Player Piano (Utopia 14)

by Курт Воннегут

  "It's about as rigid a hierarchy as you can get," said Finnerty. "How's somebody going to up his I.Q.?"

  "Exactly," said Lasher. "And it's built on more than just brain power - it's built on special kinds of brain power. Not only must a person be bright, he must be bright in certain approved, useful directions: basically, management or engineering."

  "Or marry someone who's bright," said Finnerty.

  "Sex can still batter down all sorts of social structures - you're right," Lasher agreed.

  "Big tits will get you in anywhere," said Finnerty.

  "Well, it's comforting to know that something hasn't changed in centuries, isn't it?" Lasher smiled.

  There was a mild commotion at the bar, and Lasher leaned out of the booth to see what was going on. "Hey," he called, "Luke Lubbock - come over here."

  Luke, the serious old man who had borne the elephant tusk at the head of the parade, came over from the bar, gulping his beer as he came, and looking nervously at the clock. He was perspiring and short of breath, like a man who'd been running. He had a large parcel wrapped in brown paper under his arm.

  Paul welcomed the opportunity to study Luke's magnificent costume more closely. Like a stage set, it was designed to impress at a distance. Nearness showed that the splendor was a fraud of cheap cloth, colored glass, and radiator paint. At his waist was a jeweled poniard, basically plywood, with an owl on its hilt. Counterfeit rubies as big as robin's eggs, mounted in golden sunbursts, were hung at random on the front of his lavender blouse. About the cuffs of his blouse and jade-green pantaloons were circlets of tiny bells, and - again - perched at the upturned tips of his golden slippers were a pair of miniature owls.

  "Luke, you look wonderful," said Lasher.

  Luke's eyes flashed agreement, but he was an important man, in too much of a hurry to respond to flattery. "It's too much, too much," he said. "Now I got to change so's I can march with the Parmesans. They're waiting up the street, and I got to change, and some damn fool's locked hisself in the can, so I got no place to change." He looked around quickly. "Would you let me do it in the booth, and kind of screen me?"

  "You bet," said Finnerty.

  They let Luke squirm into the shadows of the booth, and Paul found himself keeping a playful, leering lookout for women.

  Muttering, Luke started to disrobe. He dropped his belt and poniard on the table, where they struck with an impressive thump. The glittering heap grew and grew, until, from a distance, it might have looked good enough to be at the end of a rainbow.

  Paul relaxed his vigil for an instant to glance at Luke, and he was shocked at the transformation. The man was in his underwear now, ragged and drab, and none-too-clean. And Luke had somehow shrunk and saddened and was knobbed and scarred and scrawny. He was subdued now, talking not at all, and meeting no one's eyes. Almost desperately, hungrily, he ripped open the brown parcel and took from it a pale-blue uniform, encrusted with gold embroidery and piped in scarlet. He pulled on the trousers and black boots, and the jacket with its ponderous epaulets. Luke was growing again, getting his color back, and as he strapped on his saber he was talkative again - important and strong. He bundled up his other costume in the brown paper, left the parcel with the bartender, and rushed into the street, waving naked steel.

  A whistle blew, and the Parmesans fell in behind him, to be led to glorious exploits in a dreamworld those on the sidewalk could only speculate about.

  "Harmless magic: good, old-fashioned bunkum," laughed Lasher. "Talk about your hierarchies: Luke, with an I.Q. of about 80, has titles that'd make Charlemagne sound like a cook's helper. But that sort of business wears thin pretty quick for everybody but a few Luke Lubbocks. The lodge turnover is terrific." He stood. "No more for me, thanks." He rapped on the table. "But someday, gentlemen, someone is going to give them something to sink their teeth in - probably you, and maybe me."

  "We'll give them something to sink their teeth in?" said Paul. He noticed he was getting somewhat thick of speech.

  "You'll be what they'll get to sink their teeth in." Lasher laid his hand on Paul's shoulder. "One more thing: I want to be sure you understand that men really do worry about what there is for their sons to live for; and some sons do hang themselves."

  "And this is as old as life itself," said Paul.

  "Well?" said Lasher.

  "Well, it's too bad. I'm certainly not overjoyed about it."

  "You figure to be the new Messiah?" said Finnerty.

  "Sometimes I think I'd like to be - if only in self-defense. Also, it'd be a swell way to get rich.

  Trouble is, I can be sold or unsold on anything too easily. I enjoy being talked into something. Pretty shaky outlook for a Messiah. Besides, who ever heard of a short, fat, middle-aged Messiah with bad eyesight? And I haven't got that common touch. Frankly, the masses give me a pain in the tail, and I guess I show it." He made clucking sounds with his tongue. "I'm going to get myself a uniform, so I'll know what I think and stand for."

  "Or two - like Luke Lubbock," said Paul.

  "All right, two. But that's the absolute maximum any self-respecting human being ought to permit himself." He sipped from Paul's highball. "Well, good night."

  "Have another," said Finnerty.

  "No - I mean it. I don't like getting tight."

  "All right. I want to see you again, anyway. Where can I find you?"

  "Here, most likely." He wrote an address on a paper napkin. "Or try here." He looked closely at Finnerty. "You know, wash your face, and you might do real well as a Messiah."

  Finnerty looked startled, and didn't laugh.

  Lasher picked up a hard-boiled egg at the bar, crackled its shell by rolling it along the keyboard of the player piano, and walked out into the evening.

  "Magnificent, wasn't he?" said Finnerty raptly. His gaze returned reluctantly from the door to Paul. Paul saw his eyes take on a glaze of ennui, of letdown, and he knew that Finnerty had found a new friend who made Paul look very pale indeed.

  "Your orders, gentlemen?" said a short, dark waitress, with a hard, trim figure. She looked at the television screen while waiting for them to reply. The sound never seemed to be turned on, only the video. An anxious young man in a long sports coat jiggled up and down on the screen, and blew through a saxophone.

  The saloon was filling up, and many of the flamboyantly and enigmatically costumed marchers had come in for refreshment, giving the place an atmosphere of international unrest and intrigue.

  One small young man in mufti, with immensely wise and large eyes, leaned back against the table in Paul's and Ed's booth and watched the television screen with what seemed to be more than routine interest. He turned casually to Paul. "What you think he's playing?"

  "Beg pardon?"

  "The guy on television - what's the name of the song?"

  "I can't hear it."

  "I know," he said impatiently, "that's the point. Guess from just seeing."

  Paul frowned at the screen for a moment, tried to jiggle as the saxophonist jiggled, and to fit a song to the rhythm. Suddenly his mind clicked, and the tune was flowing in his imagination as surely as though the sound had been turned on. " 'Rosebud.' The song is 'Rosebud,' " said Paul.

  The young man smiled quietly. " 'Rosebud,' eh? Just for laughs, want to put a little money on it? I'll say it's - um, ah, well - 'Paradise Moon,' maybe."

  "How much?"

  The young man studied Paul's jacket, and then, with slight surprise, his expensive trousers and shoes. "Ten?"

  "Ten, by God. 'Rosebud'!"

  "What's he say it is, Alfy?" called the bartender.

  "He says 'Rosebud,' I say 'Paradise Moon.' Turn her on."

  The last notes of "Paradise Moon" blared from the loudspeaker, the saxophonist grimaced and backed off the screen. The bartender winked admiringly at Alfy and turned down the volume again.

  Paul handed Alfy the ten. "Congratulations."

  Alfy sat down in the booth without being invited. He looked at the screen, b
lew smoke through his nose, and closed his eyes reflectively. "What you figure they're playing now?"

  Paul decided to buckle down and get his money back. He looked hard at the screen, and took his time. The whole orchestra was in view now, and, once he thought he'd picked up the thread of a melody, he looked from musician to musician for confirmation. "An old, old one," he said. " 'stardust.' "

  "For ten it's 'stardust'?"

  "For ten."

  "What is it, Alfy?" called the bartender.

  Alfy jerked a thumb at Paul. "This kid's fair. He says 'stardust,' and I can see where he gets it. He's right about the oldy, but he picked the wrong one. 'mood Indigo' is the name." He looked sympathetically at Paul. "It's a tough one all right." He snapped his fingers.

  The bartender twisted the volume knob, and "Mood Indigo" filled the air.

  "Wonderful!" said Paul, and he turned to Finnerty for confirmation. Finnerty was lost in his own thoughts, and his lips moved slightly, as though in an imaginary conversation. Despite the noise and excitement of Alfy's performances, he apparently hadn't noticed them.

  "A knack," said Alfy modestly. "Like anything else: you know, keep at it long enough, and you surprise yourself. Couldn't tell you - in real detail, you know - how I did it. Gets to be another sense - you kind of feel it."

  The bartender, the waitress, and several other bystanders had fallen silent in order to hear Alfy's words.

  "Oh, there's some tricks," said Alfy. "Watch the bass drum quiver instead of what the guy's doing with the traps. Get the basic beat that way. Lot of people watch the traps, see, and the guy may be going off on a tangent. Things like that you can learn. And, you gotta know instruments -how they make a high note, how they make a low one. But that ain't enough." His voice took on a respectful, almost reverent tone. "It's kind of spooky what else it takes."

  "He does classical stuff too," said the bartender eagerly. "Oughta see him with the Boston Pops on Sunday nights."

  Alfy ground out his cigarette impatiently. "Yeah, yeah - classics," he said, frowning, mercilessly airing his inner doubts about himself. "Yeah, I was lucky last Sunday when you saw me. But I ain't got the repertory for that. I'm over my head, and you can't pick up in the middle of the classics. And you play hell building a repertory of that stuff, when you gotta wait sometimes a year, two years, to see the thing twice." He rubbed his eyes, as though remembering hours of concentration before a video screen. "You gotta see 'em plugged and plugged and plugged. And all the time new ones - and lots of 'em steals from oldies."

  "Tough, eh?" said Paul.

  Alfy raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, it's tough - like anything else. Tough to be the best."

  "There's punks trying to break in, but they can't touch Alfy," said the bartender.

  "They're good in their specialties - usually the quick killings," said Alfy. "You know, the minute a new number's out, they try and cash in on it before everybody's seen it. But none of 'em's making a living at it, I'll tell you that. Got no repertory, and that's what it takes to keep going day in, day out."

  "This is your living?" said Paul. He hadn't succeeded in keeping the sense of whimsey out of his voice, and quick resentment was all about him.

  "Yeah," said Alfy coldly, "this is my living. A buck here, ten cents there -"

  "Twenty bucks here," said Paul. This seemed to soften most of the expressions.

  The bartender was anxious to maintain a friendly atmosphere. "Alfy started out as a pool shark, eh, Alfy?" he said briskly.

  "Yeah. But the field's crowded. Maybe room for ten, twenty guys going at it steady. There must of been a couple of hundred of us trying to make a go of it with pool. The Army and the Reeks and Wrecks were on my tail, so I started looking around for something else. Funny, without thinking much about it, I'd been doing this since I was a kid. It's what I should of gone into right from the first. Reeks and Wrecks," he said contemptuously, apparently recalling how close he came to being drafted into the R and R Corps. "Army!" He spat.

  A couple of soldiers and a large number of men from the Reeks and Wrecks heard him insult their organizations, and they did nothing but nod, sharing his contempt.

  Alfy looked at the screen. " 'Baby, Dear Baby, Come Home With Me Now,' " he said. "A newy." He hurried to the bar to study the movements of the band more closely. The bartender rested his hand on the volume knob and watched anxiously for Alfy's signals. Alfy would raise an eyebrow, and the bartender would turn up the volume. It would be on for a few seconds, Alfy would nod, and off it would go again.

  "What'll it be, boys?" said the waitress.

  "Hmmm?" said Paul, still fascinated by Alfy. "Oh - bourbon and water." He was experimenting with his eyes, and finding that they didn't work too well.

  "Irish and water," said Finnerty. "Hungry?"

  "Yeah - give us a couple of hard-boiled eggs, please." Paul felt wonderful, at one with the saloon, and, by extension, with all humanity and the universe. He felt witty, and on the verge of a splendid discovery. Then he remembered. "Holy God! Anita!"

  "Where?"

  "At home - waiting." Unsteadily, mumbling cheery greetings to all he passed, Paul got to the telephone booth, which reeked with a previous occupant's cigar smoke. He called home.

  "Look, Anita - I won't be home for supper. Finnerty and I got to talking, and -"

  "It's all right, dear. Shepherd told me not to wait."

  "Shepherd?"

  "Yes - he saw you down there, and told me you didn't look like a man on his way home."

  "When did you see him?"

  "He's here now. He came to apologize for last night. Everything's all ironed out, and we're having a very nice time."

  "Oh? You accepted his apology?"

  "Let's say we arrived at an understanding. He's worried that you'll turn in a bad report on him to Kroner, and I did everything I could to make him think you were considering it seriously."

  "Oh, now listen, I'm not going to turn in any bad report on that -"

  "It's the way he plays. Fight fire with fire. I got him to agree not to spread any more tales about you. Aren't you proud of me?"

  "Yeah, sure."

  "Now you've got to keep working on him, keep him worried."

  "Uh-huh."

  "Now, you just go ahead and have a good time. It does you good to get away now and then."

  "Yes'm."

  "And please try to get Finnerty to move out."

  "Yes'm."

  "Do you think I nag you?"

  "No'm."

  "Paul! Would you like it if I didn't take an interest?"

  "No'm."

  "All right. You just go ahead and get drunk. It'll do you good. Eat something, though. I love you."

  "I love you." He hung up, and turned to face the world through the steamy window of the phone booth. Along with his feeling of dizziness was a feeling of newness - the feeling of fresh, strong identity growing within him. It was a generalized love - particularly for the little people, the common people, God bless them. All his life they had been hidden from him by the walls of his ivory tower. Now, this night, he had come among them, shared their hopes and disappointments, understood their yearnings, discovered the beauty of their simplicities and their earthy values. This was real, this side of the river, and Paul loved these common people, and wanted to help, and let them know they were loved and understood, and he wanted them to love him too.

  When he got back to the booth, two young women were sitting with Finnerty, and Paul loved them instantly.

  "Paul - I'd like you to meet my cousin Agnes from Detroit," said Finnerty. He rested his hand on the knee of a fat and determinedly cheerful redhead sitting next to him. "And this," he said, pointing across the table at a tall, homely brunette, "is your cousin Agnes."

  "How do you do, Agnes and Agnes."

  "Are you as crazy as he is?" said the brunette suspiciously. "If you are, I'm going home."

  "Good, clean, fun-loving American type, Paul is," said Finnerty.

  "Tell me ab
out yourself," said Paul expansively.

  "My name isn't Agnes, it's Barbara," said the brunette. "And she's Martha."

  "What'll it be?" said the waitress.

  "Double Scotch and water," said Martha.

  "Same," said Barbara.

  "That'll be four dollars for the ladies' drinks," said the waitress.

  Paul handed her a five.

  "Holy smokes!" said Barbara, staring at the identification card in Paul's billfold. "This guy's an engineer!"

  "You from across the river?" said Martha to Finnerty.

  "Deserters."

  Both girls moved away, and with their backs against the wall of the booth, they looked at Paul and Finnerty with puzzlement. "I'll be go to hell," said Martha at last. "What you want to talk about? I had algebra in high school."

  "We're just plain folks," said Paul.

  "What'll it be?" said the waitress.

  "Scotch, double," said Martha.

  "Same," said Barbara.

  "Come here, damn it," said Finnerty, pulling Martha to his side again.

  Barbara still kept her distance from Paul and looked at him distastefully. "What are you doing over here - having a good laugh at the dumb bunnies?"

  "I like it over here," said Paul earnestly.

  "You're making fun of me."

  "Honest, I'm not at all. Did I say anything that sounded like I was?"

  "You're thinking it," she said.

  "That'll be four dollars for the ladies' drinks," said the waitress.

  Paul paid again. He didn't know what to say next to Barbara. He didn't want to make a pass at her. He simply wanted her to be friendly and companionable, and to see that he wasn't a stuffed shirt at all. Far from it.

  "They don't castrate you when they give you an engineering degree," Finnerty was saying to Martha.

  "They might as well," said Martha. "Some of the kids that come over from across the river -you'd think they were."

  "After our time," said Finnerty. "I meant they didn't use to."

  To build up more of an atmosphere of intimacy, rapport, Paul casually picked up one of the shot-glasses before Barbara and sipped at it. It then dawned on him that the shots of expensive Scotch, which had been arriving as though by bucket brigade, were no more than brown water. "Smooth," he said.