On Thin Ice

by PJ Sharon

  Sami let her flannel drop onto her chair and broke away from our pack. She skipped down the steps and cut across the street before Katie and I could protest. Her voice rang out in the quiet heat of a summer afternoon. “Hey, anybody got a light?” She ran her hands through her blue streaked, blonde hair, fluffed it out, and wiggled her hips up the driveway. Her midriff showed white against the black tank like cream spilled on a granite countertop. Low riding shorts exposed sharp hip bones and a pierced navel. I wished I could be that comfortable in my skin. Instead, I stood and pulled up the drooping waistline of my jeans and tugged my tee shirt down to cover my butt.

  Sami approached the tall, burly guy who had straightened at the sound of her voice, and allowed him to light her cigarette. She eyed him with interest as she took in a deep drag. Katie and I had followed on her heels, not wanting to look stupid lurking from across the street. The shorter guy turned as we came up beside Sami, checking us out with a shark-like grin.

  I stood in the middle of my two best friends, in the role I knew best. Somewhere along the line, I had become the bridge between Sami’s wild side and Katie’s perpetual innocence. At the moment, I wasn’t sure which side I wanted to be on. I had more than my share of troubles in life, but some fun sounded really good. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually had fun.

  “What’s your name?” The linebacker tucked the green Bic into his jean’s pocket and grinned at Sami. He had a buzz cut with a nice fade, the sandy blonde flat top standing on end in short spikes. He crossed his arms over his chest, biceps bulging, and leaned back onto the car. The third guy kept his head down, the clink of his wrench his only focus.

  “Samantha, what’s yours?” Her voice had taken on a seductive tone that spelled trouble to anyone with half a brain. Katie and I stared at the grass.

  “I’m Bull.” Of course he was. “And this is my roomy, Tom.” Bull motioned to his short, shaggy friend, forcing me to look up and smile politely. Tom had a bad haircut, like someone had put a salad bowl upside down on his head and tried to follow a straight line. He also looked averse to using a razor, a sparse moustache running down the sides of his mouth to his chin. He gave me a quick nod, but his eyes went straight over to Katie, whose fair skin instantly turned red to match her hair. She had the looks of a girl who might someday resemble Nicole Kidman and yet had no idea she was beautiful. It made her all that much sweeter, though I sometimes wondered who had convinced her to ignore the mirror.

  “And this is my cousin, Carter, but we call him Mac.”

  My complete attention turned to the third guy. A familiar voice rose up from under the hood of the car. “Carter McCray. And I go by either name.” My heart rate doubled. The hockey player from the rink swung around and faced me, wrench and rag in hand. He was shirtless and smudged with grease but definitely the same cutie I had met yesterday. He gave me a quick once over, a look of recognition dawning, and then smiled. “Hi.”

  That one single word and I felt my toes curl in my sneakers. When I looked up into his eyes, I felt myself tumbling—like my jump harness had failed and I was crashing to the ice. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, and couldn’t form a coherent thought. I realized simultaneously that I was staring like the undead and that my watering mouth was dangerously close to spilling over into a drool. I couldn’t stop my gaze from wandering down to his bare feet and back up to his eyes. The lean muscled arms and bare chest made me swallow—twice. He was definitely in his man body, though he looked smaller and younger without all of the hockey equipment.

  Managing to extract some memory of social grace, I stuttered, “Hi, I’m Pen. Penny Trudeau. I live down the block...number four...second house on the right...” Great, now I was blabbering again. I let my bangs fall down over my eyes. “Cool car by the way. I love old muscle cars.” You are trying way too hard. Shut up. Now. “Thump- thump, thump-thump”, my heart screamed in my ear.

  “And this is Kat.” Sami interrupted and nodded toward Katie who smiled briefly and then examined the overgrown grass some more, her freckled face growing redder by the second. Not waiting for Katie to respond, Sami kept the conversation moving. “You guys lived here long?”

  I looked back and forth between Carter, Tom, and Bull, waiting for someone to answer. The guys all seemed mesmerized by Sami’s not so subtle smoke rings that accentuated her plump, glossy lips.

  “We moved in last month,” Carter said, finally turning his attention back to me and making my heart leap again. “We’re renting the house from our grandmother. She goes by Sunny. She says she’s too cool to be called Grandma.”

  Bull laughed—a hearty, good natured sound that made me think he wasn’t altogether very bright. I could have been wrong, but he seemed exactly like Sami’s type. I think she picked guys based on an IQ she could guarantee was lower than hers. As usual, she didn’t give herself enough credit.

  “That’s cool.” Sami laughed, too. She always seemed to know what to do around guys. At least I thought so until she opened her mouth again. “We just finished our junior year...at Northfield State. Do you guys want to hang out sometime?”

  I blinked, my face freezing in a neutral expression Grandpa would have called my “cheating at cards face.” I thought Katie was going to faint on the spot. We’d actually just finished our junior year at Somerville High. The three of us were all smart enough to be in honors classes though you might not know it at the moment. Probably not the smartest move, hanging out with these guys, one of whom had to be at least twenty-one judging by the cooler filled with Coronas.

  I felt a little bad for Katie who was frozen with mortification. As her friend, my rescue mode kicked in. Before I could suggest that Sami was only joking, Mac spoke up, his voice running warm along my skin like the feeling you get when you step out of the shade and into the sunlight.

  “We’re having a party Saturday night. Would you like to come?” His eyes pulled me in and held me steady, a sensation that overrode any apprehension I’d had the moment before when I wondered if I should come clean and walk away from this potential disaster. “That is if you’re not working,” he said, a teasing smile spreading his lips wide. The sun caught the highlights in his hair, the dark curls shimmering gold and red with the rays shining down. He had an almost angelic quality that made me feel peaceful somehow. I ignored my doubts and abandoned my rescue attempt. And I decided that Carter suited him better than Mac.

  “Yes. I mean, no,” I blurted. “I mean—yeah, we’d like to come, and no, I’m not working this Saturday.” I glanced at Sami who shrugged and nodded. I had planned a sleep over at her house, so I already had the day off. And now fate had dropped an unmistakably wondrous miracle in my lap. Miracles being in short supply, I wasn’t about to waste one, even if I had clearly fallen on Sami’s side of the flirting-with-disaster fence. I avoided looking at Katie and ignored the daggers I felt piercing the side of my head.

  Carter’s face lit up. “Great. So we’ll see you ladies any time after 6:00. Don’t worry about bringing anything. We’ll have it covered.” His grin widened. “Um...and I won’t have any orange soda in the house, so I think we’ll both be safe.” He wiped his hands on a rag and stuck one out to me. I couldn’t remember the last time any guy I knew offered me a handshake. At least he had manners. “It was nice seeing you again, Penny.”

  Everyone looked at us funny and warmth crept up my cheeks. “Right,” I said. I took a deep breath, the scent of his sweat registering as a sweet and familiar aroma I could get used to. “Why don’t we consider this a fresh start?” I forced my hand forward and felt it fall into his. “It was nice meeting you, Carter.” I studied the straightness of his nose, the curve of his lips and his defined jaw line, imagining what it might feel like against my cheek—until his gaze dropped to our joined hands.

  “I might need that back if I’m going to get any work done.”

  My face on fire, I let go, feeling a little dizzy. I turned to Katie, who was looking anywhere but at Tom’s probing gaz
e and I nodded to Sami. “Let’s go. These guys are busy. They don’t need us hanging around distracting them.”

  Bull eyed Sami up and down. “I don’t know about that. I love a distraction. You ladies come by any time.”

  Chapter 4

  After a half-hearted skating practice on Friday morning, I had a protein shake for lunch and picked up Sami and Katie to head up to the lake since I was the only one with a driver’s license and a car. Sami said that she had seen Bull and that he said that he and Carter and Tom would be at Thompson Lake on Friday afternoon. I didn’t have to be at work until six, and Dad was taking care of supper—which basically consisted of ordering out—so I had the afternoon free. I hadn’t been able to think of anything else all week.

  The best local hangout on a hot June day was only a ten minute drive into the next town. Thompson Lake had a pristine beach front and dozens of small inlets around its edge, where summer residents docked their kayaks, canoes and sports crafts. Houses ranged from small cottages to secluded mansions.

  My friend Jordan from school lived in an old farmhouse on the other side of the lake where she worked at the family’s antique shop. She’d just lost her brother in Iraq—a reminder to me that everyone had their problems and that life and death were simply a matter of chance. I’d stopped asking “why” a long time ago. The lake was surrounded by woodlands that were leased by the property owners and covered with private hiking trails. I parked my mom’s ten year old Honda Accord next to the newer, shinier cars that crowded the parking lot.

  “Hey, isn’t that the car those guys were working on the other day?” Katie pointed to the dark blue Nova with its shining rims and dual exhaust.

  “I think so.” I dragged a blanket out of the trunk, my heart rate speeding up at the thought of seeing Carter again. Sami and I hadn’t told Katie that the guys would be there. She probably wouldn’t have come with us if she had known. Sami was right. Katie needed to lighten up and have some fun.

  We quickly located the Barrett Street boys, as Sami had dubbed them. It wasn’t hard. They were flanked by the two prettiest girls on the beach. Young women, I corrected. I recognized Cindy Moran. I didn’t think she knew me, but I’d seen her riding a motorcycle around town. She was several years older than me and the kind of girl who drew attention. In a string bikini that left little to the imagination and boastfully showed where most of her ten percent body fat was, she sat on a blanket talking with Carter. Something tightened in my stomach and I had an urge to pull her long, honey blonde hair, out by the roots.

  Bull looked up from the short brunette that was yapping away at him like a Chihuahua. “Hi, Samantha, I wasn’t sure I’d see you here.”

  Sami eyed the brunette coolly, “Looks like you’re keeping busy.” She spread the blanket out right next to theirs and stripped off her shorts and tank top. Bull stared, a brainless grin on his face. I had to give it to her. She knew how to use her assets to her advantage. In swimsuit model fashion, Sami rested a hand on her hip, posed for effect, and then made a show of folding her clothes and bending to set them down. Her boobs nearly fell out of her pink bikini top.

  I dropped my towel and water bottle, looking to Katie to protest. She said nothing but exchanged a sharp glance with me. Sami arranged her belongings and slinked through her best stripper moves, drawing the attention of every guy within a thirty foot radius. I suddenly felt bad I hadn’t warned Katie and could see she was thinking that we were all doomed to hell. I sank down onto the blanket and my friends settled in on either side of me. Carter stared past Cindy and smiled in my direction. Tom lay snoozing, oblivious on the far side of their blanket.

  Sami insinuated herself into the conversation and before long, she and Bull had ousted the brunette right out of the middle of it. Recognizing her cue, the girl stood and gathered her things. “Let’s go, Cindy. I’ve got to get to work.”

  “So what’s stopping you?” Cindy barely took her eyes off Carter to glance at her friend.

  “You’re my ride, remember?” The brunette fisted her hands on her hips, flustered, and bordering on a hissy fit.

  Letting out a sigh, Cindy rose like an Egyptian goddess, all tanned and long limbed, her makeup perfect in the eighty degree heat. “I’ll see you around, Mac.”

  Carter returned the smile and nodded, “Later.”

  I hoped my relief didn’t show when she was out of eye sight and roaring out of the parking lot on her Kawasaki roadster, the brunette hanging on like a koala. “So, how do you know Cindy?” I asked, giving Carter my full attention.

  “She works first shift at Fed Ex. I’m in on the three to eleven, so we see each other in passing once in a while.” He moved over onto my blanket so we could have a separate conversation from Bull and Sami who were huddled together as if they were the only two people on the beach. Katie had sprawled out on the other side of the blanket next to me, fully clothed, her hat shading her pale, delicate skin. She already had a book open, engrossed in a Jane Austen novel.

  “Do you like working at Fed Ex?” I asked, turning my attention to Carter.

  He laughed. “Loading trucks for eight to ten hours at a time? It’s a job. It earns me enough to pay the bills and save some money to go to school.” Slinging packages had also given him a sinewy bulk and well developed biceps that made me want to squeeze his muscles to see how firm they were.

  Instead, I asked, “What do you want to go to school for?”

  “Mechanical Engineering.” Reading my quizzical look, he added, “I’m good at math and I’ve been taking apart motors and putting them together since I can remember. It seems the logical choice. What about you?”

  I answered automatically—the same answer I’d been giving since I was twelve. “I want to be a doctor.” Although I wasn’t sure how true that was anymore. After everything I’d seen my mother go through, I’d had enough of doctors and hospitals to last a lifetime. I looked out over the lake where my mother had taught me to skate long before I’d started taking real lessons. A deep ache settled in my chest.

  “Wow. That sounds ambitious.” My attention was drawn back to Carter as he leaned on his forearm, the muscles of his chest bunching and stretching as he shifted to rest his head on his hand.

  “I was just thinking that,” I said. “I’m not really sure what I want to do. I guess I wanted to be a doctor because I thought it’s what my parents expected.”

  “Do you always do what’s expected?” His eyes met mine, the edges crinkling as his smile widened, showing slightly crooked canines.

  “I’m afraid I do—most of the time, anyway.” I shifted the conversation, embarrassed by the honesty. “Where did you move here from?”

  “Michigan. When the auto makers closed down the local plants, I lost my job along with thousands of other guys. I‘d graduated from high school and was training to be a machinist, but there weren’t many jobs available in and around Detroit, so I moved here. Bull said they had openings at Fed Ex and he needed a roommate to help him to take care of Sunny’s house.”

  “Are you guys really cousins?” There wasn’t much family resemblance between them. Carter was dark haired and maybe 5’10”—tall in comparison to my 5’2”—but not even close to Bull, who was at least 6’3” and housed about 230 pounds of muscle.

  “My mom and his mom are sisters. Aunt Shelly is living with Sunny out on the Cape for the summer. My mom’s still in Detroit with my little sister.” He studied his hands as if to say more but stopped, drawing my attention to the grease deeply embedded in the lines of his skin. A degreaser and a scrub brush would take that out. I was becoming an expert on dirt removal. I could see myself holding his hands and scrubbing them clean for him. My stomach lurched at the thought. I cleared my throat.

  “So you really like cars, huh?” I’d fallen in love with old muscle cars ever since Bobby Russell had given me his collection of matchboxes when we were eight. The trade had cost me some baseball cards and several kisses. Once Dad realized I’d rather play with cars than
dolls, he started including me in his endless automotive projects.

  Carter’s smile lit up and the sun sparkled off his blue-green eyes. He looked so perfect there, shirtless and in swim trunks, all relaxed and hair a little mussed from the breeze. The scent of pines from the surrounding forest mixed with the sweet coconut fragrance of Hawaiian Tropic and lulled me into a relaxed state I hadn’t felt since I couldn’t remember when. Carter’s voice was especially soothing. “I can fix anything with a motor. I have an old Harley I’ve been working on. When it’s done, would you like to go for a ride with me?”

  My liver did a back flip. “That would be great.” So much for relaxing—I was terrified of motorcycles. A knot of tension coiled in that small spot beneath my ribs just below my sternum. I ignored it, satisfied that my lie was a small, white one that could do no harm—more a lie of omission.

  Carter looked out over the lake, smiling and pointing out the boats and skidoos that had the fastest engines. I listened but didn’t hear half of what he said. A few days ago, life seemed bleak, drab—hopeless even. Now, I was sitting next to a sweet, hot guy, who I could swear really liked me. Why shouldn’t I be relaxed? “Do you want to go for a swim?” he asked.

  I felt my face drain. My jaw dropped. I had on my bikini top under my tee-shirt, but the thought of him seeing me in it, made my stomach go queasy. It seemed no matter how much weight I lost, I was still round faced and had overdeveloped thighs that made me look like one of those female warriors from Mortal Combat. If only I had the boobs to match, at least I’d be balanced. The top half of my body had stopped growing when I turned fourteen and any weight I lost appeared to come off of me from the belly button to my neck.

  Carter was on his feet, a hand extended out to me. I let him pull me up, and slipped my tee shirt over my head, determined not to blush from my toes up, but I couldn’t bring myself to take my shorts off. They were board shorts anyway and could pass for swim wear so I left them on. At least they hung low on my hips and showed off my lean waist-line, while at the same time covering everything to my knees. I hoped he wouldn’t say anything or notice my monster thighs and skater’s butt.