Sublime Resistance

by Charlene Zapata

  Amanda immediately starts to tell my Grandpa about school and how much she is loving her classes. She finally decided on a major, wanting to go into journalism. It fits her outgoing personality to a tee. That added to the fact that she loves to investigate juicy gossip and she should do just fine.

  “It sounds like you have a good plan about your future. That’s a great place to get started. How are you folks doing?” My Grandpa sits at the kitchen counter sipping his black coffee while he waits for her response.

  “They are doing great. The shop has picked up business since the only other repair place in town had to close down. My second oldest brother is taking a break from college to help out and they finally hired someone else to take over the front desk job giving me more time to study. I think they can see how serious I am about finishing college.”

  “You didn’t tell me that you aren’t working at the shop anymore. That’s great. I know how much you hated it.”

  “Sorry, it must have slipped my mind. I wish you weren’t so far away and we had time to talk more.”

  “I know but at least I’m here now. So let’s make the most of the next few days. What do you want to do first?”

  “Shop!”

  “Of course you do, silly me for even asking.”

  We load into her tiny car and head to the mall. Amanda has to buy gifts for all three brothers, her parents, and of course Tommy. She absolutely loves giving gifts. I, on the other hand, hate shopping. But I indulge her because she’s my best friend.

  I decide to branch off at the mall in search of a perfect gift for my Grandpa. He is the hardest person to shop for because he already has everything. I pass by a hobby shop and decide to check it out. I remember him really loving the model airplane I bought him for his birthday. I scan the aisles looking for the perfect project. Just when I’m about to give up, I see a plane that looks exactly like one he flew over 40 years ago. He showed me a picture of him standing next to it. It’s perfect.

  “Did you find something for your Grandpa?”

  “Yes. I think he is going to love it. Did you get everything you wanted?”

  “No. Not even close. Sorry, but it looks like this is going to be an all-day shopping extravaganza.”

  “That’s fine with me. I don’t mind window shopping as long as we get to catch up. Maybe I can help you think of gift ideas.”

  “I hope so because my brothers are excruciatingly hard to shop for. But I think I need the most help with Tommy. Things have gotten pretty serious between us and I have no clue what to get him. This is the longest relationship I’ve ever had.”

  “Don’t look at me. I haven’t even been in a relationship in over a year. I think you are on your own chic.”

  “Thanks a lot Maggie.” I have to laugh at her desperate expression.

  We spend the next few hours searching every store hoping to fulfill her shopping list. She finds something for everyone on the list except Tommy. Nothing seems right. I told her to just give him something from the heart. We decide to grab dinner at a restaurant right beside the mall. We talk about everything school related and what classes she is taking next semester. She told me about some of her new friends who will be coming to the party. She can’t wait to see Heather again. Those two really hit it off the last time Amanda visited me, which makes me a very happy camper. She can’t wait for our New Year’s celebration at her house with no adult supervision. I guess we are all pretty much adults by now, we just aren’t legally allowed to consume alcohol yet.

  I’m a little nervous about seeing Tommy again after all this time. Amanda has tried to reassure me that everything is going to be fine. They had a long talk and she even told him about Asher. She actually seems a little excited to meet him. I have to admit, I kind of miss him.

  “I still can’t believe your parents trust you enough to have the house to yourself.”

  “I have proven to be a very responsible daughter in the past year. Honestly, my life is pretty boring. I’m either at home or at Tommy’s house. I don’t party or break curfew. So yeah, they trust me.”

  “My life in Michigan is pretty boring too. All my time is spent going to classes or studying with Asher. I don’t do parties and have only been drunk once.”

  “You got drunk? I don’t believe it! I thought you learned your lesson the night you drank all that beer at Vince’s.” Her eyes immediately scrunch up as she waits for my reaction. I know she slipped up, bringing Vincent up but I don’t want her to feel bad so I move past it quickly.

  “Well, this time I drank hard liquor. What a mistake. That hangover was way worse than one I got from beer. And it made me quite the chatter box. Apparently I ended up telling Asher and Heather about my sorted past.”

  “No way. That must have been awful for you. I’m sorry, Maggie. I know how much you wanted to keep that part of your life hidden.”

  “It’s okay. Really. They were both very understanding. I really lucked out in meeting both of them. They have been great to me.”

  “So what is the story with this Asher kid? Do you like him? You can talk to me. I promise not to say anything to Tommy.”

  “I don’t know, Amanda. I mean, yes I like him. I think. I just can’t seem to move on from Vincent. I never told you this but Asher kissed me in Florida and I totally freaked out. I started crying for pete sake. Who does that?”

  “Are you serious? He kissed you? Why am I just now hearing about this?”

  “Because I didn’t know how you would react. I know you still have to see “him” because of Tommy and I know you are friends. I just didn’t want to make it awkward for you. And there wasn’t really anything to tell. I have been clear with Asher from the beginning that I don’t want to date anyone. He apologized and we went back to being friends.”

  “Now he’s coming here to meet your friends and see where you grew up? Maggie, I don’t think he wants to be just friends.”

  “It doesn’t matter because when I tried to kiss him back, it didn’t feel right. It felt like a betrayal. I know that’s stupid, I know I have to stop living in the past, I just need more time.”

  “Oh honey, I don’t think time is what you need. I know I’m not supposed to talk about this, but have you thought about giving Vince a call? You might be surprised by his reaction.”

  “Don’t. Just don’t. I can’t and you know that. He didn’t want to be with me. I can’t get past his rejection, not after growing up the way I did. He hurt me more than anyone else ever has. I can’t talk about this.” I get up from the table, rushing into the bathroom. I silently cry until I can compose myself enough to head back out to Amanda. We don’t discuss Vincent or Asher the rest of the week.

  Amanda went back home yesterday, leaving me to celebrate Christmas with my Grandfather. Because it’s just the two of us, we don’t make a big deal out of it. He has a miniature, fake tree that he puts up every year in front of the living room window. It looks kind of sad with no presents underneath. I love my Grandpa dearly, but he isn’t good with giving gifts. He hands me a card with some cash stuffed inside. I really don’t mind. I know that he loves me, he doesn’t need to show me with presents. I hand him his model airplane watching for the tiny grin I know will come when he opens it. He doesn’t let me down.

  The last Christmas I spent in this house with my father was such a contrast to how things are now. My Grandmother was still alive, tucked away in the kitchen cooking all day. My father had showered me with gifts while my Grandpa helped put together some of my new toys. I remember being on the floor with two of the best men I’ve ever known, giggling and feeling loved. Now that I think back on it, my father must have had to pay my mother a pretty penny to get me for Christmas. I can’t imagine that she would let him have me otherwise. The memories this house holds for me will never leave me. I just wish my father was still around to make new ones.

  Just three more days until I drive to the airport to pick up Asher. I don’t know if I’m more nervous about seeing him or Tommy. I still h
ave no idea what I’m going to say to either of them. I can’t seem to get the thought of Vincent out of my mind. The possibility that he is with another girl and her family, keeps gnawing its way into my thoughts. I can’t help the self-doubt that creeps into my mind. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him? Maybe he found someone better? Someone that won’t push him to do things he doesn’t want to do, like going to college and leaving his family. I just can’t think of a reason he would leave Milford on a holiday. I have got to stop obsessing over a man I will never be with. Even if he wanted me now, I don’t know if I could ever forgive him for leaving me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  We ended up getting about 5 inches of snow the day before I had to drive all over the state collecting friends and heading back to my hometown. My Grandpa warned me to be extra cautious on the roads. We hugged a long good-bye before I climbed into my car. I told him I would be sure to come home for spring break.

  The airport is about an hour south of my Grandpa’s place. I leave a little early, giving myself plenty of time in case I hit some icy roads. But everything has been salted and plowed so there is nothing to worry about. Living in a state that expects snow every year, the crews stay on top of it. I wonder briefly how Vince’s business is doing and if he still drives around in the early morning hours making the roads safer for us all. I make it to the airport with time to kill. I decide to play a mindless game on my phone while I wait. I get so distracted, I don’t notice Asher until he is practically breathing down my neck.

  “Hey Maggie!”

  “Hey! Sorry, I got caught up in this stupid game. How was your flight?

  “Great. No problems or delays. I love direct flights. They make everything so easy.”

  “You ready to see the great state of Ohio?”

  “Sure. Lead the way.” After what happened in Florida, we try to refrain from physical contact as much as possible.

  “How was your Christmas?”

  “Pretty good. It was just my Grandpa and I, so nothing exciting. How about you?”

  “It was good. Both of my brothers came home which made my mom real happy. My dad never laid into me about school, so that was a bonus. Dex and Seth were around for most of the break so we got in some awesome surf time.”

  “That’s great to hear. I know you miss being close to the water.”

  “No kidding. I spent the last two weeks in the sun and now I have to face freezing temperatures and snow. This is going to be a very long winter.”

  “You’ll get used to it. I promise.”

  The rest of the drive, Asher shares all of his new surfing stories with me. I absolutely adore the way his eyes light up every time he reenacts one of his more successful runs. He uses his hands to talk so they tend to move the way they would if he was really on the water. I think I really missed him. After our two hour drive, we finally arrive at Amanda’s house. I decide it’s best to introduce them now and do the whole tour thing later. We walk up the front steps to the big red door and knock.

  “Hey chic! You know you don’t need to knock. Just come on in. You did practically live here when we were growing up.”

  “I know, it just feels weird because I haven’t been here in so long. By the way, this is Asher. Asher this is Amanda.”

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Amanda. I’ve heard so many great stories about you.”

  “Only the good ones, I hope. It’s nice to meet you too. Come on in and I will show you where you will be sleeping. I decided to put us girls in my parent’s bedroom since they have a king size bed. You will be crashing in my brother’s room and Heather will be in mine. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Nope. I can pretty much sleep anywhere.”

  After showing Asher around the house, we leave him to unpack. Amanda and I head downstairs to wait for Heather who should be arriving anytime now. I spoke to her about an hour ago and she was getting close.

  “Where in the world do you find these hunky, super-hot guys? I mean seriously, Maggie. That guy is smokin.”

  “I know, I know. He’s extremely good looking. It doesn’t help matters that he is also kind, generous and wicked smart.”

  “I still can’t believe you turned that hot piece of ass down.” I smack her in the arm, hard.

  “I can’t believe you just said that. I already told you why I can’t take things further with him. I tried and didn’t feel anything. Maybe there is only one person for each of us and Vince was it for me.

  “I don’t know if I believe that. But I get what you are saying. Physical attraction is one thing, but love is so entirely different. I used to think that because I wanted a guy physically that I must care about him on some level. I had no idea what real feelings were until I met Tommy. So I understand what you mean because you had that with Vince. But I don’t think it’s impossible to share that with someone else. Maybe Asher just isn’t that someone.”

  “Maybe.” We end our conversation because Asher comes barreling down the stairs full of energy.

  “So what are we doing?”

  “Right now we’re waiting on Heather. She should be here any minute. Then we can all decide what sounds fun. I hate to disappoint you, but our tiny town doesn’t have much to offer.”

  “That’s okay. I don’t mind hanging around the house with three beautiful girls.” He gives Amanda a little wink causing her to blush slightly.

  Once Heather arrives on the scene, we decide to pile up in my car so I can show my two college friends around town. After about a 45 minute tour, we’re done. I warned them that Milford was small. We all agreed to hit up the video store, stocking up on movies and junk food. When we get back to the house and I can see that everyone is settled in, I sneak out to go see Martina. I feel a little guilty leaving my friends but I’m so excited to finally see her that I decide it’s worth ditching them.

  I pull up to the familiar white house with yellow shutters, allowing myself a minute to soak in the feeling of being home. I walk up the cement pathway painstakingly slow, trying to recall every moment ever spent here with Martina, Joey, and even Vincent. Before my balled up fist can even knock one time on the old wood door, it comes flying open.

  “Maggie! Oh my goodness. Maggie. Come here and give me a hug.” There is nothing in this world that can compare to being embraced by the woman who has become like a mother to me. Tears stream down my face uncontrollably as I notice my shoulder getting drenched with Martina’s sobs. We stand on her front porch in the early evening hours, squeezing each other so hard while we cry happy tears.

  “Amanda told me you were coming back to town. I’m so glad you came to see me.”

  “Of course! There isn’t any place I would rather be. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you too. Come inside and have some tea so we can talk.”

  I walk into the living room expecting to be destroyed by the images of Vincent plastered all over the walls but instead warmth fills my heart. How can I be sad about being a part of his life for any period of time? He let me into his home, into his life. Sharing his family freely with me, allowing me the connection I now have with Martina. No, this isn’t a place of sorrow for what I no longer have but a place filled with joyous memories and a woman I love dearly.

  We make our way into her cozy kitchen, taking a seat at the wooden table where I’ve shared so many meals with this family, my family. I can’t help but think that Vincent is going to walk through the door any minute with a huge smile on his face. I push away the feelings of anticipation for what will never happen. Martina boils some hot tea for us on this cold December day. She knows me so well.

  “So how is everything? How was Christmas with your Grandfather? Is he doing well?”

  “He is doing great. We had a nice time. Just very quiet and simple. Just the way he likes it. How was your Christmas?”

  “It was wonderful. Everyone was here to celebrate. Amanda even joined us for Secret Santa this year. We really missed you, Maggie. It doesn’t feel the same wit
hout you here. I hope to see that change next year.”

  “I’m working on it. I promise. Maybe by then I will be over him.” I look down into my cup of tea, ashamed that I’ve allowed my broken heart to keep me from everyone else I love in this house.

  “A lot can change in a year, Maggie.”

  “I know it can. I want to move forward with my life. I really do. So let’s talk about something else. How is the job going boss lady?”

  “Boss lady? I like the sound of that. Everyone at work calls me Mrs. Moreno which is weird because they used to call me Martina. It’s hard to go from being friends with everyone to being their boss but I’m making progress. I think everyone really respects me because I worked my way up to management.”

  “I’m sure they do. And you deserve it. I am so proud of you. I really admire your hard work and perseverance. It has taught me to never give up, to strive for what I want out of life.”

  “What do you want, Maggie?”

  I’m saved by the bell, so to speak, when Joey comes charging through the front door with Keri following right behind him. The minute he sees me, he rushes over like a bull in a china store. If I wasn’t so excited to see him, I might be slightly terrified. He has grown into a man overnight. I think he might be bigger than Vince now. Not just in muscle but in height too.

  “I can’t believe it! Maggie Wilson has finally come home!” He picks me up in a bear hug, practically squeezing the life out of me. I love every single second.

  “Joey! I’m so happy to see you but I kind of can’t breathe.”

  “Oh. Sorry. I swear I don’t know my own strength.”

  “He really doesn’t.” Keri says with a sweet smile. We hug each other tightly for a moment. God I’ve missed them all so much.

  “I can’t believe I get to see everyone! I have missed you all so much!”

  “Well, not everyone. Vince isn’t here.” Keri smacks Joey hard in the chest but he doesn’t even flinch.