The Diva Digs Up the Dirt
Page 27
I was in the kitchen putting on another pot of coffee when Francie growled at me. “Are you trying to choke us?” She held a piece of coffeecake on a napkin.
Bernie ambled in to help me.
“Not good?” I asked.
“Ghastly,” pronounced Bernie.
One of Francie’s eyes squeezed almost closed. “What in tarnation did you put in this thing?”
I broke a piece off, popped it into my mouth, and promptly spit it out. When I stepped on the garbage bin lever to open it, Francie guffawed at the collection of paper napkins and uneaten coffee cake inside.
“Hah! No one else can eat it, either.”
“Natasha baked it.” I couldn’t imagine what she put in it, except for the chipotle, which burned my mouth.
“That figures,” said Francie. “You should have warned us.”
“But it looked wonderful,” I said.
Natasha floated into the kitchen, beaming. “Troy says I’m gorgeous on camera.”
Francie stared her down. “What’s in the poisoned coffee cake?”
Natasha glared back. “I wish you wouldn’t use words like that about my baking. Someone might believe you.”
I tried a gentler approach. “What kind of coffee cake is it, Natasha?”
“I’ll gladly give you a copy of the recipe. It’s bacon, rhubarb, and chipotle.”
Francie sneered. “Ugh! No wonder it’s inedible.”
Natasha tilted her head and smiled condescendingly at Francie. “Oh, sweetheart, your palate just isn’t developed. You’re not used to haute cuisine.”
“I am,” said Bernie. “It’s simply dreadful.”
The edges of Francie’s mouth twitched. “That stuff is more like hot cuisine. Thanks to you, I won’t be able to taste anything for the next two days.”
Natasha flapped her fingers at Francie. “Nonsense. You can’t just eat bland food, Francie. The chipotle will heighten your senses and make your blood flow.”
“So far it’s making my blood boil.”
I grinned at their exchange. My life would be different without Wolf, but it was reassuring to know that some things never change.
RECIPES &
COOKING TIPS
Arnold Palmer
4 bags black tea
4 cups boiling water
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
1 cup fresh lemon juice
3 cups cold water
Pour the boiling water over the four tea bags and allow to steep and cool.
Mix the sugar with 1 cup of water on the stove. Heat to dissolve the sugar. Add lemon juice to the sugar mixture and add the cold water.
Mix the tea with the lemonade.
Garden Veggie White Pizza
1 pizza crust
1 medium onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic
½ of an eggplant (or 1 small eggplant), diced
1 red pepper, sliced
¼ cup pesto
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
½ cup shredded goat gouda or sharp white cheddar
Preheat the oven to 375. (Follow directions on crust package.) Sauté the onions in the olive oil to caramelize, then add the garlic, eggplant, and red pepper. Cook until soft, but not mushy. Spread pesto on the pizza crust. Scatter the vegetables on top of the pesto. Top with cheeses. Bake 25–30 minutes or until the crust is done.
Walnut Pesto
3 tablespoons walnuts
2 cups fresh basil leaves
2 teaspoons minced garlic
½ cup olive oil
½ cup Parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
Chop the walnuts in a small food processor. Add the basil leaves and garlic, and pulse. Slowly add the olive oil in a stream while pulsing, or add in small amounts and pulse in between. Add the Parmesan cheese and pulse. Add salt and pepper to taste, and pulse one last time.
Pesto, Prosciutto & Goat Cheese Crostini
1 small loaf rustic Italian bread
½ cup pesto (approximate)
10–12 slices prosciutto
hard goat cheese (like Cablanca)
cherry tomatoes for garnish (optional)
Preheat the oven to 350. Slice the bread and spread pesto on each slice. Top with a slice of prosciutto. Using a vegetable peeler, peel thin slices of the cheese and add to the top. Bake 8–10 minutes, until cheese has melted. Garnish with half a cherry tomato.
Makes 10–12 servings.
Three-Day Crock Pickles
16 cups water
1 cup sea salt or kosher salt (not iodized salt)
½ teaspoon turmeric
½ teaspoon mustard seeds
½ cup sugar
1 cup cider vinegar
2 cloves garlic, minced
Dill
Small pickling cucumbers
Wash the cucumbers. Combine the water, salt, turmeric, mustard seeds, sugar, and vinegar. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally and tasting (add more salt or spices if not to your taste), and let cool. Put raw garlic into the crock or gallon jar. Add enough dill to cover the bottom. Pack the cucumbers into the jar or crock. Pour the cooled vinegar solution over the cucumbers. Cover loosely with cheesecloth, and let stand in the refrigerator for three days. Keep refrigerated.
Sunset Boulevard
1 part peach schnapps
2 parts vodka
3 parts cranberry juice
1 part orange juice
Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour in the first three ingredients. Slowly add the orange juice for the sunset effect.
Danish Apple Cake
¼ cup butter
1 ½ cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 egg
⅓ cup milk
6–8 large apples
Topping
¼ cup butter
½ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
⅛ teaspoon nutmeg
Whipped Cream
1 cup heavy cream
⅓ cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
The dough can be made by hand; however, it’s a breeze in a food processor. Just be sure to use the dough blade.
Peel and core the apples, and slice. I usually quarter the apples and cut each quarter into four slices. Set aside.
Preheat the oven to 425.
FOR THE DOUGH—
Cut the butter into four pieces, and place in the food processor. Add the flour and the baking powder. Pulse until thoroughly mixed, scraping the sides a couple of times.
Add the egg and the milk, and pulse into a ball. Do not overprocess, or it will be sticky.
Lightly butter a large baking sheet with a lip around the edge. Press the dough into the pan, or roll it out lightly. If it’s sticky, use just a bit of flour on top to roll it out easily.
Place the apples on top of the dough in rows so that they barely overlap one another.
Bake at 425 for 20 minutes.
MEANWHILE, MAKE THE TOPPING—
Mix the butter, sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg to a smooth paste. I use a mini food processor.
When the apples have finished baking, remove the pan from the oven and turn the temperature down to 325.
Drop bits of the paste topping over the apples as uniformly as possible.
Return it to the oven, and bake at 325 for an additional 25 minutes.
MEANWHILE, MAKE WHIPPED CREAM—
Whip 1 cup of heavy cream.
When it begins to take shape, add 1/3 cup powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Whip briefly.
Remove the cake from the oven, and let stand a few minutes. Cut into squares, top with a dollop of whipped cream, and enjoy your afternoon!
Caramel Banana Muffins
½ cup butter
1 cup walnuts
1 cup flour
¾ cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon
salt
3 very ripe bananas
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
Topping below—optional.
Preheat oven to 350. Melt the butter, and set it aside to cool. Line a cupcake pan with paper liners.
In a food processor, mix the walnuts with the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Pulse until fine. Set aside.
Mash the bananas in a large bowl with a fork. Add the cooled butter and vanilla and mix.
Whisk the eggs for one to two minutes, then mix them into the butter and banana mixture. Pour the flour mixture on top and fold with a spatula. Do not overmix!
Spoon into the cupcake liners, distributing evenly among cupcake liners. Bake 23–25 minutes or until the muffins are a light golden brown on top.
Makes 12–16 muffins.
TOPPING (PER MUFFIN)
(best added just before eating, but Sophie also likes these muffins plain)
1 to 2 bananas
3 Kraft Caramels
1 tablespoon heavy cream
Place the caramels and the cream in a small microwave-safe bowl or cup. Microwave for 20 seconds, then for 10 seconds, checking to see if the caramels have melted. Stir. Slice the bananas, and place two to three slices of fresh banana on top of each muffin. Top with caramel.
NOTE:
Three caramels and one tablespoon cream make enough sauce for three to four muffins. For more, simply double or triple the amounts.
Lemon Slush
1 cup lemon juice
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 ounces lemon vodka
2 ounces triple sec
Ice
Place the lemon juice, water, and sugar in a pot and bring to a low boil to dissolve the sugar and make syrup. Cool.
Add the syrup, lemon vodka, and triple sec to a blender and fill with ice. Pulse to an icy slush.
Makes 4 large servings.