Not Through Loving You

by Patricia Preston

  “No, you don’t.” He grasped her hand. “There’s no fixing needed. So somebody took some pictures of us and the world is gonna know we’re lovers. I’m not ashamed of that. I don’t care who knows or what they think because it doesn’t matter. I love you, Lia. All that matters is that you’re here with me and the baby.”

  “Aaron.” She didn’t know how much more her heart could withstand. “I will come back. I promise.”

  He turned her face toward his, and she saw the deep-seated fear in his eyes. She grasped the side of his face and gave him a quick, reassuring kiss. “I love you, too. I’ll come back. You know I will.”

  “Lia, I’m asking you to stay. If you love me, you’ll stay.”

  He wouldn’t relent. Typical of him. She smoothed the front of his rumpled blue jersey. She couldn’t relent either. Pulling away from him, she took her last two items out of his closet, and he swore.

  “So your rich and famous cowboy shows up, and you’re ready to walk away.” Aaron paced from one side of the room to the other as she closed and zipped the suitcase. “I saw how the two of you looked at each other.”

  She frowned. “Sometimes people only see what they want to see.” She retrieved her carry-on bag and put it on top of the larger suitcase. “There’s something you need to understand. I’m not your ex-wife.”

  His face paled, and she knew she had struck a nerve. She thought of the shoebox filled with hurt and maybe a large part of his heart. “The past is what it is. You can’t judge the future by it. You shouldn’t judge me by it.”

  He put his hands on his hips. It was like watching him dig in. “If you want to leave, fine. Leave.” He waved his hand toward the door. “Don’t bother coming back. I don’t need you, and the baby doesn’t need you.”

  She told herself he was angry and didn’t mean what he said. Yet she couldn’t stop the sorrow that was filling her heart. She clutched the handle of her suitcase. “Is that what you want?”

  He gave her a cold nod. “You walk out that door and leave with him, you don’t come back.”

  A silence followed the harsh finality of his words, and she understood the ache in her chest. “That’s not love, Aaron.”

  She realized if she left, she’d lose him. He viewed her leaving as a betrayal. Maybe it was. Maybe it was for the best. He had no faith in her, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that or anything else at the moment.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  “Then it’s over.” He strode into the nursery and shut the door.

  She yanked her bags out of the bedroom. Gilda was waiting for her in the foyer.

  “I never saw this coming,” she told Gilda.

  “Some things are never clear. I’ve spoken with Dallas. Here.” Gilda pulled a necklace out of her tote and put it on Lia. The gold chain supported a dark green gemstone flecked with red. “It’s bloodstone. I always keep it with me. Legend has it that bloodstone came into being when the blood of Christ fell on the green grass and turned to stone. Bloodstone is the crystal of courage and wisdom. It increases mental clarity and decision making.”

  “I could use the courage.”

  “Especially when it comes to facing Darth.” Gilda used her nickname for Julian. She opened the front door. “Don’t worry, Yoda is coming along.” She smiled as she and Lia stepped outside. Robby came and retrieved Lia’s bags.

  “My spirit guides are very excited about a trip to Paris. La Ville Lumière,” she added in a dreamy tone. “Ma cher, Frenchmen are magnifique in bed.”

  “I’m done with men.”

  “Of course, you are,” Gilda agreed completely.

  As she and Dallas got in the SUV, she noticed Aaron standing on the front porch, arms folded as he watched the vehicles roar to life in his driveway. Driving the red Jaguar, Robby pulled out first. Next was Gilda in her hatchback, followed by Dallas in the SUV. Before Dallas turned the Escalade into the street, Lia glanced in the sideview mirror and caught a brief glimpse of Aaron with Stevie standing beside him.

  A melody started humming inside her. I’m not through loving you.

  * * *

  The rocking chair creaked against the tile floor in the special-care nursery as Aaron rocked John, who slept soundly in his arms. Perhaps it was the rhythm of the rocker that soothed the stress inside Aaron. Or maybe it was the precious life he held close. At least he still had John Aaron, and they were going to do just fine together.

  Fathers and sons.

  He thought of his father, the former cop who had been tough on him when he needed tough as well as always there to help if he needed help. Now Frank had aged, and his son was no longer a little boy with problems a dad could fix.

  “Aaron.” Frank had stood in the bedroom doorway as Aaron sat in the armchair putting on his running shoes.

  Aaron looked up. Worry had deepened the lines in Frank’s face. “I’m fine, Dad.” He shrugged and lied. “I expected it. I knew she’d be leaving sooner or later.”

  “I heard she had to go talk to her father about some stuff.”

  “The music business,” Aaron said with disdain.

  “When she gets things settled with her father, is she coming back?”

  “No, she’s not.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I told her not to come back.” Aaron’s controlled slipped. “For chrissake, she left with another man. I’m not putting up with that shit.”

  Frank’s frown deepened the wrinkles in his face. “Didn’t you know about the other guy from the beginning?”

  “Yeah, I did,” Aaron admitted as the anger inside him spread. He was furious with himself. “She said they were over, and I, being the fool I am, believed her. Just like I believed Molly.”

  Frank nodded. “So Lia told you today that she’s still in love with the singer?”

  “She didn’t have to tell me. Damn it, I’ve got eyes. I can see.”

  “Can you?” Frank walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Dad, please. I don’t need a lecture. Not now.”

  “You’re gonna get one, whether you need it or not. I thought it was a bad idea in the beginning because I know how you are. You’re not quick to fall for a girl, but this girl stole your heart the first moment you saw her. And that’s only happened to you once before.”

  Aaron groaned as he laid his head back on the chair and rubbed his temple where a stress headache was beginning to throb.

  “I figured you were heading down the wrong path again, and I was going to talk to you about it. See if I couldn’t get through to you, despite your doggedness. I don’t know where you get that from, but it must be one of your grandparents.”

  “I wish you had kicked my ass.”

  “Well, I changed my mind about her. I started noticing little things—how her eyes lit up when she saw you and the way she smiled at you.”

  “Dad, I don’t need this now.”

  That didn’t shut Frank up. “I realized she was in love with you. Love was in every look she gave you. Every touch. I knew she was the right girl.”

  Aaron battled the pain inside himself. “You’re wrong. If she had loved me, she wouldn’t have taken off with that asshole to Paris. She’s not coming back.”

  “What about her sister’s baby?”

  “Looks like she didn’t care any more about him than her sister did.”

  “Aaron, you know that’s not true. She adores that baby, and she’s worked right alongside you to make this house a home for the baby.”

  “Yeah, well, she walked out on us.” Aaron refused to give an inch.

  Frank softened his voice. “Son, is it so hard for you to believe she loves you?”

  Aaron bent to tie his shoes and battled the truth emerging from his soul. “Yes. Is that what you want to hear? Every night I told myself she was falling in love with me. That she’d stay. But deep down, I never believed it. I always knew she’d go back to him.”

  After a moment of silence, Frank had given h
is head a shake and stood. He had patted Aaron’s shoulder. “Then it’s best she doesn’t come back.”

  Aaron had only one beacon of light left when it came to the future.

  He looked at John Aaron, who squirmed and made a face in his sleep. Aaron felt a rush of love as he straightened the baby’s beanie. “It’s gonna be okay. It’ll just be me and you. Father and son. Like I’d always planned.”

  “Dr. Kendall.” One of the nightshift nurses approached him. “Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Why?”

  “It’s getting late.”

  Aaron hadn’t noticed the time. “How late?”

  “Almost midnight.”

  He had been in the nursery with John since eight. Time had slipped away.

  “Are you going to stay the night?”

  He glanced at the sleeping baby in his arms. There was nothing waiting for him at home but a cold, lonely bed. “I’m gonna stay.”

  The nurse walked away, and the rocker continued to creak under the weight of a father and a son.

  Chapter 16

  A man of style, Julian Montgomery wore a beautifully tailored Caraceni suit. He had a passion for expensive suits as well as expensive watches. He had never worn anything but a Rolex because anything less would simply be less, and Julian had never been less.

  He had always been more. As a child, he had been beautiful, and he had carried those good looks into adulthood. His black hair was now an attractive silver, and his green eyes remained as sharp as ever.

  He had been born into a musical dynasty. His grandfather had been a simple country boy who could make a fiddle weep. Along with some other country boys, his grandfather had helped create what became known as bluegrass music at the Grand Ole Opry.

  His father had helped shaped the Nashville sound at Coldwater Hills Music. Like his ancestors, Julian had music running through his veins. His gift was having a great ear for talent and making the most of that talent. He brought together the best singers, songwriters, and musicians and produced songs that would outlive him.

  He pushed his stars to shine in the studio and on stage. Success was a hit on Billboard’s Top Forty, and some of his singers like Dallas Peyton, whom he had mentored, had landed at the top of the list. He liked seeing gold records hanging on the studio walls at Coldwater Hills Music; such achievements afforded him luxuries such as a five-star hotel in the heart of Paris and a Caraceni suit.

  He stood in front of the window, looking at the Eiffel Tower in the distance as he waited for his daughter. He’d been shocked when she had sent him a text message telling him she was in Paris and on her way to the hotel. Lia’s abrupt appearance in Paris meant something was wrong.

  He wouldn’t be surprised to find out it involved Dallas.

  “Here.” Sheila Stanton, a violinist and Julian’s long-time mistress, handed him a scotch on the rocks. She had what he considered old-school glamour: short, wavy black hair and high cheekbones like Elizabeth Taylor.

  “Thanks.” He took the drink from her. Too bad it had not been Sheila he had met thirty years ago instead of Tessa. What a mistake. But what the hell did you know when you were twenty years old?

  Tessa had been cute, a wannabe recording artist from LA. Her talent was mediocre, but she was an ambitious whore. His dick said go for it, and the next thing he knew he was getting married because Tessa was pregnant and his father told him he had to man up and do the right thing. During the divorce, he had gotten sole custody of Lia. Tessa had screwed the wrong guy.

  He looked down at the street below and saw a dark-haired girl get out of a taxi. Lia. He had always been pleased that Lia had his dark hair and green eyes, and when she had shown some musical aptitude, he was hopeful and proud, as any parent would be. But his hope became disappointment. Lia’s talent was sufficient at best. Like her failure of a mother, Lia didn’t shine.

  Then one day all that changed. She came into the studio with a new boyfriend named Dallas. She sat at the keyboard, and he played guitar. Dallas belted out a love song that had jaws dropping in the studio. It was a song Lia had written and arranged. Julian had known, at that moment, he was witnessing something special. Lia was not singing, but the song was hers. She was shining, and together, Dallas and Lia were magic.

  Now Julian feared that magic might be coming to an end.

  Sheila answered the door and welcomed Lia into the hotel suite. Julian finished his drink and turned to look at his child. Her white blouse and jeans were rumpled. She looked a little worse for wear with dark circles under her eyes and uncombed hair. With her shoulders slumped, she appeared afraid and vulnerable.

  A tightness welled in his chest. He had never seen her like that—never seen her looking so desperate. The only pain worse than your own is the pain of your child. He set aside his glass and went to her.

  “Daddy,” she said as he hugged her.

  “Hey, Songbird.” He called her his pet name for her. “Whatever it is, it’ll be all right.”

  Fathers and daughters.

  Suffering from jet lag and heartache, Lia sat on the sofa in the living room of her father’s hotel suite. The huge couch was soft and plush. She wanted to fall back and pass out on it. Instead, she sat with her hands clasped together as she told her father that she and Dallas had ended their relationship.

  “It’s been a long time coming,” she said.

  Julian sat in a brocade armchair opposite the sofa. A massive coffee table separated them.

  “I can’t say this is a huge surprise. Things haven’t seemed quite right for a while, but I kept hoping I was wrong,” he said. “Lia, are you sure? Is Dallas sure? Why isn’t he here?”

  “He’s not here because I wanted to do this alone. Just me and you, Dad.” She tried to keep her weary body erect. “Dallas is no longer a part of my life. We should have called it quits before now, but we hung onto the lie. Most of that is my fault. Just like everything else.”

  She smoothed her hands over knees. “You made Dallas who he is. You’ve been everything to him. He doesn’t want that to change. I don’t want that to change.”

  “Lia, I helped make Dallas. Yeah, he’s a fantastic singer, a major star. He’s important to me and Coldwater Hills, but I thought he was important to you, too.”

  She looked away as Julian said, “I remember when you two got together. I’d never seen that kind of excitement and enthusiasm in you. The songs you wrote and the way the two of you worked together. It was beautiful and genius, and I was so proud of you.”

  “I know.” Lia’s voice broke. “That was the reason for everything. I knew when I heard Dallas singing that he could be the star I wasn’t.” Her eyes misted. “And he was, and I wanted to be a part of it. What else was I going to be?”

  Shocked, Julian frowned. “You never loved him?”

  “I did love the music in him. I loved to hear him sing my songs because he gave the words life and meaning. I loved watching how his voice touched the audience. I loved that he was so special, and I was infatuated with him for a long time. Maybe it was love, but it’s not love now.”

  “Well, damn. I don’t know what to say.”

  “You can say you’re okay with it. That it doesn’t change anything.”

  Julian let out a long breath. “Dallas will always have a home at Coldwater Hills Music, and I’ll continue to work with him and help keep his career on track for as long as he wants. That won’t change.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Lia, one of the reasons I welcomed Dallas into our life and mentored him was because I thought you loved him. I know I wouldn’t win any awards for Dad of the Year, but I’ve always wanted you to be happy. I thought he made you happy. That’s why I wanted the two of you to stay together. So you would be happy.”

  “I wasn’t miserable,” she amended.

  “You look miserable,” Julian said. “Listen, I don’t want you to worry about this. I’ll get on the phone with Conner, and we’ll figure out how to spin it. I th
ink going with a joint announcement on Dallas’s web page is a good idea—”

  “Dad,” Lia interrupted. She sucked in a deep breath. “There’s more.”

  “More?”

  “Actually, Dallas and I had planned to tell you we were splitting up when you got back home next weekend. On the eighteenth.” She rocked her foot. “But something came up.” She cleared her throat. “We’ve both been seeing other people.”

  “What?” Julian sat straight up. “No.” He frowned. “Jesus. That could turn into a PR nightmare. Cheating never goes over well.” Julian’s face colored with anger. “Who’s he seeing?”

  “He’s been seeing Madison McCain for over a year,” she answered. Her father’s jaw dropped. “They want to get married.”

  She remained silent, giving her father time to recover. He had been blindsided by that news, and the worst was yet to come. Sheila appeared carrying a tray with hors d’oeuvres and a soft drink. The interruption relieved Lia, whose heart was thudding.

  Sheila set the tray on the coffee table. “Sweetie, you look like you could use something to eat.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled at Sheila, whom she had always liked. She hadn’t eaten since she’d left Lafayette Falls, and she still had no appetite, but she reached for a cracker topped with chicken salad.

  Julian pushed to her feet. “He’s been seeing Madison McCain for over a year, and you knew?”

  “I knew.”

  “Tell me you didn’t stay with that cheating asshole because of me.”

  Shelia spoke up. “I’ll get you another drink.”

  “It wasn’t like that, Dad. Not at all. Dallas wanted to marry me. He wanted a family, but it just wasn’t in my heart. I couldn’t do it. I’m happy he’s found someone else.”

  Julian threw up his hands. “Unbelievable.”

  “I found someone else, too.” She stuck the straw of the soft drink in her dry mouth and took a long drink as her father waited. “I’ve been staying in a town called Lafayette Falls. It’s southeast of Nashville. I met a man there. A doctor.”

  “A doctor?” Julian frowned. “Were you sick?”