Destruction: The Dogs of War, a Lost and Found Series

by J. M. Madden

  “No. I can’t lie in a bed until I clean up.”

  “I’ll go start your shower. Why don’t you start getting your gear off?” She motioned to his weapons and the safety vest with the bullet-proof inserts. Nodding, he moved to the bedroom and started removing his gear. She could hear the heavy-duty Velcro ripping a room away. Adjusting the temperature on the spigot, she pulled the lever to start the shower then backed through the curtain. When she turned to leave the bathroom, Fontana stood right behind her, wearing the same gray underwear she had peeked at the night before. And nothing else.

  Jordyn looked at his broad, strong body blocking her way and had to curl her fingers into her fists, otherwise she would have reached out to stroke him. That fuzz of golden-brown chest hair called to her, and she wanted to run her fingers through it, but she forced her arms to stay at their sides. Instead, he reached out to her, cupping the smooth side of her face in his palm. She looked up at him, stunned as his thumb ran back and forth over her cheekbone. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Once upon a time she would have believed that, but now? No, she was nowhere near beautiful. Yeah, she had a pretty nice body, but the wrapping was torn and patched and nowhere as neat as it once had been. She had no illusion about that fact.

  Jordyn glanced away and tried to step back, but he cupped her shoulders in his hands. “I can see in your eyes that you think I’m lying to you, but I’m not. I love looking at you and imagining what your mouth tastes like.”

  That thumb brushed over her lower lip, catching on the moist skin just inside. Jordyn looked up at him, but his gaze was on her lips. Before she could think better of it she flicked her tongue out to moisten them.

  Fontana sighed out a groan and cupped the back of her neck. “You’re killing me woman. I need to kiss you, because I have to. Please. I have to know what you taste like.”

  Jordyn’s heart tripped into overtime as she lifted her head in invitation. Without hesitation he lowered his head to her mouth, resting his lips on her own. For a second, they just breathed each other in, as if they were tasting the essence of the other person. It was intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and when he actually took her lips in a kiss, she gasped into his mouth. Fontana sealed his mouth over her own, and a shudder rocked through her. The man was hot, and he knew how to kiss, though there was a hesitancy to his movements that she hadn’t expected. He seemed like this big, handsome guy that got things done, but he wasn’t kissing her the same way.

  Jordyn appreciated— and hated— the restraint. They were literally in a situation where lives were in the balance. This wasn’t the best time to try to invest in romance. But on the other hand, she’d never met a man like Fontana. He made her forget her reasons to be cautious and more importantly, he made her feel like the woman she used to be.

  Reaching up, Jordyn cupped his face with her right hand, her left resting on his chest. She angled her mouth and tasted his lips, stretching on the tips of her toes to be close. There was a hint of peanut butter there, and an earthiness that appealed to her. One of his hands covered her own on his chest and she realized she could feel his heart pounding beneath their fingers. Had she really caused that reaction in him, or would any woman do?

  A little dazed, she pulled back, very aware that her body had responded to him. She tugged at her t-shirt, praying that he didn’t look down at her hard nipples. But then she looked down, and realized she wasn’t the only one affected. The slick fabric of his athletic underwear left nothing to the imagination. Suddenly she was worried about things other than her hard nipples.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” she started, then gasped as he brushed a knuckle over one of her nipples pressing against the soft cotton of the t-shirt. When she glared up at him, he grinned at her.

  “I haven’t had anyone respond for me like that for a long time.”

  Jordyn’s stance softened. “Well, you’re sexy. What can I say?”

  He grinned even wider, all the tiredness from minutes ago gone from his expression. “Thank you for that.”

  She shook her head and skirted around him in the tiny space. She needed distance, both physical and metaphorical. “Too bad I don’t sleep with men I don’t know. Maybe someday you’ll tell me your name.” She paused in the doorway and without turning around, said, “You need to take your shower.”

  The last thing she heard was Fontana’s low chuckle, then his startled cry. Jordyn giggled. He should have checked the temperature before he stepped into the stall.

  The dream started with guards slamming him to his back. They fastened him to the metal medical table, then they put these paddle things on like they did in the movies and shocked the shit out of him. He arched up off the table, power flowing through his veins in a painful dance of light. Usually, he was the one controlling the electricity, so he didn’t understand how he couldn’t get a grasp on it. Electricity and he got along well, usually. He’d begun to tame it.

  Fontana craned his head and looked up at the nurse, but the woman had pitch-black hair and Army green eyes. It was Madeira, and as soon as old Dr. Shu reached for him, she slammed a punch into his head. Then she released the cold iron shackles from around his wrists. He sat up on the edge of the table and felt such a wave of gratitude that she’d come for him. He drew her into his arms, settling his lips on hers.

  Fontana was aware that something wasn’t quite right. When he blinked his eyes open, there should have been a little light from the windows. After his cold shower, he’d come into the bedroom and crashed onto the bed, pulling light covers over himself. But it had been early afternoon when he’d gone to bed. He’d planned to get up after four or five hours and go check on the survivors.

  He felt… unsettled and aroused. Hungry, but not for food. Yes, the dream had been aggravating, but this had been the first time Jordyn had taken a role in it. He’d reached up to her at the end of the dream expecting her to be there, and she had been.

  Was that what was bothering him? He’d woken up without her in his arms, aching for her.

  Snorting, he flung back the covers.

  Then he realized she stood in his bedroom doorway, arms crossed beneath her breasts as she watched him. Fontana pulled the covers back over himself, but he’d surely given her a show. He looked up at her face and there was a slight smile on her full lips.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting,” she whispered, her voice raspy. “I heard you cry out something in your sleep and just wanted to check on you.”

  “I’m okay,” he lied.

  She tilted her head to the side, trying to decide if he was telling her the truth or not. “Were you dreaming?”

  “Yes,” he said softly, staring at her.

  There was just enough light coming in from the moon to see her silhouette in the doorway. “I had a dream as well, but it wasn’t a good dream.”

  Fontana knew what he wanted to do, but would she actually go along with it? It seemed like they’d been together a long time, out in the jungle rescuing men, but it had only been a few days that he’d actually known her. Everything he learned about her he loved, though. The woman gave new meaning to the word strong.

  “I was going to get up and go scout around, but if you need me to stay here I will.”

  She took a step forward, slowly, cautiously. “We could guard each other’s backs?”

  “Yeah,” he agreed.

  Taking his courage in his hands, he scooted to the far side of the bed and opened the sheet for her.

  A shudder rippled through Jordyn’s body hard enough that he could see her struggle.

  “We’re both aching,” he told her, voice rasping. “If I can offer you comfort please take it. If you’d like I can roll over and face the wall. Then you can cuddle up behind me. No other stuff.”

  “Yes. Can we do that?”

  Fontana had every intention of following through when he made the offer, but as soon as he felt her heat behind him he worried that he wouldn’t be able to hold still. He trusted Jordyn, of cou
rse, but there was a part of his brain telling him that having someone behind him like that was dangerous. He couldn’t relax in spite of the ‘she won’t hurt you’ running repeatedly through his mind.

  After several long minutes, she pulled away and sat up, swinging her legs to the side of the bed. Fontana sat up as well, feeling like he’d failed her. “I’m sorry.”

  Jordyn glanced at him in surprise. “Why are you apologizing? It’s nothing you did wrong. I think we both have ghosts haunting us tonight. Rescuing that woman from the guard…”

  She didn’t move to leave, and he took that as a good sign, though he didn’t want to talk about the guard. From the light of the moon he could see her profile, and she seemed pensive.

  “When I got out of the Army, I was in a relationship,” she said softly. “We’d been together for several years, married, but when I was burned, things changed. As we went to all of the doctor appointments and surgeries, he began to,” she moved a hand in the air, “lose interest, I guess. I doted on that man for five years, and I guess I started to notice when I got pregnant that he didn’t appreciate not having all my attention all the time.”

  She glanced at him and he could see in the disbelief in her expression. “Can you imagine being jealous of a child?”

  Fontana shook his head, a little stunned. He’d had no clue that she had a baby. Then he grinned, because he could totally see her as a mom. A kick-ass boy’s mom.

  “Jason began to get more and more bitter and I knew it was only a matter of time before things imploded. But I fought to keep our marriage going… and I put up with a lot of abuse. First, he started just yelling at me, here and there. Telling me to do things, then bitching at me when I did it incorrectly. It took a while for my hands to be usable and he had to do a lot for me. Then he shoved me. I think I’d taken too long to get out of his way or something, and he just reached out and pushed. I should have put my foot down then, but I couldn’t even imagine going through the pregnancy without him. I understood that his life had changed, drastically, when I was hurt. Money was tight and we were having to move out of our apartment.”

  Jordyn shook her head, glancing at him. There was just enough light from the hallway that he could see her profile. “I’m making excuses for him again. It used to be such a habit. Then one day he came home and I could tell something was really wrong. He’d lost his job, and his frustration was at peak level. I don’t even remember how the fight started, only how it ended …with him raping me on the living room floor. I lost the baby a few hours after that.”

  Fontana just sat there, stunned at what she was telling him. Then he felt ashamed, because he hadn’t taken the time to talk to her and get to know her. He’d been so focused on just getting here, getting the men out, that he’d had tunnel vision. “None of that was your fault.”

  “I know,” she said, turning to him with a smile. “It’s taken me a lot of therapy to understand that now. But I want you to understand that what happened to the woman survivor in the camp, and what happened to you in the camp, is not your fault either.”

  Icy fingers of fear trickled down his spine, and he was glad there wasn’t a lot of light. If he could have sunk through the mattress and the floor he would have, because he didn’t want anyone to know about his shame. Obviously, though, she’d seen his reaction to the guard and she’d understood.

  “I’m not going to insist that you talk about it, but I just want to tell you that if you ever do want to, I’m here for you. Or if you ever want to talk about any of your other dreams, you have a safe place to do it. But I’m not demanding it.”

  She reached back and took his hand. He wasn’t sure how she even found it in the dark, but he was glad that she did. He curled his fingers around hers and held them together on the blanket.

  “I thought about the kiss in the bathroom last night, and I have to admit that you took me by surprise. I haven’t been drawn to anyone for a long time. So, I just wanted to be clear on where we stood.”

  Her honesty deserved a response. “Thank you. I appreciate everything you’ve said. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  Jordyn gave his fingers another squeeze before she stood from the bed and moved to the doorway. “We have a few more hours before dawn. Try to get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”

  Yes, they did.

  Fontana tried to sleep after Jordyn left, but it just wasn’t happening. There were too many thoughts running around inside his head.

  At first, he’d been embarrassed when she’d said that she understood what had happened to him in the camp. It was his most guarded secret, and even Wulfe and Aiden had no idea, although he thought they might have their suspicions. It had been hard as hell not letting them into his mind to see what he’d experienced.

  When Duncan had interviewed them, though, something had hit him. He wasn’t sure if it was the way Duncan had phrased the question, or some burning need to make sure as many people were held accountable for what they’d done as possible, but he’d admitted on camera that he’d been sexually assaulted. It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud, and he was sure the anxiety associated with that revelation had contributed to the way he’d reacted to Madeira that first morning.

  Having to look hard at your life like that really sucked.

  As he began to dress for the day, he still felt a little embarrassed, but overall his feelings, his view of what had happened to him, had changed. The woman that had been raped had had no choice in the matter, obviously. She’d been unconscious at the time. He’d had no choice in what had happened to him. He’d been shackled down and overcome by force.

  If he could overcome his embarrassment to guarantee that it didn’t happen again, to anyone, he would do it. He could do it because he still had a voice and he wouldn’t let anyone silence him ever again.

  Officer Rose would be heading into the Brazilian camp later on today while Team Alpha headed to the camp in Guyana. Surely Rose would find the slaughtered guard. There was a very real possibility that Fontana would have to account for his actions.

  Whatever. He would deal with it when and if it came to pass.

  They were getting men out of the Silverstone Collaborative’s hold. That was all that mattered.

  And he realized in the wee hours of the morning that if he had people like Jordyn supporting him, he could work his way through anything.

  It had been a very enlightening morning, kind of zen, in a way. He felt as if a tremendous weight had been taken from him. Now they had to go shoot bad guys.

  As soon as he walked out of the bedroom, he spotted Jordyn in the kitchen, eating with the rest of the guys. Her short dark hair was damp in the back, like she’d wet down bedhead. The thought made him smile.

  As she looked up and caught his gaze, he was still smiling. Something shifted in her eyes, and she gave him a considering look, then a responding slow grin. For a long minute she just stared at him, then she motioned toward the stove. “There’s eggs and sausages. We’ll be ready to go when you are.”

  “Is Officer Rose still in the hangar?”

  Kenny shook his head. “They left late last night. Took all of the survivors with them. He said a team will be dispatched to the Taraza camp and another will be on standby for us when we need it.”

  Officer Rose was a determined SOB. “Okay. That’s good to know. I have no idea what we’re looking at with this last one. After talking to the survivors, it was apparent that several prisoners that had been at Taraza had been moved out recently, presumably to the Guyana camp. We’re going to go check that out today.”

  The men nodded and started gathering up their plates and mess. Shane swigged down the last of a bottle of Coke, and Fontana winced. Coke at five a.m.?

  Moving to the stove he threw some eggs and a link of sausage on a tortilla, rolled it up and started eating. Before she left the kitchen, Jordyn stuck a bottle of water in his hand, grinning. “We’ll be in the chopper.”

  “I’m right behind you,�
�� he tried to say around a mouthful of tortilla.

  Pablo waved at them as they entered the hangar and Fontana wondered of the man ever slept. It seemed like he was up all the time. The bent man headed to the old, lopsided tow truck to pull Margarita out of the bay where he kept her.

  The helicopter looked pristine, and Fontana knew that Jordyn and Pablo had both taken care with her last night when they’d gotten in. This trip wouldn’t be as long as the one to Brazil, but it would probably be even more clandestine. If this camp still had prisoners, they would have to document as much as possible before they went in.

  Fontana glanced around. Payne had the camera bag over his shoulder and was fiddling with the grip on his weapon. Shane was wiping a pair of replacement sunglasses off on his black t-shirt, his single eye scanning the area. Kenny was leaning against the hangar, just looking badass and Zero was talking quietly to Jordyn. Fear bolted through Fontana. Zero and Jordyn were good friends. Would she tell him what they’d talked about last night?

  He didn’t think so, but it was enough that he worried a little.

  Being assaulted the way he had been affected him on several levels. As a man, a heterosexual man in particular, he couldn’t imagine anything worse than being attacked the way he had been. It was an affront to everything he believed in and stood for. Also, he prided himself on being strong. There at the end, his physical strength was at a low ebb and it had been easy for the guards to overwhelm him.

  When the Dogs of War had broken out of the camp, the four of them had barely been able to walk.

  An assault like that wouldn’t happen now, or ever again. He was stronger than he’d ever been, both mentally and physically, and his attacker was dead. Fontana had killed him with his own hands. That fact wasn’t as comforting as he’d expect it to be, though.

  Fontana felt bad for the female survivor. When she eventually woke up— if she woke up— she would have a lot of recovery to do. What had she been doing there in the first place?