Sublime Resistance

by Charlene Zapata

  “Hey, can we talk for a minute?” I know he doesn’t have to be anywhere for at least another 20 minutes. “I can buy you a coffee?”

  “You don’t have to bribe me, Maggie. Let’s head down to the garden and we can talk.”

  I take a deep breath and exhale. After grabbing all of my things, I head out the door following Asher down the hall. He doesn’t seem in a hurry anymore and as I watch his stride, I can see the confidence building in his character. When he first arrived at school, he was so intimated by the other students, the staff and the sheer size of our campus. Several weeks later and he almost seems like he owns the place. I can’t help but wonder if I misjudged him completely when we first met.

  “Alright Maggie. Let’s talk.”

  “Okay. I’m not really sure what to say. I’m sorry I told you to leave. It’s extremely hard for me to open up and let anyone into my life. It’s not you, it’s me. I took my slip up out on you and that wasn’t fair. I have to deal with the consequences of spilling my guts so that’s what I want to do. If you want to ask me about anything go ahead. This is your one free shot.”

  “Wow. I have to admit, that wasn’t what I was expecting. I know you don’t like to talk about your life and now I understand why. But instead of running from it, maybe you should embrace it. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t have a clue what the hell I’m talking about. And I don’t need the gory details of your battered past. I would never want to put you through that.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

  “I do have one question. And maybe this is overstepping the boundaries but you opened the door.”

  “Go ahead. I said I would answer anything you wanted to know.”

  “Why do you really think Vincent let you go?”

  Oh no. I was not ready for that question. I thought for sure he would ask about my father or even my mother. I am totally thrown off by his interest in Vincent.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know the whole story but it sounded like he was everything to you. Then all of a sudden you have a choice to make between college and him and it sounds like he made that choice for you. Why do you think he did that?”

  “I really don’t know. What I do know is that he broke my heart into a million pieces and I don’t know if I’ll ever be capable of loving someone like that again.” I stare directly into Asher’s light brown eyes, never faltering from his expectant gaze. It’s as if I’m trying to tell him not to waste his time with me. That I’m a lost cause. I don’t know how long we sit at that tiny table staring at each other before he gets up and walks off to class without another word.

  Later that night my phone buzzes next to my leg as I sit watching a re-run of Friends. I look down to see a new message from Asher. He wants to come over to review the project. I send him a quick response telling him to give me about 30 minutes. I rush around the apartment trying to straighten up. As I wipe down the bathroom mirror I notice my horrendous appearance. I decided to go for an evening run after all my classes to try and clear my head. After pushing myself way too far, I didn’t have the energy to shower. I’m paying for that decision now. My hair is covered in dried sweat and I have remnants of smeared mascara on my cheek bones. I’m also wearing sweats with a stained pink t-shirt. Nice Maggie. Real nice.

  I decide a quick shower is in order, plus a change of clothes. When did I start caring so much what I looked like to Asher? I guess if I’m being honest there aren’t many people I would want to see me this way. I have just enough time for a 5 minute shower before I hear knocking on the door. Crap. I wrap a towel around my body and head for the door.

  “Hey, umm…sorry. I just got out of the shower. Can you give me a minute?”

  “Sure.” He doesn’t say anything else. I take a chance and look up to see what expression he has on his face. Big mistake. His eyes are looking over every exposed piece of flesh on my body. He clears his throat and heads over to the couch. I run down the hall to put some clothes on and brush my hair.

  “Sorry about that. I had a late run and needed a shower.”

  “That’s really okay. Anytime you want to open the door in nothing but a towel, please feel free.”

  That actually gets a laugh out of me. I slap his arm telling him it won’t happen again. We start to talk about the project and things seem to flow like they always have. I feel like maybe things between us are going to be normal. Like nothing ever happened. But I just don’t have that kind of luck.

  “So about the other day, I just wanted to tell you that we don’t have to talk about any of that stuff unless you want to. I won’t press you for information. It was never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, especially around me.”

  “I appreciate that Asher. It means a lot that you can respect my privacy. It takes a lot for me to open up about anything really, so just be patient. Don’t force it.”

  “I’m starting to get that. You are the hardest person to read. I thought I had you all figured out the first time we studied together but I have never been so wrong about a person.”

  “And what did you think you knew?” I am so curious to find out what he thought about me before my past came crashing between us.

  “I thought this girl really has it together. Her entire focus is on school so she must have parents that have driven her to succeed and expect nothing less. I thought we were similar in that regard. And it kind of scared me. I didn’t want to be around someone who had the same type of parents as I do. I wanted to experience something different. Something more. But even before the night you decided to get sloppy drunk and share your past, I could tell you were different. At first, I thought we would only be study partners because to be honest, you kind of scared the crap out of me. You were so abrasive that first day in class that I didn’t think you would ever let me in. But then you surprised me by listening intently to my surfing stories. You also encouraged me to stick things out on a new campus. That’s when I started to see the real you. The sweet, tender girl under the rough exterior.”

  Wow. He could see all of that? I really did underestimate how observant he could be.

  “I get it now. I understand why you portray such tough facade for the world, hiding who you really are. And I don’t blame you one bit for having that attitude. You want to protect yourself from ever getting hurt again. But just know that if you never open up, you will never find out what’s waiting out there for you.”

  “Thanks Asher. And not just for saying what you said but for being a good friend. It really does mean a lot to me. I hope you know that.”

  “I do now.” He gives me his shy smile in response.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course. It wouldn’t be very fair of me to ask all the questions.” He looks at me with an intrigued expression, probably wondering what in the world I could want to know.

  “I’ve picked up on the fact that you aren’t really close to your dad. Can I ask why?”

  “So you do pay attention even when I’m not talking about surfing?” He chuckles softly to himself. “It’s not that we aren’t close, it’s more about him wanting me to be someone I’m not. I don’t know that I will ever make him happy with the choices I make about my life. But I’m trying to appease him by coming to school here and majoring in marketing. I guess I will see if it helps our relationship.”

  “But what about what you want?”

  “I just want to surf. And you can’t make a career out of that. At least that’s what my father says to me. But enough of the heavy stuff. Let’s get back to the presentation or we’re going to be up until dawn.” I decide to let it go for now.

  We spend the rest of the night putting our pieces together to make a cohesive presentation. I really hate speaking in front of the entire class but will feel a little more confident with Asher standing next to me.

  The following Monday morning we give our marketing pitch to a room of undergraduates. I thought I would feel overwhelmed but instead I feel empowered. I l
oved every minute of it. I think I have truly found my passion in life. I know marketing doesn’t sound all that exciting to most people, but the rush of confidence I got standing in front of all those people makes me want more.

  “Great job Maggie. You killed it! I didn’t think you were going to let me talk at all. What happened to all your nervous energy?”

  “I don’t know. I got up on that platform and it’s like another person took over. That was amazing. Did you feel it?”

  Asher looks over at me with his megawatt smile revealing both dimples before answering. “I felt something, I’m just not sure what yet.” I’m too distracted from my high to pay attention to what he just said to me. I file it away with the “deal with it later” and go onto my next class. I have no time to think about the ramifications of getting closer and closer to Asher Evans.

  Chapter Seven

  A few more weeks pass by without any more close encounters with Asher. I think I have been unconsciously avoiding him. That’s why it surprised me when he invited me to Thanksgiving at his house in Florida.

  “I would love for you to come down to Florida with me. I know it’s still a couple of weeks away, but I could teach you how to surf. And you could meet Seth and Dex. I know you don’t have a mom and dad to go home to, so I thought it would be nice to share mine. Plus, you being there might take some pressure off me from my dad.”

  “Asher, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I do have a Grandfather I am quite fond of and usually spend my holiday breaks with him. And a best friend I haven’t seen in months.” I don’t mean to look up but I can hear the disappointment in his breath. He has the saddest face I think I have ever seen.

  “I didn’t know you had any family. Sorry. I just thought it would be a cool way to spend our break. Hanging out, surfing all day with my friends. I mean, we are friends aren’t we?”

  “Of course we’re friends. But taking such a big trip together, it kind of screams relationship instead of friendship.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says everyone.”

  “Well, who the hell cares what everyone else thinks. Look, I’m flying home on Wednesday after classes and then coming back to campus on Sunday. My dad already agreed to pay for an extra plane ticket for the girl who is helping me pass my marketing classes.” He says this with a little wink because we both know he is the one helping me.

  “Asher, I just don’t know. I don’t think I could accept a plane ticket. That is way too much. And what would I tell my Grandfather?” To be honest I could do without our sad little Thanksgiving dinner with just the two of us. My Grandpa doesn’t really get into the holidays so we usually just spend it like any other day. Plus, Amanda will be with her family and Tommy most of the break. We had talked about spending Saturday together but those are just tentative plans at this point.

  “Tell your Grandfather you are off to have an adventure! And don’t worry about the ticket. My dad travels so much that he has millions of frequent flyer miles so it isn’t costing him a dime. Please will you come?”

  “I really don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I still don’t have any interest in dating, so this would strictly be friends going out of town together.”

  “Does that mean you will consider it?”

  “Give me some time to think it over. Can I let you know by the end of the week?”

  “That sounds perfect. I’m so excited. My mom is going to love you!” He says the last comment as he quickly walks away from me not bothering to wait for my response. Jackass. But what a cute jackass. I can’t believe I’m even considering this. I need to talk to Heather and see what she thinks. And clear it with Amanda. And my Grandpa.

  After my last class of the day, I head back to my cozy apartment, eternally grateful that I no longer have to live in the dorms. I open the front door to the best smell in the world. Heather’s cooking. God, I love her.

  “Hey girl! What are you making tonight?”

  “I thought I would treat us to some delicious steak and potatoes. I know it’s your favorite. So what have you been up to?”

  “Not much. Just project after project. So Asher asked me to go to Florida with him over Thanksgiving. What do you think I should do?”

  “No way! Are you serious? That kid has it bad. Poor guy.”

  “What are you talking about? He said we were going as friends. That’s all.”

  “Sure he did. Smart guy. I gotta give him credit for that. So are you going?”

  “I have no clue. That’s why I’m talking to you. Do you really think he wants to be more than friends?”

  “What guy doesn’t want to be more than friends, Maggie? But Asher seems like a genuine guy and if he says he isn’t looking at it that way, then he is probably telling the truth. Do you want to go to Florida?”

  “I think I might. I’ve never been to the ocean before. I’ve seen pictures but that isn’t the same. And his dad has agreed to get my ticket with frequent flyer miles. I mean, when else will I have an opportunity to take a trip like this? Is that wrong of me to think of it that way? I want to spend time with Asher too but laying on the beach isn’t a bad way to spend Thanksgiving break either.”

  “I think you should do whatever you want. Take a break from everything and enjoy life a little. He did offer so you aren’t taking advantage of him. I think he knows exactly what he’s doing.”

  After stuffing my face with a huge rib-eye and baked potato with all the fixings, I retreat back to my bedroom to call Amanda.

  “Hey Maggie! I’m so glad you called. We haven’t talked in weeks.”

  “I know. I’m sorry about that. Classes are killing me this semester.”

  “Me too. So what’s up?”

  “Well, I got invited to go to Florida for Thanksgiving with a friend. Would you hate me if I didn’t come home?”

  “I mean, I can’t lie. I will be a little disappointed but I also wouldn’t blame you for taking a trip south. I miss you like crazy but I want you to have fun. I know we were only going to see each other one day. I can always make Tommy go shopping with me. He will love you for that.”

  “Are you sure that you would be ok with not seeing me?”

  “Would you be home for Christmas break?”

  “Absolutely. It just feels like a great opportunity and I don’t have to pay anything to go. You know better than anyone that my Grandpa doesn’t really celebrate Thanksgiving so I don’t think he will mind.”

  “It sounds like an awesome trip. I say go for it. So who is the friend?”

  I have told her about Asher in other conversations. Of course leaving out the part about how good looking he is. I have desperately tried to express to her that we are just friends. I really hope she believes me. Things could get awkward around Tommy if Amanda blabs her mouth about the wrong thing. Vince and Tommy are still living together which makes the time I spend with Amanda a little uncomfortable sometimes. I know it’s hard for her not to mention Vincent in casual conversation because of all the time she spends at their house. It also makes me extremely jealous to know she gets to see him practically every day. I know that isn’t rational, so I try not to think about it.

  “It’s with my class partner, Asher.”

  “Uh…ok. Are you seeing him now?” I can’t quite tell, but I think I hear disapproval in her tone when she questions me.

  “No. It isn’t like that. We have become pretty good friends and I accidentally shared that I don’t have a happy family waiting back home, so he offered for me to join him. His dad has tons of frequent flyer miles so he can get me a ticket for free. Trust me Amanda, I’m in no condition to move on. I have made that perfectly clear to Asher and he respects that.”

  “Ok. I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you did like him. Or even if you wanted to date him. It has been over a year. Maybe you should go out with someone. Go sow your wild oats or something.”

  “You crack me up. That is so not me. I’m a one man kind of girl.” I didn’t realize the d
ouble meaning in that statement until it left my mouth. I don’t want to date a bunch of guys or even one guy. I just want what I once had. We talk for another hour about school and classes, catching each other up on everything we have missed. I vow to spend most of Christmas break with her and even New Year’s if she isn’t going to be cemented next to Tommy the entire night.

  I spend the rest of the week considering my options. I even called my Grandpa to see if he would mind me not coming home over break. He didn’t even pause with his reaction. He told me to go and have a good time. That I deserved a break from school. I finally make up my mind to do something different for a change. As soon as I sit down at my desk Friday morning, I can’t contain my excitement any longer.

  “Hey Asher! I’m in! Let’s go to Florida.”

  “Really? Like really?”

  “Yep. I think it will be good to get away. Plus, I really want to meet your family and friends. Are you sure your mom is fine with me coming?”

  “Of course. We have an extra bedroom that no one uses. You can sleep there. Well, you probably won’t be getting much sleep because I’m going to teach you how to surf. By the end of the weekend you are going to be a pro.”

  “I highly doubt that. I am one of the most uncoordinated people you will ever meet.”

  “But you like to swim and that takes skill. You even mentioned how you used to be on the swim team. So you can’t be that uncoordinated.”

  “You’d be surprised. I don’t know what it is about swimming but it just comes naturally to me. Everything else requires some serious concentration and even then I can’t hit a baseball, dribble a basketball or concentrate on anything that involves other people that is sport related.”

  “You truly perplex me Maggie Wilson. But I have a feeling you are going to do just fine in the ocean.”

  “If you say so Asher Evans.” I give him a small shove to his right shoulder while rolling my eyes. I still can’t believe I’m going to Florida with this guy I barely know. It’s like his overly nice personality is contagious. I feel myself smiling more around him and being nice to complete strangers for no reason at all. Maybe I’m just finally coming out of the heartbreak from the last year.