The Big Book of Girl Stuff

by Bart King

  You: Just kidding, heh heh.

  Your Magic Song

  If there’s a special someone you like, have a magic song that the two of you share. To find it, get out a picture of your someone. This may be in the school yearbook or a magazine. (The beauty of this spell is that the other person doesn’t have to know about it!) You also need a radio, or maybe an iPod set for “shuffle.”

  Hold the picture and look into your love’s dreamy eyes. Murmur his name 5 times. Then turn on the radio (or hit “play” on the iPod.) Whatever song comes on is your song together! You must now learn all the words to it, and anytime you hear this song in the future, it will remind you of your special someone.

  Are You a Good Match?

  Are you wondering if you would get along with the boy you like? Lesley Ann Dunking has a system called Love Letters that can help answer this question. (Keep in mind that this is just a game, okay?)

  First, write down your first and last name. Below them, write the first and last name of the boy you like. (This has to do with the letters in your name, which you can learn more about in the “Nicknames” chapter.) Here’s an example:

  Summer Wheatly

  Pedro Sanchez

  Now go letter-by-letter through your name. Look at each letter in your name to see if the same letter is in the boy’s name. If the letter IS also in his name, you cross off that letter in both your name and the boy’s name. Keep a running total of the letters you have in common. If a letter isn’t in his name, just keep going with no score.

  Summer Wheatly

  Pedro Sanchez

  In the example above, the “S” in Summer would be crossed off, because “Sanchez” also has an “S.”

  Summer Wheatly

  Pedro Sanchez

  Although the next three letters in Summer have no match with Pedro Sanchez, the last two letters (“e” and “r”) do. As you can see in the example above, the tally is three after finishing with Summer’s first name.

  Now do the last name. Here’s what the names would look like when you’re done, using this example:

  Summer Wheatly

  Pedro Sanchez

  SCORING: There are a total of five matched letters between the two people in our example. Let’s see how you score your names.

  2 or less: There is no hope of a relationship between you.

  3 to 4: You might have something, but it probably won’t last long.

  5 to 6: The prospects are good!

  7 or more: True love!

  Common Questions Girls Ask about Boys

  Q. How do I get a boy’s attention?

  A. An easy way to get a boy’s attention is to ask for his advice or opinion about something. Boys love to give girls advice on stuff. Compliments work, but don’t overdo it.

  Q. Do boys pay more attention to pretty girls?

  A. What is “pretty” anyway? Haven’t you read the “Beauty” chapter in this book? But still, for most boys, the answer to this question is probably “yes.” And guess what? The girl who’s prettiest in 7th grade may not be the prettiest in high school, or college, or real life after that. Anyone could be the prettiest girl then!

  Q. I know a boy who only pays attention to blonde girls (or girls who play sports, or . . . ) Why does he do that?

  A. Boys are just as insecure about peer pressure as girls are. A guy may feel he should like a certain type of girl. The boy might avoid a girl he actually likes, because there is another girl he is supposed to like. (BTW, girls are just as bad about this!)

  Q. How does flirting work?

  A. The simplest and least embarrassing way to flirt is just to make eye contact with that special someone. Then hold the look for around two seconds. (That’s an eternity in flirt time!) Going too much longer turns it into a staring contest, which is sort of weird and NOT flirting anymore. While you’re making eye contact, smile. Then look away. That’s flirting!

  Q. How can I tell if a boy has a crush on me?

  A. If someone has a crush on you, it’s like having your own fan club. Somebody out there loves to hear news about you and thinks you’re great! We divide boy crushes into two types:

  The Shy Crush: This boy gets embarrassed if you even look at him. If you talk to him, he will stammer. But you notice that he stares at you a lot. He’s either really shy or he just can’t believe (or won’t admit!) that he has a crush on you. And yet he will defend you to other people.

  Outgoing Crush: This is a much easier crush to see coming. This boy seeks you out and always has an excuse to talk to you. In short, he couldn’t be more obvious!

  Q. I know this is off the topic, but do boys ever walk down the hallway judging each other’s hairdos?

  A. No. Boys are so different from girls. For example, boys see male fashion models all the time, but most boys don’t want to be male fashion models. What’s wrong with them?

  Q. How do I tell a boy I like him?

  A. Don’t play mind games. Try being friendly to a boy you like when you see him WITHOUT paying too much attention to him. Don’t call him constantly. Resist the impulse to hang out together ALL THE TIME. Hold something back. That’s because if he knows that you have a crush on him, then he is in the driver’s seat. And he’s probably a bad driver!

  Q. I’m smart and I get good grades. There’s a guy who I think likes me, but he also seems to avoid me. What does that mean?

  A. He might be scared of you. Evidence suggests that some boys (and men) avoid smart, successful girls. This is because guys are competitive, so they think they have to be the smart ones. If a girl is smart, a guy might think he is “losing.”

  Believe it or not, research seems to show that the higher an adult woman’s I.Q., the more some men will be afraid of her. But as the world changes, smart girls are being seen as leaders and role models more and more each year. So PLEASE don’t act dumb so a guy will like you. If a boy can’t accept that a girl can be intelligent, you really don’t want to be around him anyway.

  Q. So that’s it? He’s afraid of me?

  A. He might be naturally shy. Or maybe he actually doesn’t like you. (Wait, that’s impossible! You’re adorable!)

  Q. When should I give up on a guy?

  A. You can’t talk someone into liking you. Nobody can explain these things; we just have to learn to live with them. So give a boy a couple of chances to get to know you. If he’s not interested, move on. You will just seem needy if you keep trying after that.

  Q. He rejected me! I am so hurt and mad. Can I destroy him?

  A. Getting rejected can make anyone angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or all three. You want him to explain why he doesn’t like you, or to just give you one more chance, or maybe you want sweet revenge on that jerk! Who does he think he is?

  You may have these reactions, but remember: He’s not your enemy, he’s just a guy who doesn’t want to go out with you. And you’re going to have to do the same exact thing to other boys in your life, and that won’t make you a bad person either. It’s just the way it is!

  Things a Guy Will Never Say!

  “Do I look good in this?”

  “Everybody dance!”

  “Am I your best friend?”

  “Do these pants make me look fat?”

  “Why didn’t you get me a present?”

  Relationships

  “I don’t understand it when people say, ‘We’re going out.’ What does that mean? You’re not going anywhere.”

  —Tori Allen

  Hey, you’re too young to have a boyfriend! (If you’re over the age of 30, ignore that statement.) So if you don’t have a boyfriend—good for you. Who needs ’em?!

  But if you do have a boyfriend, don’t talk about him too much to your girlfriends, especially if they don’t have boyfriends. It might seem like bragging, and then you’ll have relationship problems with the people who really matter: Your girlfriends! You might only go out with a boy for a day, so if you burn your bridges with your girlfriends, you had better be a good bridge b
uilder when the day is over.

  As for boys, remember that they are as sensitive or more sensitive than you and your girlfriends. Although they may act like they have no emotions, it is just an act. They can (and do) get their feelings hurt, but most boys will never admit it.

  If you and a boy like each other, keep it private. That way you don’t have to talk to everyone about it! If the two of you can make it past the initial newsflash of being an “item,” you move into hanging out together. Even though this is usually more public, you should avoid PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Good couples don’t show off!

  Maybe at some point he will ask you a question that is some version of “Will you be my girlfriend?” We don’t know what kind of rules your family has about this kind of thing, so use your common sense. If you do decide to officially become someone’s girlfriend, at this point a lot of younger boys will enter the protective/jealous stage. You know you’ve reached that stage if he wants to hang out with you constantly and is jealous of everyone you talk to. Try to stay in groups as much as possible so that it doesn’t get weird, and hope he grows out of it.

  BTW, don’t go out with the boyfriend (or former boyfriend) of one of your girlfriends. This is almost always a disaster. If something goes wrong (and it will!), you are ruining six relationships by doing this!

  Kissing

  “Why ruin a good friendship with a kiss?”

  —Paige Lundy

  In a perfect world, people who share a kiss are sharing a feeling and showing how much they trust and like the other person. The average woman will spend about two weeks of her life kissing people. As for you, you’re still a girl, so stick with holding hands!

  Kissing around the World!

  Not everyone kisses. In Japan, people do not usually kiss in public. And the Chinese were supposedly horrified when they first saw Europeans kissing! It also appears possible that some Native Americans didn’t even know what kissing was until sailors brought the practice from Europe during the 1500s.

  Types of Kisses

  The following information is amazing, insightful, and informative! (But remember, you’re too young to be kissing anyone!)

  The Eskimo Kiss

  The Eskimo kiss is practiced by the Inuit people of the Pacific Northwest. Two people who like each other gently rub noses as a sign of affection. Some people think they do this because their lips would freeze together if they lip-kissed. (And this may not be as silly as it sounds!)

  The Cheek Kiss

  Cheek kissing is common in North and Central America and the Mid-East as a greeting to a friend or relative. Usually it’s one kiss to the cheek (sometimes with a hug), and you’re done. In countries like Colombia and Bolivia, a person always kisses everyone present when arriving or leaving a party or dinner. When you go to a party, you kiss everyone. It doesn’t matter if you know them or not, nobody’s cheek is a stranger to your lips!

  In Italy, Spain, and Holland, there may be two (or three) kisses to the cheeks to greet a person. But the French win for most total kisses: As a gesture of respect, leaders in France sometimes get four kisses to the cheeks!

  The Kiss of Death!

  In the 1500s, it was a crime to be caught kissing in Naples, Italy. The punishment? Death!

  The Air Kiss

  The air kiss is a fake cheek kiss. This is where you get within an inch or so of the person and then “kiss the air” instead of their cheek. This is done as a joke with friends and as an emergency kiss with someone that has dirty cheeks.

  Mistletoe! For a poisonous plant whose name means “dung twig,” the mistletoe has a pretty romantic reputation. [

  French Kissing

  You may have heard of French kissing. It is also known as snogging, soul kissing, and tonsil hockey. The term “French kiss” was invented in 1923, and is not used in France. One reason the French are linked with kissing has to do with a ritual they had 1500 years ago, where a dance between partners would end with a kiss.

  Kissing Facts

  Most people turn their heads somewhat to the side when moving in for a kiss. They do this because knocking noggins or banging teeth together does not set the mood correctly.

  *Research shows that 66 percent of kissers turn their head to the right.

  People with braces have to be careful not to hurt each other when kissing. There are horror stories of brace-faces locking into place and having to dial 911 to be separated.

  Ever wonder how “X” came to mean a kiss? (Pretend that you have wondered this.) Well, back in the days before most people could read or write, if a girl had to sign a legal document, she would put down a big “X” for her name. Then to make it more official, she would kiss her signature. And even though most people can write now, the tradition of kisses and Xs just sort of stuck around.

  Fun Word!

  nigglywiggly: The little paper tag that comes out of the top of a Hershey’s kiss. [

  If you’re not sure yet about your future career, think about becoming a Kiss Mixer. That’s the person at Hershey’s who puts together the ingredients for their candy Kisses. Then if someone ever asks you for a hug, you can tell him that that’s not your department!

  Hugs

  So what about hugs? Well, at some point in every middle school, girl groups go through a “hug phase.” This usually continues well into high school. It is when girls, or groups of girls, get the hug bug. Girls are suddenly hugging each other in the hallway all the time, to greet each other, or provide support. While girls in other countries have long been affectionate with hugs, this is still pretty new to U.S. schools.

  Hugs rock! In the words of one girl, “they are jolly and mood boosting.” Two-armed hugs with the heads side-by-side are the most affectionate hugs. The one-armed hug is the least personal. This is when a girl is next to her “huggee” and puts one arm around his shoulders and pulls in. The most personal hug is the Oreo hug, where two people hug a person in between them.

  Fights!

  There’s no avoiding arguments. Sooner or later, every couple has them. Who knows what it will be about? Maybe he thinks that vanilla is better than chocolate (the fool!), or maybe he is trying to get you to do his homework. Whatever.

  You’ll have to work through these things yourself. We think that most fights are really about communication problems, and guys just aren’t the best communicators. Remember that just because a boy likes you doesn’t mean he understands you! And remember, these fights are not the end of the world. Both of you will get over it.

  If you are in the right, the good part about a fight is that he will apologize and maybe even get a gift to make up with you. Happy endings with presents are good! If you are in the wrong (hard to imagine, but still), you will apologize and maybe even give him a gift to make up with you. (Don’t give him a gift of makeup, though. He won’t think it’s funny.)

  Breaking Up

  “Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”

  —Miss Piggy

  Hey, unless you’re getting married, breaking up has to happen eventually. According to our statistics, 100 percent of break-ups happen after a couple has already been going out. There are times when the two people decide together that breaking up is the best idea and they are both happy with the decision. (Of course, we’ve never actually seen this happen . . .)

  But if you need to break up with him, there’s almost never a good way to do it. There are BAD ways to break up, though.

  The Bottom Three Worst Ways to Break Up

  3. On the phone or online.

  2. Having a friend tell him.

  1. Just ignoring him and hoping he gets the hint.

  You really need to tell him in person and in private. School is a bad place for this, but it will do in a pinch. Try to keep a time limit on the conversation so that you can say your part, he can respond, and you can leave him alone to process it.

  Breaking up always sucks, but it’s even worse if he breaks up with you. Many g
irls get a bad case of breakup-rexia after breaking up, especially if it’s the first time it’s happened. Girls suffering from this illness lose their appetites and don’t want to talk much. If you ever get breakup-rexia, you will notice that every sad song you hear seems to have been written just for you. Fun things don’t seem so fun anymore. Friends and family can’t seem to help. But guess what? There is a cure for breakup-rexia! The one surefire cure for it is time. (Chocolate also helps.) Yep, if you give anything enough time, it will get better. It always does.

  Marriage

  Marriage?! Hey, slow down there! You should stay single and independent for another decade or so. But still, a girl can’t help but think what it would be like if she were married to her special someone . . . even if he is only eleven!

  Here’s an amazing marriage fact: Adult men and women are usually attracted to people who are like they are. Have you ever noticed married couples who look like each other? Believe it or not, the odds are that married couples will have the same kind of nose and the same distance between their eyes. (If you haven’t noticed this before, start taking a look.)

  *A woman’s odds of marrying a millionaire are 215 to 1. A woman’s odds of becoming a millionaire are about 215 to 1. (Go for the second option. That way, the money will be all yours!)

  Research also shows that married couples are usually alike with their education, race, religion, politics, and attitudes towards life. Think about your parents. Does this apply to them?