Love My Way

by Bridget Midway

  “We’re about to eat dinner. Take off that mask. And if that necklace is stolen or a part of something I won’t approve, I want that off also. Be respectful in my home.” Her mother wagged her finger in Ananda’s face. “Your grandmother would turn over in her grave if she knew you were doing something morally corrupt. We raised you better than that. Now we let you go off and do your little dancing stuff.”

  Ananda really wanted her mother to shut up now. Her face burned from embarrassment.

  “Yes, and I thank you, Mother. Can we just go eat now and we can talk about what I’m doing later?” Ananda walked out to the dining room table again.

  All conversation stopped as soon as they saw her.

  “It’s for a show I’m doing,” she said, pointing to the mask and necklace then nodding toward Eagan. “Does everyone know Eagan Morton?” Ananda, as though she wasn’t wearing a mask, introduced her family to him.

  A couple of them nodded, but the rest, just like her mother, stared at her with quizzical expressions. She sat next to Eagan and released a ragged breath. The night had to be over soon.

  “Shall we pray?” Ananda reached for Darnell and Eagan’s hands.

  Ananda’s mother had other plans. She grabbed Ananda’s hand. “What did I tell you about that thing? Not at my table. Take it off now and come sit back down here like the respectable lady that I raised you to be. I’m not going to tell you again.”

  Ananda glanced around the table, purposely avoiding looking at Eagan. He wouldn’t understand. With her strict upbringing and the hold her mother had over her, Ananda felt powerless. Her gaze settled on her best friend. She hoped now that he caught her “help me” expression. He must have. Darnell shrugged his shoulders.

  “Sorry, bunny. You’re on your own.” Darnell kept his voice down.

  “Excuse me.” Ananda stood.

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Eagan asked.

  Ananda couldn’t avoid him now. Under the harsh stares from her family and friends, she felt she had no other choice.

  “I’m sorry.” She headed to her old bedroom with the camera crew right behind her.

  “Are you taking off the mask and collar?” the camerawoman asked.

  “If I plan on being in this house, I have to.”

  “It’s about time you came to your senses.” Ananda’s mother nodded, as though she’d won this battle.

  Once in her bedroom, Ananda reached for the mask and stopped. Her hands felt cold and clammy just touching the thing, which had become a significant part of her. Her stomach heaved at the idea of removing it.

  She decided that maybe she should start with the necklace first. And if she only thought of it as a necklace, then her body wouldn’t react in the way that it was. As soon as she touched the clasp behind her neck, Ananda’s stomach froze then reversed all systems.

  Ananda pushed her way passed the crew, nearly knocking the woman to the floor to get to the bathroom. She purged her guts into the commode. What was happening to her? She couldn’t remove these items.

  Ananda wiped her mouth and washed her hands. Raising her head, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She’d been in the mask and collar so long they felt natural. What felt odd to her was taking them off, when Eagan didn’t tell her she could.

  It hit her then that her overwhelming need to please Eagan and to respect the Lifestyle overruled her need to please her mother and fall back into what society thought was normal. This was her life. She had one shot at being happy. Although she tried denying it before, there was no way she could say that she didn’t want this, want Eagan, want to be his submissive.

  “Gal, get in here. We’re all waiting for you,” her mother called from the dining room.

  Ananda returned to her bedroom. For what she was about to do, about to admit, her mother would surely send her packing. Ananda packed her belongings back into her suitcases and grabbed them and her purse. She returned to the dining room area and set her bags down.

  “You’re still wearing that thing,” her mother said.

  “I’m not taking it off or my collar.” Ananda touched the pearl necklace.

  “Did she just say collar?” her Aunt Bernice asked.

  Again, all activity at the table stopped. Ananda stared at Eagan whose expression was hard to read. Was he proud of her? Upset? Confused?

  “And call me Begonia.” She took a deep breath. “For the last few weeks, Mother, I’ve been a part of a show called Love My Way.”

  “Is that like one of them dating shows?” her cousin Verna asked. She looked pointedly at Eagan.

  Darnell made it obvious that what Ananda was about to admit was very heavy. He covered his mouth and his eyes were as big as the bowls on the table.

  “Kind of.” Ananda cleared her throat. “Eagan Morton is a bachelor.” That was the truth. “And I’m one of the top two contestants. I could win this and be with this man.” She pointed to him.

  He let a smile peek through.

  A few of them at the table nodded. Ananda needed to tell them the full truth.

  “And I would serve him in the manner he would like.”

  The heads stopped moving. All stares were on her.

  “Serve? Is he a man of the cloth?” Ananda’s mother glanced at the reverend first, before returning her gaze to Ananda.

  “No, Mother. He’s into a Lifestyle I’m sure you never heard of: BDSM.”

  Verna gasped. Darnell fanned his face. The hell that was about to break loose was cracking right now.

  “And what does all of that mean?” her mother asked.

  “He spanks you?” Ananda’s younger cousin Troy asked.

  “Sometimes,” Eagan finally said. “It depends.”

  “What are you into right now?” Her mother stood from the table.

  “Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism. Eagan,” she stopped and cleared her throat, “Master Eagan is a Dominant. I’m looking to be his submissive. The other contestants and I have been wearing these masks so that our looks don’t affect his decision. The collars represent our devotion to him because he owns us while we’re on the show.” The more she admitted, the freer she felt, although the more Ananda said, the more horrified her family and friends looked.

  Her mother covered her mouth in shock.

  Ananda kept going. “We bow to him in the mornings. We kneel by our chairs before eating.” To punctuate the fact, Ananda knelt by her chair next to Eagan. She glanced at him and found him smiling back. His pride swelled her heart.

  Ananda’s mother stood and strolled to her.

  “It’s the kind of life I want, Mother, and he’s the man to give—”

  The first smack Ananda’s mother gave Ananda across her face stung and surprised her. Growing up, her mother never raised her voice or her hand to her. Ananda touched her cheek and stared at her mother through tear-filled eyes.

  The second hit sent her careening against her chair. Ananda braced her hand on the chair. Eagan sprang from his seat, toppling his own chair.

  “Don’t you touch her again.” He stood between Ananda and her mother.

  “I don’t know who you think you are, but you don’t mean anything to me.” She peered around Eagan to look at her daughter. “I always taught you to be a lady, to respect me, and your family.” Her mother shook her head. “I don’t know who you are anymore. You come into my house and talk this filthy talk about serving some stranger you’re not married to, not in love with.”

  Ananda nodded. Although she did love Eagan, she didn’t need to release too many bombs in one day. “I care for him a great deal.” She loved Eagan Morton and everything about him, including the fact that he was a Dominant.

  “You have gotten mixed up in some crazy life because of dancing. I knew I should have stopped that, but your father wanted to encourage you. Now, you’re disrespecting me and your family.”

  “No, you’re disrespecting me and the feelings I have for this man. I’m an adult, Mother. I don’t need permission from you
or Reverend Bailey on who I should fall in love with. I’m willing to do anything for Eagan.”

  “Really? Then you had better be prepared to leave this house. You have to choose. You either respect me and the values I’ve taught you, or you go off and be with this man.”

  Ananda glanced around the table at the closest people in her life. Darnell nodded his head and gave her a thumbs-up sign. Eagan held her hand and helped her to her feet. She knew what she had to do.

  Ananda picked up her bags. “I love you, Mother. It’s because of you and your strict teachings that I have the overwhelming need to please. My focus has shifted. It’s now my time to please someone besides you. You and Granny taught me to serve four people: you two, God, and my husband. He may not be my husband, but he could be my man. Right now, I want to do what I can to make him happy.”

  Her mother shook her head. “Get out.”

  Without a word, Ananda headed to the door with camera crew behind them. She knew Darnell loved her like a sister, but he was down for the free meal so he stayed put. When the door slammed behind her, Eagan, and the crew once they got on the porch, Ananda let out a long sigh.

  Eagan put his hands on Ananda’s shoulders and turned her around to face him. “I don’t know how much this means to you, but I’m so very proud of you right now.”

  She forced a smile on her dour face. “Please tell me there was this much drama when you visited Sunny’s home.”

  Eagan smiled.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  Eagan kissed her forehead. “That doesn’t mean anything. What you did in there showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to be a part of this Lifestyle, whether I’m in it or not.”

  Then Eagan didn’t get her actions at all. She wanted to show him that she wanted to be with him and only him. No one else would do for her.

  Ananda glanced at the front door, the one with pencil marks from where her mother measured her height through the years. Paint peeled from wood around the doorframe. She reached out and brushed her fingers down the curled, dried paint. Touching it brought back memories of her childhood.

  It hit her then. If she stayed with Eagan, she would never see her mother again. Ananda’s gut twisted.

  “Take me to the car, please.” She buckled and covered her mouth as Eagan helped her to the limo.

  The crew tried joining them and Eagan ejected them.

  “No! You all pile into the production van.” He ordered Richard to take off as he held Ananda in his arms.

  As soon as the car started moving, Ananda let loose a current of tears. She wailed so hard that her throat felt raw.

  “Oh, God! What have I done?” She clutched Eagan’s lapels as he rocked her in his arms. “If I don’t win this contest, I’ll have nothing; I’ll have no one.”

  “Shh…shh.” Eagan continued rocking her. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

  Ananda wiped her face with the back of her hand. “No, it won’t. Without my family, I’ll be alone. If I don’t win, where will I go? What will happen to me? Who will love me?”

  She wept even harder. Ananda wasn’t looking for sympathy. She was a big girl and could take her lumps like the next woman. But fear overrode her senses. Right now, she was in panic mode.

  Gazing up into Eagan’s eyes, all she wanted to hear was him admit that no matter what he would take care of her. She wanted to hear him say that he wouldn’t put her out on the street. She wanted to hear him admit that he loved her just as much as she loved him.

  Eagan said, “I bet you’re hungry. Let’s stop somewhere and get something to eat.”

  Ananda tightened her grip on his jacket, wanting so badly to just shake him. Except that when she first got to the house, for the first time ever she wanted to rip the mask off of her face and reveal her true self to him.

  She couldn’t, not while she still had a chance at a life with him. Plus, if she had taken off the mask, he would have known who she was and questioned her motives for entering the contest in the first place. She’d already dropped one big bomb today. She didn’t need to lose her mother and Eagan on the same day though her heart ached for some sort of comfort.

  Ananda nodded in agreement to his suggestion. She just hoped that Eagan understood what turning her back on her family truly meant. She couldn’t have just severed ties with them for nothing.

  * * * *

  Eagan let Ophelia wait for him for over forty-five minutes before coming out to greet her. Ophelia sat in the his living room squarely in the middle of his couch, her back straight, her shoulders back and that same damn smile.

  “Hi, Ophelia.” He walked into room and sat in a chair next to the couch. No use leading her on.

  “Master Eagan, uh, I mean, Eagan, how are you?” She lowered her gaze. “Am I able to call you Master again?”

  Eagan sat up straighter. “You could.”

  Ophelia beamed.

  “But before you do that, a producer with a TV show called me. He wanted to know if I could give you a recommendation. Then he asked me which episode I wanted to direct.”

  Fat tears crested in Ophelia’s eyes.

  “Oh, no, honey, put away the fake tears. I should have known that your e-mails and calls and the return trip were all a part of your act. And I nearly fell for it again.” He shook his head. “You and I want two different things. I want you happy, though. I have arranged for you to meet another Dom. He and I have the same playing style. I’m sure you’ll like him.” He held up his hand with the contact information for the Dom.

  “But it’s you I love.” Ophelia wiped her eyes.

  “You don’t love me. You love what I’m able to do for you, but you don’t love me. You can’t. Take the number and go. I do wish you well.”

  Ophelia stood. “Keep it. I’ll have something to come back for later on.”

  “You won’t be allowed back on my property. I’ll e-mail the information to you.” Eagan crumpled the paper in his fist. He stood and approached Ophelia. “Take care.” He kissed her forehead.

  “Eagan!”

  He turned back to her.

  “You’re going to miss me.” Ophelia nodded.

  “I did.”

  Saying goodbye to Ophelia hurt, but it was necessary if he was going to start another chapter in his life. Now, he just had to figure out with whom he would start that next phase. Sunny or Begonia?

  Sunny was already well-trained. She understood what it meant to be a submissive. And he wouldn’t mind making love to her. Begonia, though, after what he saw her do at her mother’s house, he knew she’d sacrificed so much for him. Did that mean she really loved him? Was it all an act to stay in the contest?

  No, her tears were real. Her pounding heart, when he’d held her, illustrated her deep fear. All he’d wanted to do was assure her that she would be okay. He wanted to tell her that no matter what, he would take care of her. He wanted to say, “I love you.” She was already scared and freaking out. He didn’t need to put that on her, too.

  What the hell would he do? Who would he choose?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Eagan had let Ananda go back to the house alone so that he could take care of some business. Ananda suspected that he would be meeting Ophelia only because he had made some calls to other Doms he knew, asking if they were in the market for a new submissive.

  Hearing parts of his conversation relieved her. At least it meant that Eagan had no interest in bringing Ophelia back into his life. Ananda’s true competition remained Sunny. Since Ananda knew Sunny’s home visit went way better than Ananda’s, Ananda had a lot of work to do to sway Eagan to pick her.

  After a security check from hell and getting through the mob that sat at the entrance into Eagan’s posh neighborhood, Ananda finally reached the house.

  She dropped her bags on the floor. It felt strange being in the house and not seeing camera crews around. Ananda took the stairs by two to get to Eagan’s office. She wanted to wait there for him when he got home.

&nbs
p; When she opened the door, she froze in her spot when she saw the back of a nearly naked woman standing there. She knew this woman was one of Eagan’s slaves because she wore the see-through dress and the chastity belt. This slave was taller and leaner than Apple or Willow. Plus, she had short hair.

  “Aspen?” Ananda said, hoping she was that mysterious woman.

  The woman turned around and Ananda blinked and stepped back. “Hi, Ananda Zelder.”

  “Dameron?” Ananda hadn’t seen her former dance instructor in years. “You’ve been here this whole time?”

  Dameron nodded. “When I left the dance school a few years ago, I started serving Master Eagan. When my youngest finally moved out, I sold the house and moved here with him.”

  Ananda nodded. Then, a thought hit her. She was still in her mask.

  “How did you know it was me under here?” Ananda asked.

  “I was looking through pictures of people who auditioned for Master Eagan’s dancing show and saw your picture. I could tell it was you from the little scar by your chin. Does Master Eagan know you auditioned for his show?”

  “He knew Ananda Zelder did. He doesn’t know that that woman and I are the same.” She pointed to the picture.

  “You have to tell him.”

  “I will. I just need to get through this last elimination and then I’ll tell him. Either I win and I tell him, or I get kicked out and I tell him.”

  Dameron shook her head. “Tell him now. After what he went through with Ophelia, he needs to know the truth.”

  “The truth is that I started off this competition wanting to be here for the wrong reasons. I got some really bad advice. But now I want to be here. I just turned my back on my family to come back home. I don’t want to give up Eagan, not when I’ve gotten so close, not when I just fell in love with him.”

  Dameron smiled. “Then you’ll understand when I tell him the truth about you. I serve him and his interests. I can’t not tell him I know who you are and why you are here.”