Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance
Page 13
“No. Are you sure this is real?” Jason glanced up into the mirror and down again at his scraped palms. “It seems like it is, but…”
Through the open door, Ben glanced back at Maggie, who was still fast asleep. Standing behind Jason, he gently took hold of his shoulders. “We’re here. Maggie’s safe and sound.”
Jason met his gaze in the mirror, his brown eyes shining. He whispered, “I keep thinking I’ll wake up, and now I don’t want to.”
“Maggie will still be here.” He squeezed with his fingers. “So will I.”
Nodding, Jason swayed a little on his feet.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Ben flipped down the toilet lid and guided Jason to sit, then leaned over the tub and pushed in the plug. He was afraid Jason was too drained and unsteady for a shower. As warm water filled the tub, he unlaced Jason’s hiking shoes and peeled off his socks.
Jason wrinkled his nose. “God, I really do stink.”
They smiled at each other as Ben tossed the offending socks into the corner. Jason lifted his arms when asked, pliable as Ben undressed him. There was nothing sexual about it, the emotions filling Ben ones of tenderness and nurturing.
He swirled his hand through the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot, then guided Jason into the tub. Jason moaned softly as he sank back.
“Oh God. That feels good.” He closed his eyes.
Ben folded up a hand towel. “Here, try this.” He lifted Jason’s head and placed the padding on the rim of the tub against the white tile.
“Mmm. Thank you.” A few moments later, Jason’s eyes popped open. “Is Maggie still sleeping?”
Twisting to peer around the doorframe, Ben nodded. “Out like a light.”
Jason visibly unclenched, his limbs flopping. “Okay.”
After rolling up his sleeves, Ben unwrapped a bar of soap and grabbed a rough washcloth. “Just relax, okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
With every stroke of the cloth over his skin, Jason relaxed until he was utterly boneless. Ben lifted his arms and legs, cleaning him efficiently, wiping Jason’s soft cock and cleaning his groin. The water sloshed like placid ripples on a shore.
Jason’s skin glistened, slightly reddened in the warm water and from the friction of the cloth. Ben wanted to run his hands all over Jason, just to feel him safe and solid. He longed to climb into the tub and hold him close, but instead pulled down the hand shower, running more warm water.
Ben murmured, “Keep your eyes shut and tip your face forward a bit,” then perched on the side of the tub to wet Jason’s hair. He switched off the water and let the hand nozzle hang low toward the tub. Uncapping a bottle of generic shampoo, Ben lathered Jason’s hair, massaging his scalp.
“Mmm.” Jason leaned into his touch, and after Ben rinsed out the shampoo, he wanted to rub his face all over Jason’s head. Instead, he worked conditioner into the shaggy hair, Jason sighing, eyes shut.
Jason’s legs were bent to fit in the tub, and he was beautiful through the soapy water, loose and unquestioning. His trust filled Ben with a sense of peace. Wholeness.
Once the conditioner was rinsed out, Ben rubbed a towel over Jason’s head. “Let’s get you out of there before you prune up.”
After Jason climbed out, dripping onto the floor, Ben knelt at his feet and dried him, the cheap hospital towel rough but efficient. A change of clothes sat folded on the counter, and he helped Jason on with the briefs, track pants, and T-shirt. Resisting the urge to wind his arms around Jason’s waist and keep him near, Ben led him to the cot beside a slumbering Maggie.
He pulled up the blanket around Jason’s shoulders. “Sleep well. I’ll be right here.”
“Mmm.” In the soft light, Jason could barely keep his eyes open. “You should sleep too.”
“Nah. Grabbed a coffee and now I’m wired.”
Blinking heavily, Jason groped for Ben’s hand. “Thank you.”
Even once Jason was sleeping, Ben kept hold, their fingers twined together.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The cry was plaintive and desperate, and Jason jerked up on the cot, blinking in the sunlight. On the other side of Maggie’s bed, Ben was bolt upright in his chair, his hand hovering as if to wake her. He nodded to Jason, pulling back his hand.
Jason rolled to his knees on the cot, keeping his voice low and calm. “Mags? Wake up, you’re having a nightmare.” He shook her shoulder gently as she whimpered. “Maggie?”
Gasping, her eyes popped open. “Daddy?”
“It’s me, baby.” Jason pulled her into his arms, rocking her gently. “Everything’s okay now. You’re safe.”
Maggie clung to him, tears streaming down her face as she gulped noisily for air, coughing, her lungs still rattling a little. The helplessness that had become so familiar returned with a roar, and Jason wished he could do more than rub her back and murmur words of comfort. At least Ben was there with him, silent and reassuring.
Eventually she cried herself to sleep again, and Jason leaned over her, brushing back her hair and watching for any signs of another nightmare.
After a little while, he sat crossed-legged on the thin cot, eyes still glued to Maggie. He murmured, “I can’t believe I actually slept.”
“You needed it.”
Jason looked across the bed to Ben, who rolled his head from side to side, grimacing. “You must be exhausted.”
Ben shrugged. “I’ll take a nap later. Do you want anything? Coffee? Water?”
Jason bit back a moan at the very thought. “Coffee would be amazing. Sweet, sweet caffeine.”
Ben’s cheeks creased. “Ah, so the way to your heart is through a venti cappuccino.”
“Definitely.” His stomach somersaulted as he returned Ben’s flirty smile. Because it was definitely flirty, right?
While Ben was gone, Jason rolled over the question in his mind. The night before, Ben had seen him completely naked—had given him a bath like he was a child. And maybe that’s why Jason hadn’t felt uncomfortable at all, because Ben hadn’t been flirting with him whatsoever then.
Jason had been able to close his eyes and be taken care of for the first time in… He honestly couldn’t remember. With Ben, he didn’t feel as if he was being judged for needing help. He didn’t feel weak or not-good-enough.
With Ben, he could breathe.
He’d been able to close his eyes and put himself completely in Ben’s strong hands, let everything go and sink into trust and comfort. Memories bloomed: the lap of warm water and wet cloth against his skin, Ben’s steady breathing matching Jason’s heartbeat. He hadn’t had to try to impress or be anything. He’d only had to be.
“Dad?”
Blinking, he snapped his attention to Maggie, who smiled up at him blearily. “Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”
She stretched her arms over her head. Her eyes were puffy and voice hoarse, but he wasn’t sure if it was from crying or the lung congestion. “Good. Is it breakfast time?”
“Yes, I’m sure it’ll be here any minute.” He kissed her forehead. “Do you want to tell me about your dream?”
Her gaze skittered away. “No. I don’t remember it now.”
“I know it’s not easy, but I think you should tell me. You’ll feel better.”
“I told you—I don’t remember it anyway. I’m fine.”
Jason normally knew how much to push, but the rules had all changed. “It can be really hard to talk about scary things. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Her eye roll was reassuringly familiar. “Daaad, I’m fine.” Her face lit up. “Hi, Ben!”
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Ben stood in the open doorway, a cardboard drink holder in one hand, a large paper bag in the other. To Jason, he said, “I can come back?”
“No, it’s okay.” If Maggie wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, he’d play along for the moment. He smiled. “Don’t you dare take my coffee away.”
Ben settled himself in the chair across the bed, passin
g over the coffee and an orange juice for Maggie. He sipped his own coffee and opened the paper bag. “I thought doughnut holes were in order.”
Maggie gasped with joy before coughing. “Is there powdered jelly?”
“Absolutely.” Ben folded down the bag and put it on the bed so they could peek in and pick. Jason popped a chocolate glazed into his mouth, savoring the soft sweetness and washing it down with a perfect coffee, strong and with just the right amount of milk.
While Maggie and Ben talked doughnuts and favorite baked goods, Jason thought of a list of questions for Dr. Sharma. He’d ask what Ben thought too about how much to push Maggie to talk. He didn’t want to upset her, but choking down her feelings wouldn’t work.
It was a relief to have a friend to consult for an opinion, and as he sipped his coffee and watched Ben and Maggie laugh, it really hit Jason just how isolated he’d been. He hadn’t allowed himself to become more than passing acquaintances with anyone after Amy’s death and the drama with his parents.
Now he had Ben, although he knew he shouldn’t get used to it. He and Maggie would have to go home soon. On one hand, the thought of his own bed and their familiar little apartment was wonderful. On the other, he’d probably never see Ben again. His gut clenched. Maybe they could stay in touch on Facebook or through email and texts or whatever.
Maybe we could be more than friends.
“Dad, tell him to stop being silly.” Maggie giggled.
Ben flattened his hand on his chest, faux wounded. “Silly? I am never silly.”
“Woodpeckers and beavers aren’t cousins! That’s impossible.”
“So it would seem,” Ben said. “Let’s examine the evidence. Jason, you can be the judge.”
He realized he was grinning. “Okay.”
Ben returned his smile, and a tingle ran down Jason’s spine. Ben opened his mouth to make his case when a deep voice rumbled.
“Ben, there you are. I’ve been calling.” The man loomed in the doorway, his ranger hat in his hands and dark green uniform hugging a fit body. “I’m Brad Cusack. You must be Jason and Maggie. We’re all relieved to have you back safe.”
Ben had pushed to his feet, and he wiped doughnut powder on his jeans. “Brad. Sorry, I turned my ringer off.”
Brad strode into the room and opened his arms, pulling Ben into a hug. “We were so worried. You’re sure you’re okay?”
Ben hugged him back awkwardly, stiff and uncomfortable, and Jason realized this Brad person was Ben’s cheating ex. The man who’d been stupid enough to let him go. Anger and a murky swirl of jealousy rolled through him.
Ben extricated himself from the hug and turned to Maggie and Jason. “This is my… Uh, Brad. My supervisor.”
Maggie’s eyes narrowed. “Are you married to Tyson Lockwood?”
Brad smiled widely, white, even teeth flashing. “I am indeed, darlin’. Do you want an autograph? I can get one lickety-split.”
Maggie gave him a level stare. “No thanks.”
Brad’s smile faltered. “Okay then. Well, how are you feeling?”
“I wish people would stop asking that.” She huffed. “I’m fine!”
Jason jumped in. “Maggie, Mr. Cusack was only being polite. Which you need to be.” He stood and extended his hand. “Good to meet you.”
Brad shook his hand firmly with a surprisingly damp palm. “I’m sorry to barge in. I wanted to make sure Ben was all right.”
“Of course.” Jason gritted out a smile, ridiculous jealousy spiraling as mental images of Ben and Brad together spun through his mind. He’d never hated someone on sight, but Brad Cusack was coming close.
The three of them stood awkwardly while Maggie glowered from the bed, the strange tension palpable.
Ben cleared his throat. “We were just… Did you need an official statement or something?”
“Yes, yes.” Brad seemed relieved to discuss business. “You can imagine the follow-up to this incident will be intensive. I’ll need to ask you some questions.”
An orderly appeared with a breakfast tray, and Brad moved to stand beside Ben as Maggie grumbled about her eggs being scrambled and not over easy. Jason could sense a full-blown tantrum coming on, and he went the route of soothing her and promising they’d get perfect eggs as soon as she left the hospital.
“When? I’m better now.”
“We’ll see what Dr. Sharma says, but she thinks you should spend two nights just to make sure everything’s okay.” He braced for impact.
Sure enough, Maggie’s face went red and she wailed, “I have to stay again tonight?” Then she had a coughing fit, congestion still clogging her lungs, and Jason helped her sip water.
“It’s okay. Breathe. I promise we can go home soon.”
Sniffing, she nodded, her rage disappearing as quickly as it’d appeared. She mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
Ben poked through the paper bag and pulled out a powdered doughnut hole. “Here. Saved the last jelly for you.”
She beamed and stuffed it in her mouth, getting powdered sugar all over. Jason and Ben shared a laugh, and Ben handed Jason a napkin, Maggie giggling and squirming as Jason wiped her face.
“Well. I should…”
Jason realized Brad was still there. “Oh, sorry. We’re keeping you from your work.”
Brad’s smile was decidedly uncomfortable. “No apologies necessary. We’ll leave you two in peace. Ben, I need to get a few details for the department report, like I said. I’ll just make a recording on my phone and transcribe it later.”
Ben nodded. “Of course.” He tickled Maggie’s feet through the blanket. “Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”
With a little shriek, she agreed, and Ben gave Jason a soft smile. Brad watched them with a furrowed brow as Agent Reardon strode into the room, flanked by two male agents.
“All right, everyone who isn’t Jason and Maggie Kellerman, there’s the door. This is going to take some time, and then it’s your turn, Mr. Hettler.”
Jason sat up straighter in his chair and took Maggie’s hand. After sharing a glance with her, he nodded.
“We’re ready.”
Following Brad into an alcove down the hall, Ben caught a familiar whiff of spicy cologne. Even after everything, it was strangely comforting, and he breathed a sigh of relief that he wouldn’t have to deal with a stranger right now.
Brad turned, sporting a sly, crooked smile. “You fucking that kid?”
Relief evaporated into a bolt of fury. “Excuse me? No, I’m not.”
He was still smiling. “But you want to.”
Ben couldn’t deny it, and he pressed his lips together, nostrils flaring.
“Hey, I’m not trying to be an asshole.” Brad held up his hands defensively.
“It just comes naturally.”
“Okay. I deserve that.”
“Damn right you do!” Ben paced, two strides one way and then the other. “You don’t get to comment on my life after you cheated and dumped me.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“What? You’re not going to try and make it my fault?”
“No.” Brad’s mouth turned down, and he shook his head. “None of it was your fault. And it wasn’t mine either.” He held up a hand and added, “Except the cheating. That was a hundred percent my fault.”
“Yeah, it was. I never would have done that to you!” They hadn’t discussed any of it since the initial explosion of a breakup when Brad had confessed the affair and Ben had moved out of the house the same night. “We pretend to be friends at work like everything is just fine. It’s ridiculous! It’s not fine. What you did is not fine and it never will be.”
“I wish I could change it. I really do. But I’m not sorry we broke up.”
The unearthed hurt piled up, resentment choking Ben, closing his throat. “Good to know. Thanks.”
“Ben, it could never have—”
He exhaled sharply. “Let’s just get this done. What do you need to know?”
He stared at that familiar face, one he knew almost as well as his own. The long brows over wide-set green eyes. Laugh lines that had been etched beside Brad’s mouth as long as Ben had known him. The little scar on his cheek from a piece of flying glass at a country bar in college when a fight broke out.
Brad swallowed thickly. “I don’t think we ever really fit right. But we sure loved each other. So we stayed together years longer than we should have. And I’m so sorry for how it ended, but I’m glad it did. You are too. Maybe you don’t want to admit it, but you are.”
Ben’s resolve started to crumble, the blaze of bitterness dampening.
Brad stepped closer, beseeching. “I want you to be happy. I want you to find what I have. God, being a father, it’s everything you’ve imagined and—”
“Don’t.” He gritted out, “Don’t throw that in my face.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Brad pleaded.
“You didn’t want kids with me. I wasn’t good enough, but he is.”
“No. That’s not true. I didn’t want kids with you because I knew it wouldn’t fix us. It would have been a distraction for a while, but it wouldn’t have changed the fact that we weren’t right together. I didn’t want a child caught in the middle of that.”
Obviously Ben wouldn’t want that either, and now he could see the logic.
Brad motioned with his hands in the way he always had when he was passionate about something, swoops and cuts through the air. “I’m saying it’s not too late. Damn it, you’re not dead! We’re not that old yet. Find joy, Ben. Be a father. Go after it! You’re the master of your own destiny. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and grab your future by the horns. What are you waiting for?”