Sin of a Woman

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  But that wasn’t Porsha’s biggest worry at the moment. Not when she’d felt a bit uneasy ever since speaking to Dillon yesterday afternoon. She’d tried to forget about his calling her, but she couldn’t. In fact, she’d thought about him all evening and again this morning, and she didn’t like how some of her old feelings had resurfaced. She didn’t like it at all, especially with his being engaged to someone else—even though when she’d asked him about Taylor, he’d immediately asked if she was jealous. Then, there was the way he’d ended their call by referring to her as “baby.” Porsha wasn’t sure why he’d spoken to her in that respect if he was in love with and was planning to marry his fiancée. Although with Dillon’s history of cheating, she knew she shouldn’t be surprised. Which was even more reason she didn’t want to feel the way she did, and she hoped he didn’t contact her again.

  Porsha pulled a legal-size writing pad closer and picked up her black Montblanc pen. She smiled when she thought about the fact that Steve had given it to her for her birthday earlier this year. He’d also bought her a gorgeous set of diamond studs, and a part of her did wonder what his wife would think if she knew the kind of money Steve had spent on Porsha. He owned a successful home health care company and could likely afford it with no problem, but there was no denying that these were the kinds of gifts a husband should be buying for his wife. This was something Porsha tried her best not to think about, though, because she knew having an affair with Steve was wrong. Sleeping with any married man was wrong, and strangely, when she’d woken up this morning a wave of guilt had nearly paralyzed her. It had overwhelmed her so much that she’d thought she was going crazy.

  Then, when her mind and body had seemed to relax, she’d thought about her singles ministry for women. For so long she’d been lying and telling people that God had called her to preach, but this morning she’d felt as though God truly was speaking to her. It wasn’t that she’d heard His actual voice, but He’d seemed to speak to her soul. He’d made it very clear that all the sins she was committing were wrong, and that He had something good He wanted her to do. Something that would help someone other than herself.

  It had also been then that she’d decided to call her new singles ministry for women Daughters of Ruth. She hadn’t shared this information during the staff meeting because she hadn’t wanted anyone thinking she’d jumped ahead of the game, that is, before asking for their blessings. But again, she’d known since waking up this morning that this was the perfect name for what she wanted to accomplish. She felt so much passion for her new ministry, more than she had for anything else she’d worked on, and this meant everything. Because to her, the best ministries were started by people who could relate to the folks they were planning to help. Needless to say, as a thirty-four-year-old single woman hoping to find her own Boaz, she knew what it was like to feel alone and to want to be married. This was also the reason she would think that Raven would’ve been more supportive and would’ve seen how important this ministry was for the church as a whole. Especially since Raven was single and five years older than Porsha. But, of course, Raven didn’t want to see Porsha creating anything that wasn’t Raven’s idea, and she would never say anything good about it.

  Porsha Googled a few articles that offered statistics about single women. She shook her head when she saw one that stated that the reason some women were single was because there just weren’t enough men to go around. Then it mentioned how, on top of that, the ratio of women to men turned bleaker when you considered the fact that some women had pretty high standards—the kind that didn’t make a lot of sense but were also the kind that likely meant they wouldn’t find a husband. For example, there were some women who wouldn’t date a man who didn’t have a college degree, even if he earned a better living than some men who did. There were also women who refused to date a man who didn’t fall into the exceptionally handsome category, even if they weren’t the most beautiful specimens themselves. Porsha didn’t understand any of the above, because as wealthy as she’d always been, she’d never cared about a man’s educational background or the amount of money he made as long as he worked somewhere full-time. Even being the finest man of the century didn’t matter to her, as long as he took care of himself in all other areas. She did, however, want a man who treated her well, and most of all, she wanted to be loved at the highest level. Second only to God, she wanted her man—her husband—to love her more than anything or anyone else until death.

  Porsha jotted down a few agenda items for the first ministry meeting, but then her phone rang. She glanced over at the screen and saw that it was Steve. He’d tried calling her twice yesterday and again first thing this morning, but she hadn’t answered. She was still upset about his saying he wasn’t going to leave his wife, and she hadn’t wanted to talk to him.

  She reached for her phone, barely catching his call before it went to voice mail. “Hello?”

  “Well, it’s about time,” he said.

  “Time for what?”

  “Oh, so I guess you think that’s funny.”

  “I don’t think it’s funny at all. But I’m also not going to pretend like you don’t have a wife.”

  He sighed loud enough for her to hear him. “Why are you still talking about that? Why are you acting this way?”

  Porsha leaned back in her chair and turned toward her window, but she didn’t respond.

  “Hello?” he said, sounding annoyed.

  “I’m here.”

  “Look, we need to talk.”

  “Then talk.”

  “Not now, this evening.”

  She scrunched her eyebrows. “Since when do you visit me on weeknights? I mean, maybe you do every now and then, but that’s rare.”

  “I really want to see you. Is that a crime?”

  “You tell me.”

  “Look, I know you don’t like our situation, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It won’t always be this way, though.”

  “You could do something about it if you wanted to.”

  “I can’t help that my son is still in high school.”

  “This isn’t just about your son. Have you forgotten what you said on Sunday?”

  “What?”

  “That you didn’t want to abandon your wife?”

  “Look, baby, let’s just talk about it tonight, okay?”

  “Fine.”

  “I love you, and I’ll see you then.”

  Porsha didn’t bother saying good-bye, because she doubted he was planning to actually show up anyway. She was pretty sure his church had Bible study on Tuesday nights, and he never usually missed going. Maybe it was time to end things with Steve. She did love him, but what if he strung her along until his son graduated high school and then still refused to divorce his wife? She’d seen this exact scenario many times before with other women. The same thing had sort of happened to her with Dillon. Maybe in a different way, but nonetheless, he’d ended up engaged to someone else. Porsha still resented him for that, too. So once again, she told herself that she didn’t want to think about Dillon. That she didn’t have feelings for the man who had betrayed her—feelings that had been buried for two years straight. Feelings that were slowly returning whether she wanted them to or not.

  So, what she had to do was stop this madness from recurring. She had to end it before it ever got started.

  Chapter 10

  Raven was still livid. Ever since returning to her office from the meeting this morning, she’d been trying to calm her anger and settle her nerves, but nothing was working. Porsha was going too far with all this I’ll-do-whatever-I-please mentality, and she had to be stopped.

  Raven picked up her desk phone and dialed Michelle’s extension. “Can you come in here?”

  “Of course. I’ll be right there.”

  Raven sat up straight and took a deep breath.

  Michelle knocked on the door, walked in, and then closed it behind her.

  “I hope you weren’t in the middle of anything,” R
aven said.

  Michelle sat down. “No. Well, I was working on a small project, but it wasn’t something urgent.”

  “Good.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really.”

  “Is there something I can do to help?”

  “I’m glad you asked that, because for the last hour I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’ve tried to weigh my options and figure out who I can really trust, and it’s you who keeps rising to the top of that list.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.”

  “I first want to say this up front, though. From this moment on, everything I discuss with you, business or personal, has to remain between us.”

  “Of course. Absolutely.”

  “I know that you work for Porsha, too, but if I had to guess, the things you do for her only take up maybe twenty percent of your time?”

  “That’s about right. Some weeks, she doesn’t have anything for me to do at all. Mostly because she likes to handle a lot of her own scheduling and communication.”

  “I can tell. This is actually a good thing now, though, because I’m planning to make some major changes within the ministry. These changes won’t happen overnight, but they’ll be gradual and might become a bit uncomfortable for everyone here.”

  Michelle looked confused. “Okay.”

  “I know you’re a little curious about why I’m getting ready to do this, but before I explain further I need to know that you’ll be loyal to me and only me. Because even though I believe I can trust you, I still need for you to look me in my eyes and tell me that yourself.”

  “Pastor Raven, you can trust me with anything. I promise you that.”

  “I also need to know that regardless of what happens, you will support me and have my back. That you will defend me and remain in my corner.”

  “That’s not a problem, either. I give you my word. I’ll do anything you need me to do.”

  “What if it means helping me to get rid of Porsha?”

  Michelle stared at her in silence, and Raven wondered if she’d told her too much too soon. But then Michelle said, “I’m actually not surprised.”

  Raven raised her eyebrows. “Really? Why?”

  “I don’t know. Just a feeling I had. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like Porsha. But I’ve also noticed that you and her don’t seem to be as good of friends as you were when I first started attending here. And it seems like you’ve become even more distant over the last couple of months.”

  “Well, I was sort of hoping that no one had noticed. But I guess you can’t hide obvious tension between friends. Or foes, even.”

  Raven now wondered if any of the other staff members had discovered the same thing.

  Michelle crossed her legs. “It’s not that you seem upset with each other or anything. Just different. You know, like you’re each doing your own thing.”

  “That’s because we are. I’m the pastor and founder of NVCC, and Porsha is only a minister—or so she says. But whatever. Anyway, I’m the face of New Vision Ministries and NVCC, and Porsha just works here.”

  “But if you don’t mind my saying this, that’s not how everyone on staff sees it. Porsha has made it clear to all of us that she invested the initial start-up money, and that you and her are equal partners.”

  “On paper we are, but that’s about to change,” Raven said. “That’s why I want her out.”

  Michelle looked at her, waiting for more details, but didn’t say anything.

  “I know that sounds harsh,” Raven offered, “but it’s also the truth. I don’t want her here, because she’s trying to control too much. You saw the way she added on this new Sunday message of hers, and now she’s getting ready to start a new singles ministry. And she never talked to me once about either.”

  “That’s too bad, and why do you think she’s acting this way all of a sudden?”

  “Because she doesn’t like playing second fiddle. She wants to be in charge of the ministry. She never says she does, but her actions prove everything.”

  “I really wish things hadn’t turned out like this,” Michelle said. “Especially with how well the ministry is doing. It’s growing weekly, and I just hope these problems with Porsha don’t turn people off.”

  “I agree, and that’s why we’ll have to handle this whole situation as carefully as possible. I don’t want this thing to turn ugly, but I won’t lie…I’m willing to do whatever I have to when it comes to getting Porsha out of here.”

  “Do you already have something in mind?”

  “No, not exactly, but I will. And soon. In the meantime, though, there’s something else. I debated telling you this, but I think you should know who your friends are. And who they aren’t.”

  Michelle looked astonished. “I don’t understand.”

  Raven hated lying to her. Michelle was so innocent in all of this, but she also had a huge heart, and Raven needed to toughen her up. She also needed to turn her as much against Porsha as she could.

  “Porsha has never liked you. She never even wanted you to work here.”

  “Really? I guess I don’t even know what to say. Except that she must be a really good actor.”

  “She is. Just look at how she claims to be called by God to preach when she knows she was never called by Him to do anything. Porsha is a phony, and it’s time you know the truth about everything.”

  Michelle shook her head. “This is too much.”

  “I can imagine, and I’m sorry she had you so fooled. And that I allowed it to happen.”

  “It’s really wrong for her to deceive people this way. Some of the members in our congregation are really vulnerable. They’ve been through a lot or they’re currently going through a lot, and they trust her.”

  “I know, and it’s time for all that to stop. It’s the reason we—you and I together—have to put an end to this. You’re the only person who can help me.”

  “Just tell me what you want me to do.”

  “I’ll take the next week or two to think things through, and then you and I’ll talk again.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Thank you for understanding, Michelle. Thank you for being here for me.”

  “Anytime.”

  Raven almost told Michelle her whole history with Porsha, specifically how Porsha had slept with Dillon behind her back. But she decided to save that damaging information for another day. As it was, she could already tell how shocked and hurt Michelle was, so it was better to feed her more details a little at a time. That way, Michelle’s dislike for Porsha would evolve gradually and solidly.

  Soon she would begin to hate Porsha just as much as Raven did, and this would make all the difference.

  Chapter 11

  Steve was out of breath and sounded as satisfied as always. He and Porsha had just made love—at least that’s what he likely had thought it was, but to her, they’d merely had sex. Actually, Porsha hadn’t been in the mood to do anything with him, but being intimate was the norm for them so she’d gone along with it. Now, though, she was glad it was over. She was puzzled by her feelings because for the first time since they’d met and had slept together, she hadn’t enjoyed herself. She’d even felt an unusual amount of guilt, almost the same as when she’d woken up this morning. And, as much as she hated to admit it, she’d also spent part of the last few minutes thinking about Dillon. She so didn’t want to keep doing this, but no matter how much she tried to push Dillon from her mind, she couldn’t. If anything, she was thinking about him more and more, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  Porsha turned her back to Steve.

  And he obviously knew something wasn’t right. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why are you acting this way?”

  “I’m fine.”

  Steve sighed. “Look, I’m sorry about my situation. I’m sorry I can’t leave my wife the way you want me to.”

  Porsha didn’t even bother responding.

>   Steve caressed her arm. “But tell me what I can do to make things better.”

  “Maybe you should just get dressed. Go home to your family.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s not like you can spend the night, anyway.”

  “No, but what if I start visiting you more? Maybe seeing you no less than three times a week? And I can take you on some of my business trips? We can start with the one I’m traveling to at the end of this month. You know, the health care conference I told you about.”

  Porsha still didn’t comment, but she did like that he was trying to make her happy. She knew most women wouldn’t see Steve’s offer as anything spectacular, since traveling to a work conference still didn’t compare to his divorcing his wife. But for some reason, it made her feel better about their relationship, because maybe if she could spend more time with him, she’d then be able to make him see that it was her who he truly loved and wanted to be with—it was her who he wanted to be married to.

  Still, she responded less positively. “I’m not sure any of that will make a difference.”

  Steve moved his hand away from her. “Then I’m not sure what else I can do. I mean, what is it that you want from me?”

  Porsha sat up and squinted at him. “I’ve already told you what I want. The whole package. I want to be your wife and not your mistress.”

  “But we’ve already discussed that. And it just can’t happen. Not right now.”

  “Well, I’m tired of living this way.”

  “Then why did you start seeing me? Huh? Because you knew I was married. You knew I couldn’t see you whenever I wanted to.”

  “That’s beside the point. What matters now is that I don’t want to be your nasty little secret anymore. I don’t want to be some petty side chick. I want more than that.”