At one time, she would have sighed seeing Etienne’s name on that marquis. The last time he played here, she brought the girls with her. January wondered if she’d see them inside. Hell, they probably hated her now, for all she knew.
The security guard she’d contracted for the evening waited right at the car door. She had no desire to deal with the paparazzi. She just wanted to fulfill her duty and get the hell out.
“Mademoiselle Gallimore…” She recognized Guillaume from several events in the past. Xavier had recommended him, and he did a solid job. Going home to Kansas, she could handle, knowing that she always had four burly brothers to keep the masses at bay. However, after the media stampede in Marseille, she refused to compromise her safety in big cities. In fact, she’d met with Guillaume’s boss the previous morning to talk strategy. His network of former police sergeants and retired secret agents throughout France were sure to protect her.
Naturally, the French photographers were waiting to see if she would show up, but Guillaume shielded her with his large umbrella and hustled her through the doors before anyone could get a close-up.
“You’ll stay with me during the show?” she asked as Guillaume shook the rain from the umbrella.
“Unfortunately, yes,” he said. “Myself, I’m a Johnny Hallyday—may he rest in peace—and Eddy Mitchell fan…”
“Eh, Johnny not so much, but I’ll give you a point for Eddy,” January teased, knowing that she’d committed a criminal offense in France by insulting the country’s dearly departed national icon. She just didn’t like Hallyday’s music. In her mind, he didn’t sing. He growled. And she’d had enough of that with Etienne.
As she stepped up to the box office window, she had to use her French to procure her seats. She’d alerted Etienne that afternoon to leave two tickets. Of course, he balked at the idea that she’d hired a bodyguard. Etienne also thought he was Superman sometimes, and he felt he didn’t need to waste his money on security.
This old concert hall, though, was truly a gem. Always so pristine, the rows of thick, red velvet seats just beckoned. It was a rather large venue by French standards and quite a walk to their seats. But the fangirl always seemed to rise within when she saw those heavy red curtains, just waiting to open to something usually wonderful.
For January, there really was nothing better than a live performance. However, that night, her usual enthusiasm faded to black.
Just as she suspected, the usher led them to two seats right in the center of the front row so that Etienne could keep an eye on her from the stage. She just hoped that she didn’t run into anyone they knew as a couple.
As with any French concert, the chanting began ten minutes before show time with shouts of “Marçeaux! Marçeaux !” nearly breaking the sound barrier. January shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Before, she would have joined in. She would have led that crowd. Now, she had lost her motivation.
When the lights dimmed, and the band kicked into gear with the first number, January felt she could hide in the darkness. At least Etienne’s presence on stage would deter the whispered questions that fluttered around her.
As much as she sometimes loathed to admit it, Etienne was truly charismatic on stage. He worked the audience from the intro to the final encore. She always hated to see him immediately when he stepped off-stage because he just poured with sweat from the intensity of his performance. He knew how to engage the crowd, encouraging them to sing with him and to dance in aisles.
January knew every song—from his love ballads to his signature pop tunes about life. By the third number, she reluctantly found herself bouncing her foot to the music, and much to her own dismay, she eventually found herself clapping along.
That was always January’s problem with him: Etienne was so damn alluring. She only wished she’d realized that before she started dating him. Dammit, he suckered her into his realm once again.
There were moments when she felt a little claustrophobic. It was as if he were performing this whole concert just for her. Etienne smiled when he scanned the room and discovered that she’d made good on her promise to attend. He also seemed to direct his most compelling lyrics to her.
Relief filled her once he started his second encore of the evening, but that feeling of liberty didn’t endure the rest of the show. When Etienne returned to the stage with only his guitar and a single spotlight, a foreboding air hovered above her as she watched his every move.
Naturally, he addressed the audience in French, but January understood every single word. “This last song of the night is a new one. You tell me if you like it.” His declaration promoted squeals and whistles from every woman in the room. “It’s a song about love—about broken love. It’s called ‘January Nights.’”
Suddenly, she felt her blood bubble and boil within her veins. Rage rendered her temporarily blind. He knew damn well all eyes would be upon them if he invited her to this show, and now, he chose to debut his new song, airing their dirty laundry.
She found the song almost laughable, though. Every other line questioned their relationship—what went wrong and how he could mend the broken fences between them. Blame was certainly aimed at her, and he was just the weary musician who wanted her back.
While his fans flocked to the stage for the chance at one last handshake, January nearly fainted in her chair and rolled her eyes. If she were any older, she would have sworn she was having a hot flash.
“Will Mademoiselle be returning home now? Or do you wish to visit the dressing room?” Guillaume asked when the lights went up, and the crowd began to disperse.
Tempted, though she was, to head straight back to her apartment, January didn’t come all this way to ignore her duty. “Let’s go now. Get this over with.”
As Guillaume led her out of the concert hall through the side door, that damn song continued to haunt January’s thoughts. Most women would have been touched and honored to have inspired the next biggest pop hit in France; however, January was just livid. She wanted to give him a piece of her mind and defend herself. Etienne didn’t have the right to play the victim here.
The lights in the long hallway backstage reminded her of a hospital. Everything was a crisp, bright white, and the walls were lined with autographed posters of nearly everyone who performed at Olympia over the years. When they neared his dressing room, she grimaced and clutched her stomach. However, two familiar voices rushed her back to the moment.
“Janny!”
“Oh, my goodness!” Simone and Sabine filled her arms before she even had the chance to greet them. “Oh, my goodness!”
“We missed you on vacation this year,” Sabine told her. They both seemed to have grown a foot since she saw them at the beginning of summer. They were no longer little girls, but January couldn’t stand the thought of them growing up. She really had played a huge role in their childhood—even his ex-wife Alice would admit that.
“Papa says you’ll be there next year,” Simone said. “We know you were filming this summer…”
So typically Etienne, he hadn’t even told the girls that they’d broken up. He just blamed her career for her absence in their lives.
“January, it’s good to see you!” Alice said as she stepped into the hallway and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “How are you?”
“I’m good, Alice—really good,” January said as the two women of Etienne’s life shared a knowing smile. “How are you?”
“All is well. Marcel and I took off most of the summer to spend with the girls, and now it’s back to the classroom. They didn’t feel like touring the country with their father for three months.” When she took a step back, Alice stopped for a moment and regarded January with a sly smile. “You look great. Some time away has done much good.”
“Some time away from Etienne,” January mumbled much to Alice’s delight.
“He’s in the shower, but he’s expecting you,” Alice whispered.
“Is that a warning?” January asked under her breath.
“Mais oui…” Alice said with a snicker. “Just so you know, he’s been morose and crazy. Well…crazier than usual. And the girls want you to return. Personally, I’m rooting for Nigel.”
Forced to cover her own mouth, January laughed out loud. “Does everyone know about Nigel?”
“Your trip to the Mediterranean nearly put Etienne in the hospital with jealous rage.” Alice cackled while the girls ran up and down the hallway, singing one of their father’s songs. “It was horrifying and hilarious at the same time.”
“What a train wreck…” January shook her head. “Well, thanks for the heads-up.”
“Listen, while we’re alone, I just want you to know,” Alice began, “whatever happens with Etienne is between you two. But the girls love you, and you’ve been kind to them. And quite honestly, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the years. I would hate to lose contact over him.” Rolling her eyes, Alice gestured toward the dressing room door. “You still have my phone number?”
“I do. And Alice, I would love that.” In truth, January only had her girlfriends on the other side of the ocean, and the idea of developing a real friendship with Alice here in France comforted her.
“Janny…” That breathless voice interrupted her brief respite from reality. “Oh, Janny…”
Slowly, she turned around to find Etienne standing in the door, dressed in his pajama bottoms and bathrobe with a towel slung around his neck.
“Janny, are you staying with us tonight?”
“Janny, please stay…”
“Come on, Simone…Sabine…” Alice rounded her daughters up. “Let’s give Papa a few minutes alone with January…”
Carefully, January made her way toward Etienne, and she remembered the early days of their relationship when she fell in love with him. Those deep brown eyes that held a million secrets and that wavy dark hair still stirred her attraction.
They exchanged cautious smiles, and then he closed the door behind her.
Pulling her close, his arms tightened around her. Oh, the scent of him. She melted into his arms and allowed herself to hug him back.
“Oh, it’s been too long…” Etienne whispered in her ear. “I crave you, Janny. I miss you so much that I cannot sleep. My world—I feel like I’m lost without you.”
Dizziness claimed her, and January took a step back on her weakening legs. She decided to have a seat on the small sofa, and Etienne was quick to join her.
Their past relationship afforded him the courage to take liberties with her, and he reached out and ran his fingers through her ponytail. “You…you look so different,” he observed with distance rising in his eyes and smile.
“A couple of weeks in Kansas can do a girl some good,” she told him.
“Your hair…?”
“Just a ponytail. You’ve seen me wear those before.”
“Yes, like in the morning before you’ve had your coffee and a shower,” he said. “This is all new.”
“It’s not new—it’s just my casual self. I can’t play dress-up all the time.”
January also caught him staring at the pendant around her neck, but he chose to remain silent.
“You’re always beautiful to me…” he said and caressed her cheek. Those talented, strong hands that once played her and plied her into submission were at it again, stroking her ego with their tender touch.
Shaking her head, January shoved those intimacies from her mind. She had to focus on the reason behind this visit. “Good show tonight, but…I’m not sure about that new song.”
“I can always rewrite it with a happy ending,” he said without missing a beat. “You’ve been the woman behind many of my songs. You know that.”
“Yeah…” Now, she felt backed into a corner, literally. He sat so near, and she couldn’t just get up and pace. It was time to face facts and deal with the subject at hand like adults. “So, maybe we should talk about us…”
“My favorite subject.” However, Etienne’s smile remained skeptical. “I’ve been thinking about nothing but you. Talk to me…”
January reached for the copy of Paris-Match that sat on the table and mindlessly flipped through its glossy pages while she tried to gather her thoughts. “So much to say, Etienne…”
“Take your time. I’m free for the rest of the year. Would you like a drink? Some wine?”
“No.” And her answer was adamant. Hell, she already found herself falling for his damn charms all over again. She had to maintain the upper hand. “I’m fine. But I’d love to know where you are on a few things—some things that were important to me.”
“Ask away.”
“Well, let’s start with finding a home—together.” January did not mince words. She’d already wasted enough time. Now, she had prepared herself to face the truth. “Where are you with that?”
Usually, he’d look away and shrug before he gave her an excuse. However, that night, his gaze continued to hold her in its entrancing vise.
“I’ve been speaking with a realtor.” His response nearly knocked January off the couch. “I thought we could spend some time alone this week and then begin our search next Monday. He’s already lined up a few showings—some in the city, and some larger places just outside Paris. I’ve taken to heart what you’ve said about the girls needing a proper space, and the extra room might be good for all of us. Does that work with your schedule?”
In all of her thinking, as she’d considered her possible retorts, January never anticipated that Etienne would actually shift his thinking completely and proactively launch their potential search for a home together.
Numb with astonishment, she couldn’t answer him.
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure that you’d come tonight,” he whispered. “I’m at the Plaza Athenée right now, but we can grab my bags and head back to your place. I just want to spend some time with you this week. I hope you’re not too busy…”
His words just drifted off in the heavy air between them. Etienne, of course, didn’t seem to notice any hesitation on January’s part.
Try as she might to process this game-changer, she still couldn’t believe him—or perhaps she just didn’t want to hear his promises now. He’d stepped up far too late.
Her silence rattled him to his core.
Now, nervous beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead just as if he were on stage, playing to the crowd. He had to do this right. He had to impress her. He had to lure her back once again.
“Janny…?” His meek murmur saddened January. “Do you need more time?”
“Etienne, I think I’ve already given us enough time.” While she wrung her hands in her lap, she closed her eyes. She couldn’t face him. Not right now. But she had no other choice. “I—I’m not sure that more time is necessarily the answer.”
“But Janny, I just told you that—”
January couldn’t listen to him beg, and she cut him off. “Etienne, our living situation wasn’t the only problem between us. It’s my life. Your life. Our schedules…”
“I’m willing to cut back, just like we always talked about,” he continued. “You need me. The girls need me.”
“Well, things have changed.” Now was her chance to catch his true reactions. “I’m going home—to Kansas—for Thanksgiving. And my parents are bringing my brother and niece to Paris for the holidays…”
“So, go to Kansas.” Etienne shrugged. Still, he didn’t understand what she was asking of him in return. “It’s a big holiday for you. And we can put them up at the Plaza Athenée for Christmas. I’ll arrange everything. Just in case we’re not moved into our new place by then…”
Again, his excuses surfaced. He had no intentions of ever visiting her family, and he certainly didn’t want them hanging around his own home. However, she had one more issue to discuss before relaying her final decision.
“You know, I’ve done a lot of thinking over these last few months.”
“So have I, Janny…”
“Spending time with my brothe
rs’ kids the last couple of weeks…well, it’s solidified a few things for me,” she explained. “I know we didn’t really talk about this earlier in our relationship—and maybe we should have—but I’m really looking to start a family…”
His eyes brightened. “You have one—with the girls and me.”
“No, Etienne, I’m thinking…I want a baby of my own.” She’d never been so blunt with him in the five years they dated, but she’d come too far in her own realizations about her life to back away now. “Any thoughts about reversing that vasectomy?”
“Janny, come on…”
“Okay. Any thoughts on expanding our family together? Adoption, perhaps?”
“You love the girls—and they keep us busy.”
“Yes, I do love the girls, but they’re not mine!” she shouted. “I was hoping for a family that we could start and raise together.”
“I…I just don’t know…” Clearly, he did know already, and he just couldn’t admit that he didn’t want another child.
“Etienne, I think it’s just best if I leave now.”
“Janny…” Panic seared through his veins. He never expected her to walk out on him—not when he thought he’d given into her greatest need. “Janny, don’t do that…”
Frustration claimed her and won. She stood up on her strength alone and pushed past him. As usual, this conversation was headed to nowhere. At least he didn’t try to hide behind lies, and she knew that she made the right choice.
“Janny, wait!” he called out and blocked her with his body. “Janny, let’s work through this.”
“Etienne, I tried to work through this for the last year-and-a-half. And I feel like I’m standing in the same damn position where I stood eighteen months ago. I can’t go on with half-hearted commitment any longer. I need a man who’s going to be there for me—be my partner in this thing called life. And most of all, I need a man who respects me…”
SMITTEN (Paris Après Minuit) Page 43