When We Were Young

by Gen Ryan

  “Since when do you speak like that?” I laughed. Ava was always there for me, but her words were usually more about getting off my ass. Not quite so poetic.

  “I may have read some inspirational shit on the Internet to help you out. Now, enough of that. Go back to the bar, have a drink or two, and try to have a good time.” There’s my best friend.

  After we said our goodbyes, I walked back to the bar and headed straight inside. Everyone greeted me with open arms. I looked around for Levi, wanting to apologize for running off when he asked me to go grab coffee, but he was nowhere to be found.

  “Here. Have a beer!” Jean shoved a beer into my hand.

  “Thanks!” I yelled over the music.

  I nursed the same beer all night. I had a good time just being out of the house and attempting to bring myself closer to who I was before, although I had no idea who that was anymore. One piece was firmly put back in place. Only a few more to go.

  Chapter Eight

  I opened the door to our crummy apartment after another long day. I’d been in class since the morning, then headed straight to the diner to work the late shift. I was pretty sure my eyes were bloodshot, and my legs were going to give out at any moment.

  As I opened the apartment door, the darkness greeted me. I hated when Parker turned off all the lights. Who the hell knew what was lurking in the shadows? At least that’s what I thought all the time. I was a wimp. I placed my backpack on the couch, but not before turning on every light I could.

  “Jesus!” I jumped back, seeing Parker sitting on the couch with the biggest grin on his face.

  “Hello,” he said as he held out a dozen lilies. Lilies were my favorite, the white so pure and beautiful. Perfectly flawless.

  “What’s all of this for?” I leaned over and placed a kiss to his lips.

  “I think it’s time I made an honest woman out of you.”

  I stumbled back into the chair. “What?” I croaked out.

  Parker placed the flowers on the secondhand coffee table that someone gave us when we got this apartment. He walked over to me and got down on one knee and pulled out a simple gold band with a heart on it. It wasn’t fancy, expensive, or anything that you’d see in a bridal magazine, but my God did it take my breath away. It was mine.

  “I’ve known since the first day I saw you at the diner that you were something special. The thought of not coming home to you every day for the rest of my life isn’t something I want to even imagine. Marry me, Rainey, please?”

  All I could do was shake my head yes as he slipped the ring on my finger.

  “My mother’s going to kill me,” I whispered against his lips.

  “It’s okay, we’ll always have each other. We’ll tell her together.”

  I woke up in a cold sweat, my hair clinging to my face and my clothes to my body. We never did tell my mom, not until a week later, after we went off and got married at the Justice of the Peace. She wasn’t happy; she said we were too young and a lot could change. But we were young and in love, and that was enough for us. I guess sometimes love wasn’t enough.

  My phone buzzed on my nightstand, and I groaned, noticing the number for the hospital. It was my day off. I wondered who the hell called out.

  “All right, who called out?” I answered the phone.

  “Rainey, Emily, Parker’s sister, was just brought in for an overdose. Parker’s her emergency contact, but with him being gone... I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure what to do.” Melissa, the ER receptionist, said, her voice shaking.

  I jumped out of bed and threw on sweatpants and a T-shirt while trying to balance my phone. “No. No. You did the right thing. I’m on my way.”

  I rushed out of the house without so much as brushing my teeth. I managed to send a quick email to Parker, and hoped he got it. Although we were divorcing, I wasn’t going to let his sister, someone I had grown to love and care about, sit in the hospital alone. She was family. She always would be.

  I made it to the hospital in record time, rushing into the ER.

  “What happened?” I asked Lucy, one of the nurses who was sitting behind the desk.

  “She came in seizing out of control and foaming at the mouth. The paramedic saved her life by giving her Narcan. Thank God he had it, or we would have been making a different call.” Lucy brought me in for a hug. “She’s in room 202. She needs help, that’s for sure. You should see her arms. Covered in track marks.” I nodded as I put my hair in a ponytail on the top of my head. Emily had needed help for a long time, but like Parker she refused it. That was one of the few things they had in common, their stubbornness.

  I headed to her room and slowly opened the door, focusing on the equipment sounds. It was something that I was accustomed to from the years working in the hospital, but this was different. I loved Emily, even though she had her own issues. She was kind, loving, and had such a good heart. I’d tried to set her on the straight and narrow, but her childhood damaged her much worse than it did Parker. I guess they both were damaged in different ways. Parker ran to war and sought solace in the chaos. Emily sought comfort in sex and drugs and ended up a pregnant teen that resulted in her giving her baby up for adoption. It’s funny how two people from the exact same environment could turn out completely different.

  I checked all her machines to make sure everything was working properly and pulled the chair next to her. Taking her hand in mine, I spoke out loud.

  “Oh, Emily, what have you done?” I looked over her scarred arms, the track marks marring her beautiful alabaster skin. Emily was beautiful, with her long blonde hair and stunning blue eyes. She was tall and thin and could have easily been a model if she didn’t take a different path in life. She could have been so many things.

  I rubbed her hand and spoke about the latest news. I even pulled out my phone and read some of the latest Hollywood gossip that she always seemed to love. I stepped out when my phone rang, noticing it was a private number.

  “Hey, Rainey. Is Emily okay?” I swallowed hard at the sound of Parker’s voice. I hadn’t spoken to him since he told me he had found someone else. No messages or calls. Although, I had typed and deleted many angry e-mails. Hearing his voice was like reopening a wound, and I flinched.

  “She’s okay for now. Stable, but she needs help.” I paced up and down the hallway.

  “I know. I’m trying to get emergency leave. I hate to ask this, but any chance you can make sure the doctors send over documentation to the Red Cross? They won’t grant me the leave unless they have it. I need to be there to help set her up in rehab once and for all.”

  He was coming home? The thought of seeing him made butterflies form in my stomach. I wasn’t ready to see him. Not now, not after everything. I took a breath to bring myself back to reality. This wasn’t about him and me. This was about Emily. His only sister.

  “Of course. I’ll take care of it. Let me know when you know that you’ll be home, and I can get you at the airport.”

  Oh sure. Just offer to do something else from him. That makes sense.

  “Thanks, Rainey. I appreciate you being there for her.”

  “She’s like my sister too. I’ve known her a long time.”

  “Yeah” was all he managed to get out.

  I glanced up as Dr. Rodgers waved as he exited her room. “The doctor just saw her, so I’m going to go and get some information. I’ll keep you informed via e-mail.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks again, Rainey. I love—” His words halted as he cleared his throat. Saying I love you was like second nature to us both.

  “Goodbye, Parker.”

  Clutching the phone in my hand, I took a breath.

  “Hey, I’m sorry to hear about your sister-in-law.” Dr. Rodgers came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

  “Thanks. What’s the verdict?” I placed my phone into my pocket, trying to switch focus onto what he was going to say.

  “She OD’ed on heroin. Looks like it was a bad batch. She needs rehab like yes
terday. I have a few places I can recommend and pull some strings at any of them for you. A lot of them have a long waiting list.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

  “Of course.” His name was called over the intercom, and he headed off.

  And there I was, left in the middle of the hallway, not knowing what the hell to do next. I put my face in my heads and let out a small, muffled scream.

  “Rainey?” I lifted my head just as Levi came into view.

  “Hi.” I pulled down my ratty T-shirt and patted my hair. I was a mess.

  “What brings you here on your day off?” He tried to keep his eyes on mine, but they kept shifting to my body. I knew I looked like shit.

  “My sister-in-law was brought in for an OD. Hence the lovely outfit and rat’s nest of a hairdo.” I motioned to my hair.

  He folded his arms across his chest. “The young girl? I was the paramedic on scene. How’s she doing?”

  Of course he was the paramedic on scene.

  “She’s stable. That’s the best we can ask for right now.” I tapped my foot on the ground, my nervousness making me fidget. I didn’t know why just being around Levi was making me so antsy. Was I attracted to him? Sure. But I was currently dealing with my soon-to-be ex-husband’s sister and knee-deep in depression. I was pretty sure I wasn’t thinking straight.

  “About the other night too, I’m sorry for running you off after you asked me to have coffee. I’ve been slightly emotional lately.”

  That’s an understatement. I leaned up against the wall, feeling a bit better since I’d apologized.

  “Want to go grab a coffee now? The cafeteria has shitty food and coffee, but you can make it up to me and tell me all about the spot you’re in. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.” He smiled, and I shivered, pulling my arms around myself. Coffee. That’s all he was asking of me. I wasn’t prepared for much else, even if he looked handsome in his uniform.

  “Don’t you have to work?” I pushed off the wall and gave him the sassiest look I could.

  “We do get breaks.” He laughed, showing his perfect white teeth. Did he have a flaw?

  “Okay. Coffee sounds good. If you can stand being seen with a walking zombie. I didn’t even brush my teeth.”

  Levi started laughing. He fished around in his pocket and tossed me a piece of gum. “I think the zombie look suits you. But I draw the line at stinky breath.” He winked.

  “Why thank you, kind sir.” We walked quietly to the cafeteria, and for the first time in a while, the depression and the fact that my life was falling apart wasn’t weighing on me. I could handle this, and I would come out stronger. Tougher. Even if I had to claw my way out.

  Chapter Nine

  Levi and I sat drinking coffee in the poorly lit cafeteria. He didn’t push me with questions about why I left him hanging for coffee the first time; instead, we asked each other mindless questions. It was fun and made me feel like a kid again.

  “Favorite color?” he asked, sipping on his coffee.

  “Green,” I said, with a smile. “It reminds me of everything. The grass. Life.” Levi blinked excessively. “What? Too much, right? I have a tendency to be a bit too dramatic,” I confessed.

  “No. That’s my favorite too. Seems we have a bit in common.” He looked up at the ceiling and smiled. “I’ve got a good one. Stars Wars or Star Trek?”

  “Star Wars all the way. I used to dress like Princess Leia when I was younger.” I tapped my fingers on the table.

  “You’re up. I’ve asked the past couple.”

  “Well, obviously you like coffee.” I held up my cup in celebration.

  “Erh.” He averted his eyes. “I have a confession.”

  I gasped and brought my hand to my heart. “Don’t say it. Don’t you dare.”

  “I hate coffee. I drink tea.” He hung his head in shame.

  I placed my coffee gently on the table. “That’s it. We can’t be friends.”

  “I tried. I really did. You had me at Star Wars, but if coffee is the deciding factor, I can understand that.” He acted like he was getting ready to get up.

  I looked over at Levi. I barely knew him, other than the few times we’d crossed paths and laughed together. But the questions, the conversation flowed effortlessly. I needed this. A friend other than Ava who I could just chat with. He brought me comfort and a sliver of happiness.

  “So, my marriage is over. Parker’s been cheating on me for God knows how long.”

  Levi gently put down his cup of tea, his eyes softening. “Damn, Raindrop, I’m sorry. I know what that’s like. Especially after you put so much into it.”

  “Yeah.” I brushed away a tear that had fallen. “We’re still so connected. His sister is like my sister. I care. It sucks. I wish I could walk away from it all, but here I am taking care of his sister.” I threw up my hands. “Hell, I’m waiting to find out when he’ll be flying in on emergency leave so I can pick him up and carve the wound open that is my heart even more.”

  Levi sat back in his chair, making himself more comfortable. Stretching out his legs in front of him, he played with his beard. “That says a lot about you, that you can’t just walk away. You guys were together since you were teenagers. It also says a lot about you as a person. You’re caring. Kind. Genuine.”

  I scoffed. “I’m weak.”

  “Why do you think that?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

  “You want to know my first thought when he told me he found someone else?” Levi nodded. “What did she have that I didn’t? Why was he willing to put in the effort with someone new but not with me? I’m not enough. I never have been.”

  Levi shot forward and took my hand in his. “Bullshit. I know enough about you from what I’ve seen that you’re all those things I mentioned and then some. You deserve happiness, and someday you’ll realize what a package you are.”

  I slowly pulled my hand from his, relishing the feeling that lingered. It was comfort, reassurance, everything I needed.

  “Thanks, Levi.” I dabbed my eyes with the napkin. “So those are my issues. I’m insecure and about to be divorced at twenty-six. Amazing, huh?”

  Levi took a sip of his tea. “Here.” He pulled out his phone and slid it to me. “Put in your number.”

  “What?” I looked at his phone like it was a dead mouse. Had I not scared him away with my self-pity?

  “You need a friend. Someone to pull you off your ass and make you realize there is an entire life ahead of you worth living.” Funny, Parker had been that for me once.

  I typed in my number. “You remind me of my best friend, Ava. She tells me to get off my ass all the time.”

  “Good. I like her already.” The way he smiled made me uneasy. It brought about feelings that I hadn’t experienced in a while. Excitement. Endless possibilities.

  I stretched and looked at the clock on my phone. “I’m sure your break is almost over, and I should be getting back to Emily so I can be there when she wakes up.”

  “Right. Yeah.” Levi and I then stood awkwardly. I couldn’t explain it, that feeling when there’s just a connection with someone. That’s how it felt when he was around, like a low buzz was constantly in the air.

  I gave him a sideways hug. “It was nice talking with you. Thank you for listening to me.”

  “You too. Text you soon so we can get your ass off the couch.”

  “Sounds good.” I walked away, not without glancing back and grinning as he tried to play it off that he wasn’t looking at my ass. I was in horrible sweatpants, but the fact that he still tried to look flattered me.

  I knew I wasn’t ready for anything romantic with anyone, but Levi might just be good for my healing. Everyone needed good friends in their lives, and Levi was proving to be just what I needed.

  Chapter Ten

  I wanted nothing more than to chuck my laptop across the room. There Parker was, with a new profile picture with his new girl. We hadn’t even officially filed for a divorce, and he was making it
known that I was out of the picture. She was gorgeous, with her long blondish hair and stunning green eyes. She had the perfect figure, and the smiles on their faces damn near killed me. They were happy. I was miserable.

  They both were in uniform and clearly not supposed to be taking selfies. I wanted nothing more than to forward the picture to their commanding officer and say, “Fraternizing much?” but that wasn’t my style, even though sometimes I wished it was.

  I spent the next hour Facebook stalking her. I knew where she’d gone to high school, how many brothers and sisters she had. I leaned back against my couch when I found myself on her parents’ Facebook page. I officially had become a crazy woman. I hated her. I hated him. Why couldn’t that be me? I didn’t even want to say her name, Samantha.

  “Why am I torturing myself?” I clicked the laptop shut, trying to put Parker and Samantha out of sight and out of mind. Padding into the kitchen, I cringed at my reflection in the refrigerator. My pants were a little tighter than normal; all the ice cream and chocolate I’d been eating had gone straight to my waist. That didn’t stop me though. I opened the freezer to grab another carton; this time Cherry Garcia called my name.

  This was what depression was for me, eating my weight in candy and anything that I could easily shove into my mouth. What did it matter anymore? Gone were my days of running and caring about what I looked like. I’d never be enough. I wasn’t enough for Parker. I wasn’t enough for anyone, especially myself.

  My cell phone buzzed, and I placed the ice cream on the counter. I recognized the few messages Levi and I had exchanged over the week.

  Levi: What are you doing?