Breaking Old Habits

by Melissa Bender

  When he did come back to the car, I was on my phone texting Mum, saying that we were on our way.

  Ten minutes into our drive, he spoke again, “How long are you going to ignore me for?”

  I had been giving the silent treatment to him. Petty, I know. But, I was a girl, and sometimes we held grudges. Instead of speaking, I swivelled my body and looked out the window as the sunlight began to dim and turn into a glorious sunset.

  It did not stop him from speaking to me.

  “So you’re angry?”

  Of course, I was angry.

  “Come on. I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you.” This time, he reached over and rubbed my leg. He was not going to give up.

  Trying to push his hand away, I finally answered. “You scolded me like I was a child playing up and needing a time out.”

  A sigh escaped his lips, and he gave my thigh a squeeze. “I didn’t mean to.”

  “You never defend me.”

  “I do.”

  A shook my head. “No, you don’t.” He knew he didn’t. “She was so rude to me, and I didn’t do anything to deserve that! I may not be their mother, but I shouldn’t be treated like a girl you sometimes fuck.”

  “Don’t say that, Ayla!” He warned with a growl. “You’re not just a casual hook up. You know that.”

  I was quiet for a moment, then placed my hand over his for him to link our fingers together. “She hurt my feelings, Griffin,” I said, my voice so soft. “My feelings were hurt, and I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t know she would react like that about the boys, but I drive them to town, and I don’t see why I can’t take them to and from school.”

  Heaving another sigh, he shook his head and lifted my hand up towards his lips. “I don’t know either. You know how she gets. She threatened to keep the boys away longer.”

  She could not do that. “You can do something about that.”

  Placing another kiss to my knuckles, he dropped our hands, so they were in his lap. “Let’s talk about something else. I don’t want to fight with you. Not when we’re going to your parents.”

  He knew I was right, but he had never taken her to court. I think he was afraid that they would take one look at him being tatted up with piercings and judge him by that. He was a good father, and I just wished he would see that.

  I also wished that his ex-fiancée would not hassle us this trip. Ha, one can only hope, right?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Why don’t you ever go see your parents?” I mustered up the courage and finally asked him.

  He kept his eyes ahead, focusing on the road in the darkness as we reached Mosman. We had passed the welcome sign and would soon be at my parent’s house. Griffin answered me, “They’re pissed at me.”

  “For walking out?” I could not help myself. That was what I had come to believe. His side of the story was that he up and left when the twins were ten. “Sorry.”

  He peered towards me for a split second and then looked back at the road. “Don’t be sorry. It’s true. I left my family, and they’re pretty pissed about it still.”

  “Would they prefer you to be in an unhappy relationship?” I asked. Surely, his parents would not want their son to live a miserable life with a woman he did not love. I know that was the last thing my parents would ever wish for me.

  He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Ayla, there’s plenty reasons why I haven’t introduced you to my parents. They’re not like yours.” Yes, because they still had no clue about me. “Your parents didn’t really care that I’m older or have teenage boys. My parents… they’d make it a point to drive you away.”

  “No one can drive me away from you,” I said confidently.

  “You sure about that?”

  Karen could try, but I was not giving in and letting her win. I was sticking around. Reaching over, I ran my hand over his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Positive.”

  “Good. I’m just glad I never married her. Divorce would be a fucking nightmare,” he murmured.

  I agreed to that.

  “I’m glad you didn’t marry her too.” I smiled. Hell, I was over the moon that he did not go through with that. “You did propose, so maybe you wanted to marry her in some way, though?”

  “My parents pushed me to propose when she was pregnant. I didn’t even ask. Just got her a cheap ass ring and left it on the dresser,” he admitted for the first time to me.

  Wow. “Uh, well if you’re going to ask me, then I expect to be romanced big time, baby!”

  He let out a loud laugh, shaking his head but still grinning. “Yeah? Would you like me to get down on one bended knee and ask you? Should I wear a suit? You better tell me your favourite flowers. I’ll need to organise them.”

  I smiled. He had no idea, but I loved him all the more for being so clueless with this. “I’m not really a flowers kind of girl, so any will do. But not yet, it’s too early.” It was way too early to be thinking about marriage. “Just make sure it’s a white gold ring or even platinum with a lot of sparkles.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  We pulled into the driveway of my parent’s home. It was a two-story waterfront place, and I was looking forward to seeing them after so long. Griffin pulled the keys from the ignition and grabbed his phone and wallet. I shot him a questioning look, and he shrugged, not seeing that it was not the boys who were going to call, but her.

  With my bag half slung over my shoulder, I felt a hard stinging slap to my ass as Griffin passed by me towards the front door and opened it like it was his own home. That was how comfortable my parents made him feel.

  My mother was first to rush and embrace him with a hug. “We were starting to worry. The storm’s getting bad, and it’s late.”

  “We stopped for food. Ayla was hungry.”

  Liar, I internally commented, faking an eye roll. “Yeah, and that burger that you ordered ate itself.” I gave him a slight shove as I passed him into the house. I could hear him chuckling as I waltzed straight to my father and pecked him on the cheek. “Missed you, Daddy.”

  “Missed you too, sweetheart, Now go unpack so we can finally eat or are you not hungry now?” He winked with a glint of humour in his eye.

  “We’re hungry. We didn’t eat much. Just a snack.” Heck, I could eat a horse right now. I was that hungry.

  ***

  I dropped down to my old double bed. The room was still the same with light pink walls and a white dresser near the door. Even the TV mounted on the wall for when I would have all night Netflix sessions was still there. I watched Griffin pull off his jumper and make his way towards me, slowly creeping up over my body. “I don’t understand why you used to live here and work so far away.”

  “Because…” I giggled as his lips hit the bare skin just below my belly button. “It didn’t bother me driving each day. I drove up, worked, then came home.” I tried to pry his hands away as he went to pull the fabric of my bottoms down. “No, we can’t,” I hissed, swatting his hands away with a sharp slap.

  “Ayla, you’re killing me.”

  Good. Suffer my lover.

  I rolled to my stomach as he lay beside me. He let out a yawn, and I narrowed my eyes. Reaching over, I ran my fingers through his hair. “You look exhausted. Maybe old age is catching up with you.”

  He shook his head with a scoff. “No. I’m just exhausted after work today and that drive.”

  “Griffin….” I moaned with a yawn. “We need to get off this bed before I fall asleep.”

  His hand went to the back of my head, trying to move me. “Your mouth around my cock would wake me up.”

  I squirmed away. I was not going to do that. “No, it wouldn’t. You’d blow then fall asleep.”

  Rubbing his eyes with clenched fists, he laughed. “You’re absolutely right. I probably would after the way I’m feeling right now.”

  “Work was really that exhausting?” I thought designing buildings would be easy and fun. “I mean, why are you so tired?”
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  “My girlfriend exhausts me.”

  I sat up, raising a brow. “It can be arranged for your girlfriend to never exhaust you again.”

  As I went to get off the bed, he caught me and pulled me back down, rolling so he was between my thighs as he held my hands above my head into the mattress. “I love being exhausted by you. I just had a busy day, that’s all.”

  “Okay. Well, you can ride shotgun tomorrow, and I’ll drive us home.” I suggested. “Now kiss me like you mean it.”

  His smile broke out into a huge grin. “Oh, I love it when you’re bossy, mistress.”

  ***

  My parents were sitting outside when we walked out. The rain was pounding against the roofing, but still, we were sheltered and free from it all. The fire pit was burning with a blazing orange flame in the middle of the room as Dad had the food cooking on the barbecue. The smell of kebabs and onions made my mouth water almost instantly. Not as instant as the packet of marshmallows on the table did, though.

  It was just the four of us and the stunning view of the harbour.

  “So, how are the boys?” Mum asked once we had taken a seat and grabbed a drink. I was having a glass of red wine even though I did not really want one. I did not say no.

  Smiling, I answered before Griffin could. “They’re great. Mack got an A in class the other day, and Toby got his first B.” I sounded like a proud parent. When I realised everyone was staring, I blushed and sat back in my seat. She had been asking Griffin, not me. “Sorry.”

  Griffin, with his hand on my thigh, looked at me with an expression I was yet to learn. I’m going to say it was with pride, though. He then went to speak, “Yes, they’re both great. It’s sad that they couldn’t make it, but they’re looking forward to visiting in the summer holidays.”

  “Wonderful. I have something for them each for you to take back.” Mum smiled. She and I looked way too alike when we smiled. “I hope you do bring them soon.”

  It was easy to tell just how much she adored those boys, and it made me a little sad because Griffin could not even tell his parents about me living with him. Why the hell did it bother me so much? Oh, yeah, because we had been dating for almost eighteen months, and I had never met them—my potential in-laws, who should already love me. I mean, I love their grandchildren, and let’s face it, I have way more class than that woman living beside us.

  He must have noticed my disappearing smile and leant in, whispering. “What’s wrong?”

  Now was not the time to bring this up. “Nothing, we’ll talk about it later.”

  Later. Everything was getting pushed back on the back burner for later. Sooner or later, it was going to blow up in a fireball of flames and burn us all… or it might just burn me, mostly. I needed to decide if I could wait it out or just lay everything that I feel on the table and get the answers I was too scared to hear out loud.

  The food was amazing, as always. Mum was telling us about her new café she was opening up closer to home and possibly not coming back to the city café. She was giving me more control and management of the other one. It was great in a way but still terrifying.

  Griffin and Dad were talking about cars when I left them to be and went inside to help Mum with the empty plates and silverware. Scraping leftover salad in the bin, I caught her smiling at me, but this was not her usual smile. It was a sad one that warned me of an imminent little chat—one of those mother-daughter talks I usually dreaded. She would talk, and I would listen.

  “Yes?” I asked, trying to pry my way out of it.

  “Ayla, you know I love you, and you know that I adore Griffin. Your father and I both think the world of him.” She glanced out at the men on the deck, watching for a brief moment, and then turned back.

  “But?” There was always a but.

  “But, are you happy? I mean really happy?”

  Whoa. Where did that come from? I could not help but giggle nervously. “Mum, of course, I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “No. I don’t mean like that. I just…” She paused and took in a long sip of her tall glass of red. She set the glass back down, curling her fingers around the crystal stem, and looked back at me. “He’s older and with children. I worry that you may be too young… that you’re headed for heartbreak.”

  As much as I loved her, I refused to listen to this. “Mum, I love him. Stop it. He’s great. I’m great. We’re great.”

  Raising a perfectly shaped brow, she said. “You just said great three times.”

  Did she really need to point that out? I dragged my fingers through my hair, rolling my eyes on purpose. “Don’t.”

  “Is his ex-wife giving you trouble still?” She knew all about her. I did not really keep much from my mother, except for how we really met. She did not need to know about that one.

  Ex-wife my ass. “Ex-fiancé. They never married, and yeah, she still hates me.”

  “You shouldn’t have to put up with this. I just hope she isn’t going to come between you both. It would break my heart to see your heart broken.”

  This was getting too real, and I did not want to think about that. I know things may be complicated, but I knew Griffin, and I knew that he would defend me if things become too difficult between her and me.

  Ending the conversation by reaching for the pink bag of Pascall Marshmallows and heading back outside, I tore open the packaging and grinned shamelessly as I found the skewer I used to toast them in. “I’m going to eat this entire bag.”

  “I have no doubt you will.” My Dad knew me so well. Tilting his empty beer bottle from side to side to see if he had any left, he sighed and stood. “I’ll be back with a couple more.”

  Off he went, and I heard the chair grate along the tiles. Griffin came up behind me, placing one hand on my lower back as he took the pink marshmallow from my hand, piercing it through the fire poker and giving me a wink. “You and sharp objects don’t mix so well. Would you like me to toast them for you?”

  “I dropped the damn steak knife once.” I reminded him. It may have landed on his foot. Anyone would think it sliced off a toe. “I can manage.”

  “Are you sure? I could do this and save any pain you may cause.”

  “Would you like me to call you daddy?” I cocked a brow, smiling when he snorted in disgust. Yeah, I didn’t think so.

  He handed the poker back to me with a grin. “Point taken. I will let you handle it yourself, big girl.”

  “Thanks, baby. Or should I say daddy?”

  “Ayla…” He didn’t like that one bit.

  My tummy hurt from laughing hard. “Kidding.”

  It was all right to joke about it and tease him, but in no way was I going to be screaming out daddy during sex anytime soon… or ever. Not when he had kids. It was just plain gross. The only time I ever used that word was when I would ask my father for money and bat my pretty little lashes to him. Any other time? No way.

  “Good. Are you going to tell me what you were thinking earlier?”

  On second though, I would rather call him daddy than talk about this. I set myself up in front of the fire pit and shrugged. “Not really. It’s nothing.”

  “It’s never nothing. What’s on your mind, pretty?” I loved when he called me that.

  “Nothing, it’s just…” How could I bring this up without causing a fight? “I’m still upset.”

  Silence followed until he took a few more soft steps and sat beside me. His hand landed on my thigh, giving it gentle but firm squeeze. He knew it obviously. “I know you are, and I will try to make it better.”

  Not try, you fool. Just make it better.

  “There’s another thing…” I paused. I did not want to be this girl—the girl who complained and became needy with emotions—but I was turning into her because he was not giving me anything back. “I want to meet your parents.”

  “Hmm.” He was mulling it over, his hand loosening and dropping. Leaning forwards, he ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his chin, deep in thought. �
�You do know what could happen?”

  Of course. How bad could it be? “I live with you, and I want to meet them. Unless you’re embarrassed by me?” Could that be it? “Are you embarrassed, or is my age a real issue for you?”

  “I’m not embarrassed by you.”

  I met his eye, and he just stared back. “Then show me off to your parents. I want them to like me.”

  “I don’t need their approval.”

  Right. “Fuck’s sake! I can’t even.” I was annoyed. That just answered that. “You know what, Griffin? Don’t bother. I’m going to bed.”

  Just my luck! Dad walked in as I started to stand up. I dropped the bag of uneaten marshmallows on the table and placed the stick down.

  “Don’t tell me you’ve finished already?”

  “No, I’m just tired. I’m going to get a good night’s sleep.” I shot a glance at Griffin. He avoided eye contacts, his jaw clenching. He was obviously annoyed, but I did not care. “You can stay up. Talk about whatever you want.” Your fear of me meeting your parents… Your crazy ex who you refuse to deal with… Oh, I knew what they could talk about. “Talk about the ghost who keeps stealing all my coffee.”

  Walking inside, the last words I heard were my father puzzled voice. “You have a ghost?” That made me chuckle all the way to my bedroom.

  The shower did not help ease my thoughts. I was agitated and annoyed big time. Couldn’t he just tell his parents about us and let them see how happy he was? Of course not because that is just too hard to do. I laid in bed, closed my eyes, and fell asleep listening to my dad’s sixties rock music vaguely playing from outside.

  ***

  It was pitch black when my eyes fluttered open. My body was tingling all over, aroused and turned on to the peak of explosion. Bucking my hips, I let out a low moan and ran my hand down my naked chest, towards my lower abdomen and to where his mouth was hungrily licking me.