Thirty-Two
He felt sorry for me? There was no other explanation for him asking other men to date her. His asking her to wait for him was a lie. He was hoping she’d find someone else. That’s why he told her to date others. It had to be.
Tears burned Lena’s eyes. She couldn’t stay and help clean up. Others would need to remove the benches and load them into the wagon, get the desks out of the lean-to and set them up in the classroom, and restore order. She had to get out of here.
At the edge of the pasture, teen boys held attendant tickets that went with each horse and buggy. People were whispering as she passed them on her way to her rig.
He felt sorry for me.
She should have known that. She had known that.
A lonely widower and a marred old maid.
Why hadn’t she admitted it for what it was?
Pain came in waves, reminding her of the newsreels she’d seen in public school showing the power of a surf during a category five hurricane. It battered against her, and her knees gave way. She staggered.
One of the teens started for her and stopped. “You okay, Lena?”
Willing her body to obey her, she got her footing. “Fine. Denki.” She passed the gaggle of teens who stared and mumbled. They’d been students in past years, and they probably pitied her too. Probably laughed, wondering how she could ever expect a man to love her.
Her mother had been wrong. No man saw beyond her mark. None.
“Can we get your rig, Lena?” one of the teens asked. “Do you have your stub?”
She bit back the tears. “I’ll get it myself. Denki.”
And her job. She’d gone through a few years of public school just so she could be the best teacher possible, and now she’d lose this job in three weeks and probably couldn’t get hired for another position anywhere.
After passing more than two dozen rigs that lined the fence, she untethered her Daed’s horse. Her own horse had been too antsy to harness again today. Lena climbed into her carriage. She’d told herself not to look up, but she did anyway.
People filled the playground and schoolyard, staring at her, whispering. Grey stood with his hand on Ivan’s shoulder, watching her. Fresh tears blurred her vision. Distress filled his features, and she knew he’d never intended to hurt her. Never meant for his loneliness to leave him so vulnerable that he’d make promises he didn’t mean. The memory of following him out to the greenhouse burned through her. Clearly he hadn’t been interested, but his guilt for hurting her must have convinced him to reach out to her.
And then he suggested she see other men.
She pulled onto the road, encouraging her horse to hurry home.
Grey would feel differently if she didn’t have the birthmark. How many men would have asked to take her home from singings over the years if she’d had flawless skin like Elsie?
She lifted her face toward the sky, wishing relief would magically float from white clouds and ease her pain.
Oh, God, it hurts.
A mixed-up, half-remembered phrase from a song mocked her, and she thought of its name—“At Seventeen” by … by … Janis Ian.
Just listening to the ballad and deciphering the lyrics in English class had pained Lena. She had tried to avoid the boys’ stares and pretend she didn’t care. She hadn’t wanted their attention, but something short of pity would have been welcome. When they did hang around, she ignored them, not trusting their intentions.
The melody of the song came to mind. The words were fragments she was surely recalling wrong, but they carried heartache anyway. Those … with damaged faces … imagining lovers …
She sobbed, begging the words to go away.
After pulling into the barn, she quickly brought the rig to a stop. She unfettered the horse, put her in a stall, and ran toward her house. Her Daed came around the side of the wraparound porch. “I didn’t expect you this early. Forget something? Ada and I are on the porch swing, finishing our picnic lunch.” He stopped. “You okay?”
“Fine, Daed. I just need to be alone, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response before going inside and closing the heavy wooden door. Her dog jumped with excitement. Nicky’s piercing yelps and quick jogs around her broke Lena’s resolve. She ran upstairs to her room, closed the door, and melted to the floor. Nicky nudged her, accepting her fully. She imagined herself at eighty with her Daed long gone and some dog that would be Nicky the fourth or fifth keeping her company throughout the days and nights.
She pressed her hand down her flat stomach, closed her eyes, and let the tears flow.
Cara held Ephraim’s hand as they walked through the field and toward the road. Carrying the half-empty basket, he opened the cattle gate for her and then jiggled it to make sure the latch caught before they started walking again.
He slid his hand into hers again. “I’m glad you enjoy walking on pretty days.”
“Next year I want to picnic inside the hedged area you like so much.”
“The hiddy?”
“Yep.”
“We could have spread our blanket there today if I’d known you preferred my private side yard to a spot by the creek.”
“We’re keeping the relationship above suspicion. The fact that other couples were sharing that same creek bank is a good thing. Besides, who did you share a meal with inside that hedged area last year?”
“Hey, you weren’t even in Dry Lake last April. And the fact that I moved to New York to look for you thirteen years ago negates your right to harass me on this topic.”
“Wow. Now that’s a good argument, ’From. I’m impressed … and without a counterargument … for now. But I’ll find one.”
He mockingly sighed before he nudged her with his shoulder.
“Lori said that hiddy isn’t a real word—English or Pennsylvania Dutch.”
“I probably made it up years ago. It’s slang for ‘hidden place.’”
She wrapped her free hand around his arm. “I like the idea of us having a hidden place. We’ll picnic there for sure next year.”
“Even if it rains?”
“That sounds even more romantic.”
He rolled his eyes playfully. “Women.”
While they walked, a buggy came into sight. As the carriage grew close, Cara recognized the driver as someone from Ephraim’s district, but she didn’t remember his name. He slowed the rig. “Ephraim. Cara. Nice day for a picnic, huh?”
“Sure is, Sammy. You and the Mrs. not picnicking today?”
“I hung around and bid on Cousin Lena’s basket for Israel—you know, just to make sure she had bidders. She had other bidders … for a while. Then it all went haywire. Anyway, I bought my wife’s basket, but she’s at home. Some of the little ones have a stomach bug.”
“Sorry to hear that. Did you say something went wrong at the auction after we left?”
“Ya. When Lena’s basket hit the auction block, a student bid on it. I thought that was real nice and all, but then Dwayne Bender stood up and shot all sorts of wild accusations at Lena. Accused her of poisoning a cake she gave to Aaron Blank—”
Cara’s heart jolted. “A ruined cake?”
“Ya, and he said she’s been chasing after Grey. Even hinted she might’ve plotted Elsie’s death just to have him. Who’s the new guy at your shop?”
“Christian,” Ephraim offered.
“Ya, he was bidding on her basket too. Then after Dwayne said those things, Lena, Christian, and Grey ended up exchanging words, but the conversation made no sense to me. I think Grey must’ve encouraged Christian to date her. She was fit to be tied. About yelled at Grey over it. I don’t know what all’s going on, but I know Dwayne’s got some serious problems to behave like that at a public function. Maybe Lena quit dating him and he’s trying to get back at her. Seems like—”
“I … hate to interrupt,” Cara said, “but I’d like to check on Lena.”
“Sure, hop in. I’m going right by her place. It’ll give me a chance to make sure her
Daed or one of her brothers knows what’s going on. They won’t like this one bit.”
Sammy and Ephraim talked about the upcoming spring planting and who was growing what this year. Her heart thumped like mad. If her prank had hurt Lena, she had to apologize immediately. Sammy stopped on the driveway in front of Lena’s home. They wasted no time getting out. Through the screen door, Cara could see Israel pacing, and Ada was with him.
She tugged at Ephraim’s arm. “I think the cake Lena gave Aaron is the one Deborah and I gave her as a prank.”
“What?”
“Remember the night several months ago when your sister and I stopped by to see you at the shop and Anna Mary was there, making a phone call? We’d come to bring something to Lena.”
“Ya.”
“We brought her a ruined cake as a gag. She was going to see Aaron right after we left. She must’ve given it to him not knowing we’d pranked her.”
Ephraim chuckled. “So your ability to get into trouble isn’t confined to just breaking the Ordnung. That’s good news, really.”
She huffed. “Ephraim.”
He turned away from Lena’s house and coughed into his hand, trying to hide his laughter.
“You’re awful.”
“Hey, I’m not the one poisoning people. That’d be my fiancée … and little sister.”
She stood on her tiptoes, kissed his cheek, and hurried up the steps to Lena’s. Sammy was already inside, explaining things to Israel.
Israel looked beyond Sammy to Ephraim and Cara. “She came in upset and refused to talk.”
“May I try?” Cara asked.
Israel gestured toward the steps.
“Which room?”
“Take a left at the top of the steps. First door on your right.”
Cara hurried up the steps and tapped on the door. “Lena, it’s Cara. I … I know this seems like a bad time, but I really need to tell you something.”
Muffled sounds came through the door, and then Lena unlocked and opened it. Lena’s eyes glistened with a hint of extra moisture and her cheeks looked as if she’d dried them moments earlier. Cara went inside and closed the door. “It’s my fault about the cake. Deborah messed it up, and I talked her into using it as a prank.”
Lena burst into tears. “I don’t care about the cake.”
“Oh.” Cara tried to sift through the other information Sammy had shared.
“Aaron knows I didn’t try to poison him. Dwayne’s being a jerk.” Lena sat on her bed, wiping her tears. “He tried to pawn me off on other guys. Why?”
“Dwayne?”
“Heavens, no. Do you know why a man would do such a cruel thing?”
Cara didn’t know who the man was, let alone why. “No.”
“It’s because of this.” She clasped her hand over her birthmark. “It’s always been because of this.”
Cara sat next to her. Lena had no idea of her beauty, but Cara knew she couldn’t change her opinion, not today anyway. “It won’t always be. The younger you are, the more outward appearance matters. Then maturity hits … at least it does for most folks, and how a person looks is one of the last things people care about.”
“But I lost him to someone perfect once before, and I accepted it within two weeks of them dating. This time … it’s not the same.” Lena brushed a stray tear off her face. “I’d like to be left alone, okay?”
Cara nodded. As she descended the stairs, she saw Grey through the screen door, and he was coming up the stairs to the house. Then she understood who Lena had been talking about. Grey knocked. Israel came out of the kitchen and went to the door.
“I’d like to talk to Lena.”
Israel didn’t budge for several moments. Then he looked to his daughter’s room and back to Grey again. “You?”
“I need to talk to her, Israel.”
“It’s too early for you to be standing on the porch at any woman’s house, Grey.”
Early? Cara didn’t understand.
“Go home,” Israel demanded, “before the rumors of today damage Lena’s reputation as a teacher and a woman.”
Grey’s eyes met Cara’s. “She’s too upset for anything to be accomplished right now.”
He nodded and left.
Israel turned to Cara. “Anything I can do?”
Cara shook her head, wondering what it would have been like to have a dad.
While Ivan played in the backyard, Grey paced along the creek bank. With too many pent-up emotions to just sit idle, he’d dug the footers for the bridge. Next week he’d put twenty-six feet of support beams in place from his property to Allen’s and add concrete to keep them secure, hoping it’d offer him chances to speak with Lennie. By next Saturday he’d have the structure ready to bear the weight of all who used it. Nothing fancy. Plain. Simple. And it’d felt completely right to build it.
Lennie.
He’d so looked forward to knowing she might walk over, with Emily of course, and bring him a meal. The food wouldn’t matter. Having a few minutes with her would. And he would cross it in hopes of seeing her, maybe catching a moment alone with her to sustain both of them during this forced separation.
But the secrets she’d hidden from him about what had taken place at the school board meetings and her connecting Peter with Samantha at her home bothered him. He couldn’t bear getting involved with someone else who hid more of herself than she shared.
He knew that hidden things were issues to be worked out between couples, except they weren’t a couple. He loved her, but that wasn’t enough. It scared him to think of how often love alone wasn’t enough to overcome the obstacles between a man and a woman.
It shouldn’t be that way. That wasn’t how God intended it to be. He said that love never failed, which meant that only Grey failed. Again. And again.
But he had to talk to her. He had to assure her … to let her know that his feelings for her were real. Why did she think the birthmark mattered? But she did. And he had to tell her otherwise.
How? He couldn’t go see her after all the accusations Dwayne had fired at them. In those few minutes, in full view of more than half the community, Dwayne had spilled kerosene all around Grey and Lennie. One tiny spark between them, and the community would witness their private lives burst into flames. Lennie had handled her life so carefully while she waited for the right man. If Grey remained cautious, Dwayne’s accusations would become less than nothing.
His actions over the next few days and weeks held the power to ruin two women’s reputations—his deceased wife’s and Lennie’s. Did he owe it to Elsie to mourn her properly, letting everyone believe they had a strong marriage? Elsie always needed that from him. Even if he didn’t owe it to Elsie, admitting that he now loved Lena would hurt Michael and Dora more than they could bear. Every person had a breaking point. He knew Michael and Dora were very close to theirs.
Lena had ignored the school board’s mandate and arranged for Peter to disobey his parents’ wishes. According to Michael, she’d given advice to Aaron she knew would cause trouble. If she wanted to look at why more men weren’t beating down her door, she needed to skip the mirror and take a hard look at her stubbornness to do things her own way. The Amish community stayed strong through each person yielding their own desires for the sake of the community as a whole. There were other ways to get help for her class, Peter, and Aaron.
But he loved her spirit, her willingness to completely destroy her own standing to help someone. Her motivation was love, and she didn’t stop because her standing might take hard hits in the process.
To him, that was worthy of his respect. But if he couldn’t convince her of his love, his respect for her wouldn’t matter.
Thirty-Three
Lena knew today, the Monday following the auction, would be tough to get through. At least yesterday had been a between Sunday, so she hadn’t had to face anyone.
Too broken to sleep last night or to think well today, she did her best to keep the tears at bay and teach her s
cholars. She’d had to walk to school again today. Her once-spirited horse had crossed the line into flat-out unruly. While walking from her home to here, she’d seen people in buggies or working in their gardens and such. The whispers were endless, and her embarrassment complete. Although some waved, asking how she was doing, most kept their distance.
But she’d get beyond this. She’d read in the Bible one time that her life was hidden with Christ, so what people saw wasn’t really her.
Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself.
Besides, good teachers always had to set aside personal issues and keep reaching out. But after tonight’s board meeting, she probably wouldn’t be able to teach anywhere. With only three and a half weeks of school left, they’d let her finish out this year. But with Dwayne making the issues so public, she wouldn’t be able to find a district that would hire her for next year. If the school board could only see how the counselor had helped Peter, they might not hold what she’d done against her. Samantha had helped release him from his anger and his thoughts of suicide.
She watched Peter. Between Saturday and today, he’d located that deep-seated anger she’d spent most of the year trying to remove. Whatever happened tonight at the board meeting, she knew she’d gambled and lost. Peter had talked to the counselor at her home twice a week for two months. To keep her Daed out of trouble, she’d timed the meetings to take place while he was away delivering furniture, most often to Ada’s house. She’d seen progress in Peter, but it’d been destroyed somehow. Probably from the browbeating he’d taken from his brother and parents once he got home on Saturday.
With dread of tonight’s meeting and such grief over playing a fool for Grey, she thought today might never end. Deborah had moved on after Mahlon left, and Lena kept promising her heart that she would too. But Deborah had men lined up wanting to court her. Lena? Well, she might have a chance at finding one good man if she could have the birthmark removed.
The clock struck three, and she dismissed the class for the day. Wishing she could remain at her desk, she went outside and greeted parents, trying to respond to them as if nothing were wrong. She helped the young ones get in buggies, but most of her scholars walked home in this type of weather. Before their excited voices faded in the distance, she saw a buggy carrying three men pull into the school’s turnaround. The open carriage held the members of the school board—Michael, Enos, and Jake. All except Grey.
The Bridge of Peace Page 27