of course! But watch your back. That’s all I’m saying.’

  Greg guffawed. ‘Ooh, so dangerous. I love it!’ Then he kissed her again. ‘In that case, Mrs Lowe, if this is the last time we are going to do this, let’s do it properly…’

  15

  Maddie’s phoned chirped, pulling her from a fitful sleep. She was lying on the couch under her duvet, the lounge curtains closed to the midday light, trying to block out everyone and everything.

  It was another Snapchat from Jade.

  She pulled the message slightly to the left and read:

  Halloween. Mark loves it and with so many people around in masks and costumes, you can get right up to his door. Perfect opportunity.

  Maddie let go and the message pinged back as though she hadn’t read it.

  The last week was a blur. At least she had thought it was a week, but then she also suspected she’d lost a few days in between, because it was apparently Halloween tomorrow.

  That meant today was Wednesday and Greg had been dead for ten days. Where had that time gone? She’d stayed indoors, buried away, like the old days, feeling that numbness blanket her like bubble wrap, cushioning her, protecting her. She had had no concept of passing time.

  Jade had been peppering her with Snapchat messages, threats, notes under the door – anything to get her to respond, to get her to admit she had a plan. But Maddie had ignored it all, not let any of it pierce the thick outer skin of depression she had wrapped herself in.

  This all felt familiar. She had come full circle. Just when she thought she could see a chink of light shining through the heavy clouds after the miscarriages and her separation from Greg, just when she thought she was getting back on her feet, enjoying the flashes of autonomy her new life afforded her, the clouds had gathered again, shutting out that faint ray of light and plunging her into darkness once more. She had gone into survival mode again, functioning on only a basic level while trying not to think too much, not to feel too much. Just like those darkest of days when the most inconsequential of daily tasks had felt like a feat of endurance.

  But now Jade was demanding action, commanding Maddie to respond. She’d even told Maddie that she couldn’t see Ben until it was done, using him as a bargaining chip. Over the last few days Maddie had let her mind poke around the edges of what Jade wanted her to do and the numbing quicksand of grief in which she was trapped meant she was less horrified by the idea of the task at hand now.

  Maybe it was because she had nothing left to lose. Maybe it was because she had nothing left to care for.

  Snapchat pinged again – this time a video. Maddie was intrigued enough to let it play. Jade standing outside Teddington police station. The camera panned down to her feet climbing the steps up to the main doors. Then Jade’s voice saying, ‘Don’t ignore me, Maddie.’

  Maddie sat up, a flare of panic making her heart tick faster than it had in days. All along, Maddie had kept saying to herself that Jade wouldn’t go through with her threats, but seeing her in the video was enough to pull Maddie back to the present.

  She couldn’t think straight. Even if she was of sound mind right now, how did she go about planning a murder? It was all so callous, ridiculous, unbelievable.

  Jade seemed to think Halloween was an opportunity. She had a point – everyone disguising who they were, causing mischief, knocking on doors. But what would she say if she got Mark to open the door? Should she say anything? And what did she intend to do? Kill him? Did she need a weapon?

  Was this how you did it? One step at a time when you’re planning a murder, right?

  How the hell had she got here?

  Back in those days when she had first met Greg, she certainly never thought she’d reach 38 and be childless, widowed, unemployed and contemplating the murder of an innocent man.

  It was funny how things worked out. But Maddie wasn’t laughing.

  Perhaps the best plan was not to plan at all. Let fate decide how this would play out. Just turn up on his doorstep and see. Or she could do nothing and let the police decide what her future held. There was a calm acceptance of that as an option. A prison cell wasn’t an unwelcome idea at this stage. This was all her fault, after all. She had brought Jade into their lives. She had brought all of this on herself.

  She deserved this for what had happened to Greg.

  She was faulty, broken, defective.

  Yes, she’d been here before. The dull, numbing stillness that followed another shock, another disappointment, another sadness. She could feel herself settling into autopilot, letting her mind take over the logistics while her heart scrambled to repair itself.

  Except this time, she didn’t think she would come back from it.

  If she went into that cell, she’d never come back out. She thought of Luke suddenly, how genuine he was, quiet and kind. That had potential, if she wanted it to.

  So was she really ready to lie down and surrender?

  Or was there enough of the old Maddie left, the one who kept going, who never gave up, even when everyone told her she should? That Maddie could figure a way out of this. That Maddie could see herself getting Jade off her back and moving away, far from here with its memories and ghosts.

&nb
sp; She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment and thought about Greg. What would he tell her to do?

  And that’s when she knew.

  If she was blamed for everything, then Jade would get away with Greg’s murder and that wasn’t right. Jade should be punished too. She should be left with an indelible scar, something to remind her of what she had done. Greg deserved that at least. A surge of determination coursed through her veins, melting some of the ice that had settled there.

  She had to make sure the truth came out somehow.

  First things first, she needed to get a screenshot of the messages Jade was sending without her knowing. But how? Jade could tell when her messages were read and saved. She threw off the duvet as an idea came to her. All the boxes left over from her move were still piled up in the spare bedroom and her old digital camera was in one of them. She could take a photo of the screen with an old-school camera rather than a screenshot. That would work.

  She opened boxes and rummaged among the mementos of her life, pushing aside books, letters and photographs. She felt a flicker of worry that she wouldn’t find the camera, that it would all be in vain and she would have to think of something else, the idea of which was exhausting and demoralising. Then her hand fell on the slim, cold, metal body of the camera. Miraculously there was just enough battery life left to turn it on.

  Resuming her position under the duvet in the lounge, she opened the Snapchat message properly and took a photo of it with the camera before replying:

  Fine. I’ll do it tomorrow. Send me the address.

  *

  Jade read the message and smiled. She knew Maddie would come through. She didn’t want to know the details though. She screenshotted the message and closed the app. When it was all over, she would need to delete Snapchat from her phone altogether. She needed to wipe out her involvement, like taking an eraser to the whole episode. She couldn’t quite trust that Maddie wasn’t going to double-cross her.

  Knowing that this would all be over soon and that she could stop living this lie made her feel elated. And a little sad, truth be told. It had been a fun ride, but it was time to close it all down.