Yes, Jason had left this. He had to have. Now that Ben was looking more closely at the ground and not for a person, he noticed a backpack by the deflated raft. It was Jason’s, the sketchbook torn and abandoned nearby.
Carefully, Ben tucked the drawing of him and Maggie inside the sketchbook and stowed it in his own pack, praying Jason didn’t have too much of a head start. His skin prickled at the thought of Jason out there alone, grief-stricken. If only he could fly over the trees and scoop Jason up to bring him somewhere safe. Somewhere Maggie was still alive.
His radio battery would run out soon, so he kept his report brief and was told helicopters were in the air, but there wasn’t much daylight left. The river rushed by on his left, obscuring any sounds Jason might have been making in the forest. Would Brown have stuck close to the river’s path? Would Jason? Ben could only guess. He hedged his bets by staying near the river while still exploring the endless forest.
He kept a careful watch, conscious of the fact Jason might shoot blindly if he realized anyone was close by. As he tried to formulate a plan to get the gun away from Jason and bring him back to safety, thoughts of Maggie tugged incessantly.
He’d only known the girl for days, yet bottomless grief spiraled. He supposed it was only normal to feel such sadness for a dead child, but the thought of never seeing that sweet smile again, never hearing a clever question or excited answer, stabbed at him with every step. It wasn’t fair.
A twig snapped nearby, loud and sharp. Ben froze, his breath in his throat. His eyes darted left and right, but he saw nothing. A moment later, some kind of small animal—he didn’t see which—scurried by in the underbrush.
His breath whooshed out in a rush, and he turned in a circle just in case. No, he was still alone.
Reaching into his pack, Ben took out his water bottle and swallowed a big mouthful. It was almost empty, so he headed over to the river while he had the chance. Here, the bank was almost level with the rushing water, so it was easy to crouch and fill his bottle.
As he stood, screwing the cap back on, he glanced farther downstream. A large tree had been felled—by lightning, probably—and it stuck out into the river, its branches grasping the flowing current like fingers, and—
Red.
He took a few tentative steps, narrowing his eyes as he peered at the tree.
A few steps more and he could see the red clearly, as well as the orange band of a life jacket. His mouth went dry. Oh God. Her body must have been snagged by the tree or washed up on shore.
He forced his lead feet to move, stopping by the tree’s exposed, torn roots. Maggie was just on the other side of the trunk, tucked in close, her face obscured.
Motionless.
Harlan Brown’s evil words replayed in Ben’s head as if shouted on a megaphone. Cut her little throat open. Ben knew what he would see, but he had to look. Had to bring her home to Jason.
His hand trembled as he reached down to roll her over. His fingers closed over her shoulder, and Maggie twitched.
Ben gasped and staggered back, crashing onto his ass. Scrambling forward, he rolled Maggie toward him gently, bracing himself. No, he hadn’t imagined it—her chest moved up and down, and the skin on her neck was smooth and white and whole.
Relief and joy mingled, and he barked out a laugh that echoed through the trees. She was alive! He said a silent prayer to whatever deity might be listening. “Maggie!”
She might have moaned softly in response, but Ben wasn’t sure. Her body was twisted awkwardly, and he realized her foot was pinned beneath the fallen tree. He tentatively poked and prodded her limbs, checking for broken bones. Not finding any, he stood and heaved the trunk a few inches, adrenaline sparking through him. Maggie moaned as he carefully pulled out her foot.
Cradling her in his lap, Ben pressed a finger to the pulse point on the side of her throat, just to double check. Sure enough, he felt a steady beat. “Maggie, wake up. Maggie!” He rubbed her sternum.
Her eyes flickered open briefly, and she made a low noise. Her skin was ice, and she’d obviously been in the river, her clothes still damp. Dirt smeared her, stark against her pale face. Even though the sun had come out, Maggie was obviously hypothermic, and he had to get her back to civilization, which had never seemed so far away as another night fast approached.
The quickest route to find help would be down to the most remote campground the park offered. Ben called in on his radio, telling them to send an ambulance.
He tossed the life jacket aside and hoisted Maggie into his arms. He wanted to yell for Jason, but couldn’t risk it now. Brown was still armed, and Ben wasn’t. Risking himself was one thing, and he would have done it in a heartbeat for Jason. But Maggie’s life was literally in his hands, and he had to get her to safety.
Heading south as night fell, Ben moved steadily in the fading light. His arms burned before long, and he stopped to drink more water and rouse Maggie. He managed to get her to swallow a few sips, but she couldn’t seem to really wake up.
He wanted to move as swiftly as possible, but paused to get her out of her wet clothes. The poncho had dried, but her pants and sweatshirt were cold and soggy.
With efficient movements, he peeled off her wet things and dried her with his T-shirt. The turtleneck he kept folded in his pack came down almost to Maggie’s ankles, and he pulled his spare socks onto her little feet, tugging them up over her knees. It was the best he could do under the circumstances, and he wrapped her up in the red poncho.
Maggie remained unconscious throughout, making only the odd noise. He had to move faster. Instead of holding her in his arms, this time he slung her gently over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, the moon and stars illuminating the way.
Now they just had to make it back to civilization in time.
An hour later, Maggie squirmed on Ben’s shoulder, making muffled sounds of protest. Ben shifted her into his arms, kneeling on the ground. “Maggie. It’s Ben. You’re okay.”
Her eyes opened with some struggle, and she blinked a few times before focusing on him. “Ben?” Her voice was little more than a croak.
“It’s me. You’re safe now, sweetheart.”
“Daddy?”
The lie came easily. “He’s still looking for you, but he’ll be back really soon. Don’t worry.”
“Jumped in. Kept my feet up like you told me.”
Ben’s heart clenched. “You’re so brave. I’m so proud of you. Your dad will be too.” He could only imagine the courage it had taken to leap into the freezing white water. “We followed your trail. You were very smart.”
“Cold.” Her teeth chattered.
“I know, sweetheart. We’ll be somewhere warm soon, I promise.” He really hoped he wasn’t lying this time. “I’m going to carry you, okay? This is the easiest way.” He didn’t wait for an answer before hoisting her up on his aching shoulder. He’d get her to safety. He wouldn’t let her or Jason down again.
He exhaled in relief when he spotted tents through the trees, pale blue nylon. This campground could only be accessed by boat taken across a lake, so the journey wasn’t over yet.
As he approached a tent, Ben called out, “Hello!”
Moments later, there was the sound of a zipper opening, and an older man’s head appeared, suspicion evident in his creased face. “Who’s there?”
“I’m Ben Hettler. I’m a park ranger. I’ve got an injured little girl here and I need help.”
A woman’s voice murmured from inside the tent, and the man crawled out and got to his feet. He took in Maggie draped over Ben’s shoulder. “My God, what happened? Where did you come from?”
“The backcountry. Look, she’s hypothermic and needs medical attention immediately. An ambulance is on the way to the other side of the lake. Where’s your canoe?”
The man motioned to his right, and Ben could just make out a dark green canoe at the base of a tree. A woman in her fifties clambered out of the tent, pulling a sweater over her head. She peered anxiou
sly at Maggie. “Is she all right?”
“She needs to get to the hospital,” he repeated impatiently. “I’ll be sure your canoe is brought back to you, but I need to take it.”
Another camper appeared beyond the blue tent. He was short and stocky, in his forties with a thick head of red hair. “Everything okay over here?” He eyed Ben warily.
“This man says he’s a ranger,” the woman answered. “The girl is sick.”
“Where are her parents?” The redhead asked.
Jesus Christ, Ben didn’t have time for this. “Her father’s lost in the forest.”
“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” the woman asked.
“He’s wearing a ranger uniform,” her husband noted.
“There’s no time to debate. I’m a ranger, and this child was missing in the forest and is going to die unless she gets medical attention now.”
His authoritative tone must have done the trick, because soon the two men had the canoe over their heads and they moved down toward the water’s edge some fifty feet away. The redhead volunteered to help the older man take Ben and Maggie across the lake. He introduced himself as Eric.
“It’ll be faster with two of us paddling.” Eric was no-nonsense and Ben didn’t argue.
The woman fetched her sleeping bag and helped Ben wrap Maggie in it snugly. He gently deposited Maggie in the middle of the canoe and knelt behind her. She didn’t wake, and Ben checked her pulse, exhaling when he felt it, still steady.
Soon Eric and the older man were hard at work, the canoe slicing through the mercifully calm water. Ben felt useless huddled with Maggie and not helping, but he kept her warm in the chill of the night, rocking her in his arms and murmuring that she was safe now.
When the front of the canoe jammed finally into the wet sand on the other side, Eric jumped out, splashing in the shallow water and hauling up the boat. “Let’s hope the ambulance is almost here.” He started up toward the tree line before stopping. “Do you want me to carry her?”
Ben realized he hadn’t moved, cradling her to his chest and watching her breathe. Eric was looking back at him with eyebrows raised. “No, I’m fine. I’ve got her,” Ben insisted. He mentally shook himself and climbed out.
The older man whose name Ben still didn’t know squinted into the trees. “I think I see some red lights coming.”
Ben could have cried with relief when an ambulance, police, FBI agents and his fellow rangers streamed along the dirt service road, vehicles crowding a small clearing, lights and shouts shattering the peace.
In the back of the ambulance, he held Maggie’s small, limp hand and stroked her hair. She blinked drowsily and managed to mutter, “Where’s my dad?” before falling under again.
Ben allowed himself to close his eyes just for a moment as the vehicle bumped along, wishing desperately he knew the answer.
CHAPTER TEN
He couldn’t see.
Leaves and tree trunks surrounded him in dappled moonlight, and Jason knew it was the forest—endless miles of green stretching out. But nothing looked right, his vision tunneling and warped like a funhouse mirror. He couldn’t hear anything, the chirp of night birds and rustle of leaves faint as if he wore earplugs, the sound of his own harsh breath blasting in his ears.
He’d run haphazardly, charging through the wilderness, branches slapping his face, no longer looking for fluttering pieces of red fabric—now red a thick haze over everything, rage fueling his stumbling steps.
Halting, Jason realized he wasn’t sure when it had gotten dark. He lifted his hands and found he still carried the rifle. He stared at it, his numb fingers clenched around wood and metal.
Maggie.
Bright, beautiful Maggie. That he would somehow never see her again had seared through him, leaving a hollow, charred husk behind. His baby.
He’d once seen a piece of cheap art at TJ Maxx, one of those inspirational quotes mass-produced in China in pastel watercolors with a rainbow. It had said something about being a parent was like choosing to have your heart living outside your body. The truth in it had made him smile, because Maggie was absolutely his heart. His everything.
Now he recognized the horror of it. The unending agony of his little girl gone.
Faintly, Jason realized he was screaming, collapsed on his knees in the dirt and leaves, hunched over the rifle. He prayed he’d wake in Philly, alarm blaring, announcing the start of another monotonous day at the factory. He’d do anything, give anything to be back at his dead-end job, with Maggie waiting to be picked up at day camp.
She’d stand on the sidewalk outside the YMCA, a newly created piece of art in her hand—an orange juice can covered in spray-painted macaroni, or a fluttering drawing of mountains and lakes.
Gulping, Jason choked on a sob. His heart was gone, and he wasn’t going to survive.
“No way.”
Ben took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “I’m going to find him. So get out of my way.” They were in an exam room off the ER since Dee had insisted Ben be checked over. “I got the all clear from the doc. Nothing wrong with me.”
Dee gave him the glare that Ben knew made most men quake in their boots. “Except exhaustion, which can lead to fatal mistakes. The search party will find Jason Kellerman. And that cowardly piece of shit Harlan Brown.”
“I’m going with them.”
“No, you’re sure not. You look like hell.”
Dee had been waiting at the hospital, where Maggie was now safe and sound and in good hands. Ben had to find Jason. “I’m going.”
“They’re already out there. Sun’s coming up any minute. Just hang tight.” She reached for his shoulder, but he dodged.
“I promised Maggie I’d bring her father home. I’m going to keep my word.”
Dee sighed. “Ben, you’ve done more than enough. Kellerman isn’t your responsibility.”
“Of course he is! I should never have fallen asleep. I should have kept watch over him. Now he’s out there alone.”
She stood her ground in the doorway, hands on hips. “You can second guess yourself ’til you’re blue in the face, and it won’t change a damn thing. Fact is, you saved Maggie Kellerman’s life. You’ve already done more for these people than anyone would expect, so just get some rest. They’ll find him.”
“What if they don’t?” The thought of never seeing Jason again was a shard of ice wedged between his ribs. “What if they don’t find him?”
“There’s nothing more you can do right now. Come on, get some rest.” She gently tried to nudge him back to the exam table, but he jerked away, jamming his lower back against a counter corner.
“I can’t just go to sleep knowing he’s out there! Knowing I might be able to find him. I have to find him. He needs me! I need him!” His eyes burned with the threat of tears, and Ben clenched his jaw, trying to breathe. With a fervor he didn’t quite understand, he needed to have Jason in his arms again, safe and whole.
Realization dawned on Dee’s face, and she nodded slowly. “Ah. I see.”
“I know we just met, but I…” It sounded crazy, but the words whirled through him.
I could love him.
He cleared his throat. “Jason’s out there alone, thinking his daughter’s dead. I can’t just sit here. I’m going.”
She nodded. “I’ll drive you back out. There are five armed search teams going at sunrise, along with the choppers again now that that damn fog and rain have finally cleared. Let’s get moving.”
Jason, hang on. Maggie needs you. I think I need you too.
There was dirt in his mouth.
It was gritty on his tongue as Jason coughed and spat, collapsed on the ground, still clutching the rifle beneath him. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been laying there. Pins and needles pricked his hands and arms trapped beneath him.
Shivering, Jason pushed himself to his knees. A woodpecker drilled into a tree faintly, or was that his teeth chattering?
He squeezed his eyes for
a second, remembering the warmth of Ben’s strong arms.
No, he had to keep going. Had to…what? Jason blinked in the watery dawn light, thick tree trunks rising around him. It didn’t matter if he found Harlan Brown. Didn’t matter if he killed him. It wouldn’t bring Maggie back. She was gone, swept away into the raging water that cut through hundreds of miles of wilderness.
Will they even find her?
He bent in two, his face in the dirt again, the metal of the rifle barrel freezing against his cheek.
Just shift it back a few inches and pull the trigger. It’ll all be over.
Jason was on the edge of a canyon, swaying in the wind. He wouldn’t have to feel this anymore. He wouldn’t have to live without her.
You have to find her first.
A sob tearing from his raw throat, he sat up. He had to find his baby. Give her a proper funeral. He was her only family. He had to take care of her to the end. It was his job.
What if she’s still alive? You haven’t seen her yet. He might have been lying.
A flare of hope ignited in the ruins of his chest, deep in the ragged hole where his heart used to be, and he grasped for it desperately.
“Please, God.” On his knees, tilting his face to the heavens, Jason promised to be a better father if Maggie could only be returned to him. He swore to never fail her again.
With a burst of manic energy, his breath coming harshly, he ran, not sure where he was going, but needing to move, muttering prayers and making bargain after bargain if this could not be happening.
He bulldozed through the trees, pushing onward desperately as the sun came up in a huge blue sky.
Ben, where are you?
Maybe he should turn back and find him. Ben would help. Everything would be okay if Ben was there.
Jason spun in a circle, trying to figure out which way he’d come. Where was the river? Which way was east? North? He stared up at the sun, heart beating too fast, throat dry. When had he last had water?
Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance Page 11