An Ordinary Girl

by Barabara Elsborg

  Noah had to find her.

  When there was yet again no answer from Ash’s phone, Noah asked Dalton to get the number of the house phone from Kay. While he waited, Noah called London Then And Nowand discovered Ash didn’t work for them anymore. A call to Martin revealed she’d told him she was going on holiday. If the sinking sensation in Noah’s stomach grew any worse, he thought he might throw up.

  “She didn’t mention her mother?” Noah asked Martin.

  “I thought her mother was dead,” Martin said. “Is Ash all right? You’re worrying me now.”

  “I’m sure she’s fine.”

  Noah wasn’t sure at all. Dalton passed him a piece of paper with Ash’s house number but no one answered when he called. There didn’t seem any point driving to Greenwich. Noah gave a heavy sigh.

  “What are you going to do?” Dalton asked.

  “Go and see my shrink.”

  Noah picked up his jacket, took the back way out to avoid the press, walked to London Bridge station and caught the tube to Knightsbridge.

  * * * * *

  The door of the semidetached house opened before Ash knocked. A stocky guy with red hair smiled at her.

  “Dave?” she asked.

  “Yes, and you have to be Ash. The corporal was right. Your smile made me smile. Come in and shut the door behind you.”

  He walked stiffly down the hall, but Ash was impressed he could walk at all. She spotted a chair lift, and a wheelchair was tucked under the rake of the stairs. Ash followed him into a lounge. A television was on in the corner. Dave sat awkwardly in a leather armchair and winced. Ash noticed metal coming from his shoes where his ankles should have been. It seemed weird to see him wearing running shoes. She dragged her gaze up to find him staring at her.

  “It’s hard, tiring and frustrating,” he said.

  “Not going to matter if you step on a snake though.” Crap, why did I say that?

  He laughed. “And sprained ankles are a thing of the past.”

  “That’s true.”

  “Thank you for not saying ‘I’m sorry’. I’ve heard enough sorrys for a lifetime. Would you like a drink? You can make it yourself. Everything’s out in the kitchen. Shirley leaves things ready.”

  “Your girlfriend?”

  “Fiancée.”

  “Congratulations, and yes, I’d love a drink. What can I get you?”

  “Tea, two sugars. Thanks.”

  Ash had hoped making a drink would give her time to calm her mind, but it was still racing when she went back into the lounge. She set his tea on a table by his side and took a seat on the couch opposite. He’d turned off the TV.

  “Where to start?” She blew out a long breath.

  “How about you tell me what Noah told you.”

  Ash swallowed. “They told him to choose between you and Tommy. That they were going to behead one of you and drag your body through the camp and photograph it. Noah chose Tommy to live though they changed their minds anyway.” Her eyes welled up and she bit her lip.

  “Don’t cry,” Dave said in a quiet voice. “I’m here. I’m still alive.”

  “Noah’s riddled with guilt.”

  “And that’s why he’s not been to see me?”

  “He said he came when you were in the hospital. A couple of days ago, he said he would visit you, but life’s become more difficult now and I’m scared he might change his mind.”

  Dave nodded. “Right. What I’m going to say now, he needs to hear from me and not you, but because you’ve made all this effort to see me, I’ll talk to you. What happened out there, stays out there. The three of us were in a bad way, mentally and physically. Tommy and I knew what would happen once they had us, while Noah still hoped. The stupid bastard made us hope too even though we knew there was no way this radical group would let any of us survive.”

  He smiled at Ash. “I like Noah. He made me laugh. But I understood why Noah picked me to die. Tommy had a kid. Noah made the right choice. And if I’d been made to choose between the two of them, I’d have picked Noah to die. I wonder if he’s thought of that.”

  Ash cradled her mug but didn’t drink.

  “I saw his picture in the paper,” Dave said. “He saved a kid at Beachy Head. Was he thinking about killing himself?”

  She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

  “What did you have to say about that?” He stared at her intently.

  “That it was an insult to the guy who’d died and an insult to you.”

  Dave chuckled. “No pulling your punches. You aren’t a psychologist then?”

  “No.”

  “Noah’s a good man. He took a lot of flak from our unit when he arrived, but he never complained. He played football with us, organized a game of cricket and he was like a…breath of fresh air in the camp. Me and Tommy thought he was a bit wet behind the ears, but when it came down to it, Noah showed more bravery than I’ve ever seen from anyone. And I’ve seen a lot.”

  Ash’s heart swelled with pride and sadness.

  “He could have run for the helicopter or kept his head down and hidden, and he didn’t. Under heavy fire, he saved lives and risked his own several times. He was like a thing possessed. I reckon he’d been watching too many action movies, but he saved my life. He stayed when I told him to go. I want…” Dave took a deep breath. “I want to thank him. And I want to thump him and tell him not to be such a fucking idiot. Excuse my French. He shouldn’t be wasting his life rehashing stuff he can’t change. I don’t have legs. No point whining about it. It’s not going to stop me from doing everything I want to do.”

  She could see the determination in his face in the hard set of his jaw.

  “Shirley wants to waltz at our wedding next summer and I’m going make it happen. I’ll play football with our kids and learn how to ski. I’m lucky. There were guys a lot worse off at Headley Court. I’d rather lose my legs than my eyes or part of my brain. And I’m not sneering at Noah because he can’t get his head around this. Soldiers are trained for combat and what that might bring. Noah wasn’t. I recommended him for the medal and three others put his name forward too.”

  “A medal?” Ash raised her eyebrows.

  “Ah. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised he hasn’t told you. If he’s blaming himself for what happened, for choosing me, then he’s not going to feel he deserves a decoration. But he does.”

  “Wow,” Ash said. “Thanks for speaking to me. I feel better about pushing Noah to see you now that I know you’re not going to throw knives at him.” She stood up and her gaze drifted to the back window. “That’s quite a garden.”

  “We bought the house before this happened. I was looking forward to working on it.”

  Ash looked out over an untidy rockery, an overgrown lawn and flowerbeds where plants had blended into a tangled mess. She turned to face Dave. “Like a hand with it?”

  “I could do with a few legs.” He laughed.

  Ash took a card from her bag and handed it to him.

  “Green Piece,” he read. “Martin Jones?”

  “The company Martin and I work for specializes in transforming neglected plots into green havens. We use volunteers and persuade local businesses to supply materials. Martin would love to get his hands on your garden. He wants to enter the Chelsea Flower Show. He could practice here. What do you think?”

  “How much would it cost?”

  “A few cups of tea and the odd sandwich.”

  “I’d be a fool to say no.”

  “I’ll tell Martin to give you a call.”

  “Thanks.” He beamed at her. “Shall I call Noah? I was waiting for him to come and see me. I didn’t want to make difficulties for him, but it strikes me we need to talk sooner rather than later.”

  “I’ll have to call with his number. I’ve not got my phone with me.”

  “With all this business about his sister, you sure it’s the right time to speak to him?”

  Ash nodded. “Seven months is long enough.”

 
* * * * *

  Noah put his finger on the buzzer of the door he’d never wanted to see again and waited. The thought of what Ronan had done to him here made him shudder.

  “It’s not Friday,” Ronan said.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Are you asking me to make you talk or is this just a friendly chat? Because if it’s the former, the answer is no. You’re involved with Ash and she’s my friend. That makes it personal and I don’t do personal.”

  Noah clenched his fists. “This is important. I need to talk to you about Ash. I’m worried.”

  “Top floor. Not where you usually go.”

  The lock clicked and Noah pushed open the door and went in. He carried on past the middle floor with the room he never wanted to go into again and up the next set of stairs. Ronan stood in a doorway in paint-splattered jeans and t-shirt.

  The door closed behind Noah and he stared at what was clearly an artist’s studio. On the far side a line of windows flooded the room with light. Canvases were propped against the wall and one stood half-finished on an easel—a desolate landscape of ice that made Noah feel cold just looking at it.

  “You can paint,” Noah blurted.

  “You thought I spent all day playing with my whip?”

  “I didn’t think.”

  Ronan frowned. “No, that’s your problem. What do you want?”

  “Ash. I need to talk to her. Where is she?”

  “I have no idea. She snuck out last night. Said she’d be away for a few days on family business.”

  “She’s been home?” Noah’s mind raced. Did that mean her mother was in a local hospital?

  “Odd though because as far as I knew, she didn’t have a family,” Ronan said. “I assumed you’d upset her again.”

  Noah groaned. Damn. “What did she say about Paris?”

  “You did a bus tour, danced the salsa by the Seine, picnicked under the stars and it was fantastic.”

  “That’s all?” Noah asked.

  “I’m not fucking playing twenty questions with you.” Ronan stepped right up to him. “What have you done?”

  Noah firmed his stance. “Ash had a call to say her mother was very ill. She chartered a private jet to fly back but wouldn’t let me travel with her. Since then I haven’t been able to contact her.”

  “A private jet?” Ronan furrowed his brow. “I’m beginning to wonder if I know her at all. She told me her mother was dead.”

  “That’s what she told me.”

  “So, was she lying about the call?”

  “I don’t think so. I called London Then And Nowand she’s resigned. Martin Jones thinks Ash has gone on holiday. I didn’t know who to speak to at the Citizens Advice Bureau, but I suspect she’s not going back there either.”

  Ronan yanked off his t-shirt and unfastened his jeans. Noah gulped. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting changed. We’ll check her room for clues.”

  Noah turned his back and wandered over to the other canvases.

  Ronan laughed. “You’ve seen me naked. What’s your problem?”

  “You bring out the worst in me,” Noah muttered.

  When he turned, Ronan wore motorcycle leathers. “Think you can ride behind me without falling off?”

  “Yes, you wanker,” Noah snapped.

  Ronan locked his studio and Noah followed him down the stairs.

  “How often do you…” Noah nodded toward the door he was used to using.

  “None of your business.”

  “Sorry.” Sometimes Noah really wanted to deck the asshole, but he kept his clenched fists at his sides. His focus was to find Ash, and Ronan was trying to help.

  In the courtyard at the back of the building, Ronan unlocked the pannier on his bike and took out two helmets. He passed one to Noah.

  “You’re going to be cold in that jacket. Bunch up behind me and hold tight.”

  * * * * *

  Ronan was right. By the time they reached Greenwich, Noah was frozen.

  “Coffee?” Ronan asked as they walked in.

  “Please.”

  Ronan tossed his jacket onto the stairs and Noah trailed him into the kitchen.

  “I heard about your sister.” Ronan flicked on the kettle. “Sorry there was no happy ending.”

  Noah sighed. “Impossible after all this time. Even if she’d been alive, what state would she have been in?”

  Ronan pinned him with his gaze. “Is she one of the reasons you’re fucked up? Did you manage to blame yourself for her disappearance? Refused to look after her while your mother went to the hospital?”

  “That’s one thing I don’t blame myself for. I wasn’t at home. I was staying with a friend in Cornwall. My brother—yeah, well, that’s a different matter.” Noah took the coffee and wrapped his cold hands around the mug.

  “Why?”

  “Ilya was supposed to stay with Natalia that day, but he went off somewhere, so our mother had to take her instead. After she disappeared and didn’t come back, Mama committed suicide.”

  Ronan leaned against the countertop. “Ilya’s your brother?”

  “Yeah, the fucked-up idiot.”

  “Does he blame himself?”

  “Yes, and he never talks about Natalia. He clams up if she’s mentioned.”

  “Seems like it should have been your brother coming to see me instead of you. Presumably that’s why you made the crack about wishing you’d killed your mother.”

  He nodded.

  “So what do you blame yourself for? Why did you need me to punish you?”

  Noah swallowed hard. “My fault a soldier lost his legs. My fault another soldier died.”

  Ronan sighed. “Christ, I wasted all that energy on you and now you just tell me? My guess is you wanted photographs and persuaded them to take you some place where you were ambushed. If you hadn’t been there, none of it would have happened. Right?”

  “Ye…s.”

  “You don’t sound so sure.”

  “Ash made me see that it might have happened anyway. I still feel guilty, but not so desperate. Not about that.”

  “Kindness worked when the whip didn’t. I was never what you needed.”

  “I love her,” Noah whispered.

  Ronan smiled. “Yeah, she’s an easy woman to love, isn’t she? Even for messed-up jerks like you. Have you told her?”

  “Yes, and she told me she loves me, so I don’t understand why she isn’t answering any of my calls.”

  He wasn’t going to tell Ronan his crazy theory. None of his business. That was between him and Ash. Anyway, the guy would probably bite his head off.

  * * * * *

  They found out why Ash wasn’t answering her phone when they looked in her wardrobe.

  “Shit,” Noah said. “Why would she leave her phone?”

  “Because she doesn’t want to talk to any of us.”

  Ronan reached toward a box on the top shelf and then drew back his fingers. “That was where she kept her passport. She wasn’t worried about me checking it before, but I didn’t really look at what was in there.”

  “All I want to know is if there’s any clue where her mother might be.”

  Ronan lifted the box down and sat on the bed. There were more boxes in the bottom of the wardrobe and Noah lifted one out. Inside lay an old teddy bear with the stuffing coming out.

  “There’s nothing in here,” Ronan said. “Just bills and things.”

  Noah moved a thick book and smiled when he saw it was a natural history encyclopedia. The box underneath held a bunch of letters.

  Ronan crouched at his side. “What are they?”

  “Letters to Santa.”

  They looked up when they heard the sound of a door opening. Noah’s heart surged, but Ronan put his finger to his lips and slipped out of the bedroom.

  “What are you doing here, Kay?” Ronan’s sharp voice rang out, and Noah sagged with disappointment.

  “I’ve come for the rest of my stuff,” Kay snap
ped.

  “You were supposed to have handed over all your keys.”

  “I found another.”

  Noah tuned out and opened the first letter, the envelope written in a child’s hand.

  Deer Santa,

  Pleez cud I have a doll that opens and closes its eyes.

  I have been gud.

  Love Jane North.

  Noah gasped. The coffee he’d just drunk surged back up his gullet. He dropped the letter and rushed for the bathroom. Even after he’d brought up everything in his stomach, he couldn’t stop retching.

  “Christ. Are you okay?” Ronan asked behind him.

  Noah clutched the toilet and retched again.

  Ronan pushed a glass of water into his hand. “I drank that coffee too. It wasn’t that bad.”

  Noah swilled out his mouth, took deep breaths and finally his stomach settled. He pushed himself to his feet, wiped his mouth on toilet tissue and flushed. When he turned to Ronan he saw Kay behind him in the bedroom, looking at the letters.

  “Fuck.” Noah shoved Ronan out of the way, stormed over and snatched a letter from her hand. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Same as you. Being nosy. Jane North? Christ.”

  “Don’t breathe a word to anyone,” Noah snapped. “Get out of here. You’ve caused enough trouble.”

  Kay pouted and walked out. Ronan stood staring at him. Noah picked up another letter and handed it to him.

  “Dear Santa,” Ronan read. “Please could I have a jigsaw with animals on it? I have been really good. Love Jane North.” He looked up. “Jane North?” Ronan shook his head. “She lied to me? Ash told me her parents were dead.”

  He looked more bewildered than angry. The door slammed loudly downstairs.

  Noah slumped on the bed. His heart pounded. “I thought it was just a coincidence. My sister’s killer is on the point of death. Ash rushes off to see a mother who’s very sick and won’t—can’t let me go with her. Ash has transformed the site of the murders at Leopold Road into a garden, which happens to be her family home. She’s resigned from her job and she’s deliberately left her phone here. She’s hidden who she is for all these years and now thinks she’ll be exposed. Oh fuck. No wonder she didn’t want to speak to me.”

  “Kay won’t keep quiet.”

  Noah sagged. “I wonder what my father will say when I tell him I’ve fallen in love with the daughter of my sister’s killer?”