The Complete Mackenzie Collection

by Linda Howard

The only time she allowed herself to worry over the future was on the drives to and from school, when she was alone in the car. When she was with Wolf she didn’t want to waste even a single second on regrets. With him, she was totally alive, totally female.

  She worried about Wolf and Joe, too. She knew Wolf was actively hunting the man who had attacked her, and she was terrified he would be hurt. She couldn’t let herself even think that he might be killed. And Joe was up to something; she knew it. He was too much like Wolf for her not to recognize the signs. He was preoccupied, and far too sober, as if faced with making a choice when neither of the alternatives was very attractive. But she couldn’t get him to open up to her, and that alone frightened her, for Joe had talked to her from the beginning.

  Joe was on edge. He’d told Pam to be more cautious than usual, and he tried to make certain she never walked home alone, but there was always a chance she’d be careless. He’d also made a point of letting himself be seen alone, and evidently unaware of the need for caution, but nothing happened. The town was quiet, if edgy. He was forced to the same awareness that Wolf already had, that with so few clues, all they could do was stay alert and wait until the man made a mistake.

  When Joe told his father that he was going to the dance with Pam, Wolf looked piercingly at the boy. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

  “I hope so.”

  “Watch your back.”

  The terse advice brought a thin smile to Joe’s mouth. He knew he could be making a big mistake by going to that dance, that the scene could turn ugly, but he’d told Pam he’d take her, and that was that. He’d have to be doubly alert, but damn, he wanted to hold her in his arms while they shuffled slowly across the sawdust floor. Even though he knew he was going away and they’d never have anything permanent between them, he was strongly attracted to her. He couldn’t explain it and knew it wouldn’t last, but he felt it now, and it was now that he had to deal with it.

  Pam was edgy, too, when he picked her up. She tried to hide it by talking too fast and too brightly, until he put his hand over her mouth. “I know,” he muttered. “It worries me, too.”

  She tossed her head, freeing her mouth. “I’m not worried. It’ll be all right, you’ll see. I told you, all of us have talked about it.”

  “Then why are you so nervous?”

  She looked away from him and cleared her throat. “Well, this is the first time I’ve been out with you. I just felt—I don’t know—nervous and scared and excited all at once.”

  He thought about that for a few minutes, and silence filled the cab of the truck. Then he said, “I guess I can understand being nervous and excited, but why scared?”

  Now it was Pam’s turn to be silent, and she flushed a little when she finally said, “Because you’re not like the rest of us.”

  That grim look settled around Joe’s mouth. “Yeah, I know. I’m a ’breed.”

  “It isn’t that,” she snapped. “It’s—you’re older than the rest of us, somehow. I know we’re the same age, but inside you’re all grown up. We’re ordinary people. We’ll stay right here and ranch the way our folks have. We’ll marry people from the same background and stay in the county, or move to another county just like it, and have kids and be content. But you’re not like that. You’re going to the Academy, and you won’t be back, at least not to stay. You may come back for a visit, but that’s all it’ll be.”

  It surprised him that she had it so neatly pegged. He did feel old inside, and always had, especially in comparison to other kids his age. And he knew he wouldn’t be back here to ranch. He belonged in the sky doing Mach 2, marking his place in the universe with a vapor trail.

  They were quiet the rest of the way to the dance. When Joe parked his truck with the collection of other trucks and a few cars, he braced himself for whatever could happen.

  He was prepared for almost anything, but not for what actually took place. When he and Pam walked into the run-down old building used for the dances, for a moment there was a certain stillness, a strange silence; then in the next heartbeat the noise picked back up and everyone returned to his own conversation. Pam put her hand in his and squeezed it.

  A few minutes later the live band started up, and couples drifted onto the sawdust-covered planks of the dance floor. Pam led him to the middle of the floor and smiled at him.

  He smiled back, wryly admitting and admiring her courage. Then he took her in his arms to enter the slow rhythm of the dance.

  They didn’t talk. After wanting for so long just to touch her, he was content to hold her and move with her. He could smell her perfume, feel the softness of her hair, the resilient mounds of her breasts, the movement of her legs against his. As young people have done from the beginning of time, they swayed together in their own private world, reality suspended.

  Reality intruded, however, when he heard an angry mutter of “dirty Indian” and automatically stiffened as he looked around for the speaker.

  Pam said, “Please,” and drew him back into the dance.

  When the song ended, a boy stood on his chair and yelled, “Hey, Joe! Pam! Over here!”

  They looked in the direction of the yell, and Joe couldn’t help grinning. Every student in the three classes Mary taught was grouped at the table, with two empty chairs waiting for him and Pam. They were waving and calling.

  The kids saved the evening. They enveloped him and Pam in a circle of laughter and dancing. Joe danced with every girl in the group; the boys talked horses, cattle, ranching and rodeoing, and between them made certain none of the girls had a chance to sit down much. The kids also talked to the other people at the dance, and soon everyone knew that the half-breed was going to the Air Force Academy. Ranchers are generally hard-working, conservative and firmly patriotic, and before too long, anyone who had a hard word to say about the half-breed found himself hushed and told to mind his manners.

  Joe and Pam left before the dance was over, because he didn’t want to keep her out too late. As they walked to his truck, he shook his head. “I never would have believed it,” he said softly. “Did you know they would all be here?”

  Pam denied it. “But they knew I’d asked you. I guess the whole town knew I’d asked you. It was fun, wasn’t it?”

  “It was fun,” he agreed. “But it could have gotten rough. You know that, don’t you? If it hadn’t been for the guys—”

  “And girls!” she interrupted.

  “Them, too. If it hadn’t been for them, I’d have been thrown out.”

  “It didn’t happen. And next time it will be even better.”

  “Is there going to be a next time?”

  She looked suddenly unsure of herself. “You—you can still come to the dances, even if you don’t want to come with me.”

  Joe laughed as he opened the truck door. He turned and put his hands on her waist, then lifted her onto the seat. “I like being with you.”

  About halfway back to Ruth, Pam put her hand on his arm. “Joe?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you want to—uh, that is, do you know any place to stop?” She faltered on the words.

  He knew he should resist the temptation, but he couldn’t. He turned off on the next side road they came to, then left the road to bounce across a meadow for about a mile before he parked beneath a stand of trees.

  The mild May night wrapped around them. The moonlight couldn’t penetrate the shelter of the trees, and the dark cab of the truck was a warm, safe cave. Pam was a pale, indistinct figure as he reached for her.

  She was pliant and eager, yielding to his hands, pressing against him to take more of his kisses. Her firm young body made him feel as if he would explode. Barely aware of what he was doing, Joe shifted and twisted until they were lying on the seat with Pam half beneath him. Soon her breasts were bare, and he heard her strangled intake of breath as he took a nipple into his mouth. Then her nails were digging into his shoulders, and her hips arched.

  It was quickly getting out of control.
Clothing was opened and pushed aside. Bare skin touched bare skin. Somehow, Pam’s jeans were off. But when he slid his hands inside her panties, she whispered, “I’ve never done this before. Will it hurt?”

  Joe groaned aloud, but forced himself to stillness. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed, but he stopped his hands. His body throbbed painfully, and he savagely controlled it. After a long minute he sat up and pulled Pam to a sitting position astride his lap.

  “Joe?”

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “We can’t do it,” he murmured regretfully.

  “But why?” She moved against him, her body still empty and aching with a need she didn’t understand.

  “Because it would be your first time.”

  “But I want you!”

  “I want you, too.” He managed a wry grin. “I guess it’s pretty obvious. But your first time—baby, it should be with someone you love. And you don’t love me.”

  “I could,” she whispered. “Oh, Joe, I truly could.”

  He was so frustrated that he could barely control his voice enough to speak, but he managed. “I hope you don’t. I’m leaving. I have a chance waiting for me that I’d die before I’d give up.”

  “And no girl is going to change your mind?”

  Joe knew the truth inside him, and he knew Pam wouldn’t like it, but he had to be honest with her. “No girl could change my mind. I want to go to the Academy so much that nothing can keep me here.”

  She caught his hands and shyly brought them up to her breasts. “We could still, you know, do it. No one would know.”

  “You’d know. And when you fall in love with some guy, you’d regret that your first time wasn’t with him. God, Pam, don’t make this so hard for me! Slap my face or something.” The way her firm young breasts filled his hands made him wonder if he wasn’t crazy for passing this up.

  She leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder. He felt the way her body shook as she began to cry, and he folded his arms around her.

  “You’ve always been special to me,” she said in a stifled tone. “Do you have to be so darn conscientious?”

  “Do you want to take a chance on getting pregnant at sixteen?”

  That stopped her tears. She sat up. “Oh. I thought you’d have a—don’t all boys carry them?”

  “I guess not. And it wouldn’t matter if I did have one. I don’t want to get involved—not this kind of involved—with you or anyone else, because no matter what, I’m going to the Academy. Besides, you’re too young.”

  She couldn’t stop the giggle that burst out. “I’m as old as you are.”

  “Then we’re too young.”

  “You’re not.” She sobered and cupped his face in her hands. “You’re not young at all, and I guess that’s why you stopped. Every other boy I know would have had his jeans off so fast he’d have fabric burns on his legs. But let’s make a bargain, okay?”

  “What kind of bargain?”

  “We’ll still be friends, won’t we?”

  “You know it.”

  “Then we’ll go around together and keep things light. No more messing around like this, because it hurts too much when you stop. You go away to Colorado like you’ve planned, and I’ll take things as they come. I may get married. But if I don’t, you come on back here one summer and we’ll both be old enough then. Will you be my first lover?”

  “It won’t keep me in Ruth,” he said steadily.

  “I don’t expect it to. But is it a bargain?”

  He accepted that the years could make a difference, and he knew she’d most likely be married. If not—maybe.

  “If you still want to then, yeah, it’s a bargain.”

  She held out her hand, and they solemnly shook to seal the deal. Then she kissed him and began putting on her clothes.

  Mary was waiting up for him when he got home, an anxious look in her eyes. She got to her feet and tightened the belt of her robe. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Did anything happen?”

  “I’m fine. Everything went okay.”

  Then he saw that the anxious look was really fear. She touched his arm. “You didn’t see anyone who—” She stopped, then started again. “No one shot at your truck, or tried to run you off the road?”

  “No, it was quiet.” They looked at each other for a moment, and Joe realized that Mary had feared the same thing that had occurred to him. More than that, she knew he had decided to take the chance in an effort to draw the rapist out.

  He cleared his throat. “Is Dad in bed?”

  “No,” Wolf said quietly from the doorway. He wore only a pair of jeans. His black eyes were steady. “I wanted to make certain you were okay. This was like watching Daniel walk into the lion’s den.”

  “Well, Daniel made it out okay, didn’t he? So did I. It was even fun. The whole class was there.”

  Mary smiled, the dread lifting from her mind. She knew now what had happened. Knowing that the situation could get ugly if Joe had gone to the dance without backup, the kids had taken it on themselves to make him a part of their group and let everyone at the dance know he was accepted.

  Wolf held out his hand, and Mary went to him. She could sleep now. They were safe for another night, these two men whom she loved.

  Chapter Eleven

  School was out. Mary was intensely proud of her students. The seniors had all graduated, and all of the undergraduates had passed. All of them intended to finish high school, and a couple of them wanted to go to college. It was a record to thrill any teacher’s heart.

  Joe didn’t get a respite. Mary decided he needed more advanced classes in math than she was qualified to teach and began a search for a teacher who was qualified. She found one in a town seventy miles distant, and three times a week Joe made the trip for a two-hour accelerated course. She continued to teach him at night.

  The days passed in a haze of happiness for Mary. She seldom left the mountain, seldom saw anyone except Wolf and Joe. Even when they were both gone, she felt safe. It had been only a little over two weeks since the attack, but it seemed as if it had happened a long time ago. Whenever a sliver of memory surfaced to unsettle her emotions, she scolded herself for letting it bother her. Nothing had happened, except she had been terrified. If anyone needed care and consideration, it was Cathy Teele. So Mary pushed the memories away and concentrated on the present. The present, inevitably, was Wolf.

  He dominated her life, waking and sleeping. He began teaching her how to ride and how to help him with the horses, and she suspected he used the same method with her that he used with the young colts and fillies that were brought to him. He was firm and demanding, but utterly clear in his instructions and what he wanted out of both her and the horses. When they obeyed, he rewarded them with approval and affection. In fact, Mary mused, he was easier on the horses than he was on her! When they disobeyed, he was unfailingly patient. When she didn’t do something exactly as he’d told her, he let her know about it in unmistakable terms.

  But he was always affectionate. Actually, she decided, “lusty” was a better description. He made love to her every night, sometimes twice. He made love to her in the empty stall where Joe had interrupted them. He made love to her in the shower. She knew she wasn’t even close to voluptuous, but he seemed enthralled with her body. When they lay in bed at night he would turn on the lamp and lean on his elbow, watching as he stroked his hand over her from shoulders to knees, seemingly fascinated by the difference between her pale, delicate skin and his dark, powerful, work-callused hand.

  Wyoming weather in the summer was generally cool and dry, at least compared to Savannah, but the summer vacation from school had scarcely begun when a heat wave sent the temperatures into the nineties, even edging into the low hundreds by late afternoon. For the first time in her life, Mary wished she had some shorts to wear, but Aunt Ardith had never allowed them. She did find, however, that her plain cotton skirts were cooler than the new jeans she was so proud of, allowing for the circulation
of whatever breeze happened to wander by. Not that Aunt Ardith would have approved of Mary’s attire even then, for Mary declined to wear a slip or hosiery. Aunt Ardith had donned both articles of clothing every day of her life and would have considered anyone who dared to go without a slip an out-and-out hussy.

  One morning just after Joe had left to drive to his class, Mary walked out to the barn and reflected on her state of hussiness. All in all, she was satisfied with it. Being a hussy had its advantages.

  She could hear some horses snorting and stamping around in the small corral behind the barn, though Wolf usually used the larger one adjacent to the stables for training. The sound of activity, however, told her where she could find him, and that was all she wanted to know.

  But when she rounded the corner of the barn, she stopped in her tracks. Wolf’s big bay stallion was mounting the mare she had been riding during her lessons. The mare’s front hooves were hobbled, and protective boots covered her rear hooves. The stallion was snorting and grunting, and the mare squealed as he entered her. Wolf moved to her head to steady her, and then she stood quietly. “There, sweetheart,” he crooned. “You can handle this big old guy, can’t you?”

  The mare shivered under the impact of the stallion’s thrusts, but she stood still for the service and it was over in only a couple of minutes. The stallion snorted and dropped off her, his head down low as he snuffled and blew.

  Wolf continued talking in that low, soothing voice to the mare as he bent down to remove the hobble. As he started to remove the boots, Mary stepped forward and caught his attention. “You—you tied her!” she said accusingly.

  He grinned as he finished unbuckling the protective boots. Miss Mary Elizabeth Potter stood before him in full form, her back ramrod-straight, chin lifted. “I didn’t tie her,” he said with amused patience. “I hobbled her.”

  “So she couldn’t get away from him!”

  “She didn’t want to get away from him.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because she would have kicked him if she hadn’t been ready for him to cover her,” he explained as he led the mare back into the barn. Mary followed, her face still filled with indignation.