Ben opened and closed his mouth. He didn’t have a good answer.
Hands falling to his sides, Brad said, “I don’t want us to pretend to be friends. We shared our lives for twenty years. I don’t want there to be nothing left of that. I realize that’s easy for me to say at this point. But I’ll always care about you and want you to be happy.”
Jerking his head in a nod, Ben swallowed hard.
Brad’s cheeks puffed as he blew out a long breath and tapped his phone again. “Okay, I just have to ask you some questions. Ready?”
Ben thought of Jason down the hall. His sweet smile with a dimple in one cheek, and the way his hair curled at the ends. His utter dedication to Maggie, the loyal, beautiful love filling Jason’s heart.
“Ready.”
Ben bolted up, staring around at the hotel room, drenched in early evening sun. He’d only stretched out on the bed for a minute after showering, a towel around him. Had there been a knock, or was it in his dream?
No, there it was again, insistent. Rap-rap-rap. He flew out of bed and tossed the towel, stepping into the loose boxers before unlocking the door and flinging it open. Jason stood there with his fist raised to knock again.
“Oh, thank God. You weren’t answering your phone. I just…” Jason shook his head. “Shit, I’m sorry to bug you. I’ll let you sleep.”
“No, no. I’m awake. Is Maggie okay?”
“Yes. She’s fine. Playing games with another kid on the ward. I didn’t want to leave her, but when you didn’t answer… I don’t even know why I was worried.” Jason looked down at the phone clutched in his hand. “She insisted I go, and I don’t want to smother her. She’s safe there, right? They promised to call if anything happens, but I should get back.”
“Come in for a minute.” Ben stepped back and ushered Jason inside. “I’m sorry to worry you. I must have been passed out hard.” He strode to the bedside table and grabbed his phone. “Or maybe it was because I plugged it into the charger and then didn’t actually plug the charger into the outlet. Not my brightest move. I’m sorry.”
But I’m happy you were concerned about me.
“No, don’t be.” Jason shook his head ruefully. “I’m not sure what I thought could have happened. Pretty sure you didn’t run into a grizzly in the alley. I guess I’m just—” He waved his hands around. “Antsy. You know? I mean, you might have just gone home to your cabin. It’s not like you have to hang around here anymore.”
After hours spent with Brad and then the FBI, he’d come to the hotel for a shower, and he realized he hadn’t even considered going home.
Not without Jason and Maggie.
It was another crazy thought, but it resonated deeply, the chimes of a bell he was helpless to unring. He tried to smile and keep his cool, but the words came out low and earnest. “I don’t want to go anywhere if you and Maggie aren’t with me.”
Did I just say that out loud?
Jason stared with wide eyes, then licked his lips. Ben followed the movement, the urge to kiss and taste overwhelming. He itched to touch, to reassure himself that Jason really was okay and whole, that he was safe.
“I… Uh…” Jason stammered. “Did Agent Reardon find you after she was done with us?”
“Yes.” He tried to joke. “She has excellent attention to detail. Asked a lot of questions. How did it go with Maggie?”
“Okay, I guess. Maggie answered the questions, but she really didn’t want to. I mean, I get it, but I don’t want her to bottle it all up. I’d rather she have one of her tantrums, you know? I talked to the hospital shrink, and he said to give her some time, especially right now when it’s so fresh. She probably needs to process everything that happened herself first before she’s ready to talk.”
“That makes sense. How about you? I bet you could use some unbottling yourself.”
Jason’s small smile tugged at Ben’s heart. “I’m okay, but thank you. You were there for most of it, and… Thank you for that too. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to help.” Ben longed to breathe Jason in from head to toe. He wanted to show how much he cared, how much Jason could mean to him. How much he already did.
Ben wanted to love him.
Fidgeting, he shifted from foot to foot, his throat closing, fingers twitching. Emotion swelled and pushed through every pore.
This is insane. I hardly know him. We went through a traumatic experience together. I feel bonded to him, but it’s not real. It can’t be. Can it? I should get dressed and get my shit together.
Jason’s brows drew together as he stepped closer. “Are you okay?”
Brad’s voice echoed in Ben’s mind.
What are you waiting for?
“I want to touch you,” he blurted. “I want to kiss you and lick you and fuck you and hold you all night.” He motioned to the window. “Or all day.” He tried to laugh. “Whichever.”
Jaw dropped, Jason stared with wide eyes.
Ben scrubbed his face. “Oh, wow. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—this isn’t—you don’t…” He exhaled sharply. “I’m being incredibly inappropriate.”
“You… You really want that?” Jason asked. “Me?”
His body thrummed, hope buzzing through him. “I do. Yes.”
I want to get you on your hands and knees and pound your ass. I want you to ride me and come on my chest. I want to fuck your pretty mouth until my cum drips down your chin.
Slow down. Don’t scare the crap out of him.
Ben never engaged in cum play with hookups. It was too intimate in a way he didn’t really understand. He’d tried with Brad, but Brad had hated it, so it had remained in the realm of fantasy. Maybe Jason would hate it too, but Ben couldn’t deny that he was praying Jason wouldn’t mind—would even enjoy it. That was if he even wanted to have sex.
“But…” Jason shook his head. “I…”
“What?”
“But I’m not allowed!” Jason exclaimed. He dropped his gaze, cheeks flushing even darker. Staring at the carpet, he mumbled, “I want to be with you, but I can’t. I shouldn’t.”
Barely restraining himself from yelling, “For the love of God, why not?” and hauling Jason into his arms, Ben reached out and took his hand instead. “Okay. Because I’m a man?” Keeping his tone soft, he held on firmly, rubbing Jason’s knuckles gently with his thumb.
“No. Not really.” Jason opened his mouth and closed it again, clearly searching for words. He lifted his head. “I never really thought about it. Being…attracted to men. It was there, but I brushed it off. Told myself I liked looking at hot guys because I envied their bodies. It was all theoretical anyway. Because I’m not allowed to have…”
Ben softly asked, “What?”
“This. Any of it. I made my choice. I picked Maggie. I picked being a father. Everyone told me I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was too young. Teenagers are selfish, and I’d want too much for myself. I would never be able to sacrifice college and parties and dating. All that stuff. But I chose my baby, and I swore I’d prove everyone wrong. I’d prove that I didn’t need anything but her.”
Smothering a swell of rage at the faceless people who had heaped so much pressure on Jason’s young shoulders, Ben caressed his hair with his other hand, the waves curling over his fingers. “You’re an amazing father. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have a life of your own. That you’re not allowed to draw and be an artist. That you can’t want things for yourself. A relationship. Sex.”
Jason shook his head, knocking against Ben’s hand. “Maggie has to come first.”
“And she does. But what’s second? Third, fourth? You get to have a life. You’re allowed. I promise.”
Tears glistened in Jason’s brown eyes. “I’m such a mess. Why would you even want me?”
“You’re intelligent and kind, and you sing terribly around campfires to make your daughter happy.” As Jason laughed unsteadily, Ben took his face in his ha
nds and thumbed the tears from his warm cheeks. “You’re sexy and sweet and you unironically love nineties pop music. You’re brave and strong, and you make me feel inspired for the first time in years. God, I want you.”
Jason sniffed and licked his parted lips, his gaze flicking between Ben’s eyes and mouth. “I… I’m…”
Marshaling all his self-control, Ben stepped back, dropping his hands, his fingers clenching into fists. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything. We can just talk and—”
His words were swallowed by Jason’s kiss. Jason gripped Ben’s head almost painfully, his lips bruising and pleading. All the blood in Ben’s body rushed south, and he hauled Jason against him, fire zipping through his veins.
With a gasping breath, Jason broke the kiss, chest heaving. “I don’t know what to do. I want…everything. I want it all.”
Ben could only kiss him in response, pressing Jason back onto the bed, his heart singing with every little moan and whimper that escaped Jason’s lips. Hungry, Ben wanted to rip off Jason’s clothes, throw his legs up, and fuck him into next week.
But he concentrated on kissing him—licking into his mouth, sucking his tongue, reveling in every hitched breath and jerk of Jason’s hips. Their stubble rasped roughly. Jason tasted vaguely of coffee and tangy orange sweetness. His hot breath puffed over Ben’s face as Ben nipped and teased before diving back in, tongue stroking.
The denim-covered ridge of Jason’s hard cock nudged Ben’s hip, but Ben touched everywhere but there. He caressed his cotton-covered arms and shoulders as they kissed, one hand tangling in Jason’s shaggy hair, the other snaking down to rub his thigh. He delighted in Jason’s breathy shiver when his fingers stole under the hem of Jason’s Henley, teasing his sensitive stomach and circling his belly button.
Flushed and beautiful, his thick lips red and wet, Jason panted. “Please. I can’t wait.” He raked his fingers through Ben’s chest hair. “Please.”
Nodding, Ben scooted off the bed to kick free his boxers and fish a condom and packet of lube from of his wallet. When he turned back, Jason was peeling off his jeans and underwear in one go, his shirt already abandoned, sneakers tossed to the floor with dull thunks.
Jason’s cock was a thing of beauty—uncut and flushed red, the glistening head poking out, thick shaft curving away from wiry hair. Jason had probably never had a mouth on his cock or tongue on his balls. That Ben could be the first sent a powerful, protective surge through him.
Ben couldn’t wait to show him how incredible sex could be.
As Jason peeled off his socks, Ben have his own prick a hard tug, biting back a groan. Jason watched with wide eyes, waiting. He whispered, “Holy shit.”
Kneeling on the mattress, Ben stopped. “Second thoughts?” Please say no. Please say no. Please—
“No. I want this. Want you. Want to know.” Jason nodded, breathing deeply. “Please, will you show me?”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Spread your legs for me.”
Mouth dry and body tingling, Jason did as Ben asked, stretching out on his back, his legs wide and bent, cock curving up. For a few thumping heartbeats, Ben just looked at him, rubbing Jason’s calves, teasing the hair there lightly. Ben was naked—they were both naked—and Jason stared at Ben’s hard, veiny dick, red and shiny with precum.
Holy shit that’s big.
“You’re beautiful,” Ben murmured.
Heat flowed down Jason’s chest, and Ben leaned forward with his hands on the mattress, bracketing him. He dipped his head to lick one nipple, sucking it into his mouth as Jason cried out and clutched at his arms.
Ben nuzzled his way to the other nipple, kissing lightly before sucking it into a peak. Jason thrashed, digging his blunt nails into Ben’s skin. Ben chuckled, huffing warm air onto the sensitive nub. “And I haven’t even touched your cock yet. You want that?”
His face surely lobster red, Jason could only nod.
Ben kissed him deeply and tantalizingly slowly, Jason chasing after him for more when Ben pulled back and murmured, “Tell me what you want.”
“I… I don’t know the right things to say.” He turned his head away, squirming.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Ben took Jason’s chin and eased his head back until their gaze met. “There’s no wrong answer. You don’t have to say anything. Should I tell you what I want?”
Exhaling, Jason nodded gratefully.
Ben sat back on his heels, tracing Jason’s chest with his fingertips. “Hmm. What don’t I want? It’s tough to narrow it down.”
Jason laughed, a nervous little titter.
“I’m serious.” He played with Jason’s nipples, and Jason arched his back with a moan. “There’s so much. This is what I’m going to do today.” Ben leaned over him again, planting his hands on the mattress, his voice low, their bodies barely touching. He stared into Jason’s eyes, the blue somehow darker. “First, I’m going to suck your cock. Swallow you into my throat so all you can feel is hot-tight-wet.”
Shuddering, Jason pushed up helplessly with his hips, their dicks grazing. “Yes.”
“I’m going to lick your balls while I put a finger in your ass. Have you ever had anything inside you?”
Breath coming in short bursts, Jason shook his head.
“You’re going to be so close to coming, and if you do, that’s okay. I’ll get you hard again and put another finger inside. Stretch and get you ready for me.” He pushed his hips lower, rubbing his dick against Jason’s hip. “Do you want me inside you?”
“I don’t think you’ll fit,” he blurted.
Smiling, Ben leaned down and kissed him lightly. “I will, I promise. But we don’t have to do that. When you looked at other men at the gym or in magazines, did you ever think about having their hard cocks in your ass? Your mouth?”
Jason shook his head. “Never let myself.”
“Not even when you jerked off?”
“No. Didn’t think about much of anything. It was always quick. In the shower in the mornings. I had so much to do.” I wasn’t allowed.
Ben still braced himself on his arms, his cock only brushing against Jason. “You’re sure you want this?”
“Yes,” Jason moaned, the word bursting out. “Show me what you like.”
“Cum play turns me on,” Ben said, his arms trembling enough that he pressed harder on top of Jason. “I like it messy. I want to roll you over and fuck you, make it good for you, make you come. Then I want to jerk off on you and see my cum on your skin.”
Jason’s brain short circuited, and all he could do was stare up at Ben, who licked his lips nervously and added, “We don’t have to do that. I’m weird, I know.”
The thought of Ben coming on him was so dirty, but in a good way—a way Jason wanted to explore. “I guess I’m weird too.” Trembling with need, he wrapped his legs around Ben’s hips as they rocked with a shared groan. His dick leaking between them, Jason nodded. “Do it.”
With a grin, Ben kissed him hard and muttered, “First things first.”
When Ben swallowed his cock, lips stretched over Jason’s throbbing shaft, pushing the foreskin back, Jason whined and moaned, noises slipping between his lips helplessly. Ben’s mouth was hot and wonderfully wet, saliva dripping as he licked and sucked.
It was the first blowjob Jason had ever had, and he hadn’t known anything could feel so perfect. He closed his eyes, fisting his hands in the sheets and trying not to come already.
Ben popped off with a slurp, lips red and shiny, and Jason wanted to beg him not to stop. But then Ben tore open the lube and slicked his fingers, and Jason could only watch, a thread of fear spiraling through him.
Big hands covering Jason’s knees, Ben urged them higher and even wider. “Let me see you.”
Knees almost to his shoulders, Jason fidgeted under Ben’s hungry gaze, too exposed. What does my ass look like? What if he doesn’t like it?
“That’s it. So good. Hold your legs up for me.”
Fin
gers slipping in the sweat under his knees, Jason did, desire and unease battling.
Ben asked, “Do you like that? Opening up for me?”
“I think so. Yes,” Jason whispered. He did like it, despite the simultaneous urge to run away. His dick leaked, legs trembling.
“And you’ll tell me if you don’t like anything?”
“Uh-huh.”
Ben inched in the tip of his finger, hard and slick, and licked Jason’s balls, his tongue wet and textured and perfect. Jason suddenly came with a shout, back arching. He painted his belly and chest with semen, cock twitching. He actually saw starbursts behind his closed eyes, the orgasm scouring him, wringing out every drop of pleasure.
Panting, legs flopping down around Ben, Jason muttered, “Sorry.”
“I told you this would happen, remember? Don’t ever be sorry for coming.” Ben ran his fingers over Jason’s sticky, quivering stomach.
“Do you like that? You said…you like this?” Jason nodded his chin down at the mess on him.
“Your cum? Oh hell yes. I like that.” Leaning over, Ben licked it up, rubbing his face into Jason’s slick skin, swallowing every drop. Jason gasped softly, Ben’s tongue and stubble rough, relentless. Ben murmured against his belly, “Now I’m going to get you hard again.”
Jason almost told him to stop, the idea of coming again suddenly too much. But he only twitched and gasped as Ben licked and nuzzled his tender cock and balls. Then Ben sucked him fully into his mouth, and Jason’s flesh throbbed although it was oversensitive.
When the stretch of one of Ben’s fingers gave way to the burn of two, Jason clamped down, eyes shut and heart pounding at the idea of Ben’s whole cock squeezing in there.
“Breathe. Are you okay? Jason, look at me.”
Am I okay? He honestly wasn’t sure, but when he opened his eyes to find Ben peering down at him with concern so palpable Jason swore he could feel it, his heart slowed. He trusted Ben.
Jason cleared his dry throat. “I’m okay.”
His fingers still inside, Ben leaned down and kissed Jason softly, patiently. Jason panted against his mouth as Ben worked farther inside him, and then he seized up like he’d been electrocuted, the pleasure and pain too much.
Ends of the Earth: Gay Romance Page 14