Take My Breath Away

by Mia Ford

  25

  Rosie

  I walked back into my quiet house and walked upstairs. The tears were dry on my cheeks now, but I still longed for Sterling to be holding me.

  I wanted to sneak off to some quiet part of the park with him and ride his cock. Sterling made me forget my troubles with the way he made me feel. I craved it all the time now. I stepped into my room and slipped off my flip flops before dropping into my bed. The house was so quiet, making me wonder if the stuff happened here that remained in my mind. It was such a gorgeous place in a great neighborhood that offered so much potential. It was fun when we were kids and played outside together. I felt like I was a normal person back then with friends and family always surrounding me.

  Once my father went against Sterling’s in some business deal, things changed. They hated each other, and it was their kids that suffered. Their wives who were friends and supported one another had to end their relationship. I remembered seeing them pass one another at the mall and the way both women were so stiff. It hurt seeing it even though I didn’t say anything to my mother.

  I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Maybe I should consider moving with Violet and starting over there. I wouldn’t have money, but I could start working there. We could start small with an apartment and move up as we grew successful. I loved Violet and knew that we’d have a great time together. She was my constant in life and had been for the last four years. The only problem was that Sterling was my constant as well. He wouldn’t be in Texas. I wasn’t sure if I could live without him.

  I fell asleep, tossing and turning while I dreamed an exaggerated version of my life. It involved my family leaving me without a place to live and Sterling abandoning me. I ended up with Violet the way that I was considering doing but it was harsh and painful. I woke up with tears in my eyes, remembering the way that Sterling walked away from me. He didn’t look back or even say anything as he disappeared in the dream even though I was calling out his name. I was sobbing as I begged him to stay. I rolled to my side and wiped at my eyes as something shifted in my stomach.

  Today we were baking cookies with my aunts. They either didn’t know how bad my father was or they ignored it. Mom seemed to be okay in her big house with money. She was the one that was the best off in the family and since she lost her parents in a fire, the girls only had each other.

  I showered and went downstairs for coffee, smiling softly at Mom as she pulled stuff out of the pantry. I knew that she loved me. Dad ruled the house and controlled so much of that to the point that I questioned her loyalty so much of the time. Even today when he was gone at work, his presence lingered.

  Mom was allowed to love my brothers freely. They were a part of every aspect of the family and their wives were playing their part my popping out babies. My brothers loved their families but a part of me wondered if it was the same way my dad looked at us as trophies of some sort. I knew that I’d be on the shelf right along with them if I went with the business and married someone like Rich, having several kids to help carry on the business through the generations. I dreamed of having kids and showing them the world through creativity and art. I wanted them to write, draw and just show me their thoughts through color. I didn’t want to force them into anything the way my dad was doing to me. I could never imagine doing that.

  I faked my way through making the cookies. There were five kinds, and I used to love the tradition. I’d eat my weight in the treats, washing them down with hot cocoa as I played with my cousins. This year, I stirred and dropped dough on the sheets as Mom and her sisters talked about life. One of them had a job in home health care and the other worked with children through art therapy. They were compassionate women that cared about people, inspiring me to do the same. I wanted to raise my own family with those morals and while Mom was loving on the outside, she let Dad control the family. Where had she failed?

  “Are you okay, honey?” My aunt Sophie asked me in a low voice as we washed dishes. I smiled into her kind face with warm brown eyes.

  “I’m fine. I think I’m just exhausted from school.” I smiled weakly as she patted my shoulder.

  “It will be over soon. Then you can move back here and start working, Rose.” Her words were encouraging as I wondered what she meant. Did Mom just tell her I was going to work with the family? Was my life decided for me that easily?

  They stayed for dinner, helping Mom with enchiladas. My brothers had other obligations tonight, so it was just us eating, as well as Dad when he arrived home. I stayed in my seat, picking at the food as I kept my eyes on the table. I was relieved when he kept the conversation about Christmas and the plans for the day. I managed to slip away from the table and go wash my plate before I stepped outside to get some fresh air.

  I stood on the back deck and gazed up into the sky. It was cold out here, but I breathed it in deeply. I relished in the feeling, looking towards Sterling’s house. I wanted to walk down to the park again tonight and take him under the trees tonight. I wanted to live my fantasy and allow him to walk me towards the sunset and my dream life. I wanted… I wanted something I would never have. I needed to surrender the fantasy.

  I repeated the words to myself later as I was back at the park, under the trees. We were well hidden, and I was staying quiet as Sterling feasted on me, his arms gripping my thighs. I came hard but didn’t make a peep, even when he crawled up my body and slid inside of me. The feeling was so intense and perfect that I wanted to cry out his name. We stayed there together for a short while before sneaking back home. I was just getting into bed when Sterling sent me a text that his dad was still awake. It wasn’t that he was worried about leaving the house, but he didn’t want us to get caught. Sterling was worried about me if this should happen.

  I argued that our families didn’t even speak, all through text. My heart plummeted when I took it to mean that he didn’t want to see me during this trip anymore. When Sterling replied that he wanted me to stay safe, I dropped the phone to the floor and curled up under the covers. I knew that I was a hot mess, and I just wanted all of this behind me.

  The next several days passed slowly as I made it through the holidays. My house was full of family and cheer, but I faked every smile. Even in my fog, I could see how fake my dad was with everyone. I wondered how nobody could see that. Mom was surrounded by people that loved her, but she’d be back alone here in a matter of hours.

  I tried so hard not to think about Sterling. I hated him for what he told me in our late-night texts, but he was constantly on my mind. I kept my phone upstairs to prevent myself from checking it constantly, talking to Violet later at night when everything died down. She was supportive but reminded me that Sterling was never completely into me. Violet wondered if he was seeing someone else during this time away from home.

  The idea killed me, but I accepted it. He was at a club that night and left with me. Why wouldn’t he take another woman somewhere for sex? I lied to my parents and told them that I had a project to work on at school. I left before New Year’s Eve, meeting Violet so we could go out and bring it in right. I stood with the crowd at the local bar, buzzed and happy as we all screamed at midnight.

  This was going to be a great year. It had to be.

  26

  Sterling

  I went back to school the day after New Year’s Day. I’d gone to the same bar that I met Rosie at, hoping to see her again to bring in the new year. She wasn’t there, so I celebrated with friends. I got sloppy drunk and ended up kissing another woman when the crowd started to scream. I didn’t leave with her, but I knew that we got hot and heavy in a dark part of the bar. I felt like an asshole now as I drove into the crowded parking lot, filled with returning students.

  My eyes automatically searched for Rosie’s car. I noticed up parked close to the building, narrowing my eyes at the sight. How long had she been here? We hadn’t talked at all since that last night together at the park. I got out of the car and grabbed my bag, walking back to my dorm. It felt heavy an
d dark inside as I walked in, dropping my bag on the bed. I played back my messages that last night that were sent out of concern, even pulling out my phone to double check them. I read my concern in the words but paid closer attention to her responses. It clicked that she thought I didn’t want her anymore and I let out a low curse. That explained the radio silence for the remainder of the break.

  That wasn’t what I was saying at all. I knew that there would be hell to pay if I was caught with her and even worse for her given the same situation. I was just making sure things were good at home and meant to continue things when I got back to campus. I was getting ready to call her when a message came through from one of my buddies. There was a party to celebrate being back on campus tonight at one of the houses in frat row. Did I want to go?

  I shot back a quick yes before I dropped onto the bed. I opened the text thread I had going with Rosie, asking if she was in her room.

  R: Yeah, I’ve been back for a few days. You?

  S: A few days? I just got back. Want to have some coffee?

  R: Sure. Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you at the coffee shop on the corner.

  S: Happy New Year, Rosie.

  I wanted to make it a year that involved her, involved us. We were graduating and adults, despite the fact that our families wanted us to feel dependent on them. I changed into some clean jeans and a university sweatshirt, slipping on my favorite worn Cons before tucking my key into my pocket. I headed downstairs and out of the front door, turning right to head to the coffee shop. I didn’t know what to expect from her since her texts were so neutral, but I was anxious to see her.

  The streets were crowded with returning students and I waved at a few that called my name. It was hard to believe that I’d be leaving this campus in a few months without no real idea of where I was going. I didn’t look into law school early because I knew my family might not approve. They already had control of my trust fund until I was thirty and I didn’t work. They had me by the balls and the sad thing was that I allowed it. I saw the coffee shop ahead and walked a bit faster. It had only been a few days since I saw Rosie last, but they were long. After being with her at the park under the cover of darkness, I was fucking addicted. I pushed the door open and walked inside, taking a quick look around.

  I frowned when I saw her talking to a tall guy near the end of the counter where you picked up drinks. She was smiling, looking beautiful and I could see that he appreciated that. They laughed together as the barista called her name, sliding a cup across the counter. Rosie grabbed it and said something to the guy before turning to look around. Her eyes met my narrowed ones and Rosie raised an eyebrow at me. She walked towards me, telling me quietly that she was going to grab a table and would wait for me. I knew that look and walked up to order coffee, waiting in the long line. The guy that she was talking to walked out just as I went to order, giving me a long look at him. I recognized him as one of the basketball players though I didn’t know his name.

  I got my coffee and moved to join her at the small table in the corner. Rosie was reading something on her phone as she waited, tucking some hair over her shoulder. She glanced up and her eyes were dark on me.

  “What was that?” She asked in a low voice as I leaned back to stare at her.

  “I was just wondering who he was,” I defended myself as she rolled her eyes. Rosie was full of angst tonight.

  “I have a class with him and we were just catching up. Is that okay? I’d be exhausted if I worried that much about every girl that you talked to on campus.” I heard the sarcastic tone in her voice. She frowned and looked down at the steaming cup of liquid for a long moment.

  “What’s with the personal attack? I thought we were doing okay over break. At least, as much as we could,” I added as she shook her head.

  “I did too. Then you sent that text about not wanting to risk it anymore.” Fuck. She did take it the wrong way, and the hurt was all over her face.

  “Rosie, I didn’t mean forever. I just saw how upset your dad was making you. I know that he’s a workaholic like mine and didn’t want you to get in trouble.” I told her as she lifted her eyes to mine.

  “I am an adult. I can leave my house,” she reminded me as I sighed.

  “You lied to go to the club that night. I doubt that he’d be okay with you fucking me at the park.” Heat flushed her skin and anger filled her eyes as Rosie stared silently at me.

  “Thanks for breaking it down for me,” she said after a moment before pushing away from the table. Rosie stood to leave, and I held up my hand.

  “Rosie, stop. I didn’t mean it that way.” I was fucking up left and right with her. I saw her push the door open and left both of our hot cups behind to chase after her. “Rosie!”

  She was walking quickly down the sidewalk. Her legs looked great in the yoga pants and I forced my mind on stopping her again.

  “Rosie.” I jogged up to her, stopping in front of her and leading her to the front of a store. “What the hell is going on with you?”

  “That text said it all for me, Sterling. You didn’t want this anymore.” She gestured between us. “I decided to accept that and move on. Everything you said today told me the same thing.”

  “Huh?” I asked as she glanced up to my face before looking away.

  “I don’t want to fuck in parks anymore or your dorm room. I don’t want that casual thing, Sterling. It’s not who I am, and I let it go too long with you.” She sighed. “Our families fell apart years ago and with graduation right around the corner, so will this. We won’t have the space away from them like we do here.” I pinned her to the store, forcing her eyes to mine with my hand cupped around her cheek. “You have a reputation on campus. I knew this all along and I still kissed you that first night. I still slept with you. I can’t do that anymore. Just move on and find someone that your dad would approve of. You deserve someone that you don’t need to hide.” She pushed me away from her, continuing to her dorm as I stared at her in surprise.

  New Year’s Eve played through my mind as shame washed over me. I didn’t sleep with the girl, but we came close enough in that club. Was I thinking of Rosie that night? I knew that I was, but it didn’t prevent me from messing around with her. It’s what I’d been doing my entire life with random girls. It’s how I was raised.

  I let my shoulders drop, deciding what to do now.

  I handled the flings so much better than I did Rosie. She was the only regular thing I’d had in a few years and I missed her already. I never let myself think of it as more than sex too deeply, but I knew that she did. I turned to walk into town to distract myself. This was going to hit me hard eventually, and I dreaded it.

  I got back to my dorm a few hours later, buzzed from some beer I had at a bar. Some friends were there, and we hung out to drink together. I didn’t tell them about Rosie but then again, I never had. I just drank, feeling more separated from it as the night went on. A group of girls came up to talk and a cute little blonde smiled at me as I looked them over.

  I heard Rosie’s words in my mind as I grinned back at her. She was right. I did sleep around a lot on campus so why not keep up the tradition? I chatted with the girl only aware that her name was Kelly when I went back to her apartment with her.

  I was numb when I left. I wanted Rosie, but I knew when she was serious about wanting to be left alone. Kelly was willing and eager, but the sex left a lot to be desired. I left without getting her number, telling myself that this is who I was. I never deserved someone like Rosie at all. I was damn lucky to get the time that I did. I dropped into bed to pass out and forget everything.

  I had one day to relax before classes kicked back in. I used it to put away the clothes I’d washed at home and just tidy up my room. I did wash my sheets to get Rosie’s addicting scent out of them, watching blankly as the material spun in the water and soap.

  I missed her.

  I took the warm, clean sheets back to my room and made the bed. My phone was on my desk and I chec
ked it a few times throughout the day. I didn’t see anything from Rosie but there were several from friends. Everyone was asking me to go to the party tonight, and I agreed halfheartedly before dropping down and staring at the ceiling.

  I wore jeans and a t-shirt to the party, though I was less than enthusiastic. My friends mingled around the large living room as I sipped a beer at the table. Luke took the empty seat beside me and looked me over.

  “What’s up, Sterling? Was your break that shitty?” He asked as his blue eyes twinkled with mirth. He was one of my closest friends and I shot him a dark look.

  “It wasn’t ideal. You know how the family is.” I told him as he nodded. His wasn’t much better and in fact, most of my friends were trust fund kids. They just weren’t competitors with my father.

  “I do. Is Dad still trying to own the world?” Luke asked as I snorted.

  “He has everything in the fucking world. I don’t know why he needs to work so hard.” I muttered as Luke sipped his beer. “He’s not at all into the law school idea. I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to manage that.” Luke was lucky to get his trust fund when he was twenty-one and smart enough to make it last.

  “Get a job?” He suggested as I laughed humorously.

  “What…will that save up enough for law school?” I asked hypothetically.

  “Male escort?” Luke offered as we both snorted.

  “I don’t think so. I love sex but imagine the clients.” I laughed as Luke chuckled with me. We kept drinking and moved onto lighter subjects and I avoided the crowd. I didn’t expect Rosie to be here and if she was, she probably wouldn’t talk to me to begin with. I didn’t want to hook up with any other girls either.

  27

  Rosalind