“I know you would have. It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you for any of this.”
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear those words Maggie. To know that you are truly alright.” A single tear falls down his face. I’m deeply touched but also oddly fascinated by the amount of time it takes to fall to the ground.
“Daddy, what should I do?”
“What happened between the two of you?”
“He made a choice for me without even considering what I wanted. I was getting ready to leave for college and wanted him to come with me. When he said he couldn’t leave his mother and younger brother, I started looking into the community college in Milford. I would have done anything for him but he didn’t want me. He wanted distance. Of course now, I know he did it for my own good. That’s what he says anyway. He didn’t want to be the reason I gave up my dreams. To be my regret in life. He knew how desperate I was to get away from our tiny town and Patricia. But it wasn’t his decision to make. Now, I don’t know if I can move forward, if I can let go of what he did.”
“Aww. I see. But he came searching for you? He came to Michigan to win you back?”
“How do you…wait…so you know he is in Michigan but you didn’t know what happened between us?”
“Glimpses, Maggie. That’s all I get. Small fractions of time that are never enough. But I’m grateful for what I do get to see. Everything seems right in the world when I see that beautiful smile on your face. I know you were happy with Vincent. Probably the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”
“I was. He has done so much to get to Michigan, all just to be with me. I can’t even imagine what it took for him to leave his family.”
“Princess, you have to learn to forgive. Not just Vincent, but someday, your mother too. It’s not for her but for you. If you let it, the anger will eat away at your heart. I don’t want that for you. Vincent is waiting for you. He loves you, Maggie. Don’t lose the man that I know is right for you. He was only trying to do what he thought was best. Trust me.”
“Waiting for me where?”
“I guess the inevitable has come. I can’t keep you here with me forever.”
“What are you talking about? Where are we?”
“Maggie, honey. It’s time for you to go home. You can’t stay here with me.”
“No. No, no, no. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you. Not again. Please Daddy, don’t make me go.”
“You have an entire life to live. It’s not your time, Princess.”
“No. You can’t send me back. Not when I just got here. I want more time. I deserve more time!” My hands pound on his chest, begging for more.
“Shhh….it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. We will see each other again when the time is right. I promise.”
“I don’t want to wait. Why can’t I stay with you?” Tears are rushing down my face uncontrollably. The pain of being torn from my father as a child resurfaces, ripping through me.
“You have so much more to do in your life. You are going to get married, have a great career and make me lots of grandbabies.”
“But you won’t be there to see it.”
“I will see it from here. I will always be with you, Maggie. Always. But there are people down there that need you. It’s time for you to go back.”
I wrap my arms around my father, hugging him fiercely. I don’t want to let go but I know I have too. I can’t decide if this was a gift or a grave cruelty. I desperately want more time but there isn’t any. Not now. I feel the pull of my life, of my family waiting for me. I look deep into my father’s eyes, accepting that I can’t stay here.
“I love you Daddy.”
“I love you too, Princess.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
The next few moments are a blur as I pass through fantasy into reality. My body starts to shake as the pain rushes from my limbs deep into the center of my body. Oh God, it feels like a huge weight is sitting on my chest. There is pain everywhere. I don’t know where to begin. Make it stop. Please, someone make it stop. I hear voices but I can’t focus on anything but the pain.
I don’t want to be here. I want to go back. Send me back. Please. I plead within my own mind because my lips aren’t moving. I can’t hear my own voice outside of myself. All I hear are noises that don’t sound familiar. Beeping, gurgling, something that reminds me of a pump maybe. I feel like I’m having sensory overload. I can’t take it. My eyes refuse to open, disregarding my desire to see my surroundings. Why does it hurt so much? I can feel myself starting to fade into the darkness, being sucked under by some unseen force.
When I wake up again, the pain is more manageable. It’s not quite as unbearable as it was last time. I swear I hear voices, but I don’t know who they belong too. Then I hear footsteps, lots and lots of footsteps. Something is tugging on my arm. Stop that. What is going on? Why did I have to come back here when all I feel is pain? I wanted to stay. To bask in the glory of a beautiful fall day forever with my father. Life can be so cruel. The longer I lie here, the stronger the pain becomes. Why isn’t anyone helping me? I get pulled under again.
Finally! I can feel my eyes starting to open. It feels like it takes an entire day just to get my lids to lift enough for me to see…nothing. A ceiling? Really? That’s the view I get? Where am I? I try to move my head but it hurts too much. Why does everything hurt? This is so frustrating. I try to move my fingers and to my delight, they listen. Then I feel something warm squeezing my hand. Something familiar. I think about my Dad. But that’s impossible. So who is holding my hand?
“Maggie, oh God, Maggie. Nurse! Nurse! I think she’s awake!”
Vincent? Why is he here? Didn’t I leave him at my apartment? Where is here anyway? I am so confused. A nurse, or at least I assume that’s who she is based on what Vincent was yelling, shines a bright light into my eyes while asking me to close my hand tightly around hers. I do as she asks and then I hear her say that she’s going to call the doctor immediately.
Doctor? Doctor. Nurse. Machines. Lots of machines. And pain. Oh no. It all hits me at once. I left my apartment because I was upset. I shouldn’t have been driving. A deer ran into the road and I swerved. The last thing I remember was seeing this huge truck barreling down on me. What did I do?
“Maggie, can you hear me?” I squeeze his hand as hard as I can. I want to see him. I want to see his glorious face. I swear that man can read my mind. The next thing in my line of sight is Vincent’s smiling face. Tears are running down his cheeks, falling onto mine.
“I’m so glad you’re okay. We have all been so worried.”
I wish I could talk but I just don’t have the strength to open my mouth. A few minutes later, I hear a man’s voice that I don’t recognize.
“Maggie, I’m Dr. Everett. I’m going to check a few of your reflexes just to get an idea of where we stand. Okay?” I blink my eyes so he knows I understand. After a thorough exam, I hear him talking to someone in the hallway. I can feel Vince right beside me, then I hear him start to cry. That’s when I fall into the abyss again.
This time when I wake up, my throat feels so dry. I can barely swallow and when I do it’s like sandpaper scratching down my throat. I would kill to have some water right now. I wonder if I can talk yet. I try to clear my throat, preparing to speak for the first time in, I don’t even know how long. I decide to choose my words wisely, since I don’t know how many I may be able to say. Here goes nothing.
“Water.” I think something came out of my mouth. Maybe it’s just my imagination. So I try again. “Water.” That was definitely something.
“Maggie, is that you?”
“Water.” It’s really all I can say right now because my throat feels like it is on fire. I feel someone moving beside me then I hear the intercom come to life.
“Can I help you?”
“She’s awake and asking for water.”
“I’ll be right in.”
Oh thank God. She will be right in. I
wonder how long it will take her. I have no idea if it’s the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. I really hope I can sit up soon so I can see my surroundings. This kind of sucks. But at least Vince is here. He really does love me. Daddy was right.
“Maggie, this is nurse Amy. She’s going to put a straw in your mouth now so you can take a drink without moving too much.”
I can’t really respond other than squeezing his hand. I feel the hard plastic edge of the straw so I grasp it in between my teeth pulling it into my mouth before closing my lips around the end. I try as hard as I can to get the liquid up the straw and am rewarded when I taste water. I swallow, immediately feeling relief. The temperature of the water is cool, soothing my sore throat. After a few more drinks, the nurse tells me to take it easy. I hear her tell Vince to give me just a little at a time before she leaves the room.
“Vince?”
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more than you know, Magnolia.”
The next couple of days, I drift in and out of consciousness. Every time I wake up, Vince is right by my side. I don’t think he ever leaves. I can’t wait to get out of this hospital bed. It’s killing me to be stuck in the same position most of the day. I am able to sit up for brief amounts of time but the pressure wears me down. The doctor finally went over my injuries. I have a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder, four broken ribs, a fractured tibia in my right leg and apparently I had a collapsed lung. Oh and a concussion. The driver of the truck walked away with barely a scratch. That’s what I get for being in a tiny car.
“You scared the crap out of us!” Amanda practically yells at me when I see her after being awake on and off for a few days. Apparently I was in a medically induced coma for about three days to give my body time to heal. I was starting to wonder where everyone else was. Vince has been the only person I’ve seen in days.
“I’m sorry. It’s not like I did it on purpose.” I smile sheepishly at my best friend silently asking for her forgiveness.
“Don’t ever do that to me again! You are so lucky the doctor wouldn’t allow visitors back here because I might have killed you myself.” I laugh at her outrageous comment because she is just so ridiculous but I love her.
“Owe. Don’t make me laugh. It hurts like hell.” Amanda comes rushing over to my side with fear in her eyes.
“Maggie, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Do you need me to get the doctor?” I can see now why they didn’t want anyone back here. She is a hot mess.
“I’m fine. Just don’t make me laugh.” I look around the room, noticing that Vincent is gone for the first time in days, giving me and my best friend some privacy. “How did Vince get back here if the doctor wouldn’t allow visitors?”
“He begged, pleaded, got down on his knees in front of the entire hospital staff refusing to leave until he could see you. We all stood behind him and supported him. I explained to the doctor that you don’t have any parents and that Vince was the closest thing you had to family. Your Grandfather was too shaken up to make the drive up here. He has been worried sick about you. Martina has been staying with him and giving him updates.”
“That’s nice. I bet he is loving that.” My eyes start to get droopy as my words begin to slur.
“Maggie, just rest. You’ve been through a lot. We are all here waiting for you when you wake up.”
I don’t remember her saying anything else before the pain medication drags me under. You would think that being asleep so much would bring on a million dreams. But I can’t seem to grasp anything in my sleep. It just feels like time is slipping through my fingers as the darkness takes over. I hate it. I hate not knowing what day it is or how long I’ve been out. But the doctor assures me this is all normal. That my body needs rest to heal itself. I just wish it would hurry up.
I wake up to shockingly bright sun rays shining through the blinds directly into my line of sight. Normally I would cringe away from the light but not today. Today I embrace it, holding onto the little bit of tangible proof I’m still alive. A smile spreads across my face because my father was right. As much as I wanted to stay with him, I’m not done living.
“Maggie?” I turn my head slowly because there is still pain when I move too fast. There he sits. The man I’m meant to be with. It’s time I let go. It’s time I forgive him and accept his love. Because I do deserve it.
“Vincent. I need to talk to you. Can you just sit and listen without interrupting me?” He shakes his head slowly, doubt filling his eyes.
“I saw my Dad. I know that sounds impossible, but I did. We had such an amazing time. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with him forever but he told me my life wasn’t over yet. I didn’t understand in that moment what he meant but the first time I saw you after opening my eyes, I got it. You are my everything. I want you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I can finally let go of the hurt. I forgive you, Vincent.” He leans over my broken body as gently as possible, looking down with an intensity I’ve never seen before.
“Magnolia. I. Love. You.”
“I love you.”
“I don’t ever want to lose you. Even if you never forgave me, I would still be here. I will never leave you again.”
“I know. We all make mistakes. I’ve made plenty. Can you forgive me for being so stubborn?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have you any other way. God, I missed you.”
I close my eyes, absorbing what it feels like to be whole again. I have felt so incomplete without him in my life. I never want to lose him again. I drift off slowly, but this time it’s not darkness that surrounds me but light. I have found my peace.
Later that afternoon, just as Vince is about to help me eat some broth, I hear a booming voice carrying down the hallway. A smile spreads across my face.
“Grandpa! I can’t believe you came all this way!”
“I wasn’t going to let anything keep me from checking on you with my own two eyes. I couldn’t stand sitting by the phone waiting for these people to give me updates every few hours. I was slowly losing my mind. Martina agreed to drive me up here. I think she wanted to see you just as badly as I did. How are you feeling?”
“Better. They are finally letting me try some food. I was just about to eat.”
“Oh. I don’t want to bother you. Do you want us to come back?” Just then I see Martina’s tiny frame peeking out from behind my Grandfather. Her smile warms my heart.
“Of course not. Sit down and keep me company while I try to tolerate this liquid they are trying to pass off as food.” He smiles at me, relief filling his eyes.
“Maggie, it is so good to see you.” Martina comes around the opposite side of the bed because Vincent refuses to move for anyone. Even his own mother.
“Martina, I’ve missed you so much. Thank you for driving my Grandfather up to check on me. It means everything to me.”
“I missed you too. I am so glad you are okay. We have all been praying for you.” I see a tiny tear slip out of her eye but she quickly brushes it away with the back of her hand.
“It must have worked because I’m still alive. Thank you. So much.”
The doctor comes in just as Martina finishes giving me a gentle hug. My Grandfather is standing awkwardly at the end of my bed. He will probably never be okay with showing affection, but that’s okay. It’s who he is. Martina moves out of the way so I can be examined for the hundredth time.
“Everything looks good. Your reflexes seem to be responding faster every day which is a good sign. Your labs and scans look great. I’m confident we can get you up and out of here by the end of the week. That is as long as you have someone to take care of you at home.”
“Absolutely.” Vincent says with so much confidence no one argues with him.
The doctor steps aside to talk to the nurse. Vincent gets distracted by his mother so my Grandfather takes advantage of the chaos, stepping over to the
side of the bed. He leans over and gives me the sweetest kiss on my forehead.
“You really had me worried. I thought I lost you just like your father.”
“I saw him, Grandpa. I saw Daddy. I wanted to stay but he told me I wasn’t done here. So I came back to be with all of you.”
“Maggie, I don’t think that’s possible honey. It was probably just a dream.”
“It was real. As real as sitting here with you right now. I held his hand, I hugged him. We talked for hours.” I didn’t realize how loud our conversation had gotten until the doctor looks up from my chart.
“Maggie, people in your condition often have experiences they consider the afterlife. The subconscious brain can make you believe that what you are dreaming is real. It’s fairly common and nothing to be alarmed about.”
“I saw him. I talked to him. I know it was real. It wasn’t a dream.” I say with certainty in my voice. I can feel the unease in the room as everyone looks everywhere but at me. Everyone except Vincent.
“It’s okay Maggie. No one doubts that you saw your dad.”
“Try to get some food in your body. It will help you recover and gain your strength back. I will check on you tomorrow. Have a good day everyone.” The doctor leaves the room but not before I give him my death glare.
He had no right to discredit what I experienced. I know what I saw. I know what I felt. That wasn’t a dream. That was God answering my prayers. Giving me a moment in time with my father. A gift I could never repay.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I am so ready to get out of this hospital bed. I’ve been here for two weeks. Two whole weeks of classes that I’ve missed. I’m going to have so much to catch up on. On top of that, the doctor says I can’t return to class for another two weeks. Ugh. I’m going to lose my mind. I start to shake my foot, the anxiety building. Then a warm hand starts gently massaging my leg, calming my nerves. Vincent looks over at me with the patience of a saint. I don’t know how he isn’t going mad right along with me.
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