Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

  “I just don't want to hurt you," he whispered. “I don't want you to see me as a monster.” His brown eyes bored into mine. I hated when he did that. It caused all the blood in my body to rush to my cheeks and I would eventually become lightheaded if I looked too long. He wasn’t human. He couldn’t have been.

  “Let me in,” I pleaded. “I want to know you. I want to know everything.” This was no longer about the leverage. “We can make this platonic again,” I promised. “I’ll never touch you again. Please just don’t go.” I knew that I sounded desperate, but I was desperate. Despite what he was saying, I knew that I was falling in love with him.

  “Listen to yourself, Hayley!” he snapped. He stood up from my bed and leaned against the wall. “I cannot ask you to completely shut yourself off, emotionally and sexually, just so you can be around me. I can’t allow you to feel the way you feel.” I stared at his bare chest, anger growing inside of me.

  “Then why the hell did you tell me that you had feelings for me?” I felt as if every word out of his mouth was just another excuse as to why he and I would never work out. “I’m not asking you to take me out on dates and make me your girlfriend, Mr. Foster.” I watched him flinch. “I simply enjoy being around you. Your existence makes me happy.”

  “Why can’t you be out of high school?” he sighed. “That would make everything so simple.” I stayed quiet and watched as he rubbed underneath his eyes. He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand in his. “I want what is best for you, Hayley.”

  “Please,” I whispered, inching closer to him. He sighed, resting his hand on the back of my neck. He stared into my eyes, searching for any type of doubt that I may have been harboring. “You are what’s best for me.” His eyes were brimmed with water. “We can wait, Nick. I would wait a thousand years for you.”

  “Is this truly what you want?” He asked me after a few moments of silence. I felt my face morph into a confused look.

  “I have never wanted anything more than I want this,” I whispered. I climbed on top of him and rested my head against his chest.

  He took my face in his hands and ran his lips across mine. “You exhaust me, Hayley Marie,” he whispered as he kissed me. My heart flipped at the sound of him saying my name.

  Hundreds of times I had heard people say my name, yet I had never felt as special as I did in that moment.

  Thirty-Six

  Hayley

  “Where did you tell your parents you were staying tonight?” Nick asked me as we walked into his apartment. His paranoia had gotten the best of him, and we both decided that hanging out at my house wasn’t the best idea.

  “I told them that I was staying over at Gabby’s.” Nick nodded his head as he led me into the kitchen. “Mr. Foster, are you going to cook for me?” I teased. The thought of him making us dinner sent butterflies through my body. I never realized that cooking could be appetizing in more than one way.

  He pulled a box of pasta out of his cabinet before giving me a halfway smile. He began laying out several ingredients, leading me to the conclusion that we would be having a rendition of chicken parmesan. “I’ll make you dinner,” he began, “as long as I can have you for dessert.” My face became hot at the thought of Nick’s mouth on me. I anxiously squirmed in my seat, too afraid to say anything. He leapt over the counter and pulled me out of my chair. A loud squeal escaped my mouth as his lips covered mine. “On second thought,” he whispered, “I might have my dessert now.”

  He carried me over his shoulder as he descended the hallway. Once we were in his room, he threw me onto the bed. A gasp was soon suppressed by his greedy mouth, eliciting moans throughout my body. He ripped my sweater over my head and quickly unclasped my bra. He threw it across his room before meeting my breasts with his gaze. I watched as he stared at my body, feeling nothing but expectant warmth. He grazed my chest with his lips, scratching them with his five o’clock shadow. Finally, he hungrily took me into his mouth. I felt my hips buck underneath of him, meeting his hardened body.

  “You’re so fucking perfect,” he whispered before trailing his lips away from my breasts and onto my stomach. He hooked his fingers underneath my leggings and panties, pulling them off in one swift motion. He gently spread my legs apart before showering my thighs with kisses.

  “Take your shirt off,” I panted. He threw it off before diving between my legs. His kiss found its way to my entrance before he used his gentle tongue to pry me open. I hissed a breath of air through my lips, suddenly overcome with heat and need. His tongue danced on the most sensitive parts of my body as his hand found its home on my breast. I felt my breathing hitch in my throat as a pressure built inside of me. I fisted his hair in my hand, arching my back as he worked his magic.

  “I want you to come for me,” he whispered into me. “I want to hear you scream.” I bit my lip as the pressure grew larger inside my core. Tiny moans slipped between my lips as his fingers met his tongue. He slipped them in and out of me as his mouth moved in a similar rhythm. I felt my head growing warm as the pleasure became almost painful. He nibbled lightly on my sensitive flesh, sending screams out of my parted lips. He began moving his hands faster, making it nearly impossible to breathe. I moaned in pleasure as black and white dots spotted my vision. He gave me one last kiss below the waist before climbing on top of me, eyes crazed with lust.

  “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he told me. I struggled to sit up as I pulled at his jeans. I had never needed something as badly as I needed him. All the earlier restraints seemed to leave Nick’s body as he kicked off his jeans. I stared down at his black boxer briefs, knowing that we were about to explore uncharted areas. I reached for his waistband as his hand grabbed mine.

  “Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded my head before gently pulling down his remaining clothing. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him. All of him. This man was going to rip me in half, and I couldn’t have been more excited. I took him in my hands, watching as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. “Fuck, Hayley,” he hissed. “Why are you so fucking perfect.” I moved my hands faster, feeling myself become warmer with each stroke. “I need to get a condom.” His voice came out in a deep, husky whisper.

  I watched as he grabbed a golden package out of his nightstand. He ripped it open before sliding it over his length. “It’s going to hurt,” he warned me. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

  I lied flat on my back and spread my legs for him. Gently, he climbed on top of me. I leaned forward to kiss him before guiding him near my entrance. He intertwined his fingers with mine as he slowly pressed himself inside of me. Fire spread throughout my lower half as I bit my bottom lip in pain. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing my neck. “I love you,” he murmured, inching further inside. I dug my nails into his back as a tear slid down my face.

  “You better not be saying that because you’re inside of me,” I panted as I tried to ignore the searing hot knife inside of me.

  “I love you, Hayley Marie.” He pressed his lips against mine as he pushed himself deeper than I thought possible. “I love everything about you. I love the way you blush whenever I talk to you. I love how you hesitate before you curse.” He moved slowly inside of me, kissing my mouth each time he moved. “I love when you stumble over your words. I love your vocabulary and the way you use it.” The pain was beginning to slowly subside as he found his rhythm. “I love how your heartbeat accelerates whenever I touch you. I love how you keep track of our game of 21 questions. I love when I catch you singing, and you have no idea I can hear you.” I pressed my back farther into the bed, urging him to go faster.

  “I love you, too,” I moaned as he quickened. “Oh my fuck.” My body tightened around him as he groaned in pleasure. He pressed his forehead against mine as I felt the tension building deep within me. “I fucking love you.” I barely recognized my own voice, surprised at its sultry tone. He gripped my hips as I synchronized my movements with his. Guttural, throaty noises escaped his m
outh as I neared my climax.

  “I’m close,” he whispered in my ear. My body tightened as I let out an animalistic scream, exploding around him. He grabbed the headboard as he gave one final thrust, letting out a moan that sent fire through every inch of my body. He collapsed on top of me, breathless. I wrapped my arms around his waist, afraid of letting go. He instantly sat up, inspecting me.

  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” Panic laced his words. I shook my head and smiled lazily at him. Despite the soreness I was already experiencing, I had never felt better. “I meant what I said, Hayley.” He brought his lips to mine. “I love you. I have since the moment you walked into my classroom.”

  •••

  The next morning, I left Nick’s house before sunrise. He had a few meetings to attend at the school, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I quickly greeted my parents before heading into the poolroom. I knew it was irrational, but I felt as if they could sense I had done something I shouldn’t have.

  Once I was done swimming, I headed up to the book room to read. I needed to keep my mind busy from what had happened between Nick and me. It wasn’t as if I felt guilty; it was more of a confusing stir in my stomach. I wanted to know what he was thinking about all of this; or if he was even thinking about it at all. The fear of losing him became almost unbearable. I quickly shoved the idea from my head as I shuffled through hundreds of books. I figured it would keep my mind occupied for the time being. No matter how hard I tried, my mind traveled back to him. To his touch. To the words he whispered into my ear.

  My phone buzzed twice, sending my heart into a frenzy. I snatched it off the table and held it up to my face. To my disappointment it was Alex, informing me of his upcoming plans.

  Party this Saturday. Everyone from Triple D is coming so I better see you there. My interest was peaked. Everyone? Did that include Nick, or would that be weird for him to go to a party? Then again, everyone who worked at Triple D was in their twenties. I quickly responded, informing him that I would be there. He sent me the address and added one too many emoticons. I locked my phone, grabbed my book, and headed to bed.

  •••

  “I’m back, bitch!” I moaned, shoving Lacy off me. She climbed under my blanket and wrapped her arms around me. “I’ve missed you, my little slut.”

  “Boundaries,” I murmured.

  “You’re one to be talking!” she laughed, pinching me. “I heard about your little weekend activities.” My eyes flew open. How had she found out? My heart beat began to accelerate, causing my head to grow fuzzy. How the hell did she find out about Nick and I?

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to sound clueless. I could barely breathe.

  She jumped on top of me and grabbed hold of my shoulders. “You parents told me you stayed at Gabby’s, which was obviously a fat fucking lie!” She eyed me up and down. “God, Hayley, you even look like you got laid. You’re practically glowing.”

  I gave her a weak smile before asking, “How’s your dad?” I knew that this would drop the conversation instantaneously.

  “He’s doing really well,” she told me. She wore a large smile on her face, warming my heart. “He started crying the moment he saw me, he kept saying that I was looking more and more like my mom every day. He was shocked to see Taylor.” I fought the urge to grimace at his name. “My dad had a serious talk with him while we were down there. I guess he scared the living shit out of him.” I chuckled at the thought of Lacy’s father interrogating Taylor. “He said that the program he’s in is really helping him out a lot. I guess he’s been clean since he got there…and he looks so much healthier.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me until I felt as if I were going to pop.

  “I know that I can be annoying,” she began, “but I don’t know what I would do without you. When I found out my dad relapsed again, I only wanted to talk to you about it. I knew you wouldn’t judge me or turn your back from my family. You’ve always made me feel welcome.” She hugged me again, this time not as tight. “You are my best friend, Hayley. You’re the sister I’ve always wanted.”

  Thirty-Seven

  Nick

  I was riding a high that I never wanted to come down from. Hayley and I had spent New Year’s Day, and the next morning, tangled between my sheets. I pressed my face against my office desk, urging my body to get ahold of itself. I could barely think about Hayley without needing a release.

  Her noises. I had never heard anything as beautiful as when she was climaxing. The thought of spending the next week with her in my classroom was going to kill me. How were we going to act normal around each other? How was I going to stay away, now that I knew just how amazing that body truly was? I tugged at my jeans, demanding that I got myself under control before tomorrow.

  My phone lit up as a text from Hayley shot across my screen. I can’t wait to see you in class tomorrow. I love you.

  I felt like a schoolchild as I giddily texted her back. I love you more, beautiful. I tucked my phone into my pocket as a sharp knock interrupted my thoughts. I walked towards the door, throwing it open. Lacy’s boyfriend stood in front of me.

  “Mind if I come in?” He shoved me out his way before shutting the door behind him. Anger consumed my body at the sight of him. “So, you’re the infamous Mr. Foster,” he chuckled. “God, I knew Hayley was a freak, but I didn’t think she had daddy issues, too.” He sat against my desk; his eyes narrowed in a spiteful way.

  “You need to leave.”

  “I don’t think I do, Old Man.” I felt myself flinch at his words. “I don’t think you seem to realize that I’m the one holding the smoking gun, my friend.” He grabbed a chair and rolled it in my direction. “Take a seat. Let’s get comfortable.” I grabbed the chair but remained standing. “Tell me, Mr. Foster. What does her pussy taste like?” My hand was on his throat before I could stop myself. A large smile spread across his face as I squeezed the sides of his neck. I released my grasp, throwing him against the wall. He fell to his knees, coughing and smiling.

  “I will break your fucking neck,” I warned. “Do not ever speak about her.” Laughed filled the office as he stood up.

  “You seem awfully protective over your students. Or is it just the ones that you fuck?” Spit flew from his mouth as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “The night of the party. This was you, right? Your license plate sure as hell matches the one in the picture.” The time stamp on the photo corroborated his story. Hayley’s face made his threats irrefutable. “When she left the club on New Years Eve, it was to see you, wasn’t it?”

  I sat back in my chair as defeat consumed me. “What do you want from me, Taylor?”

  His skin around his bloodshot eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I want you to stay the fuck away from her. If I can’t have that sweet little bitch, then neither can you.”

  “And if I don’t listen?” I asked.

  He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Then I’ll have to anonymously send these to your boss, won’t I?”

  Thirty-Eight

  Hayley

  The mood was off the moment I stepped into Triple D on Tuesday. I hadn’t heard from Nick since Sunday night, and he wasn’t at school yesterday. Alex and Teresa weren’t being their usual, rowdy selves. There were a few customers in the romance section but other than that, the store was dead. My anxiety began to kick in.

  “Boss is in a shitty mood today,” Alex warned as I walked past him. “Wrote me up for taking a smoke break.” I had never heard of Nick writing anyone up, especially not over a smoke break. Alex was always sneaking out the back door to take a quick drag before sliding back inside, the smell of smoke still stuck to his clothes.

  I thanked Alex for the heads up as Teresa eyed me suspiciously. I gave her a small smile before making my way into the office. I found Nick leaned over a list of New Releases. I slowly shut the door and made my way towards the cleaning machine.

  “We’ve had three complaints in
the past week about scratches,” Nick informed me. Something was very, very wrong. I decided that his mood probably had nothing to do with me. Maybe an unsatisfied customer freaked out on him earlier. Whatever the cause, I was sure it wasn’t me. I hadn’t done anything wrong.

  An hour of silence passed before I finally spoke up. “Is everything okay?” I asked him. He nodded his head and stared down at a stack of papers. I watched as he repeatedly flexed his hand. “You’re just really quiet. And you haven’t texted me since…” I trailed off. He dropped the pencil he was holding and glared at me. It was the first time he had looked at me all day. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

  “I’ve been thinking.” I waited for him to continue. “I don’t think you should work here anymore, Hayley.” I went completely numb. My eyes involuntarily began to water. I could feel my hands beginning to shake, so I folded them in my lap. I inhaled slowly, trying to understand what he had just said. “I’m sorry.”

  “You…you’re firing me?” I asked, my eyes closed. I told myself to continue breathing; keep it steady. I didn’t want to fall apart with him around.

  “I don’t want you to think this is because of―”

  “I don’t need an explanation,” I snapped. I could feel my chest growing tighter. “I don’t need to hear some petty, bullshit excuse as to why you don’t need me here anymore. I can’t believe you.” I grabbed my purse off the table and made my way towards the door. I could barely walk in a straight line, everything was spinning.