The Cornish Retribution : a gripping psychological drama

by Amanda James

  ‘Sid down, ’s ready now…’ I laugh and take a swig of my tonic. ‘I’m rat-arsed too. It’s ages since we had gin – must get it more often.’

  Dan gobbles huge mouthfuls of his curry and rice as if he’s not been fed for a week. I’ve made it extra hot and so he downs more of his drink. ‘Bloody hell, this is spicy. We need water.’

  He gets up but I wave him back down, giggling. ‘Here have more gin and tonic – the tonic helps with the heat – I read it in a magazine.’ I pour more of both into his glass and he sighs, takes a few sips and then the bubbles make him snort. We both fall about laughing and I decide he’s had enough for a bit – I need him drunk, not wasted.

  After dinner, we curl up on the sofa in front of the fire and he switches the TV on. Annoyingly, he’s poured himself another strong gin, so I hope he’s not going to conk out in five seconds. I sip my “gin” and say we should turn the TV off and just talk. It’s ages since we had a chat about what really matters. He looks askance, but flicks his finger across the remote and we sit there listening to the crackle of the fire and the wind moaning outside.

  Taking his hand, I look adoringly into his eyes and ask, ‘Tell me about when you first realised you wanted me back.’

  Dan gives his head a little shake. ‘Don’t have to think about that one. It was as soon as I saw your face the night you caught Penny and me at my house.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  ‘So why did you give up so easily back then?’

  He shuffles the cushions, thinks for a bit. ‘I wouldn’t say it was easy – I did beg you, numerous times on the phone, but you always slammed it down after a few seconds, then I came round to yours that time, but your dad sent me packing, remember?’ I did. Good old Dad. ‘But I didn’t try hard enough, that’s for damned sure. Youthful pride, I suppose. Penny was nice enough – always gave me what I wanted too – and at that age it was very high on the list…’ He sighs and takes more gin.

  ‘Then when you realised your mistake a few years later, you tried to find me, but discovered I’d left Sheffield, was married, had Jack?’

  Dan gives me a wry smile. ‘You know the story, so why are you asking?’

  I knock back my tonic and fling my arms out dramatically. ‘Because I love hearing how you adored me for years and years – couldn’t get me out of your head, yearned to be near me once more!’ Then I collapse in a fit of giggles.

  ‘You’re pissed, my love,’ he says, amused.

  ‘No – just merry. And I do like hearing how you always loved me – it’s romantic.’ I reach up and stroke the side of his face, drop a kiss on his lips.

  A flame of desire lights in his eyes and he tries to kiss me again, but I move away, put a cushion between us, say we can’t. The desire flicks to anger. ‘Sam, stop messing with my head. You can’t kiss me and expect no reaction.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I forgot for a moment that we’re being celibate. You’re almost just too sexy to resist.’

  Dan moves nearer. ‘Then don’t, it’s a stupid idea.’

  ‘Please, Dan. Just think how explosive our wedding night will be if we save ourselves.’ I’m cursing myself for kissing him. Stupid of me. He sighs and goes to reply but before he can, I ask, ‘When you were with Penny, did you always wish you were with me – I mean, did you ever love her?’

  Dan drains his glass. ‘What’s with the twenty questions?’

  ‘I told you. It’s nice to hear about your life since we spilt as kids up to where we are now. These are the important things.’

  He shrugs. ‘I guess I loved her at first. She couldn’t do enough for me, worshipped the proverbial ground et cetera. That kind of thing can boost your ego. When we got married and I was building the business, she was good at dinner parties – networking and so forth. Her career was always secondary to mine. What I wanted, I got.’

  ‘The stuff she told me about all your affairs over the years – was any of that true, or was she just paranoid?’

  Dan looks a bit uncomfortable, but says, ‘Before I answer – I’d never cheat on you – you know that, right?’

  I nod.

  ‘Yes, it’s true. I was faithful for about a year but then if an opportunity arose, I took it. Penny wasn’t enough for me. Not exciting enough. The main thing is, she wasn’t you. She couldn’t hold a candle to you. You’re the love of my life – it’s always been you.’ Dan takes my hand, kisses the back of it.

  ‘But you said she was the perfect wife – adored you?’

  ‘But she was too adoring. Too accepting of anything I told her, the lies I spun. She must have been suspicious about the nights I crept in at 3am but never asked.’ Dan rubs his chin. ‘Until a good few years into the marriage that is. Then she started asking more – said she knew about the flings but hoped I’d grow out of it. Once she asked me why she wasn’t enough for me.’ He stops, looks at me, a sly smile spreads across his face. ‘Guess what I said?’

  ‘Um… that she was enough and was delusional?’

  ‘No. I said because she wasn’t you.’ The pride in his voice sickens me. How cruel.

  ‘Really? Oh, Dan that’s so bad – but I must admit it makes me love you even more,’ I say, hoping he believes me.

  ‘It’s true. What can I say?’ He goes to take a drink but finds the glass empty. ‘Time for a refill?’

  ‘Not for me – and should you?’

  ‘No. But it’s Saturday tomorrow and at least I’ll just crash out when I get to bed – stop me thinking about shagging you.’

  I muster a giggle and follow him out to the kitchen. ‘Is it true about you having a vasectomy without her knowing?’

  Dan pours a drink then opens the fridge, roots around and pulls out cheese and ham. How can he be hungry after a big dinner? Must be the booze. ‘Yes. I didn’t want kids, I’m too selfish.’ He’s not wrong there. ‘I certainly didn’t want them with her.’ He cuts cheese and grabs crackers from the cupboard.

  My heart goes out to poor Penny. No wonder she was so sad. But then if I had been in her shoes, I would have walked years ago. How could they have been happy? This thought prompts another question. ‘Why did you stay with her all those years?’

  Dan crunches into a cracker. ‘Not sure. Habit, I suppose.’ He dangles a piece of ham over the cracker then just chucks it into his mouth instead. ‘Like I said – she was a good hostess, great at running the home, gave me respectability with clients. Better than a whoring dirty stop-out that I actually was.’ Dan laughs and shows me a mouthful of food. I turn away, sip more tonic water, repulsed more by his words than his manners.

  ‘When you saw me at the reunion, found I was a widow, did you decide right there and then to win me back?’

  Dan grins, adds a wink. ‘You bet yer sweet ass.’

  This needs to be played carefully. He’s very merry, but not too far gone to the extent that he doesn’t know what he’s saying. I go over to him and hop up onto the counter, pinch a bit of his ham from the crackers. He pretends to be shocked but then just laughs.

  Through a mouthful of ham, I drop in a casual, ‘But Penny would have been a barrier to that. There’s no way I’d see you again while she was on the scene.’ I swallow the ham and cut a bit of cheese from the block.

  ‘No. But I hoped that once we started seeing more of each other – you know, when we came down here to look for a holiday place, you’d fall in love with me all over again.’

  ‘But even though Penny did the dirty on me back then, I wouldn’t have done the same to her, even if I did love you.’

  ‘And did you?’

  ‘Love you?’ I ask. He nods. ‘Not at first, but I did fancy you. You know damn well I did – remember the night of the dinner party?’

  ‘Oh yes. That was the night that I first had hope we’d be together again – even though your darling Jack warned me off.’

  ‘That didn’t stop you, though did it, my hero?’ I give him a melodramatic flutter of my eyelashes.

  D
an laughs and carries his snack into the living room. Over his shoulder, he shouts, ‘Nothing would have stopped me. When I decide on something I get it – no matter what.’

  My heart does a somersault. No matter what… including murdering your wife? I go back and sit next to him on the sofa. ‘That’s one of the things I love about you – your determination not to take shit, and to just go for what you want. I can’t help feeling sorry for Penny though, all those years not loved and cheated on.’ I sigh and down the rest of my water in one.

  Dan shakes his head. ‘Don’t feel sorry. I had no respect for her in the end. She had no respect for herself either. She was like an adoring little dog that still licked its owner’s hand even though it had been whipped over and over. Didn’t stop her moaning and whingeing all the fucking time though.’ Dan’s eyes glitter in contempt in the firelight. He seems to really be getting into this.

  ‘You must have had some affection for her though, love? Even when you had decided to get me back, you didn’t just dump her.’

  ‘No. Because I wanted her to give me her parents’ nest egg. Once she’d done that I was going to. She’d always sponged off me, so why not? Sorry if that sounds cruel, but I’d put up with her whingeing, moaning and accusations for years. Had to put up with her in bed too. She’d got the size of a whale – I can tell you I was nearly sick at the thought of shagging her at times.’ Dan links his fingers and stretches his arms above his head and yawns.

  Such harsh words to hear, but it’s more than I could have hoped for. Dan seems to have dropped his guard completely because of the gin and my sycophantic “drunk” act. I lean my head against his shoulder, put my feet up on the coffee table, say, ‘Eww, too much information… and I could tell you were pissed off about the money when you wanted to invest in this place. Penny was refusing it, just to keep you away from me. Of course, I totally get that, she was scared of losing you. God knows what I’d do if you ever left me.’

  Dan turns, cups my face in his hands. ‘My darling, I would never, never leave you. Okay? I’ve waited too long and gone through so much to get you – there’s no way you’re ever getting away.’ The intensity of his stare chills me.

  ‘Good job. But what do you mean gone through so much?’

  He looks shifty, mumbles his words. Then he coughs. ‘Just that I waited so long for you. It was hell.’

  ‘Yes, and then once we’d found each other again, Penny stood in our way, didn’t she? She’d always be there like a thorn in our side if she’d have lived.’ I say in a faraway voice and stare into the fire, watch the flames dancing, hope I’m not overdoing it.

  ‘Um…’ he says and shrugs.

  ‘You know that you once said you’d do anything for me.’ Dan smiles and closes his eyes. Come on, Dan don’t conk out now. I give him a gentle nudge. ‘Dan?’

  ‘Huh? Yes, of course. Still would.’

  ‘And you’d stop at nothing to get your own way, like you did to win me back?’

  ‘Yesh, damn right.’ He yawns, settles his head on a cushion.

  ‘And… Penny stood in our way, so you got rid?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Then his eyes fly open and he looks at me, wide awake now, obviously shocked at what he’s let slip. ‘Eh? What? Killed her, you mean? No, of course I didn’t.’

  My heart is thumping so quickly I’m light-headed – think I’m going to pass out. Oh my God he admitted it. Admitted it even though he’s now trying to claw back what he said! His eyes are like panicked butterflies skittering about my face, the room, not landing anywhere. Then he closes them and settles back, says, ‘Sometimes I do wonder what goes through your head, Sam.’

  An attempt at a normal voice fails him. It’s strained – higher than usual. I shove my hands under my armpits to stop them trembling and say, ‘But if you had, it would be the ultimate show of love, wouldn’t it? She was the obstacle in the way of you being happy with the love of your life. Me. Me who you’d waited thirty years to be with again… and as you say, you always get what you want.’

  Dan chucks the cushion on the floor, sits up, and frowns at me. ‘Are you seriously saying that I’d go that far?’

  ‘To get what you wanted? Perhaps you did.’ I look away, back into the flames.

  ‘That’s madness.’ High pitched and squeaky.

  I exhale deeply and go for it. Test the words in my head – the ones I rehearsed last night as I lay awake in the hotel bedroom. ‘Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t kill her, my darling.’

  Dan’s eyes find mine. Through the gin-fog there’s fear and mistrust. His fingers come up, pinch the bridge of his nose. Oh God…

  ‘No! I didn’t kill her. And I can hardly believe you asked me that, Sam. The drink’s gone to your fucking head big time!’ Dan pinches his nose again and goes to the bathroom.

  I flop back on the sofa, drained, exhausted, shaking with the shock of his revelations. He’s lying. Lying, and I can hardly breathe, let alone stand to be in the same house as him. But I must. I must keep up the pretence for what I need to do next.

  29

  How can I carry on as if nothing’s happened? Just looking at Dan’s face makes me sick to my stomach and when he puts his arm round me, my skin crawls. This man who was my whole world is a murderer. A cold-blooded calculating murderer, and it would have been twice over if Alison hadn’t been lucky. It’s as if I’m on autopilot today. I’m standing outside myself watching a play about domestic bliss. Dan and I are on stage cooking Sunday lunch, laughing about this and that, talking about the wedding, the weather, the future, and all the time I want to run for the wings, leave the theatre and just keep running.

  Last night he’d come back from the loo and sat in stony silence until I’d apologised, said it was the drink talking and please could he forgive me. Dan had shrugged and said he’d have to, he supposed, and then quickly fell asleep in front of the TV. I went to bed in one of the spare rooms and set a chair against the door in case he came to me in the night – he didn’t, thank God. He could have, being worse for wear and trying to go back on the celibacy thing. One thing worried me more than fighting off his drunken advances though, and it chilled me to the core. As I’d jammed the chair back under the door handle, it had struck me that I could actually be in real danger. He says he adores me, but how do I really know what he might do when pushed? I remember the chill in my bones when he said he’d been through so much to ever let me get away again.

  I chop carrots and relive the look in his eyes when I’d asked him if he killed Penny. An image of his face struggling with the shock of what he’d said in reply. Yeah. He’d let it slip, said yeah, then pretended he didn’t get what I meant. Pretended to be confused. Then he did the nose pinching, left the room.

  Shit! I’ve nicked my finger with the knife – I need to focus. Dan’s seen and he’s hovering over me, kissing the little ooze of blood all better, running it under the cold tap and all the while I’m screaming over and over in my head. I want this charade to stop, but it can’t – not yet.

  After lunch, Dan’s outside faffing about at the retreat and examining the new hot tub. It’s going to be ready earlier apparently. The thing’s still in its packaging and not plumbed in yet, but Dan pushed for it being ready for around the time of the wedding. He’s got some romantic notion of us sitting in there, toasting our sunny future with champagne. A humourless bark of laughter escapes me. If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry.

  He thinks I’m going to write this afternoon, so I stop watching him from the door and go to my study. My Christmas story sits unopened in my documents, and my finger scrolls the screen to a file entitled Research for Suspense. Notes I made in there for the suspense novel I had to abandon because of the method of Penny’s death aren’t forgotten, but I just want to double check on some points. Yes, here we are – psychopaths/psychopathic tendencies. Some don’t match Dan – so he couldn’t be classified as a true psychopath – though experts differ on what that is, or if such a condition exists, but there are many that d
o match. I read down the list:

  Successful.

  Good at manipulation.

  Charming.

  Arrogant.

  Controlling.

  Yes to all of these, but these traits could apply to many people. I’m looking for something else too… I scroll again… personality disorders… pride in criminal act/harm/murder… There’s information here about those who commit murder or other terrible acts keeping reminders, trophies or records of what they’ve done. It’s part of their idea that they won’t be found out, because they’re cleverer than the authorities, than anyone, and sometimes they somehow get off on it. Or perhaps it’s a matter of simple pride. This is what I’m counting on. Hopefully Dan’s kept some evidence of how he killed Penny, or attempted to kill Alison. I’ve a good idea of where it might be hidden if he has, and a plan to access it. However, the danger involved makes my fingers on the keyboard tremble as I shut down the computer and leave the room. I need some air, a walk on the beach and a break from being the best actress in the world.

  ‘Two weeks today we’ll be man and wife,’ Dan says, shoving a bit of toast in his mouth and giving me a crumby kiss on the cheek. I’m glad I have a legitimate excuse to wipe it off for a change.

  ‘We will, and I for one can’t wait.’ I collect our plates and stack them in the dishwasher.

  ‘Me either. I’m not sure how much I can stand of this not living together and no sex either.’ He gives me a lascivious look. ‘Can’t we just do it right now – a quickie? Before the builders get here? It’s doing my head in.’

  I move away from his searching hands and give him my serious face. ‘No. Please, Dan, it won’t be long now – and it will so be worth it.’