by L A Cotton
“Hey.” I entered the room, a small living space with kitchenette off to the side. Separating the two was a breakfast counter with two stools.
“Hey.”
Eli seemed oblivious to the sudden awkwardness that descended over us. His head twisted around, and he grinned. “Hey, Becca. You want to pwray Paw Patrow? You can be Marsall. I’m always Chase, he’s the bestest.”
“I think Becca’s hungry, buddy. How about you finish watching this episode, and I make Becca some toast, and then we can play?”
He shrugged, stuffing another marshmallow into his mouth. “Kay.”
Evan nodded to the kitchen, and I followed him to the counter, hopping up onto a stool.
“How do you feel now?”
“A little better, thank you.”
“Good, that’s good.” He ran a brisk hand over his head. “Do you want toast?”
My hand rubbed my stomach. “I’m not sure it’s ready for food yet.”
“Okay. Coffee?”
I nodded. “He’s your brother?”
“Yeah.” Evan avoided my eyes looking everywhere but at me. “He’s almost four.”
“He’s cute.”
“He’s a pain in my ass.” He laughed softly, looking over at Eli. “Here. You want sugar?”
“No, this is good. Thanks.” I slid my hands around the mug. “It’s just the three of you?”
Evan leaned back against the counter still staring out at his brother. “Yeah. Mom is …” His expression hardened, and his walls slammed back up. I wanted him to let me in, to give me a piece of him, no matter how small, but I wouldn’t push.
“So were you really just passing by last night?”
His eyes flickered to mine, the storm swirling. Deep down, I knew there was more to Evan’s motivations than he was willing to admit. He was resistant to me. To us. Always watching me from afar but never getting too close.
“What do you think?” He stalked forward, sliding his hands over the side of the stool, spinning me until he was standing in front of me.
“I—”
“Lilly text me.”
“Lilly?” My head craned up to look up at him. I could just make out the hazel flecks in his eyes.
“She’s a good friend.”
“She is.”
“You need to be more careful, Becca.”
“I’m just trying to fit in. To make it work.” I swallowed hard, the tension bouncing between us.
“Don’t change for them.”
For who? Scarlett and Lilly? I wanted to tell him I didn’t understand. That I needed him to stop talking in circles. But his face was so close to mine. His mouth. His body. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and leaned forward.
“Becca …” Evan’s hands ran up the sides of my arms, and I shivered.
I wanted this.
I needed this.
I needed to know what I felt was real, not a figment of my imagination.
But Evan didn’t wrap me in his arms and draw me closer. His mouth didn’t cover mine and kiss away the memories of the night before … of the last month.
“We can’t.”
My eyes flew open, searching his face. The sting of rejection burned the backs of my eyes. He stepped back, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. “I’m so—”
“Can we pray now?” Eli called.
Evan grimaced, shooting me an apologetic look. “Becca needs to get home, buddy, and then we’ll play.”
“Ohhhw, but I wanted to show her my Paw Patrower.”
“Maybe another day, bud.”
Hopping down off the stool, I ignored Evan’s charged stare as I went over to Eli and said, “Sorry, little guy. It was really nice meeting you, though. I’ll see you again soon.”
Another lie.
Because I knew I wouldn’t be invited back anytime soon.
The second I walked into school, I knew something was wrong. It was like those first two weeks all over again. The icy stares, the hum of whispers as I walked down the hallway. Leaning into Lilly, I said, “I’m not imagining it, right? Everyone is staring?”
“Mmm-hmm. I thought this shit had died down?”
It had.
Kind of.
I hadn’t told them about the notes I found now and again in my locker. What was the point? It was just another way Kendall tried to tear me down. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Or, at least, so I thought.
“Slut.”
“What a whore.”
“Did you hear she did two guys in the bathroom at Bannam’s party, at the same time? What a skank.”
The blood drained from my face, and Lilly gripped my hand, yanking me toward the nearest bathroom. The door slammed behind us, and she paced up and down while her fingers flew over her cell phone. “East wing bathroom, now.” Silence. “Yes, yes, I think she’s okay. You heard? A little heads-up next time, Scarlett. Yes, okay.” Lilly came over to me and clutched my shoulders. “Becca? Becca?”
Next time? There’s going to be a next time? How much more of this could I take?
“Becca?”
I jolted, blinking at her. “Yes?”
“Are you okay? You look at little weird.”
“Fine, I’m fine.” I swallowed harshly. Lilly didn’t believe me; hell, I didn’t believe me. The things they were saying … about me … me and two guys.
“Becca.” Her slim fingers dug into me, biting into my skin, and I blinked again. “You look ready to pass out. It’s not that bad, people don’t really th—”
“They think I had sex with two guys at the party. I spent most of the night puking in the bathroom.” And then Evan had shown up. I’d spent the night tucked in Evan’s bed.
Oh god, Evan.
But then I remembered the way he’d rejected me when I’d tried to kiss him. The deafening silence as he drove me to the end of my street and left without so much as a goodbye. Evan didn’t care. Not the way I thought he had. The way I hoped he did.
Scarlett slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, blocking it so no one else could get in. “I’m sorry. I tried to get to you in time. Kendall is determined to ruin you.”
I screamed.
It came from somewhere deep inside me. Lilly and Scarlett stood, wide-eyed, watching as I yelled out in frustration.
“Better?” Scarlett’s lip tugged up.
“A little.” I slumped back against the tiled wall, crashing from my burst of frustration. “I just don’t get it. I’m no one. Nobody. Why does she hate me so much?”
“I told you. You’re everything she isn’t.”
“So it was Kendall? The roofie, the rumors?”
“Just because she was out of town doesn’t mean she doesn’t have eyes and ears everywhere. I have a sketchy memory of her lap dog being at the party.”
“Lap dog?” Lilly and I looked at each other.
“You know, Trevor, the guy she strings along.”
“Oh.” I searched my mind for any memory of seeing him, but I had nothing. Everything about the party had kind of paled in significance when I’d woken up in Evan’s bed.
“Do we know who the lucky guys supposedly were?” Lilly asked Scarlett, like it mattered.
She grimaced. “Vin and Malachi.”
“WHAT?” I shrieked, covering my face with my hands. “Oh, my god. What do I do?”
Scarlett shrugged, but I thought I caught a glimpse of sympathy in her eyes. Or maybe it was pity. “Nothing. Just ride it out. It’ll blow over. We’ll deny it, obviously. Although Vin is loving it.”
My eyes almost bugged out of my head.
“I’ll get Jay to talk to him.” Lilly came over to me and wrapped her arm around me. “It will blow over. You’ll see.”
“This is … god, I hate this place.”
“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay. Don’t let her win, okay. You go out there and hold your head high. You did nothing wrong. Nothing.” Lilly smiled. Scarlett gave
me a half-hearted thumbs-up. But their reassurances did little to ease my anger. Hurt. Frustration. I was like a ticking time bomb of emotion, and I didn’t know how much more I could take before detonating. They were right, though. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let Kendall win.
“Let’s do it.” I inhaled and rolled back my shoulders meeting my weary eyes in the mirror that hung over the row of sinks.
Scarlett pushed open the door, sticking her head out to make sure the coast was clear, and we slipped back into the hallway.
I was late to math. The whole room fell silent as I entered and stalked to the back of the room to my desk. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to sit through an hour of Evan. He didn’t look up as I dropped into my seat. I shouldn’t have cared—shouldn’t have even been thinking about him—but I couldn’t help it.
He was under my skin. But he’d made it pretty clear that I wasn’t under his.
The notes came thick and fast.
Did I take bookings?
Did I do three-ways?
How did I feel about girl-on-girl?
In the end, I stopped reading them and added them to the growing pile in the bottom of my bag, my frustrations multiplying with each one. Evan had to have noticed, but if he did, he didn’t say anything.
By the time the bell rang, I had at least eight notes stuffed in my bag. One guy obviously thought the personal touch would be more effective and approached me just as I was slinging my bag over my shoulder. “You’re Becca, right?” He brazenly checked me out.
“Yeah, and …?” I didn’t know why I even responded, but part of me wanted these dipshits to realize I was a person with feel feelings, not just the butt of a cruel rumor.
He smirked, a glint in his eye that made my skin crawl. “I heard you liked to party. Me and some of the guys wondered if you wanted to hook up?”
“Take a walk, Calvin.” Evan stepped around me. I hadn’t even realized he was still in the room.
“Oh, come on, Porter. She’s good for it. Didn’t you hear what she did with Vin and Malachi at Bannam’s party?”
Evan inched closer to the guy, staring him down, fists clenched at his sides. The guy’s hand came up, and he laughed. “Chill, it was just a bit of fun. No harm done, yeah?”
“What’s going on back there?” Mr. Phillips called from his desk. “Move it along, people.”
The guy called back, “Just leaving Mr. P.”
Evan’s eyes tracked him until he was out of the room. He opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.
“I don’t need you to fight my battles, Evan.” Adrenaline pumping through my veins, I stormed out of the room. I needed to be away from him. He skewed everything. The way he constantly came to my rescue but then pushed me away—keeping me at arm’s length. I couldn’t play this game. Not with him.
I walked as fast as I could without breaking into a jog to stay ahead of Evan. I knew he was following; I felt him. His heated stare burned holes in the back of my head. My next class came into view, but as I reached the door, a hand caught my wrist and pulled me into a storage closet.
“What the hell, Evan?”
He threw me into the small space and pulled the door closed behind him. “Is it true?” His voice was icy cold.
“Is what true?”
Hurt flashed in his eyes and mine widened with realization. “You think I …” I couldn’t even say the words. He thought it was true? I felt sick. “Let me out, right now, Evan.” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I wouldn’t cry. He didn’t deserve my tears. None of these assholes did.
“Becca, wait, fuck.” He dragged a hand over his jaw. “I’m sorry.”
“You thought it was true? How could you think that I’d—” Do something like that when I have all of these confusing feelings for you?
“I didn’t believe it, but shit, some of the things I’ve heard this morning.” His eyes drifted from me, staring out into oblivion, and the corded muscles in his neck tensed.
“You could have asked me.”
His eyes snapped back to mine. “I just did.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
He rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m so buzzed right now; I need to kick the shit out of something. The things they were saying …”
“Why do you even care?”
The storm in his eyes calmed, changing to something else. The same thing I’d thought I’d saw right before I tried to kiss him.
“You know why.”
Shaking my head, I said, “No, I really don’t.”
“I think you do.”
“No, Evan. I don’t. I thought I did, but after yesterday, I think I have it all wrong.”
He stalked forward, and I stepped back, dancing our dance of push and pull. Hot and cold. Fire and ice. I hit some kind of racking, but it didn’t stop me from trying to get away from him, pressing back until the metal bit into my skin.
“Becca.” His voice was softer, and he brought a hand to my face, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “You know why.”
“I don’t.”
“Stop lying.”
“I’m no—” His mouth was on mine, his tongue pushing past my lips, his solid body pressed against me. I looped my hands around his neck, twirling my fingers in the ends of the hair around the base of his neck, kissing him back with every ounce of frustration I felt.
Evan’s hand skimmed around my butt and lifted me up so that I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his waist. He spun us around and dropped me on some kind of bench, pushing himself between my legs, never once breaking the kiss.
“This is why,” he groaned into my mouth, dragging my bottom lip between his teeth. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist you?” He’d broken the kiss, but his mouth still lingered over mine, our foreheads touching. Chests heaving between us.
“So don’t.” I stared up at him. “Don’t.” Please. I wanted to beg. Couldn’t he see how much I wanted this—how much I needed the connection.
“I shouldn’t … we shouldn’t …” His eyes dropped to my mouth as he rasped out, “Fuck the rules. I'm done trying to be the good guy.”
I'm done trying to be the good guy. The words reverberated through me like metal clinking against metal. Evan crowded me, seeking my lips again, but panic clutched at my heart, memories of that night flooding my mind like a vivid nightmare.
“Stop, stop,” I cried, pushing my hands into Evan's chest trying to get him off. Trying to give myself space to catch my breath.
“Becca, what the hell?” He jammed his hands into his pocket, giving me space, but I couldn’t meet his stare. My hands gripped the edge of the bench while I waited for my heart to slow down.
“I'm sorry. I- I panicked.” My voice quivered as I peeked up at him. “I should go.” I hopped down and tried to move around him for the door, but Evan caught my waist and hooked me to him, forcing me to look at him. “What the fuck just happened?”
“It's my shit, not yours.” I shirked out of his grip and reached for the door.
“We're not done talking about this.” His voice was cold.
No, we probably weren't, but I intended to keep my secrets for another day.
“Oh look, it’s the slut.” Kendall stepped in front of me in the lunch line, her arms folded over her chest, hip jutted out to one side.
“Whatever you say,” I said, continuing to eye today’s choice.
“I heard you let one fuck you while you blew the other one. I’ve got to hand it to you; I didn’t think you had it in you.” She slapped the tray out of my hand, sending it crashing to the floor. The room had fallen silent now. Everyone watching, waiting, to see what would happen.
“Back off, Kendall.” I ground my teeth together, feeling the tears prick behind my eyes.
“Or what?” She stepped closer putting us toe-to-toe. I sighed, hands shaking at my sides.
“Or you might get your ass handed to you in front of the whole school.” Scarlett flanke
d me and relief coursed through me. I didn’t want to fight—had never been involved in a physical fight in my whole life—but I wasn’t going to run either.
I was done running.
“Oh look, the lesbian’s here to save the day.”
“Scared you might like it?” Scarlett stuck her fingers into a V and pressed them against her mouth, licking.
“Stay away from me, you fucking freak,” Kendall barked, and her friends snickered, but I saw the fear flash in their eyes. They weren’t prepared for me to stand my ground—for Scarlett to rush to my side. And then Lilly appeared off to the side with Jay and Vin standing either side of her.
Kendall noticed them and rolled her eyes. “Seriously, do you freaks always run in a pack? It didn’t work with Ami; it won’t work with her.” She jabbed at finger at me. “Watch your back, slut.” Her words hit their mark, and I blanched, feeling her threat all the way down to my bones.
“Show’s over.” Scarlett clapped her hands together, and everyone reanimated, going back to whatever they were doing before.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” Lilly reached for my hand and squeezed.
“Yeah.” My eyes followed Kendall as she and her friends breezed out of the cafeteria laughing. And then my gaze fell on Evan, watching from the doorway. His eyes narrowed on me, and then he turned and left.
“I need a drink.” The words tumbled from my mouth, and Lilly and Scarlett glanced at one another and in unison said, “Rogues.”
I’d never skipped school before, but when Scarlett insisted I get in her car, I didn’t argue. I wanted to be as far away from this place as possible.
“Here, drink this.” She thrust a bottle of juice at me.
“What is it?”
“Just drink it. It’ll make you feel better.”
I unscrewed the lid and inhaled. Whatever it was, it was strong, but so was the anger and embarrassment coursing through my veins. The image of Kendall calling me a slut in front of half our school had me swallowing a mouthful of liquid before I could talk myself out of it.