by Virna DePaul
But I couldn’t let his blinding hotness distract me. I was in survival mode.
“Why would I want to do that? I—” A waitress bumped into me, glaring as she maneuvered around me.
“Because you’re in everyone’s way,” Logan teased. Any nervousness I may have imagined seemed to have vanished, giving way to confidence and the full dazzling smile I’d seen in countless magazines. “Sit down, just for a minute.”
I obeyed half heartedly but only because if I stood there much longer, someone was going to nail me with food or drink just to get me to move. Besides, people were staring. At him. Mr. Hollywood Sex God. Hot and Gorgeous. No kidding, Ginny.
Now that the shock of seeing him had worn off, what I felt most was confusion. I gripped my tiny purse in an effort to steady my fingers and hide my jitters. I could survive this. I’d be okay. No matter why Ginny and Logan had lured me here, I wasn’t going to let Logan know how much I still wanted him.
“Why am I on a date with you, Logan?” I asked in my most impersonal voice, the one I reserved for people I disliked. It felt rusty and foreign in my throat, since I rarely needed to use it.
“Hi, I’m Marcia,” a tall dark-haired woman with a seriously grim expression stopped and informed us. “I’ll be your server. Can I get you anything to drink?” she asked me.
“No, thank—”
“She’ll have one of these.” He held up his wine glass. “Thank you.”
Marcia turned to Logan and her eyes sparked with recognition. But she didn’t crack a smile. “Coming right up.” She pivoted and melted into the crowd.
I leaned back in the chair and folded my arms over my chest. “You’re wasting your money. I’m not staying long enough to drink it.”
“Then go thirsty, but I’m happy to waste more money. Are you hungry?” He casually lifted the menu and immersed himself in it as if he didn’t care. Against my will, I relaxed enough for curiosity to once again raise its head. I wasn’t sure if I was more irritated with Logan for pulling me in with his indifference or annoyed with myself for falling for it. Stubbornly, I refused to pick up my menu.
Logan looked at me over his. “You can order whatever you want. The most expensive item on the menu. Just hear me out, Shelby. Ginny obviously thought what I had to say to you was important.”
He sounded so serious, but he was right. Despite my initial feelings of betrayal, Ginny must have had a good reason for bringing me here. I couldn’t imagine what that was, but…
“Fine. Dinner. Then I’m outta here.” I perused my menu but I couldn’t focus so all the writing registered in my head as scribbles.
“My sister and I ate here last year.”
He’d visited last year? I suppose if I’d kept in touch with his sister Kristin, she would have told me Logan was around. But I hadn’t. After our breakup, she’d reminded me of him and it had been too painful at the time. After a while, the prospect of reconnecting with her had seemed too awkward. I missed her though.
“I had the steak and mushrooms sautéed in a wine sauce. Comes with steamed asparagus and mashed potatoes if I remember correctly. Tasty.”
Sounded like it could be and I still couldn’t concentrate enough to read the menu. “I’ll have that, too. Where’s our waitress?”
On cue, Marcia arrived and set a glass in front of me without acknowledging my existence. But she eyed Logan, a sly smile waiting for him. Was her blouse undone one more button now or just my imagination?
“Are you ready to order?” she purred.
I rolled my eyes.
“Two of these.” Logan pointed at the menu and smiled. It wasn’t quite a flirty I’m-hot-and-I-know-it smile, but it was close. “Please.”
Logan didn’t speak after she left. He just looked at me and I felt myself wanting to lean toward him. To reacquaint myself with those smooth, full lips. I shook off the image. Whipping out my cell phone, I began texting Ginny. She’d get a piece of my mind for her shenanigans.
“For you,” Logan said.
I tore myself away from my phone to focus on him. “What?”
“You asked me why I was here.”
My brows flew up. “You’re here for me?” To talk to me about something important, yes. But to say he was here for me. Those were two different things.
“Yeah.” His gaze lowered to the white cloth napkin where his fingers folded and unfolded the linen. “I… I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time.”
I slapped the cloth-covered table. “You’ve had nine years, buddy. Now all of a sudden you want to talk? Well, go ahead. Talk.” I looked pointedly at my watch. “Clock is ticking. Once I eat, I’m leaving and we’re not doing this again.”
Logan inhaled deeply then met my eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
“Oh, please!” I returned to typing profanity into Ginny’s message. I could barely see the keys, though. He’d missed me! My traitorous heart rejoiced. Nine years, my brain shouted back.
“I deserve that. I don’t blame you for not trusting me. But I’d like you to give me a chance. There’s a reason I stopped calling you after I moved to LA. I…”
He kept talking but I couldn’t hear him over the buzzing in my ears. My fingers froze and I stared down at the phone. He wanted another chance? Wanted to justify breaking my heart?
Nope. No second chances. Sure, I’d missed him. Compared him to every man I met. Tortured myself with reading Hollywood rags just so I’d have another glimpse at his beautiful face. But I wasn’t a complete fool. Whatever had brought him here couldn’t be genuine feelings for me. Not after all this time. No, he obviously wanted something from me. That was it. I looked up from my phone again and interrupted him. “Food comes slow here. I’d say you have about an hour to tell me what you really want. As for why you stopped calling me, that was ages ago. You did me favor. I could care less, really. And if you say another word about it, I’m out of here.”
He stared at me, then raised both hands in surrender. “Okay. Fine. What do you say we skip the past? We’ll just—”
He was just agreeing to do what I’d asked, but it made me even madder. “We’ll just gloss over it, like it never happened.” Bitterness dripped from my words as it all came back to me — the grief, the anger. “We’ll forget how you promised me forever then strung me along for weeks, barely calling or writing. Or how after blowing me off for months, you finally made it official and told me you didn’t love me, that I’d be grateful later. Well, guess what, Logan? You were right. I am glad you dumped me and I am grateful you didn’t let me waste any more time on someone who didn’t love me. We’re both better off now.”
“I hurt you,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”
Oh, no. He didn’t get to play the big man taking responsibility for his actions. And he wouldn’t make me feel guilty for being angry. Even if he was sincere and wanted me back — and that last part was a stretch — whatever love he felt wouldn’t last. “If it took you nine years to say it, you can’t be that sorry.” I rose from my chair. “Ladies room.”
Checking under the two stalls, I made sure the bathroom was empty. I leaned against the wall and inhaled deeply. Instead of giving me a sense of calm, the quiet brought back memories of years ago. Of a happiness that could only exist by finding a soul mate. Logan had been my soul mate. But that Logan no longer existed and the man at the table was not my soul mate, no matter how much I wanted him to be. I should have left as soon as I saw him. He’d said he had something important to tell me, but all he’d fed me was a line about missing me.
The smart thing to do would be to walk out of the restaurant and go home. To run away from him as fast as I could. It wasn’t too late. But leaving now would show Logan he held some kind of power over me.
Of course, he did, even if it was just bad memories, but I couldn’t let him know that.
Maybe Ginny had done me a favor after all. Tonight could be my chance to get the closure I’d never gotten before. I’d face him head on like the mature adult I’
d become. Then I’d get on with my life, free of regrets forever.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Calmer, I took my purse to the sink and touched up my make-up. My face didn’t need anything but it gave me something to do. I dawdled a couple more minutes then returned to our table. I chickened out the instant I saw him.
“I’m leaving.”
Instead of arguing with me, he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course you are.”
What was that supposed to mean? “Excuse me?”
“You’re upset. When people are angry or upset, it’s because they feel deep emotions. Only strong feelings can bring about such negative reactions. You’re leaving because you can’t stand the feelings seeing me has brought out in you.”
“Wow, Professor, tell me more.” I rolled my eyes, but inside I cursed him.
“If you held no animosity toward me, you’d stay. Hear what I have to stay. But I guess that’s not the case, now is it?”
Reverse psychology. He looked so smug, I wanted to slap him. Instead, I took my seat and casually crossed my legs. I folded my hands in my lap and calmly watched him. We probably had a good twenty minutes before our food arrived, but I swore I wouldn’t be the first one to break.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”
Just like that, my insides melted. I actually wanted to smile. The nerve of the guy was unbelievable. “Shut up, Logan,” I muttered for protection. Retrieving my phone again, I opened my email. Thankfully, Logan let me have some peace while I worked.
The surly waitress set a plate in front of me and the aroma tickled my nose. My mouth watered. “Thank you,” I said, but Marcia ignored me. To my great relief, for the next few minutes Logan only opened his mouth to fill it with food and spared me the chore of participating in conversation.
I sampled the asparagus. “Oh, my God, this is so good.” Eventually, we both ran out of food. I folded my napkin and started to stand. “Well, that was interesting,” I said. “Since I’ve proven I’m perfectly capable of sitting across from you, and therefore have no strong feelings for you, I—”
“Do you know why exes become sour?”
I froze.
“Because they loved so much, that’s why.” His gray eyes gazed at me intently, his hand motionless beside his plate as though I’d fly away if he moved. “The thing is, if they loved each other once, they can love again. But I’m not sour, Shelby, because I never stopped loving you.”
My hand jerked, rattling my fork against my plate. He actually looked like he was waiting for a response. Instead of giving him one, I rose on wobbly knees and headed for the entrance.
I didn’t worry about Logan chasing after me. It wasn’t his style. His was the slow, gentle seduction — so slow that the girl ended up doing the seducing without even realizing it. Besides, he still had to pay the check.
I was still reeling from his words and knew I hadn’t seen the last of him. But I had something else on my mind.
Next stop, Ginny.
***
The door to Ginny’s house swung open to reveal her husband, Victor. “Hey, Shelby. Ginny’s in the shower but she’ll be out in a minute. C’mon in.”
I followed Victor through the kitchen, past the stick-figure crayon drawings stuck to the fridge. The four-year-old twins poked their heads out of the opening of a fort made from a cardboard box and grinned as I made my way into the living room where a football game blared from the TV. Victor would be lost in it again shortly and that was fine by me. I was saving my wrath for his wife anyway.
Forgoing the sofa, I ambled around the room admiring family pictures. Ginny and Victor in Hawaii last summer with the twins. Ginny in a white dress and veil on their wedding day, Victor looking down at her adoringly. Setting the photo down, I tried to ignore the emptiness in my soul, the incompleteness. I’d never have what Victor and Ginny had, especially not with Logan. He and I were ancient history. It had taken me so long to get used to that concept. And the last thing I needed was to be taken in by his charm again only to learn the same lesson all over again.
“I liked your colorful texts.” Ginny grinned as she strolled past the television in a fuzzy pink robe, rubbing a towel through her honey blond hair. “How was your date?”
“You must be referring to the ambush at The Boat House?” I folded my arms over my chest, lifting one brow. “Why would you do such a thing? You know how I feel about him.”
She stopped patting her hair. “Yes, I do know how you feel. Which is exactly why I did it. I thought maybe if you saw him again, you’d either get over it or get back together. It’s a win-win situation.”
“Ha!” My hands shot to my hips. “I don’t need to get over him. I finished with him years ago.” Okay, so it wasn’t the whole truth but no one needed to know that. Certainly not my meddling best friend.
She gave me her you-really-think-I’m-going-to-buy-that look. “Is that why you spend three times longer on the Logan articles than any normal person, then throw the magazine away before you read the rest?”
“I do not,” I said — even though I did.
“Do so.” Ginny put a hand on her own hip, brows raised. “Any time someone mentions his name, you’re suddenly very interested in the conversation. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you kept the promise ring he gave you.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “That ring is valuable. I’m saving it for a rainy day. In case I end up homeless or something.”
She shrugged and it was as if I hadn’t even spoken. “You never wear it but it’s still in your jewelry box. Anyone else would have given it away by now. But you haven’t. Because deep down, you still love him. It’s the only thing that makes sense. And it explains why your relationships don’t last.”
She was right. The promise ring and old pictures of him should have been tossed ages ago. But I could never quite completely let go. I averted my eyes to not give myself away. “I dated the guy almost three years. It’s only natural I’d save mementos of something that was a big part of my past.”
“You don’t fool me. So when he showed up the other day and pleaded his case, I figured if you saw him, maybe you could get some closure. I resorted to sneakiness only because I care.” She tilted her head. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
Ginny had the face of an angel and matching temperament, a heart of sunshine and daisies. If she did something, it was with the purest of intentions. I couldn’t stay mad at her. But she needed to know that Logan and I had no future.
“I’m going to let you slide, but only because he obviously conned you. He was always good at making me believe he cared.” I cut the distance between us for a quick hug. “Just don’t do it again. It’s all a lie, Ginny.”
“Then there’s no harm in talking to him. You’re not the same naïve girl you were back then. You can take care of yourself this time around. If he’s going to be a jerk, I know you’ll make sure he eats it.”
I laughed weakly. “I already tried, only he seemed to come out the winner of our little scramble.”
“He won the battle, not the war. You’ll get your chance.” Ginny held my shoulders. “Just make sure if you hurt him, he actually deserves it now, not for ancient history.”
Shit. I didn’t want to have to watch out for his feelings. The only person I needed to protect was me — starting with therapy. Not the traditional kind, but my own personal brand. First, some stretches, then a five-mile run, followed by weights or yoga.
Physical exertion grounded me, centered my thoughts — and made me too tired to think of Logan. It’s how I’d survived the first few months after he left.
It’s how I’d survive now.
CHAPTER THREE
I sat in my office chewing on a pencil, trying to distract myself from remembering how yummy Logan had looked the night before. I’d barely gotten any work done since. Instead, I kept finding myself fiddling with the few items adorning my wide desk; rearranging the stapler, the pap
er clip bin and the small pink vase. But it was early still, just before ten, and I had plenty of time to get everything done.
Tina poked her head in my office and grinned just as I was booting up my computer. “You’ll never guess who’s waiting in reception for you. Logan Starks.” Her eyes widened. “He wants you to show him some houses.”
My mouth dropped open. The man was insane. Certifiable. Why was he stalking me?
I grimaced. “It’s a scam. I’m not sure what he wants, but it’s not for me to help him find a house.”
“Not according to him.” She narrowed her eyes. “And when I asked him what he wanted, he’d done his homework. The man’s serious, I’m telling you. In any case, I already assured him you’re available so you’re stuck. Do you know what kind of clients we’d bring in if we put him down on our resume?”
“Don’t care,” I chirped.
“Oh really? When was the last time you closed an escrow?”
I frowned. It wasn’t my fault my clients had gotten cold feet recently. The economy was still reeling and people were leery. “I can live without a commission off Logan,” I said slowly.
But Tina smiled tightly, looking like she was going in for the kill. “So you’re that afraid of him? Do you really think he’ll spend millions of dollars on a house just to what—? Date you? Sleep with you?”
When she put it that way, it did sound ludicrous. This was Logan after all. Big Hollywood stud. My face heated with embarrassment, but I tried not to let Tina make me do something I’d regret. “If he’s a serious buyer, anyone can show him a house. If he just wants to get laid, he doesn’t need me for that. Wendy’s a huge fan and she’s pretty. Give him to her.” I rubbed at my temples. Why was Logan back? It was as if he’d been put on Earth to make me suffer.
Tina stretched taller and gave me a stern look. She ran an orderly office with high sales and she was the only one who worked more hours than me, even though I sold more. Usually. Still, I had the utmost respect for her. “He’s asking for you. Are you saying you can’t put your personal differences aside and be a professional?” she asked.