An Ordinary Girl

by Barabara Elsborg

  Ronan caught Noah’s arm. “I’ll make him see sense. It will be easier with him than it was with you.”

  Ilya harrumphed and strode on.

  Noah grinned and looked at Ronan. “Don’t hold back with him, will you?”

  Ronan laughed.

  “It’s not fucking funny,” Ilya snapped.

  “Ilya.” Ronan barked out his name.

  Ilya turned and walked back, his gaze on Ronan.

  “Look forward not back,” Ronan said. “You’re going to trip up. I might not be able to catch you.”

  Ilya nodded and turned again.

  When Noah reached the ballroom, he saw his father with Ash, her arm tucked into his as he talked to one of his friends. Noah thought he’d never loved his father more. Ash’s face lit up when Noah approached. His father handed her over and beckoned to Ilya.

  Noah spun Ash into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered.

  The wide smile on Noah’s face warmed Ash’s heart. “You’re growing on me,” she whispered back.

  A bang on a gong silenced the chattering crowd. “Your highnesses, my lords, ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats in the dining room.”

  Noah let go of Ash’s hand. “I have to surrender you to Ronan now. I’m not happy about it, but protocol reigns at these stuffy events.” He sighed. “I have to enter with my idiot brother after everyone else has gone in.”

  Ronan offered his arm with a smile, and Ash banished thoughts of asking him about Ilya. Yet. Ronan escorted Ash into a long, glittering room lit by a line of crystal chandeliers. The table was laid with sparkling glasses, silver cutlery and white porcelain. Down the length of the table lay a decoration made of what looked like sand. In front of the seats they were led to, created in fine-colored grains was a picture of two boys flying kites on a beach. That scene was divided from the next by flowers. Beyond the blossoms, a dog romped in water.

  “Wow, that’s amazing,” Ash whispered.

  “It’s called table decking,” Ronan said. “In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries the royal courts in Europe employed deckers to make their dining tables exceptionally beautiful. I think this is mostly sand, but they used to use sugar and rock dust, anything to give color and texture.”

  All along the table, guests were admiring the artwork in front of them. Ash looked to her left and saw a girl standing on a lawn with butterflies fluttering around her head. Oh God, Natalia.

  She tugged on Ronan’s sleeve. “This is Arkady’s life,” she whispered. “His family, his memories.”

  Ronan nodded. “It’s well done.”

  “Your highnesses, lords, ladies and gentlemen. Please be upstanding for their highnesses Prince Noah, Prince Ilya and Prince Arkady Golitsin.”

  Without Ronan’s grip on her arm, Ash wouldn’t have been upstanding at all.

  “Oh fuck,” Ash whispered.

  “Didn’t you know?” Ronan asked. “Well, obviously not. On the invitation it said Knyaz which means prince in Russian. They’re not royalty in the way we know it, but titled nonetheless. Looks like you found the prince you deserve, Ash.”

  Ash hated the expression gobsmacked, but now understood it. A prince?

  Everyone applauded as Arkady moved to the head of the table, about ten seats away from Ash and Ronan. Ilya and Noah sat at either side of their father. Noah was on the opposite side of the table to Ash, so she could see him smiling at her. Did he think she’d known he was a prince? No wonder Ilya didn’t consider her good enough for the family. She wasn’t. Damn.

  Ash tucked her dress under her thighs as she sat. Good thing there was plenty of room at the table.

  Arkady was the only person still standing and gradually the room quieted.

  “Thank you all for coming tonight. I asked for no gifts, but if you so wished you could make a donation to the charity of my choice. I’m delighted to tell you a hundred thousand pounds will be given to All Our Heroes, the charity my son Noah recently worked for. A sum that I’ll match.”

  Applause filled the room again and Ash watched Noah shift uncomfortably on his seat. She wished she was close and could hold his hand.

  “You’re all aware of the drama of this week.” Arkady’s voice broke at the end and he paused to pull himself together. “But not all of you will be aware of the role a young woman here tonight has played in bringing Natalia back to us. For what she has done, I will be eternally grateful.”

  Oh God, no. Ash’s heart pounded. Ronan’s hand gripped hers under the cover of the tablecloth.

  “I’d like to propose the first toast to Ash Elleston, whose determination and courage should be an inspiration to us all. To Ash.”

  Everyone stood. Ronan kept his hand on her shoulder to keep her down. Every face turned toward her and Ash looked at Noah to see him mouthing, “I love you.” She melted.

  “The second toast is to my sons.” Arkady turned to Ilya and then to Noah. “Men now, but I still see the boys you once were. Boys who continually taught me how much patience I had, how there was as much joy picnicking under a pirates’ flag in the nursery as there was in dining at the Ritz. Boys who indignantly excused their bad habits as inherited from me, boys who’d remain taciturn all day yet would strike up complex conversations at bedtime, boys who’d spend hours being uncooperative and yet offer to run any errand when it was time for a bath.”

  There were chuckles around the table. Noah stared intently at his father. Ilya’s jaw was twitching.

  “My sons are the best things in my life,” Arkady said. “And I am proud of them. From the moment my children were born, their potential gave me hope for the future and still does. We’ve been through tragedy, but I never surrendered the belief that no matter how bad things became, life would one day be happy again.”

  Oh God, he believes the same as me. Ash couldn’t shift her gaze from Arkady.

  “I have sons who are strong enough to know when they are weak and courageous enough to face that weakness and fight it. I have never loved my sons more than I do today. That will be true tomorrow and the day after that. They’ve given me gifts of joy and of hope—as well as the chance to gaze at the stars. If I had only one gift to give to them, it would be happiness. My message to you all is when you find happiness, don’t let it go. Wrap your arms around it and cherish it as the greatest gift. To my boys, my wonderful sons Ilya and Noah.”

  Ash blinked back tears. Arkady embraced Ilya and then Noah, and everyone raised their glasses.

  Ronan leaned to put his mouth by her ear. “I wish that for you too, Ash.”

  “I am happy.”

  He smiled. “Don’t let the past spoil the future.”

  Easier said than done, but Ash would try, just as she always did.

  “What about you and Ilya then?” she whispered as the first course was served, some sort of smoked salmon dish and more champagne. “Do you like him?”

  “Like?” Ronan forked up a mouthful of food and chewed. “No, I don’t think I do at the moment, but I don’t need to like him to want him.”

  “How did you know he preferred guys?” Ash asked quietly.

  “I’m good at reading people, whereas sometimes you’re too busy trying to make them happy to see what they’re really like.”

  Ash sighed. “Kay was a big mistake.”

  “And James?” Ronan raised his eyebrows.

  “And James.” Ash smiled. “But I know you, right?”

  “Yep, you know me.” His gaze shifted.

  Ah, so she didn’t. “You never told me what it was that stopped you from speaking to your parents for all those years.”

  “No.”

  “Will you?”

  Ronan brought his fork back from his mouth. “They saw something they didn’t understand. They told me to leave and I did. What I should have done was go back. No point in trying to explain something they could never accept, but I should have tried harder to put things right.”

  “What—?”

  “No, I won’t tell you.”<
br />
  Ash frowned. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m afraid you won’t like me anymore.”

  She heard the vulnerability in his voice and let it drop. The loss of Ronan’s friendship would be devastating. Some secrets had to stay hidden. Ash understood that. She had a few of her own no one would ever know.

  * * * * *

  The meal was fantastic—so many courses Ash lost count, though the tightness of the dress, coupled with her excitement, stopped her from eating too much. As everyone gradually filed out, Ilya came over.

  “Ash, Ronan, would you both stay? There’s something I want to do.”

  A band started up in the other room and Ilya signaled to a waiter to close the doors behind the last guest. Finally, only Arkady, Noah, Ilya, Ronan, Dalton and Ash were left. Noah was heading for Ash when Ilya cleared his throat. Oh God, what now? Ilya worried Ash. He wasn’t just going to suddenly think she deserved Noah.

  “I wanted to announce this in front of everyone,” Ilya said. “But I realized it might not be what Noah wanted. In fact, I’m sure it’s not, but if I say nothing, that wouldn’t be right either. I think this is the time and place, for my father’s sake, if no one else’s.”

  Ash glanced between Ilya and Noah. Did he know what Ilya was talking about? Noah stared intently at his brother, nothing showing on his face. Anxiety bubbled in Ash’s stomach.

  “We all know Afghanistan took its toll on my brother and subsequently on this family. But something good has come of it.” Ilya took a step closer to his father. “Noah has been awarded the Queen’s Gallantry Medal for outstanding bravery whilst on photographic assignment in Afghanistan.”

  Noah’s eyes closed for a moment and he clenched his fists. Then he opened his eyes and gave Dalton a questioning stare. Ash swallowed hard. She had no idea what Noah would do.

  “Sorry,” Dalton muttered.

  “Noah?” his father asked. “My God. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Ash moved behind Noah and slid her hands over his clenched fists.

  “The letter said Noah saved several lives when his own was at serious risk,” Ilya said.

  “I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking.” Noah groaned. “I d-don’t deserve it.”

  “I went to see Dave,” Ash said, and he spun round. “He said you could have run for the helicopter or kept your head down and hidden, and you didn’t.”

  Noah winced as if he were in pain then drew himself up and glared at everyone. “What the f-fucking hell is this? Some sort of conspiracy? I don’t want the f-fucking thing.” He frowned at Ash. “I wish you hadn’t gone to see Dave. I wasn’t ready.” Then he turned on Dalton. “I presume you found the letter. Thanks a lot, pal. Why the hell do you think I s-screwed the damn thing up? And you…” He strode over to Ilya. “What right did you have to tell Father? I chose n-not to. You have no idea what went on out there. I w-won’t accept the medal and you can go to hell.”

  Noah stormed out of the room through the door used by the waiting staff and everyone stood in stunned silence.

  “I told you,” Dalton mumbled.

  “Shut up,” Ilya barked. “I’ll go and talk to him.”

  “No, I will,” Ash said, and headed for the door.

  She saw Arkady catch Ilya’s sleeve and shot him a grateful glance.

  Ash found Noah sitting on the back stairs, his head in his hands.

  “Ash, don’t,” he said hoarsely. “Leave me alone.”

  “No, your highness.” Ash sat awkwardly on the step next to his feet.

  He snorted.

  “I went to see Dave because you need to face your demons and I was afraid you’d run away again. I hoped Dave would reach out to you, but I needed to be sure he wasn’t going to make things worse. You were doing a good-enough job filling yourself with misery, I didn’t want him to agree with your convoluted logic. He didn’t. He told me what happened and how he feels about it, and the sooner you see him, the better.”

  “I’m going on Wednesday,” Noah muttered.

  Ash risked putting her hand on his knee and was relieved when he didn’t shrug it off.

  “I don’t deserve the medal,” Noah whispered. He raised his head and pinned her with his dark gaze. “I don’t want it.”

  “Dave and other soldiers put your name forward. They gave their accounts of what happened, and it’s what they saw in you that’s important and not what you see in yourself. Whether you reacted out of blind fury, complete panic or suffocating guilt doesn’t matter. If you don’t feel you deserve the medal, that doesn’t matter either. They think you do. Life isn’t always about what you want.”

  His hand slid over Ash’s where it rested on his knee and his fingers curled over hers.

  “Now do something for me,” Ash said. “Go back in there and apologize to Ilya.”

  Noah bristled.

  “Everything he’s done has been because he loves you. He just doesn’t always get it right. Don’t you realize how proud he is of you?”

  “She’s right.” Ilya stepped out of the shadows. “I am proud of you. I’m also envious.”

  Noah looked straight at him. “What? Of the fucking mess I’ve made of everything?”

  Ilya laughed. “The mess you made? It was my selfishness that pushed me to disappear before Mama could pass over responsibility for Natalia. She told me it was my fault our sister died and I’ve heard her words in my head every day since.”

  Noah rose to his feet and Ash struggled to hers.

  “Christ, Ilya,” Noah whispered.

  Ilya drew in a ragged breath. “I don’t know what’s come over me today. First I tell Father and now you.”

  Noah pulled Ilya into his arms, and as Ash slipped away, she heard choked sobs.

  She’d barely walked into the ballroom before Arkady swept her into his arms and onto the dance floor.

  “Mission accomplished?” he asked.

  Ash sighed. “Hopefully. Noah and Ilya are in each other’s arms and not exchanging punches.”

  “You’re a miracle worker,” he said. “And you can waltz. I’m in heaven. You really are the most extraordinary girl.”

  He twirled her around under the glittering lights, and Ash dared to hope that everything really would be all right.

  As the set ended, Ilya tapped his father on the shoulder and asked to cut in. Ash felt nervous. She wasn’t sure she much liked Ilya, but she’d give him a chance because he was Noah’s brother. They waited for the music to begin, and Ash spotted Noah in the arms of a woman in a yellow dress.

  “Sophia,” Ilya said. “I see now she’s wrong for Noah. He needs someone who understands shadows. My life seems to have been one of making entirely bad decisions.”

  He took Ash’s hand in his, placed his other on her back and they began to dance.

  “Forgive me?” Ilya asked.

  “Yes.”

  He laughed. “That was quick.”

  “Being hurt is nothing unless you continue to remember it. I need to forgive myself and others. Only look forward not back.”

  “Thank you,” Ilya whispered.

  “We can be friends, can’t we?” Ash asked.

  “I’d like nothing more.”

  “My turn.” Noah took his place and pulled Ash close. He lowered his head until his mouth hovered just above hers. “One dance and I’m dragging you upstairs to bed.”

  “No way,” Ash said. “I’m in an incredible ball gown and dancing with a prince. We’re not going anywhere until midnight.”

  Noah growled and gave her a slow, open-mouthed kiss that stopped her feet moving. Only Noah’s tug got her dancing again, but he still kissed her, his hands around her waist, thumbs stroking the bottom of her bodice. He pressed his tongue against hers, dipped and teased until Ash kissed him back as hard as he was kissing her. It was only when she heard laughter that Ash registered the music had stopped and they were still dancing and kissing. She danced again with Arkady, with Ilya, with Ronan and once with an apologetic Dalton. And every time
, Noah cut in before the dance had finished and pleaded with her to go upstairs.

  They danced the final waltz together and Noah stared straight into her eyes for every second of it. As the last note faded away, he made a deep bow and Ash curtsied.

  Noah took her hand. “Now can we go upstairs?”

  “I need the bathroom.”

  He gave her a pained look. “There’s one upstairs.”

  “I won’t be long.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  When she came out of the cloakroom, there was no sign of Noah until she turned a corner. Noah and Ronan were walking away from her. Ash hurried to join them until she heard what Ronan was saying and stopped in her tracks.

  “If you ever hurt her again, I’ll come visit with my whip and I won’t be playing,” Ronan said.

  “Yeah, well, back at you,” Noah snapped. “I doubt your whip is what my brother needs.”

  “You needed it.”

  Oh God.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Then why did you keep coming back?”

  Ash swallowed her whimper. She felt as though she’d dropped through a crack in the ice into freezing cold water. Ronan had whipped Noah? When had that started? Oh fuck. Noah had wanted Ronan to whip him? She began to breathe more rapidly. The thought of deliberately wanting to be hurt was anathema to her. Ilya appeared at her elbow.

  “Stop it,” Ilya whispered. “Don’t make this out to be more than it is.”

  Ash gaped at him. “What? Isn’t it bad enough? Turns out my housemate’s into whips? And Noah kept going back to him. And you’re involved too.” She sagged against the wall and Ilya held her up. “I don’t want Noah to be hurt. Why would— Oh Christ.”

  “You want people to be happy but only in ways of which you approve. I’d guess S&M wasn’t Noah’s scene. He was looking for answers but didn’t find them with Ronan. Maybe I will.”

  She couldn’t stop the gasp escaping, and Noah and Ronan turned to look at her, their eyes wide in shock.

  “Don’t let this spoil things,” Ilya said.

  “Spoil what?” Noah asked. “Why have you pinned Ash against the wall?” He pushed Ilya aside. “Do I need to pin you against a fucking wall?”