Willow

by Donna Lynn Hope

  At lunch I walked into the cafeteria and immediately stood in line behind a group of laughing teenagers. When it was my turn I chose a sub sandwich and milk and while holding my tray, began to scan the lunch room. I felt a nervous knot in my stomach but I tried to look more confident than I felt. I didn’t have to wait long until I saw Tavia waving at me from the middle of the room. I smiled in relief. A young man was sitting across from her. He was the standard jock from what I could tell. He had straight brown hair that fell across his forehead and he was grinning as he watched me walk towards them. I imagined he must be really outgoing and he didn’t disappoint.

  “Who do we have here?” His eyes twinkled as he gave me the once-over.

  I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t have to say anything because Tavia pulled me down and was eager to introduce me.

  After some small talk I looked up and saw that the boy was still looking at me, assessing me with his green eyes. His name was Reece Anderson, a senior. He was also a cheerleader. That surprised me.

  The girl on the other side of Tavia was Amber Kennedy. I recognized the tiny brunette because she was the one who had assisted me at the chocolate factory. Her straight hair fell just below the shoulder and although Amber was average in appearance, her friendliness overshadowed that, making her seem lovelier than most.

  “I know you!” she exclaimed. “You left so quickly the other day…You didn’t even have a chance to meet Haven.” She was leaning forward and offered me some of her chips. I politely shook my head and she turned to Reece, who took a handful.

  Amber went on, “In fact, I think you left him speechless.”

  The others immediately knew who Amber was referring to and began asking questions. I zoned them out as she explained our brief encounter. Tavia giggled at the mention of him paying for my gummi bears.

  “How embarrassing but how sweet,” she exclaimed. No one had to remind me and I fully intended on paying him back should I ever cross paths with him again.

  “He’s not around all that often but he lives with a girl that goes to school here. He might be her guardian.” Was that Reece passing along that tidbit of info? I looked at him as he was biting into a sandwich.

  “Or her lover,” Tavia added.

  “I don’t know anything about him,” I murmured.

  “The girl,” Reece started before pausing to wipe his mouth. “Her name is Lacey Hohl. She only takes a couple of classes. I think she does most of her schooling at home.” He shrugged. “Haven will drop her off and pick her up. No one knows anything about them. I think they are pretty new here but they are hard to miss.”

  Hard to miss...that usually means that someone is either fascinating or freaky. It wasn’t often that I noticed other people. My dad said I was too much of an introvert and he often feared I was lonely. He would encourage me to open up and talk to people but I was far more comfortable with silence; silence wasn’t intimidating, nor was it phony. When I felt forced to make conversation it felt less than genuine.

  The bell sounded so we gathered our things and headed for the doors. As we walked out I instinctively looked to my right. Resting against the wall was Haven.

  Of course.

  He was watching me, silent and unsmiling, but there was a glimmer of recognition in his eye. I quickly looked down. It was as if there were no other people in the hall, just the two of us. I looked up one more time and saw no change in his expression. My lips parted slightly. Should I pay him back? I lacked the confidence to approach him because he didn’t look the least bit amicable.

  Seconds later, Reece touched my arm. “I was wondering, Willow…” he looked unsure of himself. “Do you have plans for Friday night?” He was walking with me. I wanted to look behind me to see if Haven was watching but I somehow knew he was and it made me self-conscious. What was it about him that intrigued me? Could it be his mysterious silence? I know silence, I live with silence. Perhaps it’s that shared quality that makes me want to know more about him. I shook my head. I was over-analyzing.

  “Willow?” Reece was waiting for an answer.

  “No, I don’t. Is something going on?”

  He looked happy. “I have a game but I was hoping that after the game you might want to go out for pizza? A group of us usually meets at the Pizzeria.”

  Oh great, a group event. Something I’ve never been good at.

  “I appreciate the invitation Reece, it sounds like fun.”

  The invite was nice, but the real reason I was going was to do something for my dad. He had wanted me to come out of my shell and I had to make the effort. I could still picture his arm around me and I could hear his urging. It was like he knew he wouldn’t be around and didn’t want me to be alone.

  After I gave Reece my number I watched as he jogged over to his friends. He looked happy. Why couldn’t I be? I stood there for a moment and casually looked to my left. He was still there and he was talking with a blonde but his eyes lifted to meet mine. I looked from his piercing blue-green eyes to peek at her. Her hair was so blonde it was nearly white. She had separated her hair into sections, twisted them and piled them on top of her head. It was as if she knew I was looking because she turned to glance in my direction. Her eyes were unnaturally dark. Was it the eyeliner? She had it on thick but her rosy cheeks balanced the severity of it. She was devastating in appearance or maybe I thought so because everything about her was extreme. They both stared at me and I flushed with embarrassment. What if he thought I was attracted to him? And why do our eyes keep meeting? This was getting ridiculous. I turned and walked to my locker but I realized I was walking in the wrong direction. I had no choice but to turn and my cheeks began to burn. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw him smirk. I walked even faster.

  Chapter 7

  “You have a date already!” Anne exclaimed. She was more excited than I was.

  “It’s not a date, it’s more like a group thing,” I explained as I brushed my hair into a pony tail.

  Anne was beaming. “When is he picking you up?

  “He should be here any minute.”

  I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. “Do I look alright?” It was chilly so I dressed in jeans, a black turtleneck, and white jacket.

  “Lovely,” she answered. Anne reached up and brushed some stray hairs from my face and looked at me with tender approval – something I wasn’t used to. Her maternal ways weren’t uncomfortable for me but they were unfamiliar. I had never known what it was like to have a mother and Anne was the only female influence I had.

  Pandora announced Reece’s arrival before he had a chance to knock. I opened the door to see his sociable face already smiling. He was easy to like.

  “What, no car?” I teased.

  “Don’t need one in this town,” he laughed.

  We bantered back and forth as we walked to school. He introduced me to a few of his friends and some of the cheerleaders. While he was helping me choose a good place to sit, he motioned to a fairly attractive but rugged looking man in the bleachers. “My dad,” he pointed out. The man looked down at me and nodded a silent greeting. “He doesn’t talk much but he’s cool,” Reece explained.

  “I understand. My dad was like that too.”

  Reece looked from his dad to me and motioned for me to sit down, but not before placing a blanket on the bleachers. “My dad was a Marine but he does odd jobs now.”

  “Sounds like we have a few things in common,” I said. “My dad was in the Army reserves.”

  “We should have a lot to talk about then,” Reece suggested. I nodded but didn’t say anything. I took in the sights around me, the colorful band to my right, the eleven cheerleaders lined up in front wearing leggings under their skirts, and the stands filled to capacity with cheering students and families. A girl to my left was sitting with her boyfriend and they passed a cup of hot cocoa back and forth. I observed them without them noticing. They had a blanket wrapped around them and they were leaned into one another. I could smell
the richness of the hot cocoa as it steamed and drifted my way. I felt colder than before so I wrapped my arms around my chest in an effort to hold in the warmth, or keep the loneliness out.

  Reece seemed satisfied that I was comfortable so he ran off to join the cheerleaders who were already lined up and stretching. He waved at me throughout the game and I was impressed with his outgoing persona. Why couldn’t I be like that? The way he cheered, the way he smiled, the way he lifted a girl above his head or threw her in a basket toss…And the way they all crowded around him. He was respected and admired.

  It was cold by the time the game ended and everyone was in a celebratory mood. Reece jogged over to me and gave me a big hug. It felt good.

  “You have a great smile,” Reece observed. “I don’t think I’ve seen you so relaxed.”

  He was right. Since my dad died this was perhaps the first time I let my guard down long enough to feel genuinely happy about something. I found that when I smiled at Reece, I meant it.

  There were six of us who walked to the Pizzeria and a lot of playful shenanigans took place along the way. Some of the guys were giving the girls piggy back rides but I stood by Reece. At one point he gently guided me to his right so he walked on the side of traffic. A gentleman too, I noted.

  Reece tried to make sure I didn’t feel left out. We sat down in groups and I looked past everyone and gazed across the street, not seeing anything because I was thinking. I heard laughter, giggles, flirting. I felt a warm hand on my forearm. “Order what you like. It’s my treat,” Reece offered. I looked up; the waitress was waiting.

  “Oh, excuse me…I’ll have the…uh…meatball sub and an iced tea.” The waitress nodded, took our menus and excused herself.

  “I like a girl with an appetite!” Reece said approvingly.

  I snickered and silently rebuked myself for choosing something so messy.

  “You don’t have to pay. I have plenty.”

  “But I want to pay,” he insisted.

  I blushed. “That’s really nice of you. Thank you. Next time it will be my treat.”

  Next time?

  How presumptuous of me.

  A sudden gust of wind blew my napkin off the table. I turned and caught it and in doing so I saw the familiar black motorcycle and its equally dark rider. His head was turned in our direction but he didn’t slow down or stop. There were two more riders with him, one in front, the other in back – each with motorcycles of their own, each veiled in black.

  How could it be that I was in the company of such a nice guy and feel drawn to someone I didn’t even know? I would have to put Haven out of mind. He showed me a bit of kindness, something he probably would have done for anyone, and I was turning it into a fantasy merely because he appeared to be as aloof and distant as I was.

  When I turned around to face the table I deliberately engaged Reece in conversation but I asked more questions than I answered.

  Reece loved snowmobiling, his father was an avid hunter, his parents--like mine---were happy together but his mother died some time ago and his father had never remarried. I told him I didn’t remember my mother but I could understand his close relationship with his dad.

  “A lot of kids are embarrassed by their parents or they pretend they are,” Reece said, his voice dripping with disapproval.

  I nodded in agreement. “It’s good you’re not that way. You know just as I do that the family dynamic can change anytime.” I suddenly felt weak since the pain of my dad’s death was still too near.

  I changed the subject.

  “Why did you get into cheerleading?”

  Reece smirked and looked down at the table. “For the girls of course!” He lifted his head to look at me and continued. “I never asked any of them out. I prefer to date outside the squad.”

  I looked away and giggled nervously, and knowingly. I wasn’t the cheerleader type and here I was socializing with one.

  We left the Pizzeria together and talked all the way to Anne’s house. When we were on the porch he put his hand on my back. “Would you like to go out again…I mean…just the two of us?”

  I think I paused a little too long because he started to look nervous. “You did offer to treat me, remember?”

  I flashed him a smile. “Of course; why don’t you call me?”

  He agreed and we gave each other a friendly hug goodbye. I backed away from him when he stopped me by gently holding my arms. I felt a sudden rush of panic. He looked into my eyes and paused--as if he were considering something. A sly smile began to form and without words he jumped onto the sidewalk. He was really smiling and took a few paces backwards before turning around, skipping forward and doing a round-off back hand-spring.

  “Show-off!” I teased.

  He winked, waved, and ran off.

  Laughing, I turned to go into the house.

  Chapter 8

  After relaying the night’s details to Anne, who absorbed them with genuine interest, I tended to Pandora. I led her outside and sat on the back porch while she ran about. She was more eager to play than to take care of business.

  “Silly dog,” I muttered. I quietly laughed and drew my knees to my chest and rested my head on my arms. Pandora sensed my introspection, quit running and came over to me where she nudged my arm. I lifted my head and stroked her. “I can always count on you, can’t I?”

  Pandora perked up and her ears seemed to be searching for some noise that was beyond my own hearing. Suddenly she bolted towards the back fence and growled angrily. I had never seen that side of her before and was taken aback.

  “What’s gotten into you Panda?”

  I stood up and looked into the darkness, but didn’t see anything. Other than Pandora, the night was calm.

  “Silly dog,” I repeated. “Let’s go in.”

  After showering I pulled on my white t-shirt and began brushing my teeth. I motioned for Pandora to go into my room. As a matter of habit I went to the window and looked out, seeing nothing. Pandora was next to me, watching as I had been, and seeing what I couldn’t. But I heard the howling – faint and far away. I returned to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out. I placed my toothbrush in its holder and spotted some of Anne’s nail polish and chose a pale pink. I entered my room and noticed that Pandora was alert, not having relaxed her stance. I rolled my eyes and plopped down on the bed. I began painting my toenails when Pandora let out another angry growl. Startled, I almost spilled polish on the comforter.

  “Knock it off Panda,” I scolded. She didn’t pay any attention to me.

  While I waited for the polish to dry I listened to Within Temptation and began to journal. In writing I could pour my heart out, something I was reluctant to do in person. After I wrote a short entry about my fun evening with Reece, I casually flipped through to read some back entries. My eyes settled on one I had written shortly before my dad’s death.

  Dad and I had a wonderful day today. We made chicken salad sandwiches and went on our weekly picnic. We talked and dad expressed concern that my grades weren’t where they should be. He believed I was capable of more. At one point he said to me, “Willow dear, you take life so seriously. You really need to lighten up.” He also told me, “There will be times of heartache, but life is made of moments. Don’t waste them.” And when we went home I brought my homework into the kitchen and sat down at the island. While reading, I felt something hit me in the head. I looked up and dad was grinning. He was popping popcorn. Laughing, we had a food fight right there in the kitchen. The little moments indeed…

  I put the journal down, rolled onto my back and tried to stop the tears. They came anyway. I sat up and grabbed some tissue from the nightstand. Pandora left her position at the window and came over long enough to lick my hand. Satisfied that I was okay she returned to her station and kept standing guard. I reached over and turned off the light. I turned onto my side and draped an arm and a leg over my body pillow and listened as Anne’s classical music drifted throughout the house. East of Eden I identified.
I heard her open cabinets as she put some dishes away. The clanging of silverware and the all-around homey sound made me long for my dad and the comforts of my real home.

  Chapter 9

  The upcoming fall dance was all anyone talked about at school. At lunch, Tavia and Amber insisted I go.

  “Not many of us go as couples. We mainly go as a group. It’s more fun that way because you’re not tied to any one guy!” Tavia was exuberant and while she was talking she flipped through a fashion magazine. She pointed to a strapless number and said, “That’s the one. I’ll have my mom order it when I get home.”

  “There aren’t many places to find dresses around here,” Amber pointed out.

  “Where are you getting one?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I’ll just wear the one I wore last year.”

  All of a sudden I heard someone shout, “Boo!” Startled, I jumped a little.

  Reece laughed and wrapped his arms around me. “Didn’t mean to scare you!”

  “Sure you didn’t,” I teased sarcastically.

  “We’re discussing plans for the dance,” Amber explained.

  Amused, Reece turned to me. “Are you going?”

  “Of course she is!” Tavia stated.

  I am?

  Acquiescent, I confirmed. “I guess that settles it, count me in.”

  “You’ll save a dance for me, right?” Reece winked at me but I didn’t react to him since I spotted Lacey across the room. She was looking this way but she was studying Amber and there was something about her expression that made me think she was lonely, or longing.

  “Don’t even go there,” Tavia warned. “She keeps to herself.”