The Fiche Room

by Suzie Carr

  I was relieved to immerse myself in something other than serious thought, even if only for an afternoon. Having a beautiful woman sitting by my side, riding around the most picturesque landscape I’d ever seen, transported me to a place where I could have fun and be myself.

  We talked about all sorts of topics and I found myself once again mesmerized by her sharp wit and intellect.

  “I just think if a person is going to judge me on eating beef while he’s standing there talking to me in leather shoes, then he better tell me the material that’s keeping his feet sheltered is really synthetic,” she said.

  “What about those people who claim to be for environmental reform and it turns out their trashcans are filled with soda cans and empty ketchup bottles?”

  Our topics of conversation went from frivolous political issues to serious discussions on life. I freed myself to be open in a way that I never had before. Her accepting attitude nurtured and valued all opinions.

  “I just want to make sure that I am always clear on my purpose,” she said.

  “How do you do that?”

  “Taking a few steps back to focus when life gets a little blurry.”

  “I think that’s what my problem is most of the time. I become overwhelmed easily because I analyze things to death with tired eyes,” I exhaled slowly. “What’s your trick?”

  “My trick is to retreat to that place of peace that sets my mind free.”

  “How did you find such a place?”

  “I let it find me.”

  “How did it find you?”

  “I was just about to show you.”

  Within ten minutes, she parked her car beneath a cluster of trees, in a spot secluded from mankind.

  Climbing out of the car and venturing to the clearing a few feet away, a sense of peace spread through me. The clearing revealed the most breathtaking view of the mountains and the city below.

  “This is your place?”

  “This is my place. I come here when I need to escape the real world and need to be reminded of how really insignificant my problems are in comparison to the abundance of life found right here.”

  “How did you discover this spot?”

  “I was out on a drive one summer afternoon, needing to clear my mind. I had just ended a three year relationship with Rob.”

  “Rob? A guy?”

  “Yes. I was confused once, too.”

  She sent me a knowing smile.

  “I drove for a while that day unsure what I would do with my life from that point on. I followed the Colorado River up the steep roadways, crying like a baby. I had gotten to a point when I just couldn’t see anymore because the tears were blinding my vision. So, I pulled off the side of the road and took this path that we just took. I parked my car right there where it is now and hugged my steering wheel like it was my last friend on earth. I prayed to God that day asking him to help me find my way. I let out years of frustration in that hour or so that I cried, until finally I had no more in me to unleash. And then, a calmness washed over me. I felt the hand of God reach down and comfort me and give me the answer I sought, Thy Will be Done.”

  “I have goose bumps,” I said. “Look,” I said touching them. “Did you really feel him say that?”

  “I did. And then I stepped out of the car and sat right here on the ground and hugged myself knowing I was going to be okay. Ever since that day, when I feel the pressure of life crushing me, I come back here and regroup and take solace in knowing that things will be just as they should be. And I swear, every time I come, I feel God with me, reassuring me that I am exactly where I need to be and that life will be okay.”

  “Wow. That is one of the most incredible stories I’ve ever heard.”

  “Do you have a place you retreat to?”

  Of one thing I was certain, I had been graced with such a place too. “My fiche room.”

  Her smiling green eyes dropped on mine with the swiftness and balance of a bird in flight. “The fiche room?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even with Sharon there now?”

  “I usually get there a half hour earlier and stay a little later. I use that time to sketch or paint or just sit and think. It’s the one place that I can just be me. There’s something about the room that comforts me, especially when I keep the overhead lights off and just the monitor lights up the room. Then, it’s really peaceful.”

  “If you stop and listen,” she cradled her hand loosely on my arm, “You’ll hear the sound of nature at its most peaceful.”

  Encircled in the warm security of her company, I turned my head to hers. “I don’t hear anything.”

  “That’s the simple beauty of this place.”

  I closed my eyes, drinking in her soft touch and fresh breath against the side of my neck. We stood close, in silence, breathing in the fresh mountain air together.

  “I’m glad I could share this with you,” she whispered, as though afraid to disturb the sleeping woods. “When I look around and see life in full bloom, it sends a message through my soul that life is good. Life is really good.”

  “Were you hoping that this spot would open my eyes like it does yours?” I asked.

  “I would love nothing more than for your heart to feel what mine does here. But, I actually brought you here for more of a selfish reason.”

  “Oh?” I asked. My heart started racing.

  “I need to ask you a favor.”

  She could ask me to do just about anything at that moment and I wouldn’t protest. “Sure.”

  She let go of my arm, “Excuse me for a minute.” She ran over to her car and opened the trunk. She stuck her head in and mumbled, “I’m not even sure if I bought the proper supplies,” She pulled out a paper shopping bag and handed it to me.

  “What’s this?” I held the bag at arm’s distance examining it.

  “Look inside.”

  I peeked into the bag and saw colored pencils, charcoal pencils, a sketch pad, and some Hershey kisses.

  “I came prepared. I was hoping you could draw me a picture of my favorite place on earth as seen through your eyes.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Completely.”

  I opened the bag again and plucked out one of the kisses and placed it like a present in the palm of my hand. “And the chocolate?”

  “Inspiration.”

  I chuckled. “I’d be thrilled to draw you a picture. But what are you going to do while I draw?”

  “Watch you.”

  None of the flowers, cars, houses, or fancy dinners that Colin spoiled me with could ever match the magical intimacy of having her watch me draw. “Watch me draw? No one has ever watched me draw before.”

  “I want to watch you create a piece of you, a piece of your heart, a piece of your interpretation of the world. I love the picture you drew for me. It sits on my bedside table and when I look at it and can’t imagine how you go about turning a blank page into such incredible art. I want to see how it all happens.”

  She had touched a place in my heart that had never been touched before. “You had this all planned?”

  “When you told me Colin was coming, I thought for sure I’d never get this opportunity to get you here. But, I came prepared anyway. And seeing as the adventurous side of you came out, a side I’m glad did, I want nothing more than to witness firsthand how this piece of your heart—that will ultimately hang in my home—was created especially for me. So, in other words, you’re not leaving this mountain until you sketch me my picture.” She laughed.

  “Is that a threat?”

  “If it has to be, it will be.”

  “Should I be scared?”

  “Hardly. I may look tough on the exterior, but inside I am a softy.”

  I imagined she was soft on the inside. And with that thought, I positioned myself on the ground and drew my interpretation of Haley’s favorite place on earth. And as she watched me with intensity, I poured my heart into what would become my best drawing.

&nb
sp; As my pencil moved, my heart soared. This girl was taking my on the ride of a lifetime, and I was in no hurry to get off.

  Chapter 12

  Once Haley dropped me off later in the afternoon, I pounced up ten flights of steps in the hotel, two at a time, to release some of my energy. I still had stamina when I got to the tenth floor.

  The first time I ran a half marathon, I gulped a can of Red Bull energy drink to ensure I had enough vitality to make it through at least one quarter of the race. There had been people on the sidelines cheering me on who had sponsored me with a good chunk of their weekly spending allowance to help support the Breast Cancer Awareness event and encouraged me to follow my heart and give it all I had. I desperately didn’t want to disappoint them. But as I mounted that last hill much like a cheetah on the hunt, I doubted it was the energy drink which propelled my feet forward up the steep, unforgiving slope. No, I was sure it was the sound of girls, strangers to me, encouraging me with their cheers, as they yelled out a motivating mantra: “Girl Power.” I ran up that hill with more energy than I started the race out with, so much so that my feet barely touched the ground. I flew to the finish line as though an angel had come down and swept me in her wings and flew me to the end. That rush, that feeling of running on air and being superhuman was how I felt when I flew into my hotel room.

  My body resonated with an energy that electrified me, sent me reeling, and launched me straight to the peak of bliss.

  I went straight to Colin and kissed him. And our usual greeting peck turned into a warmer, sensual kiss. This must’ve been what Goldie was talking about with her high school boyfriend.

  I drank in the wetness of his tongue as it swam with mine. I danced to the intimate beat of his throbbing arousal, completely turned on still by my intimate afternoon.

  He would’ve been disappointed if he discovered he wasn’t the stimulus. Oh no. It was all Haley. The way she laughed, the way she held my arm, the way she looked at me as I drew, and the way she embraced me as we said goodbye. My whole body trembled with being so close to her, feeling her heart pound against mine. The delicious warm sensation between my legs as we walked back to the car still drenched me.

  As he kissed me more hungrily now, I kept my eyes closed and imagined Haley’s soft, curvy lips against mine. I dreamt that it was her soft tongue fooling around with mine. As he placed me gently on the bed, and caressed my bare skin, I imagined surrendering in spirit, not to him, but to her.

  ****

  Even at dinner that night, a flowering sensation blossomed deep within. When I walked past the crowd of people waiting to be seated, their eyes followed me as I gracefully pranced by them with a spring in my step and a shake to my hips, as I capitalized on this new, sexy attitude.

  And as much as I tried to keep my secret fantasy of Haley under wraps, a glowing smile rose on my face in the most inopportune times, like when the waiter asked if I wanted water or when Colin talked about a mishap he had with spilled coffee that morning. I blamed the silly grin on funny moments that happened at the seminar that day.

  “It looks as though coming to the seminar was the best thing you could’ve done for yourself. I’ve never seen you look sexier.” He leaned in and grazed my lips with his own.

  I blushed. “You think I’m sexy?” That silly grin returned and I couldn’t get rid of it.

  “It’s like they injected you with chemical sex juice. I’ve never seen you so sexually charged.” His gray eyes twinkled at me in the candlelight.

  I sharpened my gaze on him, reeling him in. “I can sign up for more of these seminars.”

  “What exactly did they do to you at this seminar?”

  “They taught me about life.” The surface of another lie brought me back to reality.

  “That’s a bit vague,” his inquisitive tone pin pricked the fun vibe.

  I didn’t want my guilt or his questioning to cloud us. “I just meant, they taught us how to look at life differently. Surrender ourselves to being open to accept that which falls into our laps and using it to greater serve our purpose and the purpose of others.”

  His easy-going smile reappeared, lighting up his chiseled face. “I’m glad you learned the great secret to life. Certainly gives you an advantage. Just don’t go losing it. I like this new side of you.”

  “Me too.” Seeing his satisfied grin, I wished I could’ve given him some credit.

  ****

  Later when we retreated back to our room, I snuggled up to my fiancé, working hard to rekindle a piece of that sensuality that coveted me just hours ago. But, I cradled my head against his chest, unable to stir those tender feelings for him.

  The next morning, I woke to the aromatic flavor of fresh coffee, the minty scent of soap and the soothing sound of running water.

  I rose, gathering the silky bed sheet and wrapping it around my shoulders, and its cool, soft texture cradled my skin in comfort. I poured a cup of coffee and curled up on the loveseat.

  From my hotel window, I could see the breathtaking Rockies rising above the skyscrapers, softening the city’s backdrop.

  A whole new day faced me. A day to explore with Haley. With Haley. The sound of her name sent a wave of excitement percolating through me. Being around her awakened my senses and rekindled a sensuality that had remained hidden for so many years.

  Looking into the mirror on the far wall, I saw a pretty face staring back at me, the face of a woman whose curly hair had more highlights and shine, whose eyes had more sparkle, and whose smile lit up an entire face.

  Haley had certainly enhanced my life and even more so since spending the day with her. Having a beautiful woman attracted to me lifted me to a higher level of freedom.

  This new found liberty certainly made me feel sexier with Colin too. All along, I attributed my lack of sexual desire for him to be his fault. The problem wasn’t with him, it was with myself. Now that I was more in-tune with what turned me on, the spark was now a flame, burning bright with its unfaithful glow as it sought out Colin’s hungry kindling.

  The way the flame burned alive in me though, that kindling could have been the waiter with the turquoise eyes that smiled at me or the older gentleman in the elevator who winked at me. I basked in the euphoric glow of the overflowing supply of sexual energy filling my every cell. That natural flow of life ran through me like fire in dry woods, igniting everything in its wake.

  As I kissed him goodbye for the day, any trace of guilt disappeared. I soared with happiness knowing I was once again going to get fully charged by the energy source behind this new feeling of elation, Haley.

  Maybe I’d found the secret to a happy life with Colin. I could keep my flirtatious friendship with Haley as an innocent fuel for my newly-discovered sensuality, and I would make him my husband. Why couldn’t it work? Flirting could be innocent. Everything could potentially fall into place seamlessly because no one would get hurt this way.

  Thy Will be Done, I whispered to myself as I made my way through the lobby.

  ****

  Haley Verano looked stylish in a coral fitted jacket that accentuated her toned waistline. She stood next to the lobby door and looked more beautiful than ever. As I approached her, she gave me the slow, once-over approval glance, wandering from my head to my toes and back up to meet my eyes with a confident smile.

  This suggestive woman could sure melt my insides.

  “Look at you,” she said, scrunching a handful of my curls. “How do you keep this beautiful hair so shiny?”

  “Lots of gel.”

  “But it’s so soft and springy.” She let her hand slide back down to her side. “When I use gel, my hair just lies on my shoulders pathetically stiff and motionless.”

  “When I don’t use it, I look like a troll, big and fuzzy.”

  She laughed. “I bet you’d still look adorable.” She wrinkled her nose playfully before finishing with a wink.

  I blushed. Her compliments filled me with an unending desire to fish for more with her. “So how
was your night last night?”

  She took hold of my arm and started walking towards our secret back door. “Wonderful. I went shopping.”

  “Browsing or actual purchasing?”

  “I never shop just to browse for one important reason.” She hovered her gaze over me for a dramatic few seconds. “I become extremely happy when I spoil myself.

  “That is a good opportunistic view on spending.”

  “I only face the downsides when I really have to, like when my monthly credit card statement makes its way into my mailbox.”

  “So what did you buy that’s going to keep the employees at your credit card company employed this month?”

  Her lips curled upwards as she pressed her back against our secret door and took hold of my hands, pulling me into her close. With her face inches away from mine, she spoke in a slow purr. “It’s a surprise.”

  Her breath washed over my face in one gentle seductive sweep. My knees buckled.

  She backed us out the door. The combination of the balmy morning air and the loss of her grip on me instantly cleared my mind.

  “Tell me what you bought.”

  “You’re so cute,” she blinked her lashes in one exaggerated motion.

  “Oh no. It doesn’t work that way. Don’t think you can throw in a phrase like that and avoid my direct line of questioning. Fess up. What did you buy?”

  “Want to see for yourself?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “It’s at my apartment. Do you mind?”

  I would catch a glimpse of her inner world. I struggled against squealing in delight. “Not at all.”

  Her probing eyes swung away from me and to the bright blue sky. “We’ll make it quick so we can get out and enjoy this beautiful sunny day.”