Skin Puppet

by Jeffery Craig

  Moon took a sip of tea before continuing. “I wasn’t sure how to answer. On one hand, I could go back to the tiny apartment, assuming they hadn’t already rented out my pallet. I could give myself a few days to heal, and then hit the streets again. Or, I could tell her I didn’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t trust Margie yet—I wasn’t dumb and had been trying to figure out her angle for a couple of days. Still, whatever scam she might be runnin’ couldn’t be much worse than the life I’d been living. I thought it over while I used up the tissues, and finally I just rolled the dice and told her I didn’t have anywhere to go. Two days later, I found myself hobbling up the sidewalk to a big house in one of the fancy parts of town. Margie just up and took me to her home and offered me a place to stay. I cried off and on for the next three or four days. Margie just made sure there was plenty to eat, and coaxed me out into the living room until I got comfortable being there. One night after dinner, she sat me down and said it was time we had a little talk. ‘Here it comes,’ I thought, feeling oddly relieved. I knew I was about to find out what Margie wanted from me.”

  “What did she want?”

  “Nothing, Toby, except to help. You see, Margie had a brother once, like me. Her family carted him to one doctor after another trying to fix him. Of course, there wasn’t any way to ‘fix’ him, except by doing the one thing her family was never gonna’ do. They couldn’t just accept him. He killed himself when he was still in school and it pretty much broke her heart. When she finished college, she moved away and later, she came into a lot of money of her own—from her grandmother, I think. Over the years, she’d run into cases like his and mine, and decided to do what she could to help other folks trying to find themselves. She’d always tried to pull folks up out of whatever kind of mess they were in.”

  “That night, she asked me if I was sure I wanted to make the change. She explained the process, and said she knew a doctor who would help. It wasn’t as simple as just making an appointment to get your dick cut off. There was counseling required, and hormone therapy, and you had to live like a woman full-time before surgery. ‘Gender-reassignment,’ she said, ‘isn’t something you can reverse. Once you take the final step, the only direction to move, is forward.’ I liked the term ‘gender-reassignment.’ It sounded scientific to me, and not some label they slapped on crazy, messed up folk. I told her I was sure, but it sounded expensive. I didn’t have any insurance—health plans don’t come with a job turning tricks—and I sure as hell didn’t have any money. I didn’t have any kind of experience doing much of anything ‘cept what I’d been doing.”

  “Margie told me those were things we’d work on, and she’d help. ‘First thing we have to do is get you back on your feet,’ she told me. ‘The rest will fall into place.’ And you know what? She was right. It did, although it took a while. Margie helped me find a job at this little shop over in Montrose that sold all sorts of things. That’s the big gay community down in Houston, and let me tell you, there were all kinds of folks living and working and playing down there. One more like me didn’t even register. One by one, the little puzzle started to come together. Margie got me into counseling, and helped pay for it. I found a little apartment over the garage attached to some fancy house near work. It wasn’t much, but it was mine and I didn’t have to share. I signed up for some classes at one of the community colleges. I was doing fine. Then, I met Shandra.”

  “Who was Shandra?” Melba asked when it became apparent Moon was lost in her memories of the past.

  “Shandra was Diane’s momma.” Moon’s voice was soft and low. “I met her when I was out one night drinking with some friends. I was all dressed up, and had just had my hair done, and was flying high on margaritas. She was beautiful and sassy and about the brightest thing at the bar. Right then and there, I was in love. That’s what happens after too much tequila. She told me she liked my earrings, and I told her I liked her shoes. Shandra and I became good friends. I filled her in on my little secret, and she didn’t mind at all. Margie passed on about then—she had a bad stroke—and Shandra got me through the grief. One thing led to another, and we started getting romantic with each other. Shandra, she swung both ways, and with me, she thought she’d just about found the best combination ever. I think it was the only time in my life when I was glad I had functioning man parts.”

  “You weren’t…I mean, you aren’t gay?”

  Moon shook her head and smiled. “Not even close, Detective. Although these days, I guess technically, I’m a big ol’ lesbian. I’ve tried men. That’s how I paid the rent for a while. But I never understood the attraction. A whole lot of fuss needs to be made over those few inches of meat, and it’s a lot of work. And then bang! It’s over and all that’s left is a drippy, sad little thing that looks like it’s ashamed of itself. No ma’am. I’ve always liked women.”

  “I don’t get it. If you like women sexually, why didn’t you just…I mean…”

  “Why didn’t I just keep all my original parts? Why’d I get a complete engine overhaul?” Moon waved a hand at Melba’s discomfort. “I wish you could see the look on your face, Detective! I don’t think I’ve seen you this embarrassed. To answer your question,” Moon continued, “Sexual preference and sexual identity are two completely different things. Most people have a hard time wrapping their minds around it. Just take my word for it. It’s not as important to understand it as it is to accept it. Once you work yourself around to acceptance, it’s easier.”

  “So you and Shandra…”

  “Yes, Toby. We did the nasty ‘bout every chance we got. Between that and work and hittin’ the clubs, I don’t think we hardly ever got any sleep. ‘Round that time, she convinced me I should start performing in one of the drag shows. That’s when I first really started being me—the me I am today. The hardest part was deciding what to call myself. Most of the performers chose some play on words, but that didn’t suit my style. One night, we were walking home and I looked up at the sky and a big old cloud cleared away and this bright glow just surrounded everything. It hit me right then and there while I was looking up in the sky. ‘I’m just like her,’ I told Shandra. ‘I was hidden by the clouds and now I’m free.’ That’s when I started being Moon. At first, it was just when I was performing, but I liked the idea so much, I started using it all the time. I read everything I could about the moon, and hunted down poems and songs and legends. It just sort of seeped inside me and filled up spaces I didn’t realize were still empty. When I’d get low and depressed, I’d just imagine that silvery shine lighting me up inside and I’d start to feel better. Some people thought I’d gone off the deep end when I started talking differently, filling up the same old, dull sentences with colorful words full of meaning. That glow inside was itching to be shared, you see, and that was how I did it. For me, it made things more beautiful, even the bad stuff. Those old poets were on to something. A little drama can make life extraordinary, but too much swallows you up. I’d already had enough heavy drama to last anyone a couple of lifetimes, and was about to get another big helping of it. Shandra came up pregnant.”

  “And the child was your Diane.”

  “Yes, Madame Zhou. I was gonna be a daddy. Shandra didn’t want the baby, but had let things go too long for any other options—safe ones, anyway. We fought like crazy. I guess we could have put the baby up for adoption, but I couldn’t bear the thought of it. I didn’t know how I was gonna manage, but decided to try. Looking back, I wonder if it would’ve have been better to give my baby girl a different chance than the one she ended up having. Shandra went into labor, and we scrambled to get to the hospital. Two days later, we all came home to my apartment. I fixed up a corner of the bedroom into a cute nursery. Everyone settled in and I had my little family. I didn’t even mind getting up and taking care of her when she screamed and hollered. Shandra though…it was all too much for her. Two months later, she just up and left. Diane and I were sleeping hard after being up and down for a few hours. When I woke up, Shandra was gone
. Left nothing behind, but her baby and me. I tried to track her down, but she’d planned her escape well. I did my best to hold things together, but I didn’t have anyone to help. I had a little money saved, but not enough to last. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I filled up my rolling suitcase with Diane’s things and hopped on a bus to take my baby home to my momma. Happens all the time in the community I grew up in. The only odd thing about it was me. A freak with a baby.”

  Toby leaned back in his chair, turning it all over in his mind. “You and Diane moved in with her?” he finally asked.

  “No. That’s not what happened.” Moon’s voice was sad and bitter, and it took her a moment to continue. “I called Momma when the bus stopped for a long layover in Mobile, Alabama. I told her what had happened, and kept feedin’ quarters in the phone while I tried to get her to understand. She finally got the picture and said she’d meet us at the bus station when we arrived. I was relieved. Diane was good for the next stretch, and I was even able to get a little sleep. When we finally arrived late that evening, I unloaded the few things I had with me and waited under the bright outside lights. Momma showed up about thirty minutes later. She took one look at me, and her face turned hard and cold. She didn’t say a word while I got us settled in the car. Instead of heading to the house, she pulled in to the parking lot of some grocery store. She turned off the engine, and just sat looking at me while I held my Diane. ‘I’ll keep her,’ she told me. ‘But not you. My son died a long time. He was taken by the devil. You nothing, but his skin. A bag of skin with evil inside, doing and saying what the demons from Hell tell you to do. Nothing but a puppet. I’ll keep that baby and raise her up,’ she told me. ‘But you can’t be her mother ever again.’ I’ll always remember that.”

  “Something died right inside me right then. Nothin’ was going to change her mind, but I tried. She finally agreed I could see Diane once or twice a year, as long as I helped pay for her bringin’ up. I could be her aunt, Shandra’s sister. Momma would say Jefferson died before the baby was born and Shandra didn’t make it through childbirth. ‘Take it or leave it. But you need to decide now. I don’t got all night.’ I finally agreed, thinking things would change with time. She drove me back to the bus station, wheeling out of the parking lot before I even made it to the ticket window. All the way back to Houston, I kept thinking about what she’d said. About how I was nothing, but skin with something bad inside.”

  “How long has Diane been living with your mother?”

  “Almost fourteen years, Detective. Almost fourteen years exactly. Now, she’s gone.”

  “When did you first discover she was missing?”

  “The middle of last week. My mother called sometime during the day and told me Diane had run away.”

  “The day Madame Zhou and I came shopping.”

  Moon looked up, startled by the comment. “Yes! How did you know?”

  “The phone kept ringing and when you answered, I knew something was upsetting you. We both did.”

  “That’s when I found out,” Moon acknowledged. “At first, I thought she’d just left the house to blow off steam for a while. I told you, she and my momma fight something fierce.”

  “What do they fight about?”

  Moon lifted one slim shoulder. “Everything and nothing. Those two, they’re like oil and water. Always have been. Diane’s a good girl, but she has a temper and so does Momma, ‘specially these days. She likes her liquor too much, and maybe a little weed. Always has liked a few drinks, in spite of being a church-going lady. It’s gotten worse over the years.”

  “Does she become violent?”

  “Not in the way you mean, Detective. She yells and bangs things around and can get real mean. But other than handin’ out a whippin’ when needed, she never gets physical—at least, not that I know about.”

  Melba made a few notes as Moon talked. “How long was it before you knew she hadn’t just run off?”

  “When she didn’t come back that night, Momma finally told me she’d taken a suitcase. The old purple thing I packed her stuff in when she was a baby. I asked her why she hadn’t mentioned it when she called the first time, and she said it slipped her mind. That means she was drinking when Diane left—maybe even pretty close to passing out. I started going around to every place I could think of. I checked with all the friends I knew about and the taxi companies and the bus station.”

  “Does your mother use drugs?”

  Moon hesitated, uncertain about how to answer. “Other than pot? I’m not sure. I’ve never seen evidence, but she’s been asking for money more often than she used to. A lot more.”

  “Okay. It might not mean anything, but then again, it might. We’ll check it out when we speak with your mother.”

  “You want to talk to Momma?” Moon asked in shock. “She’s not going to like that one bit.”

  “Too bad,” Melba snapped in irritation. She moderated her tone and explained. “Since that’s the last place your daughter can be placed, we need to start there. You can take us tomorrow….I mean later today. Don’t bother calling and trying to set up a time. If she doesn’t know we’re coming, she won’t have time to clean things up or prepare a story.”

  “You think she might have something to do with Diane’s disappearance? She is one hateful, self-righteous old woman, but she’d never hurt her own granddaughter.”

  “Moon, listen to me. I hope to hell she didn’t. But, in these cases, it’s…well there’s usually a family member or close friend behind it. We can’t rule it out.”

  Moon started to object, but was stopped by Zhou Li’s small, firm hand as it settled on her shoulder. “She is quite correct, Moon. I know it is painful to hear, but it is a possibility. Let Melba and Toby do their job as investigators.”

  “You’re going to investigate my mother? She will find it exceedingly distressing and will be overcome with shock and horrified disbelief at the intrusion into her personal life.”

  Toby’s eyes widened with the sudden return of previously absent hyperbole and wondered if it was a good thing or not. One thing was sure—something had flipped a switch. Either Moon was feeling better after getting everything out in the open and was relieved something was going to be done to find her daughter, or she was snapping in a whole different direction.

  “She’ll just have to live with it,” Melba told Moon in a tone that left no room for further discussion. “We should plan to meet with her late afternoon. I hate to wait, but I need some sleep. I want you to go down and file a missing person’s report.”

  “With the police?”

  “Yes. We’ll go to the station instead of calling an officer out. Don’t worry, I’ll be with you, and I just dare anyone to give you any shit. Toby, can you do some digging around while Moon and I are doing that?”

  “Sure thing. Moon, I’ll need all the information you can think of about your mother; her full name, date of birth, any known address in addition to her current one, stuff like that. Her social security number and driver’s license numbers, if you have them.”

  Moon considered the circle of friends gathered around her and nodded. “I will work tirelessly to pull together all of the information you have so professionally and astutely suggested. It will take time to gather everything, but I will make every conceivable effort to minimize any small potential for delay.”

  Yep, Moon was back. “Thanks. You have some time, though. Just like Melba, I need to catch some shut-eye. I haven’t had much sleep.” He ignored his partner’s barely suppressed snort, although Jon’s sheepish grin was harder to disregard. He pulled out his phone and took a quick look at the time. “Jeeze…” He couldn’t stop the groan from escaping. “Sorry. It’s almost four in the morning. Why don’t we meet at the office around ten or so? Will that work?”

  Everyone rose to their feet, and Jon began to collect the tea things.

  “Is there anything Jon or I can do to be of assistance?” Zhou Li asked. Her voice was weary and the small, dar
k eyes had lost the sheen of intent interest they’d held just moment before.

  Melba looked down at the small, worried face and shook her head. “No. The best thing you can do is get some sleep. We’ll have some things to bounce off of you later today. You may very well think of things we won’t, but until them, please try and get some rest.”

  Zhou pursed her lips as she studied Melba’s face. “All right, dear. As long as you will ask for my help if you need it, I am content to leave it in your hands. You know you have my full resources at your disposal.”

  Toby spotted the movement of one hand as it softly worried at the missing joint of the little finger and knew there was a lot more behind the words than just an offer of help. Madame Zhou had just told them to spend whatever it took, and to do whatever was needed to find Moon’s daughter.

  Jon gave him a smile of acknowledgment as he turned to follow Melba out of the room. Toby looked back as he unlocked the door. “I’ll head up as soon as I make sure Melba gets to her car.”

  He found Melba waiting a few feet away, staring at the window. When he reached her side, Toby followed her gaze.

  “Oh shit!” he softly exclaimed as he recognized the flyer in the window. Lucy Escabar smiled down at them both, barely illuminated by the street lights. “Do you think…?”

  Melba turned to him, and he’d have given almost anything if she’d said no.

  Instead, she looked back at the photograph for a moment. “It would be an odd coincidence. But, I have a bad feeling about this.”

  “Me too.”

  “Don’t say anything yet.”

  “I won’t.”

  They walked to Melba’s sedan in silence, and Toby held the door open as she slid in and tossed her purse on the passenger side seat.

  “Melba, were you shocked about what Moon told us?”

  She didn’t answer immediately, and Toby watched while chewed over her answers. “Maybe,” she finally answered. “The whole situation is totally outside my experience, and I’m not sure I understand any of it. I’m just trying to reconcile it with the person I thought Moon was.”