The Game-Kirsten Backhard

by Shawnte Borris

  I got up and went to the kitchen to grab another beer. I started walking toward my nephew’s bedroom.

  “Kirsten, that other beer better not be for my son,” my sister called out.

  “Nope,” was all I answered before moving down the hallway.

  I slowly pushed open his door because the last thing I wanted to see was him and a tube sock. Sure as shit, I found the punk ass sitting in his dark room, playing that video-game shit.

  I walked into his room and yanked off his headphones. Into the mike, I said, “Hey, puberty goers! Nate’s auntie is here, so he’s gotta go.”

  Nate looked up. “Hey, when did you get here?”

  “Maybe an hour or two ago. If you’d stop whacking off to this computer shit, you’d know,” I said while rubbing the top of his head. “What’s new, kid?”

  “Nothing much. I tried out for the basketball team, but I didn’t make it.”

  “That’s because you have girl legs and no muscles. I’d say track is more your thing.”

  “Geez, thanks, Auntie,” Nate said sarcastically.

  “So…” I sat on his bed and passed him the extra beer. “Tell me. Got a girlfriend?”

  Nate declined the beer and showed me his pop can. Good. More for me.

  “No. I’m only fifteen.”

  “That’s it?” I asked, astounded. Fifteen? What was I doing at fifteen?

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” My delightful nephew looked at me. “Besides, shouldn’t you know how old I am?”

  Probably. “I just assumed—”

  “Assumed, what?” he asked.

  “I just assumed that you would have a girlfriend or someone to play with by now.”

  Nate looked down toward the floor. “Dad says that I should wait another year.”

  I laughed, totally seeing the humor in my drunkenness. “That’s only because your dad doesn’t want you to know the truth about how great dating is.”

  Nate choked on his pop. “Really?”

  “Really,” I said proudly. Giving a child the dating talk isn’t all that hard.

  “Will you tell me?”

  Great. Now, I have his full attention. Shit! “Are you kidding me? I’m not going to do that. You’re only fifteen.”

  “You got to tell me something.”

  Not what Derek was doing at fifteen. That’s for damn sure! “Well, I guess I could give you some dating tips.” Yeah, dating tips. That sounds safe.

  “Cool,” agreed my sponge-absorbing nephew.

  “First, always give your date a compliment even if you don’t mean it. Always turn off this video-game shit. Only losers play video games. Don’t answer your phone. Put that puppy on vibrate. You might even like the vibration and keep it as your ringtone. After making out, don’t update your status right away. That never goes over well. Always carry gum. No woman wants to kiss a guy with bad breath. Gross! Shower—three times a day if needed. You don’t want your little friend smelling. Start slow, whisper in her ear, but don’t blow in it, and kiss her neck. Always pay the bill—no matter what. Just because you pay doesn’t mean that she should put out even though she probably will. Get a haircut.” And by that I mean…trim your shit and never turn down a blow job.

  “What! That’s it? That’s all you’re telling me?” asked Nate.

  “Yep,” I replied while standing up. I started heading for the door.

  “Auntie, I know that you are keeping in the good stuff.”

  “What?” I asked with a laugh. The little shit thought I’d tell him the good stuff? Yeah, like I need my sister kicking my ass. Not.

  “Nothing. I just thought you were cooler than that.”

  Shit, he’s looking me in the eyes, challenging me. That little bastard. “Ever watch the movie American Pie?” I asked.

  “Wasn’t that movie made, like, when you were in high school?” Nate asked with a sly grin, knowing he had me. “Can you even get it on DVD?”

  “No, you little shit. It was after I was in high school, and if you keep this up—”

  “Okay, okay. I’m sorry!” Nate said with his hands up, surrendering.

  “Rent the movie and watch it. You’ll never look at apple pie the same again.” I sure in the hell didn’t. “And get yourself a Playboy.” A chick likes it when you know the difference between your dick and your elbow.

  I walked back toward the living. This parent stuff isn’t so hard.

  “Did you find the offspring?” asked Evan.

  “Yeah.” I laughed. “I told him to watch American Pie.”

  “Why? Is that a documentary about Thanksgiving?”

  I just stared at Evan. I cannot believe he just asked that! I looked at my dad, and we both started laughing our asses off, like there was no tomorrow.

  “Yep, it’s a documentary about apple pie,” I said.

  My dad howled while wiping away his tears. That was the one thing that I could always count on my dad for—never a dull moment. We could just look at each other, and we’d get each other’s thoughts and humor.

  “Dinner is ready,” my mom called from the dining room.

  As I was turning around, my dad grabbed my elbow and whispered in my ear, “Kirsten, please tell me you didn’t tell the kid to look up porn?”

  “Of course not. He’ll figure that out soon enough.” I looked at my dad. “What do you take me for? I told him to get some Playboys. Someone’s gotta teach that boy,” I said with a smirk.

  My dad just shook his head.

  When my dad and I turned the corner, we heard Evan ask Marie, “Honey, did you make any apple pie? I have a craving for it.”

  Holy fuck!

  My dad and I lost it. We had to hold on to each other and the wall, just so we wouldn’t lose our balance. “What has you two in stitches?” asked my mom.

  “Nothing, my dear. I think Kirsten and I just needed a good laugh,” my dad replied.

  “I will never understand the two of you,” she said, sitting down at the table.

  After dinner, I helped my mom with the dishes while Marie gave Evan his apple pie.

  “Thank you for coming to dinner, Kirsten,” my mom said quietly.

  “You’re welcome, Mom. As always, dinner was delicious.”

  “You can always come home for dinner.”

  “I know.” I looked up and smiled. “I better get going. I have some work that I need to catch up on.”

  “Kirsten, I think you work too hard,” my mom replied with concern in her eyes.

  “I promise you, Mom, I’m not.”

  “You look tired.”

  “Just been a long week.”

  “Are you sure that’s it?”

  “Yes. It’s nothing that a good night’s sleep won’t fix.”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, Mom.”

  I towel-dried my hands, gave my mom a hug, and walked into the living room.

  “All right, Dad. Later.”

  My dad looked up from the TV. “Going so soon?”

  “Yeah, I have some work to finish up.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want some of Marie’s apple pie?” asked Evan.

  “I’m sure. Why don’t you have my piece?” I giggled.

  Evan stood up and walked toward the kitchen. “Marie, baby, can I get some more of that pie? It was so warm and gooey.”

  I shook my head, trying my hardest not to lose it again. “Bye, guys.”

  “Bye, Kirsten.” I heard in unison before I shut the door.

  Sitting on the couch at Derek’s, I noticed that I had several missed texts.

  Caroline: Can you believe it? Liz doesn’t want a bachelorette party!

  Derek: How was dinner? LOL.

  Drew: Baby, I miss you.

  Liz: I feel so fat!

  Since I knew that Caroline was in a tizzy, I decided to call her, but first, I texted everyone else back.

  Me: I gave our nephew some dating tips.

  Derek: I bet Marie loved that. LOL.


  Me: She doesn’t know. I told him to watch American Pie.

  Derek: Why?

  Me: Cause the pie thing is hilarious! That got Evan to ask Marie for her apple pie. LMAO.

  Derek: No way!

  Me: Way! Dad and I had a pissing match over it. We were holding on to walls and everything.

  Derek: Good times.

  Me: How’s golfing?

  Derek: Super.

  Me: You do realize that I know my sexatary took time off, too, right?

  Derek: :-D

  Me: Asshole.

  Derek: See you in a few days.

  Me: <3

  I decided to tackle “fat” Liz next. This was just for the simple fact that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to Drew yet. I didn’t want to get into another conversation about our house.

  Me: You are not fat! You are having a baby, one that I am going to spoil rotten.

  Liz: I wanna be at home, relaxing.

  Me: Soon.

  Liz: I wanna cry.

  Me: We’ll be together soon, and then the countdown will be on, Mrs. Edison. <3

  Liz: I love him.

  Me: I know you do. Go rest and we’ll talk tomorrow.

  Liz: Staying at Drew’s?

  Me: No. At Derek’s.

  Liz: Running?

  Me: No. Just more comfortable here.

  Liz: All right.

  Me: Sweet dreams and give the baby love taps for me!

  Liz: Night. Love you. XO

  Since I didn’t know what I really wanted to say to Drew, I just replied with a happy face.

  Me: ☺

  Drew: Is that all I get? A smiley face?

  Me: Happy Thanksgiving! XO

  Drew: Where are you sleeping?

  Me: At Derek’s. We talked about this.

  Drew: Sweetheart…

  Me: Not ready yet.

  Drew: I bought the house for us.

  Me: I know.

  Drew: Love you.

  Me: Night. XO

  I changed into my pajamas and headed to Derek’s bed. I smelled the sheets first and made sure they were not crispy. Then, I crawled into bed. I called Caroline, knowing that she would still be up, waiting to hear back from me.

  “Can you honestly believe that Liz doesn’t want a bachelorette party?”

  “Hello, Caroline.”

  “I mean, really? Who doesn’t want one?”

  I laughed. “I know.”

  “Where is the fun in that?”

  “No fun.”

  “Well, I think we should do something.”

  “I tried. Brad doesn’t want anything either.”

  “What!”

  “They decided that since Liz couldn’t fully enjoy one with being pregnant and all that Brad wasn’t going to have one either. He said that it wasn’t fair.”

  Caroline let out a dramatic sigh. “That blows. I was at least going to crash that one.”

  “Me, too.” I laughed

  “Have they chosen a honeymoon spot yet?”

  “Nope. They are going to wait until after the baby is born to make any final decisions.”

  “Jesus, being pregnant sucks.”

  I laughed some more.

  “Stop laughing. I’m serious, Kirsten,” whined Caroline.

  “I know you are. That’s why it’s so funny.”

  “Ugh.”

  “Come on, don’t pout.”

  “I wanted to help men oil their bodies and make fun of their dancing skills.”

  “Caroline, you truly are one of a kind.”

  “Don’t act like you wouldn’t join in on the fun.”

  “Oh, I never said I wouldn’t join in.”

  “I want a new set of boobs.”

  “Uh, where did that come from?” I asked.

  “I’m looking at my boobs right now, and they look sad.”

  “How sad?” I asked, looking down at mine.

  “Enough. Hey! Maybe we can go together. You know, get a two-for-one deal.”

  I lifted up my boobs with my hands, admiring that they still had their shape. “I’m good.”

  “That’s because you have beautiful breasts.”

  “Uh, thanks?”

  “You’re welcome. So, tell me how your Thanksgiving was?”

  “Good. My dad and I had a good laugh, and I spent some quality time with Nate, my nephew.”

  “Staying at the new house?” asked my obnoxious friend.

  “Why the fuck is everyone asking me that today?”

  “Because we love you, and we know when it comes to your love life, you run.”

  “Fuck you. I do not run.”

  “Staying at the house?”

  “No,” I replied, pissed off.

  “Running.” Caroline snickered. “Are you staying at your brother’s?”

  “Yes, I feel comfortable here.”

  “Sometimes, it’s good to get out of your comfort zone.”

  “I know.” I took a breath.

  “Is Derek there?”

  “No, and even if he were, I wouldn’t tell you what he’s wearing.”

  “Party pooper.”

  “He’s my brother,” I reminded her.

  “So, I guess you’re not going to tell me if his bed smells like him?”

  “Uh, no.”

  Caroline giggled.

  “What did you do for the weekend?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “My sister and her friend came down. We went shopping and had a blast,” replied Caroline.

  “You are the only person I know who would rather shop than eat a family dinner. Aren’t you from the south?”

  “Dude, don’t be mad that we got out of eating your mom’s shitty turkey. Besides, it’s not Thanksgiving here yet, remember?”

  “Oh, right. I keep forgetting.”

  “I’ll see you in eight days?”

  “Yep, I’ll pick you up at the airport. We are all staying at Liz’s.”

  “You mean, we are staying at Liz’s, and you will be staying at your house next door,” Caroline said with authority.

  “No. Brad will be staying there with Drew.”

  “Why are you fighting this?”

  “I’m not. I’m just making some decisions in my head.”

  “Well, think fast, girl, before he walks away.”

  I didn’t hear Caroline say good-bye. I just hung up the phone. Would Drew move on if I couldn’t get my act together?

  Against my better judgment, I let Drew come and pick me up at the airport. It should have been Liz, but honestly, I just needed a breather, and the one thing that I absolutely loved about Drew was that he instantly knew when I needed one.

  As I was coming down the escalator, I saw Drew with flowers in his hand and a huge smile on his face. I heard girls giggling behind me.

  “Oh my god, check him out. Fuck, he’s hot. Someone is damn lucky to be getting that piece of fine ass.”

  I laughed and walked into his arms. “Hi.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled into my hair. “Hey, babe. You look exhausted.”

  “I feel exhausted,” I said.

  “Ready to go home?”

  I could hear the snicker in his voice.

  “Thanks for the flowers. They are beautiful.” I smiled and smelled them.

  “Not as beautiful as you. Do you have any more luggage with you?”

  “No, I packed what I needed, and if I need anything else, I’ll just buy it. All my wedding attire is at Liz’s, so I just have my carry-on and laptop bag.”

  Drew grabbed my bags from me. “Jesus, Kirsten, why is your laptop bag so frickin’ heavy?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Work.”

  “No wonder you look drained.”

  He grabbed my hand, and I placed my head on his shoulder as we walked to his truck. Drew shut my door and walked to his side. I sat there, closed my eyes, and breathed in his smell. It smelled like home.

  “Why are you smiling, sweetheart?”

  I looked o
ver at him. “I’m just…” I closed my eyes again. “Tired.”

  “Sure you are.”

  Even though I was not looking at him, I knew that Drew had a shit-eating grin on his face. Once we left the parking lot, he grabbed my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckles. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep against the door.

  Drew tried waking me before we made it home, but I just wasn’t ready to open my eyes. Even though I was awake I just sat there with my eyes closed letting the fall breeze tickle my face from the crack in the open window.

  “Hey, Drew. Why are you waiting to bring Kirsten into the house?” asked Liz.

  “Look at her, Liz. She’s fucking wiped.”

  I heard them talking. Slowly, I opened my eyes.

  Drew came around and opened my door. “Welcome home,” he said.

  I smiled as he helped me from the truck. “Where are my bags?”

  “I brought them in already. Your carry-on is up in our room, and your laptop case is in the office.”

  I looked at the house. It was the first time that I actually took a real look. Of course, I’d driven past it when I was home for Thanksgiving because I knew no one was home. Then, I’d been able to breathe it in, but today…today, I could see my future children on the front step. Tears were forming in my eyes when I looked over to Liz.