Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

  Elana’s hand brought me back to reality. She ran it overtop of my leg, practically purring as she did so. “You are very handsome, Nick.” My throat grew thick with need. She inched her hand farther up my leg, resting it on top of my zipper. I needed this. Fuck the dating app and fuck the very unobtainable female that my mind couldn’t get rid of. There was an incredibly beautiful, incredibly age-appropriate, woman throwing herself at me. A growl escaped my throat as I sat her on my lap, sinking my teeth into her neck. She moaned in delight before pressing her lips against mine.

  “Can we go to your bedroom?” she murmured, trailing her tongue down my neck. I swiftly picked her up and carried her to my room, slamming the door behind us.

  Eleven

  Hayley

  I should have never agreed on going to Ryan’s house. I had planned to go home and sleep after work, but Lacy had other plans.

  I had never been drunk before and had planned to keep it that way for a little while longer. Ryan had magically provided a variety of alcohol, each one being ‘top of the line’, according to Lacy. She immediately began indulging in shot after shot, fist pumping after each one. Alan, who I had not taken as the drinking type, chugged three beers in a disgustingly short amount of time. I watched as the two of them made complete fools out of themselves.

  “I made this for you,” Ryan said as he appeared from the kitchen. He handed me a cute, pink wine glass. “I know you’ve never drank before so I figured we could start with something light. It tastes like pink lemonade, I promise.” I slowly took a sip of it, mesmerized that I tasted nothing out of the ordinary.

  “Does this have alcohol in it?” I asked. He nodded his head. I gave him a skeptical glance and quickly finished the drink. “I don’t believe you,” I protested.

  “Get her another one!” Lacy shouted.

  Music filled the air as the four of us sat on the couches and talked. My lemonade never seemed to end, and my stomach started to feel warm. I turned my attention to Alan and Lacy who were lying on the couch together, tongues intertwined.

  “Animals,” Ryan whispered in my ear. His breath was hot, sending chills down my spine. “Hayley, let me give you a tour.” He extended his hand and I took it. I began to follow him through the house, surprised at how uncoordinated I had become. The walls were beginning to spin and the warm feeling in my stomach began to travel throughout my body. I grabbed onto Ryan’s arm and forced him to help me walk. With each step I grew more and more overheated. By the time we reached his bedroom, I had removed my shirt.

  “It’s so hot,” I complained. “Oh my gosh, your arms are so big.” I stared at them, mesmerized. My head was spinning, and my body began to feel tingly. “You’re so hot,” I whispered. Ryan placed his hand behind my neck and smiled, staring into my eyes.

  “They’re so blue,” he whispered before resting his lips onto mine. Blue eyes were so overrated. His mouth began to travel from my lips to my neck to my collarbone. I had never been kissed like this before; so intimately. I instantly began to panic. I wasn’t ready for this; I wasn’t even sure that I liked Ryan.

  “Wait!” I shouted as his hands reached the button of my jeans. He immediately pulled away, confused.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, a trace of sympathy following his words. “Are you okay?” I sighed and leaned back against his bed, allowing the warm feeling to exit my body. I had somehow managed to kill my own buzz. I craned my neck to look around his room. It was most definitely a teenage boy’s room, having football posters and pictures of half-naked girls taped to the wall. Underwear and sweatshirts were thrown into heaps of dirty laundry. Clothes stuck out of his dresser and old soda cups and cans were placed on his bookshelf.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I just don’t know if I’m ready for any of this. I don’t even know your middle name.”

  Chuckling, he took my hand in his. “I like you, Hayley. I would never pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.” I could feel the embarrassment beginning to leave me. “And its Thomas,” he whispered. “Ryan Thomas Waters.” I began laughing at the sound of it, it was perfect.

  “I like it.” He leaned into me and kissed me again, this time softly. “Ryan,” I whispered. “I think I’m still drunk.”

  “You need to sleep,” he instructed.

  “No, I need to pee,” I confessed. He immediately began laughing and provided me with directions to find the nearest bathroom. As I traveled through his house I stumbled into the kitchen. How had I gotten here? I was directionally challenged. I continued walking straight, convinced that I would soon find a bathroom. I threw open the closest door, crossing my fingers that there would be a toilet. To my surprise, Alan and Lacy were in the room, naked and intertwined. I stood in the doorway, completely petrified. I needed to move, or close my eyes, or something. But I couldn’t, I was a statue. I finally forced myself to step away from the room and ran back to Ryan. By the time I was there, I was furious.

  “She’s so stupid!” I shouted. Ryan immediately stood up and made his way towards me. “She spends months crying because she lost her virginity to some loser, and now she’s in a room with Alan doing the same thing! She’s putting herself back into the same position she was in few months ago!” I barked, folding my arms over my chest. I looked down, newly aware that I was still shirtless.

  “Sex isn’t a huge deal, Hayley,” Ryan explained. “Sometimes it means something and other times it doesn’t. It’s not always about that emotional crap. Sometimes it’s just for fun.”

  Fun? I could have fun.

  I stared at Ryan’s face, disappointment consuming me. Any girl at my school would have given anything to be in my position. Here stood a shirtless Ryan Waters, practically offering his body to me. I knew why girls were attracted to him; his strong, defiant cheekbones mixed with his impressive muscles and strong legs. His voice was soft and passionate, and he believed in helping the environment and elderly. His athletic skills were superior, and it was even rumored that he had the ability to sing like an angel. A true package-deal. But I wasn’t interested. I knew what I wanted, even if it was out of my reach.

  •••

  The only thing worse than waking up with a pounding headache and nauseous stomach was waking up with a pounding headache, nauseous stomach, and a shirtless Ryan Waters. I immediately began to think back to the previous night. What had happened? Why were Ryan’s hands wrapped around my stomach and where was my shirt? Had we had sex? Panic flowed through my veins. I slid out of the bed as quietly as I could and ran into the kitchen, hoping to find Lacy. To my luck, she was sitting on the couch, alone. Her hand was covering her eyes and she groaned when she saw me.

  “Where’s your shirt?” she asked. I sat down and wrapped my arms around her. “Do you feel as sick as I do?”

  “Can we go home?” I asked. She raised her eyebrows and stared at me, attempting to read me. “I feel like I’m going to die, Lace. I just want to go rent some movies and hangout with you all day. Can we do that?” A large smile spread across her face and she wrapped her arms around me.

  “Of course we can do that. My keys are in the car, let’s get out of here.”

  Luckily, Lacy’s car was like a second closet and there was a variety of sweatshirts to pick from. I grabbed a black hoodie with the number 29 on it and quickly put it on. I flipped down the mirror in the car and began fixing my unkempt hair. I was thankful for my heavy-duty makeup, not a single lash was out of place. Lacy, on the other hand, was looking as if she had spent the previous night partying. Once we reached the movie store, I began assisting her hair and makeup crisis. I threw her hair into a cute messy bun, removed the smudged eyeliner, and applied a bit of foundation that I kept in the side of the passenger door.

  The familiar ding of the bell went off as we walked inside. I looked at the nearest clock, surprised to see that it was already past noon. A part of me grew anxious of seeing Mr. Foster; for some odd reason I believed that he would know something happened
between Ryan and me last night. Had anything happened? I was too afraid to even think about it.

  “Hi Hayley,” Teresa, a short, cute Asian who worked the register greeted me. I smiled and waved back, quickly scanning the room for Nick.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Lacy asked, noticing my odd behavior. I shot her a dirty look and made my way to the “Not So New” releases. I grabbed a couple of old horror flicks and waited for Lacy. She, of course, was nose deep in the chick flick section. Romance movies were the last thing I needed. I wanted blood and guts and everything other than love and intimacy. “How about these?” Lacy asked. I quickly scanned the back, gave her my approval, and looked around again. Nothing. A bit of displeasure resonated inside of me. As we were waiting in line for our movies, I heard someone shout my name. I turned around and saw Mr. Foster standing beside his office door. I couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him.

  “I’ll be right back,” I told Lacy. As I walked towards him, I could feel my heart pounding.

  “I don’t have you scheduled for today, do I?” he asked. The sound of his voice sent my nerves overboard. I allowed my eyes to quickly scan over him. He looked like he had an even rougher night than Lacy.

  “No, you don’t. I just, uh, came in here for a few movies.” I nervously tucked my hair behind my ears, unsure of what to do or say.

  “Movies, huh?” he asked skeptically. “I’m sure that’s the only reason you came in here.” I bit my bottom lip, unsure of how to respond.

  “Don’t be so narcissistic,” I teased. He stared at me, an expression of surprise and amusement creeping on his mouth.

  “I can’t help it,” he whispered, taking a step closer to me. He smelled amazing, the musk was dark and warm and very distinct, rolling off of his body like steam. It was intoxicating, making my head dizzy and my stomach anxious. I was at a loss for words; he had paralyzed me. How could someone have this effect on a person? He was an ordinary human being, yet he was completely foreign to me. I struggled understanding him and what he wanted. I wanted a day inside his head so I could know what he was thinking and feeling. I wanted to know how he saw me. Was I just another teenager mesmerized by his beauty or was I more? Of course I wasn’t more. It was stupid for me to even think that.

  “I have to go…” I told him. His smile dissipated into a frown.

  “I’ll see you soon, Hayley.” He winked before walking back into the office.

  •••

  “What were you two talking about?” Lacy asked during our second horror movie. We were running low on popcorn and I decided I could use this excuse to not answer her question. What had we been talking about? Nothing, if I were to be honest with her. I grabbed the bowl and began to stand up. “I had sex with Alan last night,” Lacy blurted out. Flashbacks of the night raced through my mind. I had been kissing Ryan, I went to go pee and instead I walked in on Alan and Lacy. Afterwards I went to bed. I hadn’t slept with Ryan, thank God. “I know I shouldn’t have but I was so drunk and it sorta just happened.”

  “Are you okay?” I asked. What else was I supposed to ask?

  “I’m totally fine. I just…it reminded me of Taylor.”

  Oh, Taylor. The lovely, infamous Taylor. Four months into the relationship she lost her virginity to him and three weeks later she found him cheating on her with Abigail Winters, captain of the swim team. She was completely crushed by the entire situation, yet she continued dating him for three more years.

  “Taylor is an asshole,” I reminded her. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. She gave me a half smiled and then sighed, averting her attention back to the screen.

  “I texted him,” she confessed. I let out a long, dramatic, disappointed sigh. I was not going to allow her to fall back into her manic state of mind. “I know, Hayley. I asked him if he’s in town at all this weekend and he told me he’ll be at his parents tomorrow. So, I invited him over here.” She quickly threw the blanket over her face to protect herself.

  “No!” I objected. “You know how much my mom can’t stand him! Do you really want to put yourself in the same position you were in five months ago? You’ve come so far, Lace. I don’t want you to fall back into his trap.”

  “Your parents aren’t even in town,” she rebutted. “I just want to talk to Taylor about what’s going on with my dad and everything. I need this, Hayley. This doesn’t mean I’m going to get back together with him, okay? I just need to talk things out with him. Can you please do me this solid?” I threw my hands up in defeat. There was no sense in fighting her on this one. She wrapped her arms around me and embraced me in a long, thankful hug.

  “I have to work tomorrow so it’s just going to be you two,” I warned.

  “I’m not going to do anything stupid, I promise.” She held out her pinky and waited for me to intertwine mine with hers. I hesitated and then gave in, linking my tiny finger with hers. “You’re going to help me with my hair before you leave tomorrow, right?”

  Twelve

  Nick

  Sunday morning I awoke to my phone ringing. I reached over Elana, allowing my eyes to scan her naked body, before answering the call. We had spent the last two nights intertwined, though I was ready for her and Rachel to be on their way. My body couldn’t take anymore alcohol. The sound of Charles Stevens, the school principal, knocked the hangover out of my body. I quickly grabbed my robe and made my way to my back porch.

  “Nicholas,” he began. The tone of his voice indicated anything but good news. “We need to discuss a rumor that is supposedly circulating the school.” I felt the air in my lungs leave my body. Rumors?

  “I’m afraid I’m not following, sir.” My mind instantly ran to Hayley. Had someone seen us working together? Surely, I was breaking some kind of rule hiring her at the movie store.

  Charles let out a tired sigh before continuing. “They have already been disputed, but I want to let you know what was said.” Alright, so it wasn’t about Hayley. I exhaled. “Do you know who Alexis Martinez is?” I racked my brain but came up empty handed. “She claims that the two of you have been engaging in sexual activities.”

  I let out a loud laugh, unable to contain myself. “I can assure you that the only sexual activities I have engaged in have been with woman my own age,” I clarified.

  “As I previously stated, these rumors have been negated. Miss Martinez claimed that it took place behind the stairwell in the north wing of the school. There are cameras in that wing, and they have been checked and rechecked since this claim.” I ran my hair through my hair, my body shaking with shock.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I confessed. “I have never even heard of this girl.”

  He let out another long sigh. “She’s a freshman…I doubted you two had ever even spoken. But, by law, we have to investigate every accusation. Regardless of how outlandish they may be.”

  “When will you have a replacement for Mr. Brown?” I asked. “I accepted a position to be the guidance counselor. I didn’t sign up for this, Charles.” The shock crossed into anger, and I could barely hold my tongue. “I want out of the classroom by the first of the year,” I demanded.

  “I’ll have to see what I can do, Nicholas. None of us were expecting Mr. Browns’ untimely death, but we are trying to deal with the situation as best we can. The students seem to be reacting positively with you as their teacher.

  I let out an incredulous laugh. “It sure seems like it.” Charles let out a weary chuckle before continuing.

  “I just wanted to give you a heads up, Nick. I know that I don’t have to tell you to be careful around teenage girls. I’ll try my best to eradicate any and all rumors, but you’re working in a high school. Girls that age are…ruthless. I’ll see you Monday morning.” The line disconnected. My body shook with rage as I kicked a potted plant across the patio. It shattered against the adjourning complex, sending tiny pieces of ceramic to the ground. I cursed under my breath as I made my way back inside.

  “’Morning,” Rach
el murmured, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Want one?” I nodded my head. “What’s going on with you?” I gripped my hands in my hair before sinking onto the couch. Slowly, I explained everything to Rachel.

  “Holy shit,” she whispered. “Who is this bitch?”

  I took a sip of my coffee, shaking my head. “I don’t know, Rachel. I’ve never even heard of her. Do you understand how fucking bad this is? It could ruin my entire reputation.” I sunk even further into the cushions. “Fuck that school.”

  “I’ll get Elana and we’ll head out. You need some alone time.” I nodded my head in agreement, thankful that she suggested it instead of me. The last thing I needed was Elana feeling as if I were kicking her out.

  •••

  I had never drank before work, but midlife crises often led to poor decisions. I had downed five shots of whiskey before realizing I was far too tipsy to drive. How was I supposed to spend another four hours with Hayley after this mornings phone call? I was done denying the fact that I felt something towards Hayley. There was an irrefutable attraction that I felt towards her and being outside of the classroom and shoved into that office was the last place I needed to be. I had spent the better part of the weekend in bed with Elana, but the thought of Hayley hadn’t left my mind.

  I glanced at my clock, realizing I was fifteen minutes late to work. I texted Teresa and asked her to watch the store while I poured myself another drink. Was I sulking over the rumor, or was I sulking over the fact that I feared one day a rumor would hold the truth? I wanted Hayley Mitchell. I wanted to feel her lips pressed against mine. I wanted to stare into those icy blue eyes for hours on end. I wanted to take her out of the city and to a nice restaurant, away from school and work and everything else. This girl was consuming my mind, and nothing was helping to get her out of it. I needed to stay away from her. I needed to tell her that there was no way she could work at the movie store, even if she had only been employed for a day.