Blood Ties Book One: The Turning

by Jennifer Armintrout

  There was more. I felt it just below the surface of his regret. But I didn’t push. There would be other days for that.

  “That’s a big change. I’ll make one, too. I’ll start looking for my own place,” I said with a cheerfulness I didn’t truly feel.

  “No.” His declaration was so vehement it scared me. Softer, he elaborated. “Carrie, you’re my fledgling. I would never ask you to leave. I don’t think I could survive if you did.”

  “It’s not like I can’t drop by and visit.”

  He grasped my hand. “Stay.”

  I knew he couldn’t say what he really felt. He didn’t know what he really felt. But I did.

  A sire had to love his fledgling. It was a painful truth of vampire existence. It was what made the blood tie so unbreakable. I suppose it would have been nice if he would love me without the connection between us, but he was wounded and complicated. His emotional distance was almost a relief to me.

  “You do know there will be consequences.” Nathan rested his head against my shoulder. “If I leave the Movement, I’ll be marked for death. If you don’t join, you’ll be, too.”

  “So I’ll go from one death sentence to another. In fact, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to live without one.” I set the mug back on the nightstand and wiggled down onto the pillows.

  “What do you say we go out tonight?” he asked suddenly. “You haven’t been out of this room for days.”

  “I could really use a shower,” I admitted. “And it will do me some good to see some other people. Not that you’re not fabulous in your own way.”

  “I’ll go start the water.” He bounded from the bed, a grin on his face.

  “Wait,” I called after him. When he stopped, I smiled sheepishly. “Bring me my heart?”

  He nodded, but appeared confused. While I waited for him to return, I rolled onto my side and waggled my fingers at the goldfish in the bowl. Before, I’d considered his three-second memory span a curse, believing that developing a new outlook on life so often would always end badly.

  At the time, I’d never imagined that things might get better with each three-second change, just like I’d never considered becoming a vampire could turn out for the better.

  Nathan entered the room, holding the steel box he’d purchased to keep my heart safe. Inside, it was wrapped in layers of gauze and cloth and bubble wrap, and it rested in a nest of foam packing peanuts. Only Max had been privy to the careful packaging, because I’d still been healing from the injuries Cyrus had inflicted on me. Since Nathan had padlocked the box shut and thrown away the combination, I had to take Max’s word that it was safe.

  Nathan handed the precious package to me, his hands shaking. I smiled. “It’s okay. Cyrus’s heart survived all those years in a wooden box. Too bad it didn’t splinter and kill him.”

  Nathan cleared his throat and gestured to the box. “What did you want with this?”

  I took a deep breath. “I wanted to give it to you.”

  “No.”

  “Hear me out.” I pressed the box into his hands. “It’s staying with you. Not because you’re my sire. Not because of the blood tie. I’m going to stay with you because I trust you. With my life.”

  He looked away. “You know what I did.”

  “I do.” Marianne’s screams and pleas now haunted me, as well. “But I trust you.”

  Tears shone in his eyes, but they didn’t fall. “Thank you. But I can’t trust myself.”

  Later, when the sun had risen and Nathan slept at my side, I took his hand in mine. He’d started wearing his wedding ring again, either as a signal to me to forget about him or as an eternal punishment to himself. I guessed it was the latter.

  But his self-inflicted penance was unnecessary. The Soul Eater was still out there, the Movement would soon enough learn of Nathan’s defection, and God knew what else lurked on the horizon. I felt pretty confident that there was plenty of stuff out there to beat us down without his guilt having to plague us.

  But I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I opened the drawer of his nightstand and slipped the box inside. I thought about my parents, and for the first time since their accident, I allowed myself to forgive myself. I’d come so far that I no longer recognized the person I used to be. I’d turned down the blind admiration and devotion Cyrus had offered me. I’d rejected his promises of power without consequence, because I now knew that a life without consequences was meaningless. And though I’d done things I wasn’t proud of, I didn’t regret them. In that regard, I was possibly stronger than Nathan.

  Strength isn’t about bearing a cross of grief or shame. Strength comes from choosing your own path, and living with the consequences.

  And as long as I had the strength to keep living, I was going to do it without regret.

  Watch for

  BLOOD TIES BOOK TWO: POSSESSION

  Coming February 2007

  ISBN 978-1-55254-470-9

  BLOOD TIES BOOK ONE: THE TURNING

  Copyright © 2006 by Jennifer Armintrout.

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, MIRA Books, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

  MIRA and the Star Colophon are trademarks used under license and registered in Australia, New Zealand, Philippines, United States Patent and Trademark Office and in other countries.

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