“Maggie? Are you alright? I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Vince. I never wanted to hurt you. Please forgive me. I thought it was best for you two to work things out on your own.”
“Hi Martina. Thank you for apologizing. It means a lot to me. I was upset and a little hurt but I’ve actually been avoiding you because I thought you were going to yell at me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Well, I haven’t been treating your son very nicely. In fact, I did something really stupid making things ten times worse between us.”
“Maggie, honey, I could never be mad at you for something between you and Vince. That doesn’t affect our relationship. I hope you know that by now. Whether you end up with him or not, you will always be important in my life.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I wish I could talk to my Dad. I don’t know why, but I feel like he would have the answers.”
“I know. It feels that way when they aren’t around. Like they could magically fix everything. But they can’t. And even if they could, we shouldn’t want them to. Sometimes we have to do things on our own. I wish I could help but this is one of those times.”
“I wish it wasn’t so hard. Being a grown-up sucks. How are you so good at it?”
“Years of practice. Now tell me how everything else is going. Are you keeping up with your classes?”
We talk for about an hour catching up on everything from school to work to Joey and Keri. I feel like such an idiot for avoiding her. I should have known better. She has always been there for me. No matter what was going on with me and Vince. We end the conversation how we always do, saying I love you. Sometimes I can’t believe my luck to have found such amazing people to share my life with.
I’m halfway through the third movie when Heather comes home. She has her hands full of groceries so I get off the couch for the first time in hours to help her. It looks like she bought everything but the kitchen sink.
“Good lord woman, what all did you get?”
“I am getting over a bad break-up. When that happens, I cook. It’s my therapy.”
“Can I just say that I love your therapy. So what’s for dinner tonight?”
“I’m not sure. Why don’t you pick. I have stuff to make just about anything.”
“How about homemade ravioli?”
“Sure. Anything for you. So what did you do today?”
“Stayed home watching sappy movies all day eating ice cream.”
“Well, that sounds productive. I take it things didn’t go well with Vince.”
“Let’s not talk about him. I’m tired of saying his name.”
“That bad huh.” I give her the dirtiest look I can without offending her completely. She still has to make my dinner. “Okay, okay. Let’s talk about something else.”
After cleaning up the dishes, Heather and I decide homework is probably the best route since we’re both falling behind. She was spending so much time with Derek that she stopped caring so much about class. With my attention being elsewhere Monday and then skipping most of my classes today, I have a ton to do as well. But after two hours of die-hard reading, we cave in and watch the rest of my romantic comedy. After staying up way too late, I head to bed. I’m relieved that I don’t have to see Vince until Monday. Because I have no idea where we go from here.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It’s been two weeks since my confrontation with Vince. Things have been awkward to say the least. I refuse to make eye contact with him during class and leave immediately after. He hasn’t made any additional effort to contact me with an apology for his nasty comment. Asher has put major distance between us as well. He still talks to me but only about school related topics. It feels like it’s been forever since he came to my apartment to hang out. I really miss him. On the plus side of things, I have a ton of time to study. I even joined a study group for business class so I could keep up.
Heather seems to be doing better. She is down to cooking three to four times a week instead of every single night. It’s all about progress. I just wish that I could make some. I still can’t decide what to do about Vincent. I mean, I know we aren’t exactly on speaking terms, but he’s still here. That has to mean something, right.
It’s Friday night and I have the apartment to myself for a change. Heather had to head home for the weekend for her mom’s birthday. I order Chinese take-out, then spread every text book and notepad out on the table, determined to get through everything tonight so I can watch crappy television the rest of the weekend. After 45 minutes, my food arrives. Nothing like greasy Chinese food to help you study. I’m about to put the first bite in my mouth when I hear the door again. The delivery guy must have forgotten something. I pull the door open and I’m completely taken by surprise.
“What are you doing here?”
“I think it’s time we talk. Like really talk. I’m not leaving until you agree.”
“Vince, now isn’t a good time.”
“When is a good time, Maggie? I’ve been here for over two months now and we haven’t made any progress.” Funny he should use that word. I swear it’s like he can read my mind.
“Fine. Let’s get this over with.” He saunters in past me, brushing his arm against my shoulder. I can’t help the shiver that runs down my spine from just the smallest touch. I can’t deny the effect he has on me. Even after all this time.
“Can we sit down?”
“No.”
“So stubborn. Fine. Do you want to start?”
“Start with what? You’re the one who wants to talk. You haven’t even so much as looked at me in almost two weeks. Why now?”
“I needed time to cool down. To clear my head. I’m sorry. Sorry about what I said about you and Asher. I was hurt and angry and really didn’t have any right to be. How could I expect you to be waiting for me after all this time? I guess I just hoped that I meant as much to you as you mean to me.”
“Stop right there, Slick. You don’t get to say that I mean more to you than you do to me. I’m not the one who ended things.”
“You think I wanted to end this…us? I didn’t. I agonized over my decision for days, changing my mind a thousand times. I wanted to hold onto to you so badly but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. When you started talking about staying in Milford, I just couldn’t let you do that.”
“It wasn’t your choice to make!” I scream as loud as my lungs will allow.
“Please, just let me finish. The minute I realized that you were gone, I really lost it. If it wasn’t for my mom I don’t know where I would be. She pulled my head out of the deep depression I was suffering. Once I figured out that maybe, just maybe I could win you back, I did everything possible to make it happen. I started taking night classes and when that wasn’t enough, I added in online courses as well. I started teaching Tommy everything I could about my business so he could take over while I was gone. I applied for every single scholarship out there so I could afford to come here. I even applied in August but they said my grades weren’t high enough so I worked even harder.”
“What do you want me to say? Thanks for doing all of this? It’s a little late, Vince. Why did it take me leaving for you to realize you were capable of accomplishing all of this?”
“I don’t know. I never really had anyone believe in me the way you did. Maggie, I made a mistake. I never should have pushed you away. We should have worked it out together. I know that now. You make me want to be a better person, a better man.”
“You hurt me. You broke my trust. How can I ever get that back?”
“Please, just let me try. Give me another chance. I’m begging you. I love you. I have never stopped loving you.”
“Don’t. Just please don’t. I can’t take it. All this time I thought you didn’t want me. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That I wasn’t enough. All the self-doubt that my mother tried to instill in me, all the times she degraded me, called me names, I never
believed it until you said you needed distance. Do you have an idea what you did to me by turning me away? Making me think she was right all this time?”
“Oh no. Maggie, God…I’m so sorry. I had no idea that’s what you would think. I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you as far away from that woman as possible.”
“Don’t you see, none of that mattered. All I wanted was to be with you. We would have worked everything else out. But you bailed on us.”
“I’m here now. I want to be with you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Please, please forgive me.”
He walks over to me slowly, waiting for me to stop him. But I can’t. Not anymore. He looks deep into my eyes, searching for the love he knows is still there. He gently places his hand on my cheek, running his thumb over my bottom lip. Memories flood my mind of all the times he has touched me this way. I close my eyes, trying to let it soak in. He’s real and he’s standing right in front of me. Before I can say anything, do anything, his lips come softly down on mine.
Everything awakens in my body. Every nerve ending is set to his touch. Only his touch. I forgot what his lips felt like, what he tasted like. How could I ever even think that someone else could compare to what we have. Nothing, and I mean nothing can parallel the connection I feel to this man. I missed everything about him. His smile, his scent, his strong arms wrapped around my body. I feel like I’ve been deprived of his touch far too long.
His kiss starts off slow. Unsure of what my reaction will be. He brushes his mouth softly over my lips, then down my jaw until he reaches my neck. It feels…incredible. Absolutely unreal. He just ignited something in me that has been buried for almost two years. I can’t take it anymore. I grab his face in my hands, pulling his mouth back up to mine. I pull in close, barely grazing his lips before crashing down on them. I deepen our kiss, bringing all of our passion back with it.
I push him up against the wall, allowing my anger and frustration with him to pour out into a frenzied pace. I can’t seem to get close enough to him. My arms and hands are everywhere. I tug at his shirt wanting it off desperately. He doesn’t stop kissing me or touching me as he pulls it over his head. He reaches down to the bottom of my shirt before practically ripping it off my skin. We somehow worked our way to the hallway leading to my bedroom. This time he pushes me against the wall, grabbing the back of my thighs with his strong hands. He lifts me up so I wrap my legs around his waist. Our bodies are becoming one, unable to see where he ends and I begin. If my lips aren’t on his, they are on his jaw, his neck, anywhere I can reach without breaking contact. He presses his body into mine, expressing how much he wants me.
His hands are everywhere. His touch is a reminder of the time we once shared. Remembering the past starts to bring back the pain. The mistrust I now have. I start to feel the panic rising up, trying to suffocate me. I can’t do this. I have to stop. How can I allow him to fall back into my life so easily? He hurt me. Beyond repair.
“Stop. Please, just stop.” I’m panting heavily from our brief encounter. Battling with my body and my mind. Every part of me wants him. Even my heart. But can I trust him not to destroy me?
“Maggie, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted this?”
“I can’t. I just don’t think I can do this again.”
“Please don’t say that. I need you. You are my everything.”
“Let go of me. Now.” He gently places my legs back on the floor. “Please go.”
“No. I will not let you do this. We belong together. I love you and you love me.”
“I can’t! I’m so messed up. Can’t you see that? She ruined me! She stole my trust, my unconditional love, making it nearly impossible to for me to love someone else like that. But I did. With you. And then you wrecked me!”
I push him away with all my strength. I grab my shirt off the floor and my keys off the counter, running out the door. Tears are streaming down my face because I’m just too scared to let him in again. What if I open my heart to him and he decides he doesn’t want me? No, it’s better this way. I get in my car and take off down the road. I know I’m driving recklessly but I can’t seem to get away fast enough. I can’t think straight. I have no idea where I’m headed, I just know it has to be away from him. I swerve violently, nearly hitting a deer that was running across the road. What I didn’t see coming was the huge mac truck. I try to get back into my lane, I really do. But it’s too late.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I can smell the leaves and feel the soft grass beneath me. The coolness in the air tells me its fall. My favorite time of year. I slowly peel my eyes open, rewarded with what I hoped I would see. I’m surrounded by trees. Hundreds of trees full of vibrant orange, red and yellow leaves. They are the most magnificent trees I’ve ever seen. It’s amazing how the mind works. I don’t have to think about where I am. I know exactly where this is. The park. The one my father used to take me to all the time as a little girl. What I don’t understand, is why I’m here now.
I sit up slowly, taking in my surroundings. I rub my hand against the soft fabric of my favorite blanket. My daddy’s blanket. It feels so familiar but much thicker than I remember. I also don’t feel cold. Odd considering it is fall in the north. I should be cold. I look around the park, unsure of what I’m searching for. Just as I’m about to give up, I see a figure standing by the swings. I get up off the ground, walking slowly to the man standing all alone.
The closer I get, the more I can sense the familiarity of this stranger. I can’t see his face because his back is turned to me. I approach him cautiously, afraid I might startle him. That’s when I notice his hands. I know those hands. But it can’t be. It just isn’t possible.
“Daddy?”
“Hi Princess.” He slowly turns around until I can see the entirety of his delight shining through in his bright smile.
“Oh Daddy! Daddy, Daddy, I missed you so much.” I leap into his arms holding onto to him like there is no tomorrow. And maybe there isn’t. But right now, I don’t care.
“Is this real? Are you really here?”
“Yes. I’m here. Let me look at you. God, you are beautiful. I can’t believe what an incredible woman you’ve turned into. My little girl is all grown up.”
“How is this possible? I can touch you. I can feel the heat coming off your body, I can hear your heart beating.”
“Why don’t we go have a nice picnic and catch up on everything before we get into all of that?” He takes my hand in his, leading me back to my favorite blanket. I see a basket sitting next to it that I swear wasn’t there before.
“Daddy, I’ve missed you so much. Everything about you. The smile on your face, the happiness in your eyes, the kindness that exists in your soul. You are the best man I’ve ever known.”
“I don’t think that’s true. But we will get to that. Right now I just want to savor this time. Tell me about school and Amanda and Heather. I want to hear all about your life.”
“How do you know about Amanda and Heather?”
“Later. I will explain everything later.”
“Okay Daddy.” As much as I don’t understand what’s happening, I really don’t care. If he wanted to talk about the dirt, I would. “School is really great. I got into the University of Michigan where I’m majoring in marketing. That’s where I met Heather. She’s really great. Wait…I almost forgot. Thank you for leaving me the money so I could go to college. You never let me down.”
“You are very welcome, Princess.” I can’t help but smile. I used to love it when he called me that. He gently reaches over, placing his hand on the side of my face. I lean into him, savoring the contact from the man I lost.
“Amanda I’ve known since grade school. She has been my best friend for years. I think we will always be close. I thought college might have torn us apart but instead, I think maybe it’s brought us closer.”
I go into detail about college life trying desperately to avoid the topic of my childhood. My father sits
patiently, listening to my rants about this topic or that topic. It’s funny because the sun never seems to go down. It stays sitting just above the horizon. I’m sure hours have passed since we first started talking. Just as I’m about to ask him about it, he brings up Vincent.
“And what about Vincent? How is he a part of your life?”
“How do you…nevermind. I don’t know. It’s complicated. Can we talk about something else?”
“Okay, how about Asher?”
“That’s complicated too. I’ve wanted nothing more than to be able to ask your advice and now that I’m here with you, I can’t think of what to say.”
“It’s okay, Maggie. Take your time.”
“Asher and I are just friends. That’s all we will ever be. I know that now. I just don’t know what to do about Vincent. He hurt me. Badly. I just don’t know if I can ever trust him again.”
“Princess, I have watched over you your entire life. I can’t always see what’s best for you but I do know that Vincent is the right person for you.”
“How do you know, Daddy?”
“Do you remember when you would run and end up by the railroad tracks? You could never figure out why. That was me. I was trying to guide you. Something told me that he was the one that would help you. That would get you away from your mother. That he would give you the strength you needed to break away. And then there are the dreams. I wish more than anything that I could take them away, make you forget living through that awful day. But when I realized you were alone in Michigan, I found a way to put Vince in them, standing outside of the car, waiting to help you. I have no idea what happened between the two of you, but I know you need him.”
“How is that even possible?”
“I don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. I don’t think we’re meant to know everything. What I do know is that there are times when I can help guide you and times when I can’t. I get glimpses of your life but not the whole picture. I’m very limited on what I can do. Believe me when I say this, if I could have gotten you away from your mother I would have.” He reaches over, squeezing my hand with a look of deep regret in his eyes.
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