Fear

by Adrianne Lemke

  “I can walk you know,” Ryan said irritably when Kerry moved to help him walk to the bathroom.

  “I know. I just wanted to help,” Kerry said. Ryan had become irritable in the days after his detox and she was worried that his reaction to Traci had something to do with it. Somehow he had gotten it into his head that Traci had been involved in his kidnapping, and Kerry’s protests hadn’t helped.

  Traci had decided that the best way to help her partner was to do anything necessary to get him back to work, so she made sure he did all the exercises that his physical therapist told him to do to strengthen his shoulder. He had finally gotten past the point of flinching away every time Traci came near him, but he still had a cautious look in his eyes when she was by him.

  Ryan knew that his reaction was irrational, but he couldn’t stop the automatic response. It will take some time, but I think I’ll be able to trust her again sometime, he thought as he used the bathroom. His left arm was in a sling and he could feel the bandages and stitches on his chest stretching as he moved around. He regretted snapping at Kerry, but his emotions had been volatile since his ordeal and he had little control over his responses. As proven by my reaction to Traci, he figured.

  As he finished up in the bathroom, he carefully eased his arm out of the sling to wash his hands, wincing as the muscles pulled and pain shot through his torso. As he washed them, he looked up at the mirror and saw the shadows under his eyes and the fear that still clung despite the knowledge that Riever was dead. Killed by Traci and Levi on the day he was rescued.

  Four days. No one expects you to be over it in four days, he told himself as he eased his arm back into the sling and went back into the room.

  Kerry and Traci were sitting in the chairs on either side of the bed and Ryan forced himself to look at both of them as he walked in. Both had shadows under their eyes and looked exhausted. He felt a pang of guilt as he realized that they had been losing sleep over him.

  “I’m kind of tired,” he said. “I think I’m just going to sleep the rest of the afternoon. You guys should go home for a while.”

  “Are you sure?” Kerry asked.

  “Yeah, I need some alone time too. I’ll see you guys tomorrow though, okay?”

  “Sure, Ry. Have a good nap. See you tomorrow,” Kerry said, giving her now boyfriend a kiss. She left Ryan alone with Traci as a way to show him that she trusted his partner, and he could too. She hadn’t spent much time away from Ryan since his rescue, and hadn’t been back home at all. She spent nights with her mother and had convinced her mom to take care of her pets until she was able to go home. I’m going to go for a ride before I crash, she decided. Dante and Silhouette were probably going wild being left out in the pasture for so long. I need to relax. I know that’s why Ryan kicked us out. Both Traci and I have not been sleeping much for the past few days.

  Traci came out and joined Kerry in the hall after saying her good-byes to Ryan. “He’s trying to get rid of us,” she said as she walked to where Kerry was waiting for her. She seemed happier than she had been since they had found Ryan.

  “What did he say?” Kerry asked. “You seem happy.”

  Traci shrugged trying to be matter of fact, but the grin on her face took away from the carelessness of the gesture. “He told me that he trusts me. That he can’t help his physical reaction, but he’ll try.”

  “Really? That’s great!” Kerry said giving the other woman a hug. “Do you want to come to my place today? I was going to go for a ride, and if you want, you can join me. Dante is a good horse to ride. He’s the one I’m going to be putting Ryan on when he’s well enough to try,” she continued talking as they walked out of the hospital and went to their cars.

  “Sure, I’ll come over. We’ll need to stop at my place so I can get some stuff, and I can leave my car there since we’re both going to the hospital again tomorrow. If you’re willing to drop me off at home tomorrow afternoon that would work well. I’m due back at work tomorrow night.”

  Kerry nodded. “No problem. I’m sure Ryan will need a nap again tomorrow, and I’ll take you back while he’s sleeping.”

  Their plans made, the women drove to Traci’s house and then continued on to Kerry’s house in one car. “How’s Hunter?” Kerry asked suddenly. With all that had been going on with Ryan, she had forgotten about the dog. “Does Ryan know that we have him?”

  “Hunter is getting better. He had a broken leg and needed to put on some weight, but he’s doing better. He snaps at any guy who goes near him, but I’m sure Ryan will be able to get through to him. And, no; Ryan doesn’t know that we have him. I figured it would be a good surprise when he’s released from the hospital.”

  “Okay, but I think he would be happy to know that his dog is safe.”

  “At this point I’m not sure if he needs to hear what Hunter went through. He’s dealing with enough right now. I’m sure he’d feel guilty if he knew that Riever had been mistreating Hunter for weeks while Ryan remained clueless that Riever was even involved,” Traci reasoned. “That said, once Ryan is feeling better, I’m sure he’ll be able to handle seeing his dog again.”

  Kerry accepted the argument and remained silent as she steered her Jeep into her driveway. “I’m going to give my mom a call to let her know she doesn’t have to come out today,” she said as she walked to the house. “You can drop your stuff in the guestroom.”

  Both women enjoyed a relaxing ride through the fields around Kerry’s house before brushing the horses and feeding them. They discussed the ride as they prepared a light supper with soup and sandwiches. After eating, they decided to go to bed early.

  “If Ryan sees us looking this tired tomorrow, he’ll try to kick us out again,” Traci said. “My sleep schedule is completely off, but it will be until Ryan’s out of the hospital in a few days.”

  “I’m sure he’d understand if you didn’t come until the afternoon if you wanted to sleep after your shift,” Kerry said.

  “I know. I just want to be there as much as possible. Oh, you’ll be glad to hear that Captain Tonika has agreed to take the post permanently.”

  “That’s good. He’s a great guy from what I’ve seen. I’ll feel more comfortable with Ryan working there with him than with someone we don’t know already and who doesn’t know Ryan’s story.” Kerry looked thoughtful for a moment, her hand resting on her chin as she sat at the table. “Has Ryan met Captain Tonika yet?”

  Traci’s eyes widened. “No. You don’t think he’ll react badly, do you?”

  “I can’t see why he would, he’s not Riever.” Kerry broke off with a yawn. “It’s definitely time to get some sleep. Ryan would only be upset if he knew that he sent us away to get sleep and we didn’t. G’night, Traci,” she said, standing up from the table and stretching a bit as she waved and went to her room.

  Traci sat at the table for a few minutes after Kerry left. How would Ryan react to being introduced to Captain Tonika? She stared in the direction that Kerry had gone. She would probably finally be able to get some sleep now with the knowledge that Ryan was safe in the hospital. I should make sure to call the vet about Hunter tomorrow, she thought as she yawned. Time for bed, Traci sighed, content in the knowledge that everyone she loved was finally out of harm’s way.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Ryan woke with a start after another nightmare. The frequency of the nightmares had lessened, but when he had them they were still intense. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and was happy that he was back at home where his nightmares couldn’t bother anyone else. Hunter jumped up onto the bed and rested his head on Ryan’s legs as if to offer support through the aftermath of the nightmare.

  The department psychiatrist had told him that the nightmares would gradually go away as time went by and he learned to forgive himself, but that was little comfort when he was faced with one. He absently rubbed at his left shoulder when he felt the muscles tighten, but the pain was almost gone.

  As Ryan lay in bed, he patted Hunter and felt gratefu
l that at least one of the things he loved had been returned to him. He hadn’t expected to see his dog again, and had been excited when Kerry had brought the dog back to him two weeks earlier. The dog’s leg had healed, though he still walked with a limp, and probably always would. Hunter had also become almost excessively protective of Ryan since his return, even going so far as to growl at Kerry if she snuck up on Ryan.

  “You need to go out, boy?” Ryan asked as the dog lay staring up at him, his tail thumping on the bed. Hunter’s head came up at the word out, and he whined a bit. “Alright, boy, give me a sec and I’ll get dressed.” He gently nudged the big dog to get him off the bed and stood, still rubbing his shoulder as he moved to get some clothes. Maybe some fresh air will do me some good, he thought. It was the middle of the night, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon, and he needed some air. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved T-shirt since the night air was a bit cool, and then grabbed Hunter’s leash from the hook by the door.

  Ryan led the dog out of the building, holding the leash in his right hand and following wherever the dog wanted to go. Taking a deep breath, Ryan felt himself begin to relax for the first time since he’d woken from the nightmare. The cool air felt good in his lungs, and the city was quiet. He walked with Hunter for about twenty minutes before going back to his apartment to attempt to get more sleep. The shrink wouldn’t like that he was still not sleeping well. Despite her assurances that the nightmares would go away, he could tell that their persistence worried her. Sorry Dr. Robling, they keep getting the better of me, he thought with a sigh as he unlocked his apartment and entered.

  After removing Hunter’s leash and hanging it back on the hook, Ryan went to the kitchen to get a drink of water and take one of the sleeping pills he had been prescribed after explaining about the nightmares. He was reluctant to take them, but he knew he wouldn’t get any sleep without it that night. His water glass washed and put away, Ryan went to his bedroom. He could already feel the effects of the pill, and hoped it would keep the nightmares at bay.

  When Ryan woke again it was to a pounding at the door. He got to his feet and opened the door to see who it was. “Traci?” he said groggily. “What are you doing here?”

  Traci walked tensely into his apartment. “Ryan. I’ve been at the door for nearly ten minutes. I don’t remember you being that deep a sleeper,” she said, trying to keep her tone light, but allowing the concern to come through.

  Ryan yawned, covering his mouth with his hand as he replied his voice still heavy with sleep. “I’m not. I took one of Dr. Robling’s sleeping pills last night,” he admitted.

  “Why? I thought you were getting sleep again since you’ve been home.”

  “I have been,” Ryan lied. “Last night was a fluke. I just couldn’t get to sleep, so I caved and took one of the pills.” He looked at Traci suspiciously. “What did you come for? I know it wasn’t to see how I slept last night.”

  Traci still looked concerned as she answered, “We found the suppliers Riever used. Turns out you have a bit of history with the people he got the drugs from.”

  “Yeah? Who…” Ryan thought for a moment. “Theo. Right?”

  “Got it in one, partner. We got them on drug trafficking, so we’ll see how that plays out.” Traci fidgeted for a moment before continuing. “There’s more. You remember that picture that was taken of you on your first night?”

  “Yeah, what about it?” he asked warily, his blue eyes narrowing as he remembered the night.

  Traci hesitated. “It couldn’t have been Riever that took that picture. I’ve been working to find the cop who took it, and what I’ve found is very disturbing. I don’t want to believe it, but I have to ask you… did you know a Tom Jenkins?”

  Ryan’s eyes widened in surprise. “Tom? He was a friend of Frank’s. He couldn’t be…”

  “I’m sorry, Ryan,” Traci interrupted. “From what I’ve been able to find out he is the most likely to have taken that picture. There was also evidence that he may have had something to do with Frank’s murder as well.” She saw the look of disbelief on Ryan’s handsome face turn into anger.

  “That bastard!” he growled angrily. “He was one of Frank’s best friends, how could he do that?”

  “I just wanted you to know. Tonika gave Levi and me the go-ahead to pick him up for questioning. I figured you would want to be there when we question him.”

  “When should I be there?” he asked, all traces of grogginess gone from his voice as the anger took over.

  “In about an hour if you can get there. Are you allowed to drive yet?”

  “Yes. I can drive again. I’m not on any medications other than the sleeping pills, and I’ve only taken one of those,” he said tensely. Ushering Traci out and closing the door he said, “I’ll be there in an hour.”

  Traci stood in the hall for a moment wondering if she’d done the right thing by telling him about Jenkins. It’s better that he hear it from me than from a news report when it gets out that we've arrested an officer in connection to his case. He’ll deal with it and move on, she thought hopefully as she went to join Levi, who was waiting for her in the car.

  “How is he?” Levi asked. He hadn’t gone to see Ryan since they’d rescued him from Riever, and didn’t know how the rookie was coping.

  Traci sighed and rubbed her eyes wearily. She was sick of giving Ryan bad news. “He’s doing better. His injuries are mostly healed, but his shoulder still gives him some trouble. He’s been having nightmares again…”

  “He told you that?” Levi interrupted. “That doesn’t sound like Ryan.”

  “No, he didn’t tell me that the nightmares were back. What he did tell me was that he took a sleeping pill for the first time last night because he couldn’t sleep. I figure that means that he was woken up by a particularly bad nightmare and took the pill so he’d actually be able to get some sleep for once. He looks exhausted.”

  Levi didn’t respond as he drove toward Tom Jenkins’ house. Instead he allowed Traci to vent in her own way.

  “I had to tell him that one of his uncle’s best friends was working with Riever against him. He looked like he’d been punched when I said the name! The way he reacted I would guess that Jenkins was like family to him as he grew up. He’s coming for the interview. I told him to be there in an hour. I figure we can let Jenkins sit in an interview room that long, right?”

  “Absolutely. If this guy is involved, he deserves to rot for adding to Ryan’s problems. Especially if he had something to do with Frank’s death,” Levi stated adamantly. He pulled the car into the driveway and was pleased to see that there was a backup unit waiting for them down the street. He waved them over and the two officers in the squad car waited for instructions.

  “Officer Travers and I will be going to the front door. I want the two of you to go around back in case he tries to bolt,” Traci said. The two officers nodded in agreement and Traci and Levi waited for a moment while they moved around back to cover the door before going to the front and knocking.

  The shade on the door moved as Jenkins peered out to see who was knocking. His eyes widened in shock when he saw Traci and Levi standing on his front porch in uniforms and looking grim. They know, he thought as he turned from the door and moved to the back of his house. He heard Traci yell into her radio that he was going out the back, and swore when he realized that they had backup.

  Levi was able to force the front door open and Jenkins had stopped when he realized there were officers coming at him from the front and back of his house. “I give up. I’ll come peacefully,” he told them as he raised his arms in surrender.

  Traci read him his rights as Levi put the handcuffs on him and led him out of the house. When she was finished and he acknowledged that he understood the rights, she said, “You have to face Ryan with what you did. We have you on stalking and murder charges. He thought highly of you and trusted you.” Jenkins didn’t respond, he only sneered at Traci and allow
ed himself to be settled into the backseat of the squad car.

  Ryan arrived at the station at ten o’clock that morning to listen in on the interview, and was shocked when Jenkins confessed to helping Riever keep tabs on him. Frank trusted him enough to be one of my guards, how could he do this? Traci stood with him in the viewing room as Levi and Captain Tonika interrogated Jenkins. “Frank trusted Jenkins with my life,” he said softly.

  “What do you mean?” Traci asked.

  “Tom was one of the officers that Frank trusted to guard me when he started getting the threatening notes in the mail,” he said, still speaking softly. He gave a harsh laugh. “I’m almost glad Frank isn’t around to see this. He would never have forgiven himself if he’d known that he gave Riever easier access to me by having his accomplice follow me around.”

  “If he was guarding you, why did Riever never get him to kidnap you when you were younger?” asked Traci, her brow crinkled in puzzlement. “He would have had plenty of opportunities.”

  “Maybe you should ask him that,”—Ryan nodded toward Jenkins—“maybe he didn’t want to go any farther than just taking some pictures for Riever. I don’t know,” he said bitterly.

  Traci studied Ryan’s face for a moment. “Are you okay? I know this is a lot to handle, but we’re here for you. You know that, right?”

  Ryan looked Traci in the eyes and she was pleased to see some of the life had finally returned to them. “I know,” he said. “I want to talk to him,” Ryan continued.

  Traci realized that Ryan needed some closure, and Jenkins had yet to admit to any connection to the murder. “I’ll see what I can do,” she promised.

  Ryan watched as Traci entered the interrogation room and whispered his request into Captain Tonika’s ear. He smiled as Tonika nodded and Traci left the room, returning to the viewing room where Ryan waited.

  “Do you want me to be with you?” she asked.

  Ryan thought about it for a moment before answering, “Yes, if you’re willing, I would appreciate the support.” She nodded, and together they entered the room.