SANCTUARY OF MINE

by PRATT, S.

  ‘Um no, I didn’t.’

  ‘True. So why’d you move to Sydney?’ He doesn’t seem at all fazed about asking me the most personal of questions, so I try not to make a big deal of it.

  ‘My mum’s boyfriend lives here. Things got serious, so …’

  ‘So you got dragged along for the ride, huh?’

  ‘Something like that.’ I can’t help but smile at him. We hardly know each other, and yet he seems to get me. I wonder why that is. Instead of pursuing that line of thought, I decide to ask him a few personal questions of my own.

  ‘So what’s your favourite colour?’

  ‘Would you believe me if I said blue too?’

  ‘Maybe,’ I say slyly, ‘it is a pretty popular colour after all, so you could be excused for liking the same colour as me,’ I grin.

  ‘That’s true. What else you got?’

  ‘You like football?’

  ‘You bet! I’ve been playing rugby league for South Sydney since I was a junior. I’m hoping to get drafted into the Rabbitohs when I’m finished with high school.’

  ‘Their team would be pretty hard to get into, wouldn’t it?’

  ‘Yes it would, but I’m driven. It’s what I want more than anything else and have been dreaming of it since I was a boy. You couldn’t get a higher accolade than representing your home town in the sport.’

  ‘Sounds great to know what you want in life.’

  ‘Sure is,’ he grins.

  ‘So do you have any brothers or sisters?’ And just like that his face clouds over and his smile vanishes. It’s almost like I just kicked him in the guts. I get the impression our conversation is over.

  ‘We better get going, or you’ll be late meeting your friend.’ Dark and broody Tyler is not someone I am used to. He grabs the car keys off the table and I scurry out of the booth after him.

  In the car, the silence is deafening. The short trip down the road to Bondi Junction suddenly feels like an eternity. He pulls up outside the shopping centre entrance and lets the engine idle while we sit in uncomfortable silence.

  ‘I’m sorry if I said anything wrong,’ I offer. His reply is swift, leaving me to believe even he’s not convinced by his words.

  ‘It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.’

  ‘Okay,’ I say with uncertainty. ‘Well, thanks for the ride.’

  ‘Anytime.’ A hint of light sparks back into his eyes, which makes me believe we have moved past the uncomfortable part of the last few minutes.

  ‘Bye.’ I’m reluctant to leave on such a note, after enjoying his company for the last half hour, but I can see Levi waiting for me on the sidewalk. Sliding out of the car into the fresh air, I feel a sense of relief at escaping the tension I’m leaving with Tyler inside the car.

  ‘Mack?’ I’m halfway out of the car door, but bob back into its interior to catch his grin once more.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘It was nice to see you.’ I blush as I shut the door, smiling feebly after him as he peels off out of the parking lot. I walk over towards Levi, who is grinning from ear to ear. His pants are too tight and his shirt is squishing his stomach so he looks like a trussed sausage. I can’t help but smile back.

  ‘Was that …?’

  ‘Yes it was, and if you say another word you’re dead meat.’ Levi grins knowingly as I link arms with him, heading for the blast of cold that awaits us in the shopping mall.

  Chapter Eight

  Tyler

  Damn, that girl gets me riled up nine ways ‘til Sunday. Having her in the car with me damn near made it impossible to concentrate on the road. The smell of her shampoo and perfume made me want to pull the car over and pull her onto my lap, just so I could breathe her in. She was nervous and jittery, which almost made me want to test her boundaries, just to see how much she would let me get away with. Would she let me hold her hand? Kiss her fingertips? I doubt it, but a guy can dream can’t he?

  What I wasn’t expecting was the whole ‘brothers, sisters’ talk. Usually that shit doesn’t come up with most of the air-heads who want to date me at school. Mackenzie seems different, like she genuinely wants to get to know me, the real me. And that could be dangerous. I don’t for a second want any mixed understandings on what my intentions are. I want her and her baggage. I’m not going to force change upon her, but I would be there if that’s what she wanted. The minute she finds out I had a sister who was anorexic I can see all manner of shit hitting the fan. So until the timing is right, I think I’ll keep that story for another time.

  Meanwhile, I’m kind of relieved. Spotting her on the side of the road was like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The impulse of stopping while passing by made everything seem so natural. Not at all like the usual scenario of asking a girl out. The nerves that normally come prior because you know you may be setting yourself up for rejection were absent for the most part. Well, except while I waited with bated breath to see if she’d hop in. She accepted! She actually got in and went to eat with me. That has to be a start. I don’t remember seeing Kelly eat at all in the months before her death. It gives me hope that Mackenzie isn’t that far gone, that there’s hope in helping her heal. I selfishly wish that I could be the one to make her happy enough for that to happen.

  Pulling into the auto shop reminds me just how much I’m missing on this fine Saturday morning. While dad lets me use his car, it’s my job to afford the upkeep. Plus, I have a motorbike which requires registration and gas. Dad’s a self-made man who appreciates the lessons in life that teach kids values. So here I am, left to open up shop for his mate, Willy Jones. I’ve known how to change the oil and filter in a car since I was eleven years old. When my parents and the Jones’ used to get together for family barbeques, Willy used to pull the hood up on his old Holden and let me and his son, Thomas, tinker with his tools. He always told us to look after our cars like we would our wife. At the time, it kind of went over our heads. Now I’m almost an adult, I can appreciate that anything in life needs a little TLC or it’s going to turn to shit pretty damn quickly. Of course, the bribery of a few splice ice-blocks would always guarantee we give his car a tune-up while he sunk a few beers with my dad. Yep, they sure knew how to work us kids.

  Once the roller doors are up, I open the side reception area and check the diary to see which customers are booked in for an oil change. There are only three, which should mean I can be outta here by lunchtime and get a surf in. Before old man Winkler brings in his rusted excuse of a car, I duck into the kitchenette to make a coffee. By the time the milky caffeine goodness is easing its way down my throat, I can hear the rattle and hum of a Ford Fairmont that has definitely seen better days. Its owner is from a generation of fixers, not throwers, so he’ll keep on servicing and repairing that baby until the wheels just won’t roll anymore.

  Like his car, Mr Winkler has seen better days. In fact, I’m surprised the Roads and Traffic Authority haven’t suspended his license yet. He wears glasses with lenses that are at least an inch thick and you can tell his reflexes are delayed just by watching him walk. I let him take his sweet time as he hobbles up to the office to hand me his keys.

  ‘Mornin’ Tyler, I ‘spect you knew I was coming today?’

  ‘Sure thing, Mr Winkler, Willy put you down for an oil change and tune-up.’

  ‘Just as well, but you’d best check my tyre pressure too.’ He’s peering at me through his thick lenses and I seriously have to try not to laugh at the size of his bloody eyeballs. They look almost comical, like he’s attached two magnifying glasses to his face to see even the closest things in front of him. God help whoever’s on the road when he’s driving.

  ‘Absolutely. You got your keys there?’

  ‘Yeah, yeah – somewhere …’ Old people always seem to be a little cantankerous to me. I hope I never get old and bitter. I want to enjoy life to the fullest, but it seems that some old people I come across seem to forget what living is all about, or even what it was like to be a teenager. They only
see us as a nuisance, not a commodity in society. Guess that’s to be expected when news reports blast their television screens with the violence that erupts throughout the city after the barely legal go out binge drinking. I don’t condone it, but hey, we can’t all be tarred with the same brush.

  He flicks me his keys and grunts that he’ll be back in an hour. Lucky for him, I’ll be finished and waiting. Taking my coffee with me, I head outside to the garage. With some music on the radio, I get to work. Winkler comes back, and others take his spot. As I’m washing the last of the oil off my hands, the phone in the office starts to ring. Grabbing a rag, I quickly dry my hands before answering the call.

  ‘Willy’s Hot Rods,’ I say.

  ‘God, you make that sound so erotic. Not at all like a mechanic shop.’ Thomas, or Tom as I call him, is doing this on purpose I’m sure. He has my mobile, but always insists on calling the shop phone when I’m working, just so I have to answer the phone that way.

  ‘Fuck off, Tom. If your dad wasn’t such a deviate then I wouldn’t be uttering a single word. Instead I’ll take my hundred bucks and keep my mouth shut.’

  ‘That’s the spirit! So are you done or what?’

  ‘Just finished. I noticed you were kind enough to book Winkler in on my day.’

  ‘Hey man, it was a quiet week. I thought I’d better give you something to do while you’re there.’ I know it’s a complete lie, but I let him have it.

  ‘So, are you just calling for the banal chit-chat or do you actually need something?’

  ‘I’m offended, Tyler. And here I was thinking we were friends.’ He’s trying to sound upset, but not doing a very good job of it at all.

  ‘Hmm … so, what are you doing today?’

  ‘I happen to be looking at a ten foot swell down at Bondi Beach right now and didn’t know if you possessed the balls to grab a board and come surfing with me.’

  ‘Dickhead. I know for a fact my balls and my dick are bigger than yours because Rebecca couldn’t help tattling about your size after you were a complete and utter disappointment in the sack.’ Tom ignores the reminder of the girlfriend he’d rather forget.

  ‘So I take it that’s a yes?’ He sounds bored.

  ‘Be there in halfer.’

  Chapter Nine

  Mackenzie

  School holidays have well and truly arrived. September brings with it a sticky, humid heat with only a thunderstorm giving any chance of reprieve. Today, though, is stinking hot. As I wake from a restless sleep, my damp hair clings to my neck and clothes hug my body like second skin. It’s going to be a hot one, so I decide the only place to spend my day is at the beach.

  Mum is already up and having her breakfast.

  ‘Hey mum, where’s Jim?’

  ‘He’s gone fishing with Luke.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Why honey, what’s up?’

  ‘I was just going to head down to the beach today and was hoping to get a lift.’

  ‘That’s no problem; I can take you before I start my shift at the hospital.’

  ‘Are you sure? I could catch the bus.’

  ‘Sure, I’m sure. Have some breakfast and then we’ll get going.’ I groan inwardly. Social time at breakfast is not what I was bargaining for when I came in to ask for a lift. Knowing I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t submit, I decide to get it over with. A milky coffee, and one egg scrambled is all I’m giving in to. My mother’s disapproving stare is not lost on me, but I won’t budge.

  ‘Really, Mackenzie, is that all you’re having?’

  ‘Yes, it is. I’ll take something for later in my bag.’

  ‘Well see you do, you’re looking awfully thin lately.’

  I don’t give her the satisfaction of a rebuke; instead I concentrate on getting through my meal – if that’s what you’d call it. Mum finishes hers, and heads upstairs to get her uniform on. While finishing my coffee, I decide to call Levi and see if he wants to tag along. He picks up after three rings.

  ‘Hey,’ he sounds miserable to say the least.

  ‘Hey Levi, what’s up?’

  ‘Not much, but I have to go with my dad to give him a hand with a plastering job he’s doing.’

  ‘So I guess that means you won’t be able to join me at the beach today?’

  ‘I wish. Instead I’m going to get plaster all up my finger nails and come home looking filthy.’ I stifle a laugh, only Levi would worry about his manicure over the actual boredom of helping his dad out on the first weekend of holidays.

  ‘Too bad. I’m gonna miss you.’ Strangely over the last couple of months I realise I have become quite attached to Levi. He’s been like the close girlfriend I never had, but without the bitchyness.

  ‘Same here, but maybe we can hang out tomorrow?’

  ‘Sure, call me, okay?’

  ‘You bet.’ He hangs up sounding slightly more chipper than when he first got on the phone.

  With nothing to hide about my eating habits this morning, I put my empty plates in the dishwasher and head upstairs to get dressed. Within fifteen minutes mum and I are heading towards Bondi Beach. There’s not a cloud in the sky and the sun is already beating down on the bitumen, reflecting back up at the car and making me squint. Even the radio announcer is promising a scorching thirty-eight degrees. I’m glad I brought my thongs, by midday the sand will be too hot to walk on barefoot.

  Mum drops me in the parking lot, leaving me with the usual motherly advice – wear sunscreen, don’t go out too far while swimming, make sure I eat something … blah, blah, blah. I know the drill. Being an Aussie kid it’s almost an institution to learn how to swim before you learn to walk. That said, I’m sure my lack of energy would hinder my efforts if I were caught in a rip, despite how good a swimmer I proclaim to be. Bondi is renowned for its dangerous rips, the tourists getting caught out more often than not.

  Sunglasses on, I hit the beach. Mid-morning has a throng of people already basking on beach towels and seeking relief from the heat in the aquamarine water. Bondi is pristine, so it’s easy to see why so many people flock here. Sometimes the amount of people on the beach make it look like a tin of sardines, all jam packed next to each other. I take up a spot on the north end of the beach and lay my towel out, ready to settle in for the day. A quick lick of sunscreen and I strip down to my bikini.

  When it comes to my figure, I tend to sit on the fence with how I judge myself. I know people think I’m too twiggy, but I like to think I’m just lean. Looking around at some of the beach’s more beefier occupants, I figure I’m still better off on the lean side rather than the porkier version of person that is bulging out of their swimmers. My hat goes off to them for having the confidence to still show up in such a small amount of clothing when they are carrying so much extra weight, especially since the majority of beach goers are the body conscious type who revel in muscled, tanned bodies.

  For a while I people watch. It’s never dull at Bondi, making it interesting viewing for those intent on watching. Surfers also hold my attention, making me wish I had the guts to give it a go. By the time eleven a.m. rocks around, my skin is starting to sizzle. Leaving my bag and towel, I head into the water and suck in my breath as the coolness of the water touches my skin. The heavenly feeling is invigorating and makes me want to laugh and smile, shout to the heavens and act like a girl my age should, something that is all too infrequent these days.

  The swell isn’t too big right now, so I take the time to float about in the water. A hard task when I have no body fat to speak of. Skinny people tend to sink very quickly. Getting frustrated with having to fill my lungs with air to keep me afloat, I decide that it’s time I do some body surfing. Feeling free is what the ocean is all about. My eyes stay open, and as I glide under the water with my arms stretched out in front of me, I’m able to see the different patterns on the sand bed beneath me. Over and over I catch waves until I am just about out of breath. Deciding I have one more wave in me, I start swimming as it approaches.


  It’s larger than I was expecting. The wave cuts a very clear path across the ocean and completely sucks me in as it roars over the top of me. There is no chance of riding this one at my leisure. My body rises to the top of the wave before being royally dumped in the white wash below. Arms and legs flail wildly as I struggle to right myself, eyes seeking out the surface. Amongst the chaos, a pair of legs comes into view. I say a silent prayer, because it means I mustn’t be too far from the safety of the shore.

  Crashing into the owner of the legs, they too are swept off their feet and dragged unbidden along for the ride. My breath is all but expelled, nothing left to keep my lungs working. Reflexively, I snort water, all the while my brain is screaming at me. Air, air, air!

  Someone must be listening to my silent plea for help because I find myself washed up on the beach, arms and legs tangled with the unwitting person I just careened into. Apologising is not first on my list of priorities while I cough to rid myself of the salt water I swallowed. My stomach muscles clench, and I fight hard not to vomit right here on the beach in front of everyone.

  ‘Mackenzie?’ I drag my hair from my eyes with a final splutter and pray like crazy my bikini top is still in place. After that crazy ride, I’m certainly doubtful. My eyes reach those of Pacific blue. Looks like I just crashed Tyler Redding’s dip in the ocean.

  ‘Er, hi.’ My sheepish grin does nothing to stop his look of amusement on his face. Absently my hands fumble for my bandeau top and wriggle it into place.

  ‘You know, Mackenzie, when I said you floored me like a Mack truck, I didn’t mean for you to literally knock my feet out from under me.’ Dimples grin wickedly at me and I feel tongue tied. Telling myself it’s from the severe dumping I just received is doing nothing for my ego either.