by Amanda Abram
My heart managed to find a way to sink even lower. I guess I was expecting, or hoping, he would protest the idea of breaking up, like he had the last couple of times we had discussed it. But no. This time, he was quick to agree and I had to admit it stung a little.
“Wednesday sounds perfect,” I said, not even able to muster up a fake smile. “So how will we do it? And who is going to break up with who?”
“You're going to break up with me, of course,” he said, as though he'd already given thought to this. “It will work in both of our favors. We'll have a very public fight during lunch. You'll break up with me because you've decided you're bored with me or something, which means no one will feel sorry for you. If anything, you'll gain instant respect. And I, meanwhile, will be heartbroken after losing you, and Kylie will be there to comfort me. It's win-win for both of us. How does that sound?”
I had to admit, it sounded pretty good. “It sounds perfect.”
“Great.” He glanced down at his watch. “Hey, I gotta go meet Eric. I'll catch you later?”
I nodded as he took off down the stairs without another word.
“So?”
I closed my eyes briefly at the sound of Trish's voice behind me. Had she been eavesdropping on us the entire time?
“We're breaking up on Wednesday,” I said, not even bothering to turn around to face her. “Is that soon enough for you?” I suddenly found myself very annoyed with her.
“I guess that'll have to do,” she said cheerfully. “Ready to go shopping?”
Finally, I turned around. “Actually, could you just take me home? I have a ton of chores to do, and I don't really have a whole lot of money to spend shopping, anyway.” I was lying. I just didn't want to go shopping with her, but didn't have the heart to tell her that.
She looked disappointed but nodded. “Sure.”
All I wanted to do was go home and eat ice cream. Lots of it. It was strange, but I somehow already felt as though Jase and I had broken up. And it didn't feel great.
***
“Wow, you two, you did an amazing job on this.”
I stared at my mother in anticipation. “Are you sure you're not just saying that because you're my mom? Because it's important that you be honest. Our entire Health grade for the year is depending on this.”
It was later that evening and Jeffrey had come over to my house to finish up our Health project. He’d called me up soon after Trish brought me home and asked if I wanted to get together later to work on it. It seemed a bit odd to me that he would be free to do schoolwork on a Saturday night when he had a hot girlfriend who probably wanted to go out and party, but I didn’t question it. Just like he didn’t question why I was free instead of going out with Jase.
There really wasn't much left to do to with our project, so after we finished, we asked my parents if they would like to be the first to watch the final cut of the video. My mother was more than happy to watch it, while my father was just a little disappointed he would have to miss a few minutes of whatever football game he was in the middle of watching.
“Honey, I'm being one hundred percent honest,” she assured me. “I can tell you both put a lot of effort into this. If I had to make a guess as to what your grade will be, I'd have to guess it will be an A. And I swear I'm not just saying that as your mother.”
I beamed over at Jeffrey, who looked satisfied with my mom's response. “Thank you, Mrs. Turner.”
“Can I make you guys something as a reward for doing such a great job?” she asked, pushing herself up from the armchair she'd been sitting in. “I can make brownies.”
“No thank you,” Jeffrey politely declined. “I should probably get going home.”
“Okay then.” My mom turned to my dad. “You can return to your sports now, dear.”
I glanced over at my father. “So what did you think, Dad?”
He picked up the remote and changed the channel. “I think you did a wonderful job, but you're blocking the TV.”
Jeffrey snickered as we both stepped away from the television. I grabbed his arm and led him out of the living room.
“So you're heading out?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He paused and gave me a questioning look. “Unless you don't want me to.”
“Huh?” I blinked. “Oh, I don't mind either way. You can stay or go, or whatever.”
He began to chew on his bottom lip. “Actually, I was wondering if we could maybe talk?”
I was instantly intrigued. What would Jeffrey want to talk to me about? “Sure. Okay.” I thought for a moment about where would be the best place to talk. Certainly not my bedroom. And certainly not anywhere near my parents. Finally, I glanced at the front door. “Let's go outside.”
He nodded and followed me out to the front porch. The air outside was cool, but not cold. It was comfortable; a good contrast to the way I felt being around Jeffrey.
We sat down next to each other on the top step. “So what do you want to talk about?”
He glanced down at his hands for a long moment before speaking. “Amber-Lynne Rose and I broke up.”
My jaw dropped open at this news. I guess that was how he was able to spend a Saturday night doing schoolwork with me. “Oh. Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.”
“Are you really?”
I thought for a moment about how to answer. Finally, I decided to go with the truth. “Not really, no.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I didn't think so. Not that there's anything to be sorry about. I'm really not all that broken up about it.”
That was a complete shock to me. “You're not? But I thought you were crazy in love with her.”
“Nah. I've only ever been in love with one girl, and I royally screwed that up.”
My first reaction was to be furious. When had he found the time, between me and Amber-Lynne Rose, to fall in love with another girl? But then, it dawned on me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and for a moment, I couldn't breathe.
He was talking about me.
“Jeffrey,” I managed to say, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest.
“Lexi,” he interjected, not letting me continue. He shifted so that he was facing me. “I want to apologize to you.”
Wow. For the second time that day, a good-looking guy wanted to apologize to me for something. I was starting to notice a trend. “Apologize?”
“I've been the biggest jerk to you. I dumped you for another girl. One I didn't even care about. And I never explained to you why I did it. I just did it and pretended like I had done nothing wrong and...I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. Never.”
But you did, I couldn’t help but think to myself. “So then why did you do it?” A lump began to form in my throat. I never in a million years imagined I would ever be having this conversation with Jeffrey. I was so sure I was going to go through the rest of my life wondering why Jeffrey Weston ripped out my heart and stomped on it, but now I was only seconds away from finding out.
He sighed and glanced down the driveway. “I got scared.”
“Scared?”
“Yeah. Scared.” He turned to look at me. “You were my first girlfriend. And even though I may not have always shown it, I've been crazy about you pretty much since the first day we met, when you and Trish invited me over to her house to play. You're not like other girls, and that's one of the main reasons I've always liked you so much. But...”
I stared at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to continue. “But what?”
“All of my friends, they've each had multiple girlfriends. And they've always kinda teased me about having a steady girlfriend for so long. It usually didn't bother me, but one day I just got to thinking...what if you were The One, you know? Like, the one I'm destined to someday marry and have kids with? And then I thought, whoa, I'm way too young to be having thoughts like that. And then I thought, I'm way too young to be tying myself down to one girl. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm just trying to be honest with you here, because that's the least you deserve.�
�
I gaped at him, not believing what I was hearing. Jeffrey had actually questioned whether or not I was The One? I had no idea teenage boys were aware of what “The One” even meant.
“Anyway,” he continued, “when I met Amber-Lynne Rose, she was the polar opposite of you. She was self-centered, unnaturally confident and not modest at all.” He was, of course, referring to her wardrobe. “And I guess I felt that she was exactly what I needed. I needed to know what it was like to date someone else.”
I gave him an expectant look. “And? What was it like?”
“Honestly?” He returned his gaze to mine. “It sucked.”
My breath hitched in my throat, and for the first time since we'd stepped out of my front door, I wondered just where exactly this conversation of ours was going.
“But you know what sucked worse?” he continued, his voice hardening. “Seeing you prance around with Holloway.”
Whoa. Jackpot.
“It's been driving me crazy, seeing you with him, knowing he's just going to use you and then throw you away, like he does with every other girl.”
I suddenly found myself going into defense mode. “Jase isn't like that. He's really sweet and caring and—”
Jeffrey held up a hand to stop me. “I get it, okay? You like him. And that's fine. I certainly didn't expect you to sit around mourning our breakup for the rest of your life. I just want you to know...I need you to know that...well, that I miss you. And that I still...”
My heart skipped a beat. “You still what?”
He turned his head once more to look at me. I thought perhaps he was going to continue, but he didn't. Instead, he slowly began to lean closer to me.
What's he doing? my brain inquired frantically. But the answer was obvious. The way he was leaning in, his head tilted, the way he rested his hand gently on the side of my thigh as he did so. He was going to kiss me.
And I would have objected if he had given me enough of a warning. I swear I would have. But before I could even think of putting a stop to what was about to happen, his lips were on mine.
They were just as I remembered: soft and warm and they felt like home. But whereas his kisses used to often lack emotion, this one was full of it. They way his mouth covered mine, it was like he was being possessive, using this kiss to claim me as his. It was infuriating and exhilarating at the same time.
My hand shot out to push him away, but halfway there, it appeared to change its mind, instead sliding itself around the back of his neck, pulling him in closer. This...this was the guy I had been about to give my virginity to the day he broke up with me. This was the guy I had been completely and totally, madly in love with.
When he ran the tip of his tongue lightly over my bottom lip, begging for entrance, I granted it, allowing him to give me his all.
This was the moment I had been dreaming about since the day he dumped me.
Or, at least, I thought it had been. Now, I wasn't so sure.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard a car driving past the house. I heard the neighbor's dog barking at what was probably a squirrel. I heard the rustling of leaves as the wind blew through the trees. I heard the joyful squeals of children playing together down the street. I heard my heart thumping against my rib cage. I heard my brain telling me this wasn't what I wanted.
“Jeffrey,” I said breathlessly. I finally discovered the ability to pull out of our embrace.
He pressed a finger gently against my lips, preventing me from continuing. “I don't expect you to just take me back. I know you're with Holloway, and I have to respect that. I just wanted you to know that I still love you. That's all.”
That's all? That's all? How could he do this to me, knowing I was with Jase? And after all the hurt he'd caused me, why did he think I would ever even consider getting back together with him?
He stood then and descended the steps. Once he was on the ground, he turned around and glanced back at me one more time. “I'll see you later.” And then he walked to his car, got in, and drove away.
I remained sitting on the step for a long time after he was gone, just staring blankly at the house across the street. Jeffrey had just kissed me. Jeffrey had just practically professed his undying love for me. I should have been elated. I should have at least been marginally happy. But I wasn't. At all. Instead, I felt deflated. The kiss, although it had in no way sucked, had left me feeling empty. Cold. It hadn't made my heart flutter, or made any part of my body tingle like Jase's did.
And then, I practically fell off the step as I recalled the kiss from the previous night. The one I told Jase meant absolutely nothing, when in fact, it had meant absolutely everything.
That's when the realization hit. The realization that was staring me in the face the whole time.
At some point during my Get Revenge charade, I had gotten over Jeffrey and hadn't even known it.
And then at some point after that, I'd fallen in love with Jase.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I spent all day Sunday thinking about the kiss I'd shared with Jeffrey. I'm not going to lie, it was great. And if it had happened just a couple of weeks prior, it would have sealed my fate. I would have taken him back in a heartbeat. And then, I probably would have offered him my virginity, because I was stupid like that.
But it didn't happen two weeks ago. It happened Saturday. The same day I realized I was crazy for Jase.
Jase.
Trish's brother, Jase.
The kid I used to make mud pies with, Jase.
The guy who was madly in love with another girl, Jase.
Come Monday, I was tired. I couldn't get a decent night's sleep on either Saturday or Sunday. Every time I would finally slip into oblivion and start to dream, I would dream of Jase and Kylie. In one particular dream, the one that affected me the most, I found myself walking behind them in the hallway at school. They were holding hands and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears and laughing. I called out Jase's name, but he didn't turn around. I said it three or four different times, my voice getting louder each time, but he never responded. So I tried a different approach. When the two lovebirds stopped walking, I stepped in front of them. I waved my hand in front of Jase's face, but he didn't so much as blink. He just smiled over at Kylie before opening up a locker.
“Jase,” I said, my voice cracking. “Jase, talk to me. Please.”
But he didn't react. He didn't even look in my direction.
“Jase, why won't you talk to me?”
“Because he doesn't see you,” came a sickly sweet voice from beside me. It belonged to Kylie, who was looking beautiful as usual.
I gulped. “Why not? I don't understand.”
“He's never seen you,” she continued, not really answering my question. “And he never will. You know that, right?”
I shook my head back and forth. I glanced over at Jase once more, and he acted like I wasn't even there.
Kylie sighed. “You're his little sister's best friend. That's all you've ever been, that is all you'll ever be. He doesn't see you the way you want him to see you. And can you really blame him? I mean, come on. Look.”
She pointed behind me, and foolishly, I turned around. Suddenly, I found myself facing a mirror the size of the wall. I studied my reflection and smiled. I looked the way I always looked: blue jeans, hoodie, straight hair, no makeup. When I first saw myself, I actually thought I looked nice. A bit plain, but pretty. I had that fresh-faced, girl-next-door look that guys supposedly searched high and low for when they decided it was time to settle down, but completely ignored when they were horny teenagers.
But then Kylie's reflection surfaced next to mine and my smile faded. She stood a few inches taller than me. Her long, shiny blonde hair fell in loose waves. Her makeup was perfectly applied, making it look like she wasn't wearing any at all. Her light yellow sundress hugged her every curve perfectly.
“He can't see anyone but me.” She placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympat
hetic look.
I was overcome with an incredible urge to shove her into the lockers next to us, but unfortunately, I woke up before I was given the chance to.
“Are you okay?” Trish asked me, breaking me out of the daydream I was having about the dream I'd had the previous night.
“Just ducky,” I replied, taking a nibble of the donut I'd picked up at the coffee shop on the way to school. I loved donuts and usually had no problem devouring them, but the chocolate frosted one in my hand just wasn't doing it for me. It was entirely possible I was coming down with a stomach bug. But I felt fine. And I didn't feel warm, like I had a fever.
Maybe I was just coming down with a case of love.
I gulped down another bite of donut and scolded myself for how lame and corny that was. Coming down with a case of love? Ugh, I was slowly turning into a bad pop/rock ballad from the 80s.
“You're having quite a bit of internal dialogue right now, aren't you?” Trish asked me, studying me with her twinkling green eyes. She knew me all too well. She could always tell when something was bothering me, even if I appeared perfectly normal on the outside. It must have been the fact the donut lasted more than twenty seconds outside of my mouth that had tipped her off.
I gave her a shrug and stuffed the remainder of the fried dough into my mouth. I didn't even wait to swallow before speaking. “I don't know what you're talking about.”
Trish scrunched up her nose in disgust and turned away. “You're doing it again. Why must you always insist on talking with food in your mouth?”
“Some words just cannot wait until food has been swallowed,” I said. “Some words are impatient. That's not my fault.”
She shook her head and smirked. “You are such a dork.”
“Oh stop, you're making me blush.” I jumped up from the bench we'd been sitting on behind the school. “Are we doing anything after school today?”
Trish removed herself from the bench a lot more gracefully than I had. “Not today. Don't you remember? I have rehearsal this afternoon.”